I think this is really good! you seem to have a real gift and i encourage you to pursue this. I am looking forward to reading more so please post soon!

Author's Response: Thanks Rachel!

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You have a very powerful start here! Your style of writing is lovely to read, and I love the descriptions of everything. It sounds like this will be a very interesting story to read, so please do continue writing it!

I did however pick up on a few things that you may consider changing:

1: It reads: "The day she had heard that name, she had been playing in the garden, as she did had done almost every summer day since she could walk."

It would be better if you changed this to "The day she had heard that name, she had been playing in the garden, as she had done every summer day since she could walk."

2: In your description of Anthony, you say: "His had a kind, trustable face."

Perhaps "trustworthy" may be a better word than "trustable"?

3: And finally, "Stepping to the left slightly se as to look around her father..."

I believe "se" is supposed to be "so"?

Keep up the amazing work!!

Author's Response: Thank you for the constructive criticism. You caught some stuff I missed while going over it, I'll definitely edit those things. I'm also flattered that you like my writing style. Thanks xXxMagicHappensxXx! :D

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