Reading Reviews for The Stag and The Stars
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by greenbirds The Last Christmas

11th January 2014:
the feels. i can't. this is perfect. i can't. i can't fathom my thoughts into words, this is brilliant, i have tears rolling down my left cheek? omg ok ah this is brilliant ily bye

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much. I tried really hard on this one. I'm glad that someone appreciated it. x

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Review #2, by Athene Goodstrength The Last Christmas

18th July 2012:
This was stunning. Your characterizations are just so perfect, I felt as if I was reading canon here. Your language, use of imagery, the the and flow... everything was just fantastic.

I love the idea of Sirius and James working over Christmas, being adventurous and somewhat enjoying the danger - but James missing his family nonetheless. The bits where they're making fun of Dumbledore made me laugh!

I loved the shift to Lily, the contrast in environments was lovely. The manic, fast-moving and cold forest to the gentle quiet of an English garden in the snow. Just beautiful.

I loved the touch of the patronus changing when James is away.

This whole story was beautifully written, I felt transported by it. Adding to favourites. 10/10!

~House Cup 2012 Task Two~

Author's Response: This was my first one-shot ever and has a special place in my heart. I'm so glad you liked it. ^_^

I wasn't sure if anyone would get my strange sense of humour, so i'm glad you found that entertaining. I wanted to show that even though they were out fighting in the war, they were still boys, only just out of Hogwarts and meant to be enjoying life.

The Lily scene wasn't planned but it didn't seem complete without it, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. I fiddled with it a bit, but i'm please with how it turned out.

Thanks so much for the review! It means a lot!

- Adele :)


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Review #3, by StormThief17 The Last Christmas

13th June 2012:
This was beautiful! I teared up when James said "even if he couldn’t be with them this Christmas Eve, he’d have a lifetime more". I always get heartbroken whenever James or Lily say something like that in any story. Its so tragic :( Anyway this was a lovely one shot and I loved the banter between James and Sirius :)

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you! I haven't had reviews on this in ages, and it really made me smile to see this.

I know. I'm such a hypocrite, I hate it when people add stuff in like that (mainly because Jily is my OTP and i'm probably already crying as is) yet when i'm writing, I just can't help myself. :/

Thanks so much for the review, love. It's so good to see you settling into the forums and TDA, and getting a review from you defiantly made my day. ^_^

- Adele. :)


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Review #4, by ginerva_molly_weasley The Last Christmas

12th April 2012:
Adele I honestly don't know what to say apart from why doesn't this have more reviews?!?

I love the first part when you're first throwing them into the action. I love James and Sirius and they're obviously annoyed with Dumbledore from making them be away from their families and also because it's a full moon so they're wondering about Remus.

I love how they say Merry Christmas to each other. It;s beautiful and then the sentence where you swap from Sirius and James to Lily and Harry is just awh. I love it!

Lily is so cute and I wish they would all be together. You write these so well and I wish I could write half as amazing as you!

Author's Response: Ahh, haha. Thanks :)

I have a special attachment to this one-shot, and I'm thrilled that you like it so much :)

Ahh, James and Lily are my OTP, so i'm really really really glad that I might just have done them justice!

Thank you so much for the review, and you're being ridiculous. You're a much better writer than I am!

- Adele :)


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Review #5, by Moonyxluna The Last Christmas

3rd April 2012:
Why don't I read your writing more!? Seriously, this was way adorable. I like how you started out with them working for Dumbledore/the order-- it put the time placement of the story into perspective in a lovely way.

James and Sirius were written beautifully. They were witty and sarcastc, James with just a touch of concern when it comes to Lily-- just how I love the marauders :p okay, and even brilliant work with mentioning Remus as well. Even in the two sentances you talked about him you still managed to capture his mannerisms that he would 'do something and hate himself in the morning for it'

okay, so instead of blabbering on about all of the things I loved, I'm going to make a list.
things I loved: Sirius' pink blanket, the line about the star 'sirius' (in the summary as well), joking about Dumbledore running, them thinking of Moony with the werewolves, and Lily's patronus changing to a stag when James wasn't around!

basically, the whole thing.

Oh, I have one thing-- towards the middle you go from calling them padfoot and prongs to James and Sirius (in the dialogue and the.. not dialogue (my mind is failing me for the word)) while they are in the tent. I wouldn't point it out if it was just the dialogue; just to keep the consistancy. I like that Lily would call him James and that it's "padfoot and prongs" when they are working together--
like here: James sighed, nodding his head slowly... Even when it's not his fault, he always does"
Padfoot nodded sadly.

It may be just me being picky, but I would change it to either "padfoot sighed" or "Sirius nodded" to keep it consistant.
okay, I hope that makes sense and I'm not just blabbering on about nonsense!

Anyways, this was an adorable one-shot. Lovely work, your writing is fantastic!

Author's Response: Ahaha, I would have no problem if you read my writing more. I'm thrilled that you like it so much! :P I'm always nervous about everything I post, so hearing that people like it is always wonderful. ^_^

I'm so glad you liked the characterisation, etc. because that's something i'm always paranoid about when it comes to the Marauders, so it's always great to hear that i've done it justice!

I'll defiantly go check up on that bit you mentioned about their names. I didn't realise, but I can see what you're talking about. I'll edit it when I have a chance. Thanks!

I'm so happy you listed your favourite parts. I love it when people do that in their reviews, because it means I know what's working and what isn't, but those are particular favourites of mine as well, so hearing they work is wonderful :)

Thanks so much for the review, and i'm glad that you liked it so much. It means a lot to head that from you!

- Adele :)


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Review #6, by Ravenclaw_Charm The Last Christmas

31st March 2012:
I absolutely love this! There are no problems with flow, pacing, plausibility, or any of that. It's fantastic, really. You made me shed a few tears :') The way it starts off is great, a rush, and you characterize James and Sirius well from the get-go. Then you describe the Potter family and their love for each other, which I really liked :) I also loved how Sirius was making fun of Dumbledore as they ran, which is totally a Sirius thing to do. I laughed picturing Dumbledore getting his beard caught in a tree - why hadn't I ever thought about that before?! Hahaha.
The star thing was what brought me to the tears. It was just so cute... James/Lily is my favorite ship of all time haha. Their love has no bounds; it can reach across a continent. Very romantic!
Something I found off was that at first, Sirius and James are pursued by Death Eaters, then, later, they say dragons were chasing them. Unless it was both, I'm a bit confused.
Other than that, a fantastic fic. It's in my favorites now :D Thank you for your request! I really enjoyed reading this!

Author's Response: No, they were running away from a Dragon Sanctuary where Death Eaters had taken over. Sorry if that wasn't clear...

But i'm so glad you liked it, and i'm thrilled that you enjoyed it enough to favourite it ^_^

Thanks so much for the review, and i'll certainly re-request with some more of my Lily/James fics. (OTP FOREVER!)

- Adele :D


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Review #7, by bri_5_stars The Last Christmas

24th March 2012:
Awww! The first part where James and Sirius were escaping was quite exciting, and the last half with Lily and the baby was really very heartwarming. This is a very cute one-shot, and I'm very glad you recommended it. In such a short story you were capable of doing justice to the characters. I love it, good job!

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so much for the review (hopefully you liked yours!) and i'm thrilled that as a James/Lily fan, you liked it.

Thanks again for the review swap ^_^


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Review #8, by charlottetrips The Last Christmas

16th March 2012:
Char here with your requested review!

Ooh, I like how you’ve started out in the middle of an action scene! It’s so exciting and you’ve done it quite well with James being alert and all leadery like and Sirius laughing and making jokes. And being quite irreverent, mind you.

they knew they were free of the sanctuary [boarders]. - did you mean [borders]?

leaving their assailants’ howling at [] waning moon - missing [the]. Also did you mean to make them out like werewolves? Because that’s how it came across.

I was confused as to why you were calling them boys. James is talking to Harry in the summary which means he’s at least twenty and this is confirmed as I’m reading on. It should be “men” because otherwise I think I’m reading about them in Hogwarts days.

the stag’s [eye’s] followed her, - [eyes]

The beginning part with James and Sirius I really liked. I could connect with James and his feeling of not being with Lily and James but also his drive to carry out his mission and his concern for his friends. You even had a little bit of playfulness mixed in there.

This scene with Lily however was missing something. I couldn’t quite really feel what she was feeling. She spoke/thought about Sirius a lot which kind of had me be like “what?” and then there was the little mention of James then the stag Patronus but that was about it. I think you could expand on that section more. I know it’s a one-shot but you did well with characterizing James and Sirius and then missed on Lily a bit.

You do however have a way with capturing the scene and the movements of the characters so that I can almost imagine it in my mind’s eye.

Author's Response: OH NOES! TYPOS! *hides*

D: That's awkward. Sorry about that. D: I will fix those up ASAP.

I called them boys because I was trying to show that even though James had a son, they are both still so young and fighting something so much bigger than themselves. That they have their whole lives ahead of them, and that really, they are just out of school, only 20. But I see what you mean, and i'll go work on that. It's good feedback. ^_^

I'll work on Lily as well. I get what you mean about her character being out a bit, and I agree that needs fixing. Thanks for the pointers :)

Thanks so much for the review, it's really helpful ^_^


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Review #9, by fancy The Last Christmas

10th March 2012:
This was so lovely! Honestly, a gorgeous little one shot. I love James/Lily don't you? Whenever I get a bit of writers block James and Lily always seem to set me straight. :)

I thought the initial sequence was great, how James and Sirius rebounded off one another and the fact they were doing work for Dumbledore reinforces the whole Order of the Phoenix cannon. The little mention of Remus and how they were thinking about him was also another great subtle addition which rounded out the story and the characters making it super believable.
What was devastating was when James said he would have a lifetime of Christmases with Harry, and that you'd named the chapter The Last Christmas. :( It was great, but so sad.
Also Lily's instalment and the reminder that they fit so well together that their patronus' match.
Oh, I thought this was wonderful. A great one-shot. Perfect!

Author's Response: Oh, thanks! It was so kind of you to offer to review, and i'm so thrilled you liked this ^_^

And yes, James/Lily are my OTP. I just love them so much, it's crazy.

Thanks again for this, i'm so glad you liked it. Your comments are great and have given me inspiration of things to try and incorporate into another story of mine.

So thrilled you liked it!
- A :)


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Review #10, by blueirony The Last Christmas

9th March 2012:
I normally love it when people give me a whole host of things to look at when they request a review. It makes reviewing a lot easier and it gives structure to my reviews, which means I'm less likely to go off on a few hundred tangents like I tend to do.

You gave me a whole list. And, for once, I am going to ignore the list. I kind of feel like I don't want to dissect this story. I don't want to break it down into its individual components and analyse it from every angle. I think it will take away the beauty of this story. I really like how you have written this and I don't want to go all scientific on it. Rather, I just want to write my thoughts on it. And, yes, that may well may result in me rambling.

I have this thing. I loves stories that are set outside. I don't know what it is, but I have a small obsession with how an outdoors setting can just... bring this serenity to a story. I don't know how to explain it. But when I read this, I could feel some adrenaline when James and Sirius were running, I could see why Harry would get cold and why Lily would need a beanie, I can feel Lily's sadness. It's the outdoors setting that does it. Especially at night. It's like the night just brings out emotions and if the writer can do it well, all I can do is sigh when I read their story.

I was sighing a lot when I read this.

It's a very simple story. There really isn't much in it. But I think that the best stories are the simple ones. I love one-shots that are just a small glimpse into someone's life, a snapshot into what they are doing, thinking and feeling. I think that is what you have here. And it's short, simple, sweet but very endearing to read.

What I love most is the way you establish the relationships in so few words. Yes, we know that James and Sirius are best friends. But they just have this... ease about them. If you replaced them with original characters, I could still see just how comfortable they were with each other. Their friendship comes across very clearly.

James and Lily are also beautifully done in this. I can see how James is concerned and worried about Lily and little Harry and you, again, write it so well. It makes sense that James would think about how he points the stars out to Harry because he is a father now, and Harry is one of his top priorities. You do it in so few words. I'm really jealous.

I also love the idea that they are both looking at the stars. Ignoring the fact that I love how we are all connected by the same night sky, it was just a lovely way to tie the entire story together. Especially when Lily conjours her patronus, that's so sad but loving at the same time. It's sad, yes, but also hopeful as well. It's like both of them are always going to be joined. Which can sound a little bit too fluffy, but it's just such a sweet idea.

This was so... delicate. I don't know how to explain it. It was just beautiful. The way you wrote about it being outdoors, the friendship between James and Sirius, the love between James and Lily and Harry, it was just... really, really lovely to read.

Well done.

Joop.

Author's Response: I cannot describe how much I love you for this. To hear that my writing comes across exactly the way I wanted it to, is amazing. I'm thrilled that you got the sense of the different relationships between the characters and that they came across as I hoped they would. That they'd seem real, and complex and yet everything is so simple and basic at the same time.

And I totally agree. Outdoor settings give so much freedom to a writer, to a scene and to an idea. Does that even make sense? Probably not, but oh well.

As I said before, I cannot explain how absolutely thrilled I am at how much you liked this piece. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to review this for me (and so quickly!) it means so much to hear feedback such as this.

- Adele.


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Review #11, by DracoFerret11 The Last Christmas

2nd March 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums with your long-awaited review. :]

Your concerns first, then mine, okay?

Pacing: this was perfectly fine. The beginning was dramatic and fast-paced, but it calmed into something deeper and I liked that a lot.

Flow: nothing to complain about here. It was a bit odd (and unexplained) why James and Sirius were doing such an odd job on Christmas, rather than Aurors. But it didn't kill the story.

Characterization: I liked this a lot. I think James and Sirius were just goofy enough and Lily was my favorite. She was so demure and sweet, but you can tell she's still being strong when James isn't there. The only odd part characterization-wise was the bit about the blankets. I think it was a bit too childish and corny that James was trying to make Sirius angry by conjuring a pink blanket. And I feel like he wouldn't even care, so I don't know if that prank would be successful. Also, I feel like, with the war going on, James would be more worried about leaving Lily and scared for her safety.

Dialogue: This wasn't bad. It was a little hard to follow at times (the part about what Dumbledore would do in their situation got a bit confusing and lame, but it wasn't terrible). Overall, I didn't think anything was too bad.

Plausibility: I sort of mentioned this above. I don't know if James would have really felt comfortable leaving Lily alone. And I feel like they were doing a strange job that wasn't really explained. The importance of it was sort of skipped over: it seemed like something any other Auror or Order member could have done, so I was a little confused as to why it was Sirius and James.

Originality: I haven't read anything quite like this before, so I think you're good here. :]


And, my thoughts: I think you really covered everything in your concerns. I liked your tone/voice towards the end (in the part with Lily). I think that was my favorite part. She's obviously very young and sweet and I liked that. Lily's such a great character and I think you really captured that. Well done.

Overall, great job. I think you did well. Thanks for requesting a review!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)

Yeah, you pretty much covered all the concerns I had, so it's good to know what I need to work on. I'm glad you liked Lily's characterisation, that's something I really worked on, but i'll have to go back and continue to develop James and Sirius more.

Thanks again for this,
- Adele. :)


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Review #12, by killinglonely The Last Christmas

26th February 2012:
Hi, this is killinglonely with the review you requested. Normally I'ld log in, but there's some site issues and I can't. So I'll just go ahead and review.

I really like you portrayed Sirius and James. The whole thing with getting a pay raise was funny and charming, and I like how natural they are with each other. Their dialogue is perfect, and that's something people struggle with, especially Marauder era characters. Because they're almost O.C's (in the way that we have little information about them) people recreate them wrong, but you made their relationship very, very, real. I would just suggest calling them 'men' instead of 'boys', after all, James has a kid and they're out around Death Eaters.

Cute how you portrayed Lily and James when they aren't even anywhere near each other. The stag was a really cute idea, although it was a bit of a let down that it didn't say anything. I'd like more detail on the Lily part of the story, the first part of the story seemed a little more action intense, and then all of a sudden with Lily she was just sitting outside, doing nothing. Maybe add some crying or something lol, I don't know.

You've got a great story here and a natural ability for one-shots! 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for this, and for getting around to it so fast, haha. I'm really happy that you liked their banter, because I was worried it wouldn't come across as natural enough. I chose to call them boys to show how young they still are (only 20 after all) and that, in a way, they are fighting a war much bigger than themselves. But I do get your point.

I'm glad that you liked the stag part, and i'm sorry that it didn't talk :P I didn't have her crying, because she's trying to be strong while James is away, but I see what you mean. I'll have a fiddle :P

Thanks again for this :)
- Adele.


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Review #13, by Wicked_Obsessions The Last Christmas

20th February 2012:
I love it. The James and Sirius part was very funny. Lily and Harry were sweet.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you for this review!

This one-shot was my baby over Christmas and i've uploaded it, but it hasn't gotten as much attention as my WIP. It's really nice to know that someone likes this as well. ^_^

Thanks for taking the time to review. It's really appreciated.


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Review #14, by ariellem The Last Christmas

7th February 2012:
Awww! I really didn't know what to expect with this one-shot, but I thought you did a brilliant job. The attention to detail was lovely and so was the love that Lily and James obviously shared.

Poor Sirius, he has to deal with a sappy couple all the time. :)

Author's Response: Haha, tell me about it. But I'm so glad that you liked it ^_^ Thanks for the review.

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Review #15, by Tonks1247 The Last Christmas

4th February 2012:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks with your requested review, which I’m sure you know ;)

I really liked this story! I’m usually a bit hesitant to read stories with Marauder character in it, but this was really good. I like the characterization you have of James and Sirius. Sirius still taking the lighter edge of things, laughing about the Death Eaters chasing them and then the whole Dumbledore’s beard getting stuck…haha, it made me laugh! And James’ character was pretty well played out.

The only thing I could suggest with both James and Sirius’ characters is to play out the emotion a bit more. More so in James, with the thought that he’s missing Harry’s first Christmas. While he understands that there will be more Christmas’ to come [The irony in that makes me wanna cry], he should still be sort of upset about that. It should bother him that he has to miss it.

Lily’s character was really well written too. I like how she conjured her Patronus for her connection to James, to help ease her worry of him. It was so sweet. And really in character [well, at least with how I view her]. So that was good.

The flow of this was really good. It moved along well, and other than needing a bit more description in with James’ emotions, that’s good too. The bits of dialogue you have in there is also very good. I didn't see anything in those two areas that needed more description or anything, so great job!

I must share my favorite line. I’m not quite sure who said it, but I liked how the dragons were referre to as ‘Giant winged lizards.’ It made me giggle just a little bit, though I'm not sure why.

And as much as I try not to end with this, I have two small nitpicky things. :p [I know it looks like a lot, but it’s only because I quote a sentence or two of the story to show what I mean :p]

“Despite the growing distress at their marks escaping them, laughter could be heard from the two figures, both with black hair, as they slowly broke away from the pack of masked individuals chasing them.” –This sentence was sort of confusing. The first part of it, I was quite lost about. It might just be the wording and me being tired…marks are referring to James and Sirius, correct?

“Matching smirks slowly spread across their faces as they turned on the spot with a small ‘pop’, leaving their assailants’ howling at waning moon when they discovered they were nowhere to be found in the frost-covered valley.” –With this one, you use the word ‘they’ to describe both the death eaters and James and Sirius. Which is mildly confusing between the word is used 3 different times and figuring out which ‘they’ you were talking about was mildly difficult.

But really, other than those few small things, I really enjoyed reading this. Great job! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: *breaths a sigh of relief that you liked it even though you don't like Marauders*

I was worried there for a bit. But i'm thrilled that you like it, and thanks so much for the review! Knowing that you aren't keen on the characters but that you reviewed it for me anyway was brilliant. Honestly, thank you.

I'll have a look at those few sentences, see if I can fix them up a bit.

Cheers for the review and for getting around to it so quickly. It means a lot ^_^


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Review #16, by Elenia The Last Christmas

3rd February 2012:
Awww, you made me cry! This was so emotional and beautiful.

I just can't get over how perfect and detailed your descriptions are! They made this so intriguing to read! And I wanted to continue reading and then realised that this was a one-shot and couldn't so now I'm sad. But happy at the same time because this really was a very complete story and doesn't need to be continued. It's just your writing style; it makes me want to keep on reading!

The whole idea was very believable. That was definitely something that could have happened, to be away on a mission on Christmas. It made this so sad, but so real at the same time. I wanted to shout to Dumbledore for being so heartless that he separated a father from his little baby boy d:

I love the characters; they are so true and authentic. The interaction between James and Sirius is just flawless and so fun to read. And I love how you included Remus into this too; they would be concerned about their mate. Oh and the pink blanket! It was just perfect.

Ending this story with Lily's POV was great. It was nice to see that she was

I don't have any words left to describe, so you can just imagine that I've written a really long review and used every single word that describes how perfect this story was!

And now I'm sad because ten is the biggest grade I can give this. It deserves at least an eleven and some golden stars. Oh and applauds, yes, definitely! Can you hear me clapping? (:

~E

Author's Response: You are the most wonderful person in the world. THANK YOU!

You've read my WIP and you know how different this is from my other story. I was so ridiculously nervous about this, but your feedback is wonderful, and honestly, I am so, so, so, so, so, SO glad that you like it ^_^ It mean a lot to me.

Thanks for the review. This was my first one-shot EVER, and so hear that you liked it so much is wonderful :D


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Review #17, by onestop_hpfan18 The Last Christmas

22nd January 2012:
This was a nice take on how James and Lily would have felt being away from each other when James and Sirius were on missions for the order. And it was bittersweet and well written. Definitely one of the best marauder one-shots I've read in a while (and I haven't read many marauder fics lately with the influx of next generation stories). Needless to say, it was nice to read some marauders. Great one-shot! :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it :) Yes, I'm a shameless Marauders fangirl and will ship James and Lily until the end. It's my first One-Shot so getting positive feedback like this is great ^_^

Cheers for the review!


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Review #18, by I<3Padfoot The Last Christmas

20th January 2012:
So Damn Cute! I love it! XX

Author's Response: thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. :) Cheers for the review. xx

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Review #19, by classicblack The Last Christmas

14th January 2012:
Awww, I choked up a bit at this! I loved the humour in the beginning and the melancholy-ness in the end. It was a completely bittersweet story and it was great ")
If only James knew that that would be the only Christmas he would ever have a chance to have with Lily and Harry :(
Great story!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: I know. It broke my heart to write, but I just had to put in the part about having more Christmas's with them. I love James and Lily and i'm honestly thrilled you liked this one-shot.

Thank you!


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Review #20, by javct The Last Christmas

13th January 2012:
Javct45 here with your review!

I really enjoyed this. It's always nice to read a fluffy James/Lily.
I found the dialogue really good. I couldn't find anything awkward and you kept the dialogue very in character to the person speaking.

The characterisation, as I mentioned above, was really good. Nothing screamed OOC. Everyone has their own take on Lily; some more realistic than others, and I think that yours is one of the best one's that i've read :D

Grammar. I did, however, pick up two mistakes at the start of the story. When you write dialogue and end it with a full stop, '?' or a '!' the word after would be a capital. For example, it wouldn't be this: 'LAUGHING?" the figure' it would actually be 'LAUGHING?" The figure'

I found the flow and pace of the story very good as well. You cut the scenes at just the right time :)
*Jaz,
9/10

Author's Response: Oo, thanks for that. I must have missed those typos. Cheers!

Again, thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. Hearing that I got their characterisation right, and that they weren't OOC is fantastic. I'm actually so thrilled you liked Lily! You have no idea, haha.

Short and fluffy obviously, but hearing positive feedback is so encouraging.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, it means a lot :)


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Review #21, by Cassius Alcinder The Last Christmas

10th January 2012:
This was a very nice one-shot, it dealt with deep emotions and was quite touching, but at the same time it managed to be light and amusing.

I enjoyed the characterization, the interaction between James and Sirius was great, you definetely captured their bromance. Also, that was such a creative idea having them on that mission in Romania. I love reading things like that becasue we dont get to see much of the kinds of things the Order was doing during the war.

I'm definetely a James/Lily shipper, and I really enjoyed how you portrayed their relationship and juxtaposed their situations.

Author's Response: Thanks! I hoped to get their - James and Sirius - characters right as i'm currently writing a Sirius/OC fic, and thought that a one-shot might might help me explore and understand their relationship properly, and hence do it justice in my other novel. Plus all of the James and Lily Christmas sets on Tumblr had my mind whirling with ideas.

I'm glad you liked the Romania idea. I had them in a forest from the beginning, but I didn't know where it was going. I figured we'd heard so much about Charlie's time in Romania and everything else, that it wouldn't seem too outlandish for it to actually happen. I'm really happy that you liked the idea ^_^ I tried to make it original, and I hoped I succeeded.

James and Lily all the way! I'm so glad you liked this, and thanks so much for reviewing. It means a lot to get feedback on my work.


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Review #22, by Roots in Water The Last Christmas

8th January 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This was a very good one-shot, focusing on a "missing moment" in the series. It was interesting reading it because this definitely could have happened in the series- James could have been called away on Order business on Christmas.

I think that your dialogue was realistic- it certainly didn't come across as stilted. James and Sirius had that playful quality I always pictured them as having- the Dumbledore impression was quite funny. They seemed to have a brotherly bond and they weren't panicking about being chased by Death Eaters- in fact they were quite carefree. The mention of Remus on a full moon was in character and it was nice to see that they didn't yet suspect him of being the traitor.

I did notice a few very small things while I was reading. To begin, with the sentence "forest, they moved so quickly" I would add a "for" or "because" in place of the comma because it seemed awkward when I reading it. As well, with "assailants’ howling at waning moon" I was confused because I thought they were being chased by Death Eaters. If I'm correct, why would they howl? If they are actually beasts, then I would add a "the" before "waning moon". Finally, with "Stag's eye's" it should be "Stag's eyes".

The flow of this story was very solid and smooth and I found it very interesting and well done that you showed two different perspectives of the same evening. I always find that I have problems writing action scenes but I think that you did very well in capturing the panic and activity of such a scene with your references to their running and the broken conversation.

Don't worry about the quality of the writing- this was very good and it captured the sentiments and moments that you were trying to capture. It was sweet and very fluffy. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Comments are extremely helpful. :D As I said, it's my first one-shot. Trying to get the right feeling across, without rambling on for ages was tricky at first, but i'm glad you liked it ^_^

And i'll jump on those spelling mistakes/sentence structure. It's really helpful to have someone point stuff like that out. Sometimes you're too close to the work to notice little things like that, because you already know what you're talking about in your head.

I'm so glad you liked James and Sirius. That was worrying me, as trying to get that fine line between playful and believable was hard. All feedback is appreciated on that one. Thank you!


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Review #23, by CloakAuror9 The Last Christmas

8th January 2012:
Hey there!

This story is really...sweet! Go James/Lily!

I think the story was really funny! (Dumbledore's beard!) and I don't really think that you should really be worried about it since I think you did pretty well for a first one-shot but, of course, there's no avoiding those nervous nerves is there?

Unfortunately, I really can't judge you about the pacing since it's just a one-shot and there won't be enough facts for me to base. As for the flow, I think all went well! And the dialogue were really sweet. I love the fact that you made this a whole christmas event, such a good event to base a one-shot on.

Overall, I think you did a great job for a first and I find this story very cute and sweet! :)

Ta-ta for now,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Oh, you did get around to this fast! Thanks ^_^

Glad you liked the dialogue. That was the part I spent the most time on. I wanted to make sure I got the 'tone' right, if that makes any sense. I wrote it over Christmas, but couldn't submit it till the queue re-opened the other day. :)
James/Lily for life!

Thanks again for being so speedy to review, and I'm glad you liked it :D
Cheers. xx


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Review #24, by Hazel Black The Last Christmas

8th January 2012:
Hi atellam! I saw your blog on the forums so I thought I'd come and check out your stories :)

This was a really beautiful little one-shot. You have a great descriptive way of writing, I could imagine the scenes so clearly. I also loved the bit about Dumbledores beard, that was so funny. And the use of the stars was a really nice touch.

I'll have a look at your other story, Canis Major, when I get the chance too, I really enjoy your writing style so keep up the good work :)

10/10
HB

Author's Response: Haha, thanks :) I'm glad you liked it. My first one-shot, so I was quite nervous. The positive feedback certainly helps with the butterflies though. :P

Canis Major is slightly different as it's 1st person POV, but I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Thanks so much for your review! It means a lot, haha. :)


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