Hello again :) First of all, sorry for the huge delay in any kind of reviewing but, as you may have noticed from my lack of updates on my own stories, I have been rather busy with exams. All done now though, and so I am back to both writing and reviewing :)
Anyway, I liked this chapter. That was a highly realistic method of forcing information out of your friends, in my opinion. But Peter... what a word-I'm-not-allowed-to-write-in-a-review. You really don't like him, do you?!
One little thing: if I were you, I would alter the spacing in this chapter. I know it's such a pain to bother with and I always have troubles with the spacing in my chapters, but such large spacing does make it kind of difficult to read. Oh, and any plans on updating soon?
Alex :DAuthor's Response: Hey! It's fine, I have been practically killed by my exams as well.
Well, no, I don't like Peter at all. This is all part of my plan to show how he betrayed them, so a lot more is going to happen soon. Though I think he didnt really mean to do that to her.
An update should be coming within the next few weeks. Thanks so much for the review- and I will eventually get around to fixing the spacing.
-Kerryn xx Report Review
Lol. Loved that chapter. :)Author's Response: Thank you! The fourth chapter should be up soon...
Awww. I love ur story so far. I can't wait to see what happens next. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review, they always make my day! xx Report Review
*gasp* AH PETER OMG THE JERK! poor Alice! omg keep updating!!Author's Response: I KNOW! I hate Peter, so I always make him as horrible as possible. Haha, thanks so much :) Report Review
HEY. I've been meaning to review for ages. Sorry :( Please don't hurt me.
I. love. Alice! She's great. (darling) And Lily's commentary on everything, and her sarcasm is just brilliant. 'oh yeah, because I'm really happy about the girls that are into me' 'It's cool, I just love sitting on stairs, injured and wandless.'
Her and James ARE SO CUTE. DEAR GOD. ♥ please get together VERY VERY QUICKLY.
Another great chapter. Your writing is fantastic! Well done, looking forward to an update :DAuthor's Response: haha, no worries, your review made up for it! Thanks so much :) I love them all too, but sorry, you might have to wait awhile for her and James >:) Report Review
I. LOVE. YOU.
In a completely platonic way, of course (:
Because you put up such a brilliant story.
And, You're right!
We Aussie people do swear a lot. And use HEAPS of sarcasm. Like, ALL. THE. TIME.
But it's only because we're so epic-ly awesome (:
Another fabulously wonderful chapter of awesomeness! :D
Please update soon! This is a fantastic story, and I can't wait to read more!
~Lily xo.Author's Response: I love you too, for reviewing and making me all happy and weird!
Haha, we do! Everything thing we say is either sarcastic, a swear word or a joke. But were cool like that :D
Thank you so, so much for the review!! Next chapter will hopefully be up in the next couple of days...
-Kerryn xx Report Review
YAYSIES!! JAMES AND LILY FOREVERRR!!!
ahaha sorry just me being all weird and stuff.
I LOVE James and Lily stories.
And this one is FANTABULOUSLY AMAZING!!!
Thank you so much for posting it!
I've read so many bad ones, but this one is brilliant (:
I'm so glad that you reviewed my story, because it meant that I got to read yours too!
I can't wait to read the next chapter, and the rest of the story, when you get time to post it (:
~Lily xo.Author's Response: THANK YOU! Hahaha, I love reviews.
Me too! James and Lily are amazing :) I am writing the 3rd chapter now as I have just recovered from some serious writers block. Egh, annoying thing.
And is your name really Lily, that is sooo cool! You should marry someone called James ;) Haha!
Well thank you a lot for the review(s) you just made my day :)
-Kerryn xx Report Review
Hey there! Thought I give you a review after all the reviewing and help you've given me :D it's quite long and I've tried to make it detailed seeing as you have done the same for me.
Just finished reading the first chapter! And loved it! I couldn't find any spelling mistakes or punctuation errors - I think your writing is almost perfect in that area (Even though we both know I'm not the best at picking out mistakes but then again that might just be with my own work, lol) the only thing I could say about it is that you tend to use 'gaped' quite a bit. In the part with the dare you use it twice quite close together. That was just something I noticed.
- I think you have got the young Sirius character perfect, he's fun and jokey and I especially liked this part 'Sirius grinned, at them. "Go on, Lily, I thought you were game enough, but..." He shrugged carelessly. "Oh well, maybe I will have to kiss James for you."' And I also think your Lily character is well defined and I liked the way you showed her relationship with her sister at the beginning.
- The Chapter flowed well; I liked the way it began with the clock - more original and not a cliche beginning (even though it's the name of the chapter). The only part I felt maybe didn't flow as much as the rest was when you finished the part on the train and it then went to the boys sitting in the common room, but maybe this was because I wasn't expecting that to happen. I still liked the part with the boys in the common room and it was important to the story and I loved the last line 'she's just too god dammed perfect!' such a great line to end the chapter with!
- I think the only slightly negative thing or the part I'm unsure of is the whole 'vibe' Lily gets from Pettigrew. I think that maybe it could be seen as being a bit obvious unless this is then very important for your story later on. I think sometimes it's very hard to write marauder era fics because obviously we know the end of the characters stories. I know that I couldn't write one so I have respect for those that do. But anyway that was just something I was unsure of.
All in all, I really loved this chapter and I'm looking forward to reading the next one and see where you take it next :)
Hope this was helpful
NightRoseAuthor's Response: THANK YOU! I love reviews :D
I am very glad you liked it, and I think I should go back and have a look for the 'gaped' thing, because repeating verbs too often annoyes me, so thanks for pointing that out.
Ah, Sirius, he is my favourite! So I am very glad you liked him because I worked a lot on getting his character right. Lily too, I love her, so thanks :)
I am very glad that you liked the start and then end, because I think it is important to have a good one of each, to hook them in and then to make them want to keep going. I will try and see what I can do about the flow in that bit. Oh, its like the cliche beginning of their love, you know the dare kiss thing. Thats what I meant in the title.
The Pettigrew thing, well I HATE him, so it kinda rubbed off onto Lily. But also, I figured that if someone can betray their friends to the Dark Lord AND change into a rat, they cant be such a nice person to be around. Hence, the vibe. He is disgusting in my opinion, but I should try and tone it down, I think.
Ah, I love Marauders, cause its so tragic and romantical! Haha, they are great.
Thank you alot, really! You just made my day :)
-Kerryn xx Report Review
Hahaha, well I have definitely done that with my friends in the past to force information about boys out of them. Without the Silencing Charms, of course. Shame.
Lovely chapter. And of course it just had to be James and Sirius who found Lily. Who else? I can't wait to see what her friends have to say about all this. Looking forward to the next update.
Oh, and the ninth chapter of 'Memories' is now up if you're interested.
Alex :DAuthor's Response: Haha, I'm sure most of us do it :) Of course, they do have the Maruaders map, you know... and James probably has a built in Lily detector! Thank you for the lovely review.
-Kerryn xx Report Review
Hi again :) I have to say that I have really enjoyed this chapter. I'm usually more of a NextGen sort of person (as you may have noticed from my stories!) but this was excellent. Quite light and fluffy to start off with, but there's nothing wrong with that. I love the relationship that Lily and the Marauder's seem to have, and I'm wondering where Peter will fit into this when he arrives.
I did notice one little error with your tenses. In this sentence 'Even Remus Lupin would make her happy, as he is part of James and Sirius’ closest group of friends' you have two tenses in there at once. The 'he is' doesn't fit with the rest of your narrative which is in the 'he was' form.
I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next so please update soon!
Alex :DAuthor's Response: Thank you :)
Oh yes, I usually stick to Marauders not NextGen...
Ah, Peter, hoping to avoid that. Haha, no I have a plan!
Ah- thanks for pointing that out, I remember thinking there was something strange about that sentence.
I should be updating...soon-ish... hopefully.
-Kerryn xx thank you! Report Review
I loved it!! That kiss was freaking intense. Awkward, but intense. I really enjoyed seeing the differences between Remus, Sirius and James. They each have their special qualities. I wouldn't know who to pick if I had to choose one to date. It's interesting that you have a Ravenclaw as Head Boy. I'm intrigued to see your explanation for this. I'm really liking Lily's characterization too, and I'm eager to learn more about each of the characters.Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you loved it :)
Good, I tried to show them as all different, but close as well. Oh, I know who I would choose *cough* Sirius *cough* but I am against favoritism! Hehe ;) They are all amazing though.
Oh yes, the Head Boy. I have a few special chapters planned to sort that out and explain it all ;)
Thanks again! Xx :D
-Kerryn Report Review
Hey! I said I'd watch out for your stories :)
I really like it- it's got a lot of potential. I'd say it was a bit introductory, but then, first chapters always are!
And, I love your characterization of Lily so far, and Sirius! The jam and human sandwich line was very good :D
Looking forward for the next chappy! :) xxAuthor's Response: Thank you :)
Yeah I have another story coming up soon as well... but I love the Maruaders so I will stick with this one for a while.
Hope you like it
xx Report Review
Ha! First review! Yay!
Okay, so not being 'soft' but this is good. Like, very good :) Hey can you write some more, so I can sort of sleep at night not wondering what happens??? I never really go for marauder-type stuff, but this is... good. I need to come up with some more adjectives, don't I :S. Anyways, write more, and I know what you mean about first time fan fiction, but I seriously can't believe that this isn't everywhere and I can't believe it hasn't got about 50 reviews already :L Madness...
(10/10)Author's Response: Wow.
I got so excited when I read this!
Thank you so much and sorry but I am having a massive block with the second and third chapters but they should be up soon.
Ahh! You made my day :D
Hope you stick along
PS. I love Marauders so hopefully I can convert you as well ;) Report Review
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