In many ways this is a sad story of a woman stuck in a rut that she's finding hard to emerge from. I think that you've highlighted this problem very well and clearly. What she really needs is someone to be there and help her to stand up for herself.
Though saying, I think you could have been a bit more descriptive about why she'd run off with this man and also about the feelings of loneliness that are going through her head.
But all in all I think that this is a reasonably good plot line, and I give you 9/10.Author's Response: Thanks!
I'm glad you pointed out that I should be more descriptive (descriptions are definitely my weakness). I may go back and add some more detail when I have some time. Thanks again! Report Review
Aww. This was so sad, but so sweet at the same time. I really enjoyed reading it, and I felt so sorry for Lucy, living a life in lies and shambles. You're a really good author, and this was an excellent read, and you really made Lucy come alive. Brilliant one-shot, so keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you like it! Report Review
I'm surprised at how much you put into just 500 words! It was very well written and didn't feel like you were cramming a novel into a short little one shot like. I loved the depth of the character, her longing for her family, and the problems she's going through, and it's all tied up in a nice little 500 word package! Awesome job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it. Report Review
This was brilliant!
I'm so glad I found a Lucy-centered fic here, it's so hard since she's not in the characters list! Before anything else, I have to say I loved you summary! It definitely catches a reader's eye! Very smart:D
However, the summary couldn't prepare me for this. I thought it was going to be a cute fic about the way Lucy feels bad with her life and decides to change it. But this was entirely different- in a very good way!
I can't exactly describe what I liked in this. I must say everything- mainly because of the atmosphere you created. I can see her as a woman trapped in her choices, a girl who had dreams and never managed to turn them into reality. I can see her standing in that window, not courageous enough to tell her family that she made the wrong choice. I can see Rose keeping the secret and being rude about it yet never telling the family, not because she doesn't care as Lucy thinks, but because she thinks that this is what her cousin wants. And finally, I can see her as the middle cousin in a huge family of war-heroes torn like everyone else- only a bit more:D
There are so many things I loved her, and I fear I haven't mentioned all of them. This story is beautiful, really.
~ AngieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review.
I feel bad that the summary is misleading, but I'm glad you like it anyway. I'm glad I managed to relay Lucy's emotions and character well enough. That is EXACTLY how I was picturing her when I wrote this.
Thank you! Report Review
I liked this. I liked how everything was wrong at the beginning and I liked the mention of self-help books, because we all look for guidance, but sometimes looking for it in those books are awful because it feels like they never know what it's like.
I'm glad you wrote this, I thought you did a great job!
LizzieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you think so :) Report Review
I was drawn to this story because it didn't contain dialogue. You don't come across them very often and I was curious.
I really loved it. For such a short piece, you can really fell Lucy's self pity. She hates everything about her life, yet she doesn't possess the courage to change it. You see her in the now, but there is mystery surrounding how she got to that point, all you see is her misery, but not the spiral into it.
There were a few typos, but the story flowed pretty well. I really enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you for the review :D
I know. I am thinking about how to put in her backstory more. But I'm glad you can feel her emotion.
Thanks again! Report Review
Awww, this was really. Sad.
I think it is really interesting that you wrote this, a negative view on the future of the Next-Gen kids. Its pretty rare. And Lucy is pretty rare as well. SO it was a really different and refreshing piece.
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to not use dialogue, but you did so well! Good job!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Thank you! I tried to be original and the no dialogue was so much fun. Report Review
For something rather short and with no dialogue, you certainly made me feel a lot of pity for Lucy. I could sense her desperation to escape, to finally gather all her courage to tell Arnie that she was going home, and hopefully to a family that would welcome her back lovingly.
Hopefully one day. Like her coaches said, progress is progress.
I think my only complaint was about how vague it was. I think I would have rather known more about Lucy's decisions to run off with Arnie - it just seems she's stuck in a situation that she's not happy with. I'm not sure if maybe she was disillusioned before they ran off, thinking it would be fun to be living with her boyfriend, and then realizing that all she was to Arnie was a glorified maid made her rethink her life? And why did she cut off all contact with her family if she misses them that much? Just a bit of clarification would have been nice, I suppose.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed this little one-shot. You captured Lucy's character in this situation really well and made the reader pity her. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you!
I have been thinking about going back and adding some more detail. Thank you for the suggestions. Report Review
Hi there! :)
You made this work really well without the dialogue, Lucy's frustration and desperation at being in this situation and having no apparent way out really comes across.
With a family the size of the Weasley's you can tell how tired one would become from the constant judgment of one's self against that of their relatives, you can see how one would want to escape.
I think a tiny bit more detail would have been nice, just a few descriptions of what exactly led to this descision, and maybe a little more on Lucy and Arnie's relationship prior to them running away together.
Overall, I really like this, getting a writer to really use their words rather than their character's is a really creative way for a writer to branch out.
NicoleAuthor's Response: Thank you! I have thought about adding some more to the story (it's on my list of things to do). Report Review
Oh poor Lucy, that life seems so lonely. And Rose is mean.
Well done. The results of the challenge will be up soon in the Hallf of Fame and in a blog :)Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I really don't have very many complaints about this piece, except that it's a bit too vague. I like how it's short and sweet, but at the same time I feel like there could be more substance there. I think it could be expanded a bit more and still retain that "short and sweet" feel I was talking about.
You have a few typos in there, so I'd suggest proof reading to catch all the little mistakes that naturally happen in the writing process. Re-reading is key!
Honestly that's all I have to say. This was a nice little story. :) Have you ever considered expanding it? If only into a short story, I feel like there's something you could pull out of this.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it!
I will definitely go back and proof read (that's not my strong point so I need to work on it). I don't think I'll be adding any chapters, but I might go back and put some more in what I already have.
Thanks you so much! Report Review
It was beautiful. I love the "peep through the crack" feel this one-shot has... What happens next? What happened before? Perhaps not knowing makes it more potent...
This has an extremely powerful direction, I think... :)
Thank you for the good read; I enjoyed it thoroughly!Author's Response: Thank you for your wonderful review! I'm so glad you enjoy my story.
Lucy definitely had family issues and confrontation issues. But honestly, I don't know what would have happened before or after. I actually wrote this as one of those exercises where you just write what comes to mind and I was feeling down, so I don't have much of a backstory. Feel free to fill in the blanks ;) Report Review
That was so good! I haven't read many stories about Lucy and you really managed to bring her to life. It was an amazing story.
My only complaint was that it ended. :)Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! I'm so glad you think I did a good job. I don't think I have read many stories about Lucy either, so I couldn't resist using her.
I'm so sorry it had to end! I hope you'll forgive me ;) Report Review
That's good, that's really good.
Need I say more?Author's Response: WOW! Thank you! I'm so glad you think my story is good. It was very interesting to write and I'm pleased with the way it turned out. Report Review
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