Reading Reviews for Remembering You
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Mihali1432 The Fall

20th June 2012:
*Is late* Alright I'm here to review for entering my challenge and I'm sorry for being so late at reviewing and reading! This was a well written story! And I thought it was a nice touch that you didn't say what they had to do until the end (Unless I missed it somewhere then I'm sorry :P ).

Thanks for entering!

Mike.

Author's Response: *doesn't mind* I totally forgot that I entered XDDD I fail...

Don't worry about it, Mike! Life gets busy and I understand that:D

Thanks so much for the kind review!

xx

Ever


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Review #2, by ariellem The Fall

18th June 2012:
I think you should get a BETA for this piece, just because there are a couple typos that you just need to take care of, but that's about it.

Lucius was weak, I can agree with this statement, I don't think he was a drunk, but he is a weak man. I could definitively feel the love and the pain that Draco had for his mother and it was nice to read.

Good job. :) :)

Author's Response: I have a beta for this XD I don't know if she's even been online within the past couple months...

He is weak, in this story at least(;

Awwh thanks!

xx

Ever


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Review #3, by Siriusly3 The Fall

5th April 2012:
This is gorgeously heartbreaking. Crying here, I feel so bad for Lucius, Draco's hatred is especially heart wrenching because Lucius has lost so much already. The memories flitting back just rounds off the image of the Malfoys and is sweet and sad. I just love this :)

Author's Response: Thanks doll face:D I feel bad for them too:( makes me really sad!

xoxo

Ever


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Review #4, by justonemorefic The Fall

2nd April 2012:
Lucius can be quite a complex character to explore :) It's interesting to see how he views his family. I can imagine him wanting to be a family man, but simply not knowing how being blinded by his political ventures.

I think there's some wording you could change. Phrases like "eyes filled with a hundred emotions" don't really mean anything, because we don't have an idea of what those emotions are. We get an idea with how he looks later on, but it's kind of a unnecessary flowery phase, if that makes sense. I think some more direct words about how he appears could be better for that :) Also, with the word "accurately", I think you mean a word like "reflected" instead.

Draco's speech is a bit long. Maybe you could split it up with some things that Lucius says. It would help make the dialogue sound a little more natural, I think.

I do like the relationship between Lucius and Draco with the kind of tension you're building :) I think Draco would have that sort of spite toward his father, especially after the war.

Author's Response: I love Lucius! He is a fine piece of work, and it makes him so incredibly fun to write!

Hm..I do suppose you have a point darling. I may just have to fix that as well.

thanks for the review

xoxo

ever


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Review #5, by megthechef43 The Fall

8th March 2012:
Ever,

You actually made me feel bad for Lucius, which is a first. This story was heart wrenching and I felt horrible for Lucius and that he lost the love of his life.

Draco played the part well.

Very emotional. Well written. I enjoyed reading it. It was heartbreaking.

Meg

Author's Response: Hey meg(:
I love Lucius.I've always had a soft spot for him! It was really,really sad. I hated writing Draco so evil! You know I always write Draco as Mr.Prince Charming...so this was pretty difficult.

Thanks for the review:D

xoxo

Ever


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Review #6, by slytherindraco The Fall

4th March 2012:
Aw!!! Draco was so cute when he was little!!! I really hate Lucius, always have and probably always will, but this made me feel the tiniest bit sorry for him. That's pretty hard... I mean, I hate him more than Ron!:o And I really really REALLY hate Ron! This fanfic is one of your best!

Author's Response: I know, isn't he adorable?(: I love Lucius he is one of my all time favorite characters,but I get the whole hating Ron thing. I cannot stand Ron! If you hate him now, go check out Becoming Parents, and you will just die D: I hate writing him so awful--because while e's terrible,he isn't as bad as I portray him in that fanfic. I am really,really mean to him! haha! Thanks for the review(:

xoxo

Ever


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Review #7, by VioletBlade The Fall

27th February 2012:
So I am not a Draco/Hermione fan, I am sorry to disappoint! :( But this story interested me for reasons other than the fact that it was not a Dramione :P

One was that I really like to read stories that give emotions to characters that seem so cold in the canon books. Another was that I really do like the Lucius/Narcissa pairing! :) They're pretty much perfect for each other I think!

This story was so sad, but very good. I actually felt my heart breaking for Lucius as he remembered moments with his wife and son before she died, and how he had to think about what his life would now be like without her. :/ You did a good job capturing that!

My inner editor emerging: there were a few spacing issues, which, if fixed would make the story flow better and be easier to read! :)

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: You don't disappoint,but I bet I could recommend a few stories that would get you hooked,but Im not sure if you would like to be brought to the dark side(: if so,shoot me a PM and let me know(:

This little thing is my baby right now,so I've put a lot into it!:D The whole depressed/angsty is so easy for me to write,and I'm glad to hear you like to ship Lucius/Narcissa as well. I always foind a good one and then it seems like the author just decided to throw it off a cliff at the last minute! So,again! If you have read any good ones,you should share them with me! **wink,wink,nudge,nudge**

I'm glad to hear I have communicated across the right emotions.

xoxo

Ever


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Review #8, by Cassius Alcinder The Fall

25th February 2012:
Here from review swap!

This was an interesting take on Lucius and Narcissa, one of the more complex pairings. I enjoyed your characterization of Lucius, he was basically a broken man at the end of book 7, and from there he could either recover and rejoin society, or continue on a downward spiral. It seems you have him following the later, which is sad but very believable.

You made good use of the flashbacks to give us insights into what their relationships were like in the past. The flow was a little confusing at first, but maybe you could stretch the sections from the present out a bit more with some more descriptions.

You're off to a good start so far, and i wonder how Draco and Lucius will deal with their loss.

Author's Response: Hello:D

I love Lucius/Narcissa(: This really did make me cry while writing it,but I'm an emotional basket case so,hey! Masybe it isn't actually that sad! LOL!

Thanks for the review.

xoxo

Ever


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Review #9, by daliha The Fall

23rd February 2012:
This was a nice angsty one-shot. I liked how your portrayed Lucius and Draco.

I wish though you had included more emotion, because while it angsty it doesn't pull at my heart strings yet (with a bit more description I would probably be in tears) Plus in one of the flashbacks you switch to first person and that confused me for a second there.

But besides all that I'm happy to see you tackled Narcissa's death, it's something I don't see often in ff (and like I said before your Lucius feels like Lucius)

I'm off to read something else that interested me in your page :)

Author's Response: awesome(: thank you so much!

I know,I know *sigh* Ive never written in anything but third person,so...:P Next one will be cry worthy,I promise!

I know,and I wanted to read one,so I took matters into my own hands and wrote one(:

Thanks for the review(:

xoxo

Ever


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Review #10, by ScarletRoses The Fall

22nd February 2012:
Hey! ScarletRoses here to give you your review :D.

Narcissa dying?! That's so tragic. Writing Lucius with emotion had to be extremely hard! I couldn't imagine having to write that. You did an amazing job at it, because Lucius Malfoy doesn't really have those kinds of emotions, you know? On to your concerns.

The flow. It kinda lost me at certain points. I noticed you put a lot of memories in your stories and while that is good, it may not be necessary to have so many. That messes with the flow a lot. You just sort of jumped into Draco yelling at Lucius and didn't give us good enough support for the blow up, you know?

The characterization. Lucius was portrayed very well. I would personally say that I assumed Lucius was a man who loved his family dearly, not someone who abandoned them, but I see where you encorporated that in. I assumed Draco loved his father as well, but I see you encorporated that slightly as well, but I wish that was more developed. I really would have loved to see more to Narcissa (past obviously, since she died).

All and all, it was a great piece. Your detail and choice of wording was excellent, but you had a fair few grammar problems. May I suggest a beta? They are brilliant. I'm probably going to invest in one :D.


Author's Response: It is,so it was very hard to write(:

I'm sorry to hear you were lost at some points.

I love Lucius and Draco:D

thanks for the review


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Review #11, by LilyFire The Fall

21st February 2012:
It's a very emotional piece, and I like the way you show how Lucius really feels about his family. I think you may use the names a little bit to much in dialogue. I know I don't usually say a persons name when I'm talking to them every sentence or two. Maybe try adding the names after the dialogue, like "he said to Draco" and what-not.

And these lines switched to first person, "Mummy!Ē Draco ran into our bedroom,and pounced on the bed. I wrapped my arm around Narcissaís small waist,and she didnít move from the bed."

I thought maybe you'd like to fix those. I know that's easy to do, especially if you're use to writing in first person.

Again, this story is good and emotional, and I think the flashbacks are very effective.
~Lily

Author's Response: Awesome(: thanks! Hm--I'll be editing that! Sorry,I don't really think about it!

I know,I know *Sigh* it's been pointed out,and I haven't gotten to fixing it. You see,I'm sure you've heard me say I've been writing an OC for six years, and it's been in first person.Always. Anything I've written--besides this--has been 1st person. So this,is kicking me directly in the ba-donkey-donk!

Thank you for the awesome review!

xoxo

Ever



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Review #12, by academica The Fall

20th February 2012:
Hey there! Thanks for the swap :)

You know, some people disagree with me, but I really do think that Lucius and Narcissa cared for each other in their own way, and this piece kind of gets at my perception of them. I liked the way you described Lucius in the beginning as looking a bit disheveled, and also how the weather outside was a good indicator of his mood. It's a nice metaphor.

I especially liked the way you had Lucius interact with Draco. I thought it was interesting how Lucius thought that Draco looked like his mother, because people have always compared him to his father, so I really liked that twist. I also liked how Draco kind of drove his father into the ground with his anger and bitterness; again, it demonstrates a shifting of the usual positions of power and suggests that Lucius has really hit his "rock bottom" in this moment. I think you did well in juxtaposing the hurried sense of duty that Draco feels with his father's desire to hold on as long as possible. Again, this seems like the opposite of how we usually see them.

As far as critique, I noticed a couple of misspelled words, which is something that a beta could find for you fairly easily. In addition, I kind of wish you had gone into more detail about what Lucius's life was like while he was on the run, but it's not totally necessary, since the point of this was Narcissa.

Good job! :)

Amanda

Author's Response: I believe that too:D

Lucius and Draco..my two absolute favorite characters:D

erh,I have a beta,but I have yet to post up the edited version. She's a life-saver! thanks for the review,I'd leave a better response if I had more time! It was lovely though(:

xoxo

Ever


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Review #13, by charlottetrips The Fall

19th February 2012:
Howdy! Are you a fellow Texan? Cuz if ya are, Iíd be darn happy to review your story for ya! But I guess Iím gonna have to review this varmit anyhow seeiní as youíd requested it! :)

So as this is a Running Review, I comment on things as I see them. Your first paragraph has some spacing issues between the symbols and periods. Also ringing - should be ďwringingĒ. I always like to make sure that the starting lines of a story are at least grammatically correct as they set the pacing and flow of the story. Itís the first impression aside from the banner and summary that a reader gets so itís important that it stands out for its beautifulness and not because of mistakes that are easily handled. (The punctuation/space errors happen throughout the rest of this story.)

The emotions running through Draco is clearly seen here and his whole admonishment of his father hear really just kind of slices through one. Luciusí reason for leaving his family is also understandable in how he explains it but also a bit pathetic (as Draco illustrates it). Iíve always kind of thought of Lucius as a bit weak and Iím kind of happy that Draco corroborates with that.

I donít quite understand why Lucius didnít think of his wife though when he left them. Wouldnít he be wracked with guilt?

I wrapped my arm around Narcissaís small waist,and she didnít move from the bed. - you switch from 3rd person POV to 1st person here.

Hm, I wonder where we are going to take this? Is it a reconcilement between Draco and Lucius that weíll seek or is it Lucius coming to terms with his cowardliness? This chapter was a good set up for a story, but I hope that you will cover more how Lucius could just abandon his family when really the Lucius I know from the books was uber-family oriented and this is what the Dark Lord preyed upon, Luciusí desire to see his family get ahead.

Don't be disheartened by my nit-picking up above! I just have a tendency to do that! :)

xChar

Author's Response: no,I'm kind of a mix between Ohio and South Carolina!(; I got a bit of both in me!

Okay,fix those stupid,simple errors! Check!

Lucius' emotions will be explained in later chapters,I hope to satisfy my readers questions!

thanks for the AWESOME review!

xoxo

Ever


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Review #14, by PolyJuice_ The Fall

19th February 2012:
Hey there! I like this a lot, the emotions it portrays are really strong and it is very touching.

Some of your sentences are a bit long-winded though. Draco seems to say "Father" a lot, it makes it sound rather awkward.

+I've noticed this in all your stories; you need to add a space between a comma and the next word.
~"Mummy,mummy,daddy,daddy!"
+Needs to be
~"Mummy, mummy, daddy, daddy!"

I love the way Lucius tries to be tough, but is really hurt. And how he clearly makes the wrong choices, thinking it's the only way.

I also think that it is a bit *too* cannon, if you know what I mean? I think that you should have moulded him into your own character. I've seen your writing and I know you're more than capable of it.
I love this however, but you should get a Beta reader to check over the little things. :)

Author's Response: awesome(: I really,really love this one! It's currently my little baby!

I really don't get what you mean by the too canon...I really,really don't. I was so scared he was going to be out of character. So,I'm a bit confused:/

I do have a beta,but I haven't submitted her edited version yet because I've been falling behind on everything:P

xoxo

Ever


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Review #15, by hausofluucy The Fall

18th February 2012:
This was very good, I loved it! You portrayed the characters how I imagined them too be, your characterization was very good. You did Lucius very well, as the fics I have read show him to still be proud or just over the top but you did it very well and I like how he broke down and admitted that he was weak.
The flashbacks added a very nice touch, I really enjoyed them. I loved the way you portrayed the familys in both of them, especially how family-like they were as I haven't really read anything from that aspect of the Malfoys.
Overall - great chapter! I've favourited as I can't wait to read more.
Thanks for review swapping!
Lucy :) x

Author's Response: Awwh! Thank you! Awesome! i was so worried I had butchered them! You've favorites?Oh my! Thats so fantastic:D I love you so much!

xoxo

Ever


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Review #16, by Moonyxluna The Fall

13th February 2012:
Why do you always manage to leave me loving Draco Malfoy!? you even got me with Lucius this time!!! This was very very beautiful. I feel bad that Narcissa had to die, I do like her. I think you captured Draco's emotions towards the death of his mother very beautifully; in the way that he would be feeling towards his father for getting mixed in with Voldemort. And then well, Lucius was just so torn up, it was beautiful!

God little six year old Draco was the most adorable thing. How his face fell when they pretended they forgot his birthday, I love reading your writing about little children :D

Brilliant job :)

Author's Response: Who doesnt love Draco Malfoy,eh?;D I would marry Lucius anyday doll,anyday!
Thanks for the lovely review!:D xoxo
Ever


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Review #17, by LunarLuna The Fall

12th February 2012:
Another really sweet one^^ I think you got Draco's characterization perfectly, he was just as I imagine him. Narcissa as well, through the little I could see of her in the memories. Lucius was okay, but a little off-character in some points. I mean, we all know he's weak, but would he admit it? even with the death of his wife? Not so sure...

Other than that and a few grammar tweaks ( In the memories you switch from first to third person, it's quite confusing...) it was perfect!^^

I also liked the end, it was simple, and sweet, and sad.

Overall a really good fic!^^

-June

Author's Response: awwh,thanks doll!

Lucius' chacracterization will be further explained in later chapters,so it shall make more sense soon! Thanks for the lovely review:D


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Review #18, by javct The Fall

9th February 2012:
Here with your very late review swap!
I loved this! You wrote it beautifully :) I never really read many Lucuis/Narcissa stories - mainly because they are so hard to find - but when I do find one I become a very happy person :P

Just a question: do you have a beta for this story? Because I noticed a few reoccurring mistakes throughout the story that can't really be corrected through reviews. If you do not have a beta for this story then I would be more than happy to help :) Send me a PM

I adored the flashbacks you wrote in; it's almost weird to see the Malfoy family in paradise bliss but it's really cute and nice and made me go "aww" which - I have to admit - stories don't usually do, haha.

The characterisation was fantastic! I think you wrote a broken Lucius really well. I've read heaps of Post-Hogwarts Malfoy stories where the characters are either 1. too broken to be a Malfoy or 2. Aren't broken enough. So I think you hit the nail on the end with this one!

*throws confetti and gives you cookies*
Jaz

Author's Response: Awh(: thank you so much! I love Lucius/Narcissa as well,and they are too terribly hard to find.

I dont:P I would love to have you beta,that would be awesome!

I loved the flashbacks(: they really brought their relationship to life for me,I really don't want it to write them as though they were together merely for family honor.

Yay(: I love Lucius,he's my favorite character. I wanted to write him as damaged,scarred,and yes,broken. I am so glad to hear...see I've done it well!

Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely review:D


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