Hello! Thanks for the swap :)

I really like that you chose a Weasley grandchild for this story. I think Lucy fits so well, because she has plenty of relatives with talent and very diverse careers, and I'm sure she's spent a considerable portion of her life hearing stories about them at dinner and holidays and looking up to them all. I'm sure it would be intimidating to have to measure up to that!

I have to admit that the first half of this one-shot was a little slow for me. I'm always a big fan of "show" rather than "tell" when it comes to characterization. For example, instead of saying that Lucy's bad at Potions, you could have had her run across a poor grade on an essay while looking for a piece of parchment upon which to list potential careers. The first half of this felt like a really long monologue, and while that's highly appropriate for a future actress, I don't know if it's the best format in which to tell a story.

I'm also a little confused about Molly. Lucy seemed to really paint her in a bad light throughout the story until she showed up, but then she was really nice to Lucy, and they quickly resolved their differences. I would have liked to see a little more depth of character with Molly; perhaps she could make a snide remark or remind Lucy of her faults, to sort of justify Lucy's extreme portrayal of her.

I do know a little about phobias, and I like how Lucy's thoughts about failure were clearly obsessive and over the top. She seems to have thought about this quite a bit. I even got the sense that she's afraid to try anything new because she's scared that she won't end up being good at it. For instance, it makes sense that she would want to avoid the responsibility of being a leader at school.

Thanks again for the swap :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks, I'm glad you like that I chose a Weasley. Actually, I can't remember now if I chose her or if she was given to me for the challenge, but I do remember feeling very iffy about writing Lucy.

And I understand about the first bit being slow. I don't mind monologues, and sometimes when I start them they just go on and on, and I know not everyone is into that, and I see what you mean.

Yeah, Molly does sort of come off the exact opposite of what Lucy makes her out to be. And I tried to fit in with a line from Molly that she can be pushy. And maybe they don't always get along, but I think maybe that's more Lucy's doing than Molly's. She's a bit spiteful and jealous toward her older sister, more than anyone else I think, because of their dad's favoritism for Molly. But that's a good idea of maybe showing Molly push her buttons a little to add some depth to her character.

I'm really glad you liked the phobia bit though and thought it was realistic. She has thought about it a lot and I think she is a afraid of trying new things for fear of being a failure at them as well. I think being a prefect or head girl would have been difficult for her if she did receive and accept those responsibilities. I could even see her refusing them outright. One of Lucy's faults is that she doesn't take herself seriously, as Molly points out, and so she doesn't think anyone else will take her seriously either, at anything.

Thanks so much for the review swap!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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This was a gorgeous piece of fiction about feeling like you didn't fit in in the worst place - your family. The story is very relatable to anyone because so many people believe that they aren't good enough or not as clever, funny or pretty as other people but it hits you a lot harder when you are comparing yourself or are compared to people in your family who you shouldn't hate but end up hating due to this. This story is fantastic, you explain in detail all the flaws that Lucy feels in her and talk about her home, the people surrounding her and her sister. I loved the way you portrayed Molly at the end, helping her sister to strive to be better for her own sake and not for other people's, it sends out a good message to readers and its such a lovely moment between the two.

I think Percy is a harsh father and it is exactly how I would have portrayed him. Percy was always going to be a strict father, even Fred's death wouldn't of changed that so I'm glad you thought his character through and his phrases sounded realistic and pompous. Your writing is so lovely, it flows so well and so many people try and throw in odd, long words to make themselves sound like they know their Collins dictionary but when you do it all fits and gels and compliments your writing to a huge degree. Overall, this is a lovely story which is superbly heartwarming and readers are drawn to Lucy even though she doubts her qualities. Also she wants to be an actress, like me, so there's that;)

Brilliant Story,
Mazzay

X

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! Your review's made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I know I've said this isn't my favorite, but I just reread it because it's been a while, and even I have to admit, it is good. You're very right in your observations about how hard it can be to fit into a family you don't feel you fit into. She's like the next-gen's Ron. And my Lucy felt a lot of jealousy and hate towards her own sister. I'm glad you liked the end where Molly strives to help Lucy and make a real connection with her. I have to agree that it does set a good message for readers to take into consideration for their own lives.

And I think Percy was always going to be a harsh father and so naturally it'd be hard for someone like Lucy to grow up as his daughter since he's such a stickler for perfection.

I'm so happy you liked the writing style and the story overall. It means a lot to me.

Thanks so much for the lovely review!
xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Such a cute story!! Lucy is one of my favorite next-gen characters, and it's nice to see such a great story about her! :)

Author's Response: Aw, why thank you! This story was really fun to write and I tried really hard to make it work, make the relationship between Lucy and Molly work in such a short piece, and all in all not to let Lucy sound too over the top and whiny (which was one of my biggest worries while writing this). So, I am really glad you liked it.

Thanks for the review, love.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Hi!

That was a truly great, touching story. I loved the way how you first descriebed Lucy's sight on herself and her family and afterwards let Molly explain her point of view.

The idea of Lucy becoming an actress was very fitting, too. Her description of herself sounded really melodramatic, like Molly said.

Overall, I really liked this story! Great job!

xxx
Miriel

OPERATION GREEN WITH ENVY

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked how I described Lily's view of herself and of her family and then had Molly come in and sort of change her point of view. And I'm glad you liked the idea of Lucy becoming an actress, she is very melodramatic, lol. Thanks again for reviewing!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Gah - how sweet! It kinda reminds me of my own relationship with my sister, to be honest, but hey! Isn't that what the author wants? For people to relate to their characters? Well then I certainly relate with Lucy! I loved reading this one-shot, you portrayed her and Molly very well, it was like as if they were real. Excellent job on this, so keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks! You are certainly right, the author does want readers to relate to their characters and I'm glad you can relate to Lucy. I had a lot of fun writing this and I'm glad you think Lucy and Molly are both portrayed so well. Thank you so much for the lovely review!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Hi :) I'm doing my reviews for my Pureblood Challenge.

I really like this and I'm happy somebody chose to write about Lucy because she can be such an iteresting character but people hardly choose her because she's so minor. I liked that she didn't feel part of her family and had a real hang up and even a fear of her families sucsess and being a failure and I guess disapointing them. You chose to place her in Hufflepuff (which is where I always place her too ; ) ). I think the way you wrote her, questioning herself and where she's destined to go in life fitted Hufflepuff. You went into a little detal about the other members of her family but not in a way that took the focus off Lucy. You wrote in first person well which isn't always easy to do. No grammar stuff as far as I can tell. You also menioned that blood purity doesn't matter to her house and I can never see Hufllepuff's being hung up about it anyway and could see a mixture being sorted into that house.

I would of liked to of seen maybe more info on what blood status means in the next gen era and what it means to Hogwarts but not too much to make you go off point and lose Lucy's thread if that makes sense.

As I said I really liked this and thought you did really well at writing a Pureblood character and writing a family Weasley piece. Well done! You'll hear off me soon through blog and PM if you get 1st, 2nd, 3rd prize or a special mention. Thank you for entering and I enjoyed reading :D x

Author's Response: Hi! I am glad you liked this. I never really thought I'd ever write Lucy but because I paired the phobia challenge with this and needed a pureblood, she seemed like the best option. I did place her in Hufflepuff basically because of her fear of failure, it seemed more fitting. It was either that or Slytherin. She doesn't really feel like a part of her family and spends a lot of time wishing she could be more like them. Talking about her cousins, I had to stop myself after so many, and chose to stick with the ones older than her or the same age, not wanting to completely lose focus of her and ramble too much about them.

I'm glad you thought the first person was written well. It's mainly what I write, so it's good to know I do it well. And I like it because I really enjoy getting into a character's head; I feel like I don't achieve that so much when writing in third person.

I am sorry I did not include more about blood purity. I realize now that that should have been included, I kind of wrapped up in the phobia part of this story. But I think Lucy's character has more pressing things to worry about and doesn't see blood purity as an issue or even bother with those who see differently than her. I don't really see her as being someone to advocate equality even though she has nothing against it. She's sort of too wrapped up in herself for that... and now I'm making her seem pretty self-centered...

Again, I am so glad you liked this and enjoyed the minor Weasley character who doesn't fit in with the rest. Really, this pieced did not turn out anything like I originally planned, but I do like it and think it turned out better than planned, or else you would have been reading an overly emo whiny character, and by 'whiny' i mean whinier than she already is.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I can't wait to see the results!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Hey, Astoria Viana here :)

So first off I'm a wannabe actress in training right now so I just loved this story by default :)

I will say I've seen allot of fics that have Lucy as an artist type but usually as a visual one or literary so this definitely separated itself from the masses. You also did a wonderful job putting so much character into Lucy within the framework of a one-shot, especially as we know next to nothing about her in terms of canon.

Speaking of characterizations I simply adored the descriptions of her cousins/siblings. Also of her father, I always get a little mixed up in terms of next gen family tree type things but I was able to figure out she was talking about Percy without even having to google who her parents were. I know, shameful, I sometimes have to resort to google for HP facts, I swear I try to remember everything but honestly, my brain is complete rubbish at memorization. But I digress.

Anyway, I really liked this allot, I think the beginning was a tad slow but it fit well with the story so i wouldn't change it. I also have to say, you have so much room for a sequel! i want to learn about Lucy and the Dramatic Arts School!

The only thing I would comment on is that since we only know Molly from Lucy's descriptions it might work to have another, maybe smaller conversation earlier in the story between the two that's less heartfelt. That way there's more groundwork for Lucy to be shocked and disbelieving at first of Molly's turn-around. Still it isn't really necessary, just a thought :)

Overall though I really loved this! I really do hope you write a sequel too :)
~Ria

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you think this story isn't so much like the other Lucy stories. I personally have never read Lucy before (that I can remember, anyway). I really like that about the next-gen, too, because I don't really read it that often so I am able to create my own next-gen without influence from other stories. And thanks! Lucy certainly does have a lot of character. She became so angsty so quickly, when I was originally going for something more pathetic and whiny, but I ended up sticking with the angst and letting it fly.

Ha, I'm glad you like my descriptions of her cousins, it was one of the first bits I'd written when working on this and I really enjoyed it, you know, writing the envious non-perfect character who wishes she was like her other, more attractive and awesome cousins. And I'm glad it was easy to pick up that her father is Percy. That is probably the closest I will ever get to writing him, he's way too uptight for me.

I can see how the beginning might be slow. But I think it's picks up quickly. Honestly, though, I figured people would find Lucy super annoying, but I'm glad they don't. That would be interesting, to have a less heartfelt conversation between Lucy and Molly. I don't know how I would fit that in, possibly in a flashback, but then it sort of overrides with quotes from her in Lucy's monologue.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you picked this story to r/r. A sequel though? I don't know. Not being a actress or even an actress in training, I don't really know anything about dramatic arts. So that would make it difficult. I don't know. Maybe a one-shot in the distant future, but I can't make any promises because I've got way too many other things I want to write right now that I've been mucho procrastinating on.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Wow, really liked that :)
I really felt as though you put a different spin on Lucy from other FF I've read and I thought it was really good!

Author's Response: Thanks! I've never read any Lucy fics before (that I know of). I've gotten into reading some next-gen fanfiction but not much. I think it allows me to come up with my own characters rather than taking on a mix of personalities other people have given them.

I'm glad you liked the story and thank you for taking the time to read and review!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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I'm really offended, you know. :P

Somehow, this story is so like what I happened to me last year. I had to deal with my younger sister that she thought she was just a failure and will never make my Dad proud of her. Well, my Dad isn't really like Bill (Lucy's father is Bill Weasley, right?), but he did think that my sister could be as good as I did at school. I don't mean to brag, but Molly and I are so alike. It took me a few months to build up my sister's courage. She's now top in class, like I always knew she would be. I had a good laugh when I read this story, though I'm not sure why laughed.

But, I don't blame you. You didn't know that someone will experienced this. And I think, you did a great job of making this story. It's so realistic but not boring.

I like it, a lot.
Sophie ;)

Author's Response: Ha, wow. I guess I'm not really surprised that someone has lived through this, through either character. I'm the oldest so I never actually had this experience, although my mom was always telling me I could do better, or if I did well, I should keep it up and so on. At least, like Molly, you faced the issue and took it upon yourself to help your younger sister. I'm sure it meant a lot to her.

Lucy's dad is actually Percy, though, just so you know. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and that you laughed, even if you don't know why you laughed. And because you've been through this sort of thing, I'm especially happy you thought it was realistic. And I'm super glad you did not think it was boring, lol.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Okay, after trouble logging in... here I am! Woho! With a random review...

This is my first time reading any of Percy's daughters... hell, it's not even my tenth time reading Nex Gen I think. So I can't really compare Lucy & Molly - though I think they're quite underloved - to Lucys & Mollys of other authors. How many people do write Nex Gen these days but forget them? I don't know... don't ask me.

The story! I'm getting used to >3000 words one shots! I think that's good... :3 This was perfect lengeth... that is not a word, who cares? I don't. No one should care! At all. I'm sidetracking... again. Bad me!

So! The story! Wanna bet after 100 more words I'm still not talking about the story? See! Again! Ahum. The story... As I said, I'm not so keen (I never said that..) on Next Generation. I don't have the connection with it as most people have with it, so I'm always hesistant about it. But! You talked me into it and the banner was lovely so I read it.

It was a nice read. Stream of conciousness is always fun to read since it makes one connect to a character. I love connecting to a character. It makes me feel so.. INVOLVED. If you know imagine me saying this with wide arm movements, you're right. ^^ I want to hug Lucy - if I got the character wrong this is such a fail - and tell her dad that he should shut up since he's not perfect either! (Okay I think Percy is perfect... odd). ((Don't tell him I said this)).

The break off of the SoC was a bit weird though. You suddenly brought Molly in and whilst this is probably a very big thing in the whole story it seemed so weird. So... SUDDEN. I have this rather dislike for people who snap other people out of their thoughts because the writer needs to go back to dialogue - I'm guilty of this myself... but ej! Hehe...

What else to say? I don't know. I liked it. It was a nice Next Gen - this sounds like a lousy review. I'm tired, forgive me. You shouldn't take this as if I mean that this was the average Next Gen cause it totally wasn't, darling! No worries! Still love me?? Still think I'm awesome?? Good! Yay! Ahum. I'm distracted by food waiting for me!

This is worth a looovely 8.8/10 (I have something with .8...). :D

xOSB who thinks this is a stupid review.

Author's Response: How in the world am I supposed to respond to this...

Well, this is the first time I've ever written Percy's daughters, which was weird in itself because a couple months ago I never would have considered it. And I was kind of iffy about Next-Gen too, and I've only read some here and there. Probably more than you have though. Not to mention I've had an ongoing next-gen story for a about two years now. A lot of people are writing next-gen though, it's become like half of HPFF, just so you know.

I'm glad you like the length. There was too much Lucy had to say for there to be any less words. And I didn't want it to be super long since it's mostly just stream of consciousness. And I'm glad you liked the SoC, because I really like writing it. Although I'm sorry the switch to the conversation was weird for you. I didn't really think of that when I wrote it, but I didn't want it to be JUST her inner monologuing with herself angrily. I wanted there to be some sort of solace at the end for her. And she's very envious of Molly so I figured that putting in that scene would be nice.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story and that you decided to branch out and read another iffy next-gen, haha. And don't worry, I still love you and think you are awesome.

Thank you so much for the super long and random review!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Awesome! You did a great job to really get her personality across so quickly, it felt real and was a sweet ending.

Author's Response: Thank you! Lucy certainly does have a lot of personality. I'm really glad you liked it and thanks for the review!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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I have read all 7 books several times each and I think that J.K. Rowling herself would approve. I certainly hope you post more books

Author's Response: Books? Not quite sure what you mean there. This is just a one-shot. But thank you so much for the review. I really don't dwell much on what J.K. would think, I honestly can't even begin to imagine. But thanks again!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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