This is beautiful!
I love the metaphoric feel of the whole piece. The dust that permeates everything. And the sheep that know who their shepherds are. This is dense with symbolism and figurative language, and I had to read this piece several times to get a sense of it all.
The use of second person works very well here, because there is so much description. It really transports the reader to where Sybil is. That is enhanced greatly by your lovely descriptions, which all seem to fit with the setting and mood of this piece. You observe these fragments of her life, snapshots and images which all have a greater purpose to this piece.
And don't get me started on the last paragraph: "Your skin mingled with dust here, that had mingled with other dusts and other skin and other lives" It feels so profound to me. With the last sentence you really tie the whole experience of Sybil together.
I really am having a hard time saying how wonderful this is. Stories like this are gems that can be hard to find on this site. And I definitely feel that the way you created atmosphere in this is a testament to your skills as a writer!Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the review! This is one of those stories that came out of a haze for me: I wrote without clear direction and because of that I think things work much more fluidly and with much more efficacy as metaphor and symbol than I could have ever intended.
Also glad that you appreciate the second-person, here. That always seems like it could look like it's done for show, and it certainly wasn't in this case, at least, not on purpose ;)
Thanks again, this was such a lovely surprise and I appreciate you letting me know what you think! Report Review
Thank you so, so much for my lovely gift, Aiedail! I've never had anyone write a story just for me before. This is such a wonderful present. Thank you so much for writing it. It was the prefect addition to a great holiday! I hope yours was equally as wonderful. Aside from it being a lovely gesture, this is really wonderfully written. It was so vivid, like a painting with words. I love the desert as a story setting, and this was perfectly depicted. The details regarding the locals and the bits about the shepherds made for such rich additions. This was such a great read up and down. Thank you again for my present. Happy Holidays!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I know you do a lot for the site and I'm so appreciative of that, so this one-shot was a small gesture that attempts to express a greater thankfulness, in addition to being a present for the holidays :)
You're very welcome, too! I hope you did have a lovely season.
- lily Report Review
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