I really like this one-shot. Most of the other day-after-the-battle stories I've read are either all sad or all happy. This was a refreshing mixture of both.
Yes, the war is over and Voldemort is dead, but may other people are dead too. It's a time for greiving and celebrating. You put the two emotions together so well and made it flow instead of having everyone be HAPPY and then go from extatic to depressed.
Shay_GryffAuthor's Response: Thank you for your kind words! This story was my very first fanfiction. i know that there are too many after-battle-stories already, but I just had to write my own... Report Review
I thought this was really lovely. You laid out a really nice vision of the extended Weasley family coming back together in the aftermath of the battle, coming to grips with their loss and coming to terms with the new relationships that tied their "adopted" son and daughter into the family. In a sense, it was a lot to bite off in a short space of time, but everything had just changed so dramatically in the world that it probably didn't seem like such a big deal.
Harry's first actions after the end of DH seemed perfectly plausible and in character. He doubtless wanted some time away from everyone as well as an opportunity to just clean himself up and sleep.
Ginny's stubborn refusal to leave Harry behind, which led Hermione and Ron to remain as well, also seemed very much in character. I really liked the way that Ginny's presence brought Harry out of his nightmares and into a peaceful, happy place. I do think I would have like to see you explore his feelings just a bit more before the two of them began to cry. It's such a rich tableau.
After they returned to the Burrow, the pace of the story picked up a bit more than I would have liked. There were situations where you implied dialog without really writing it out, and I found myself interested in what had actually been said. An awful lot of situations were simply one person saying, "what?" and others reacting. I thought you could have been more nuanced with this part.
Harry's mixed emotions made for a strong ending. So many things going through his head at once. It was fun to take some time to try to explore them all.Author's Response: Thank you for your review! This was my first fic, and if I would re-write it today I would probably change quite a lot. But, basicly, this is how I imagine happened right after the battle. :-) Report Review
This was a cute one-shot showing Harry's and Ginny's love because obviously they would have gotten right together once the battle was over.
I was a little unsure with some parts though because I don't think Ginny would yell at her mother that she doesn't want to go home because she wants to find Harry. I guess that seemed a little...mean to me, especially because her brother just died, she didn't seem to torn up about it at first but then later on when she was crying I saw more of the pain she should have been showing.
There were a few things:
When Ginny came back to the common room half an hour later she found Ron and Hermione at sleep together on a couch.
'at sleep' should be 'asleep'
and yet she felts that it was the right thing to do
'felts' should be 'felt'
He has his hand in her beautiful hair and the field are suddenly spinning around him and he is flying without a broom
^ This sentence was confusing, are you trying to say: He had his hand in her beautiful hair and the field was suddenly spinning around him and he was flying without a broom.
Also, you switch tenses a lot so it makes some of the paragraphs sound awkward.
'I thought you died yesterday' Ginny said when they stopped to get some air.
^ You do this frequently too. You're missing a comma. It should be: 'I thought you died yesterday,' Ginny said, when they stopped to get some air.
The next thing Ginny knew was her brother barking in.
^ 'barking' should be 'barging.'
'Home, you silly prat!'
^ I thought this was rude. Under the circumstance and even under normal circumstances it doesn't sound like something Ginny would just throw out at Harry.
'It is just that I haven't got used to the idea of you growing up...Well, I just have to get used to it, right?’
^ You do this several times throughout the story. 'Well' doesn't need to be capitalized. It isn't a new sentence. And contractions are your friend! Especially when you're reading on the internet. 'It is just' sounds mechanical. Try instead 'It's just...'
Ginny, of course, was the only one who could out up an innocent face and look her mother in her eyes.
^ This sentence is confusing as well. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say. Should it be: Ginny, of course, was the only one who could look up (or cook up? or make up? an innocent face and look her mother in her eyes.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! This was my first story ever, and sadly I had no beta reader back then...
Thank you for the grammar and spelling mistakes you pointed out! I really should go through this fic again and edit it. I am happy that you helped me with this! :-) Report Review
Huh? The Weasleys would never ty to ditch Harry like that!Author's Response: No, probably not! ;-) Report Review
So cute!! I can bearly type from the giggly feeling!!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :-) Report Review
Very good story and I enjoyed it thoroughly! I think you have a nice take on the day after! The only thing that would have made it better is an exchange of I love yous between Harry and Ginny! Maybe Ron and Moine too! :)Author's Response: Thank you! :-) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection