Reading Reviews for Through Dust and Lies
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie The Ministry

22nd March 2012:
Here with your 3/3 reviews for the Unquiet Mind challenge!

I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I think that where you're taking the story is interesting, but I feel like you really rushed through a lot of this. There were a lot of things that happened in the chapter, and I wished that you'd slowed down a bit. In particular, the scene with his grandmother felt like it could have been slowed down a bit, and the scene in the Ministry could have used a lot more detail. I was also a bit confused about how easy it seemed to be for him to find a job when it sounded like he'd been trying in the past and hadn't been successful.

Part of the issue for me was also the very abrupt changes in mood. At first, Teddy was unhappy and avoiding everyone. Then suddenly he was job hunting and seemed to be in pretty decent spirits, all things considering. I wanted more detail, more explanation of how he got from point A to point B.

That's not to say that I don't like what you've done with the overarching plot, because I do! I was afraid that you would just have Teddy stuck in the rut forever, but I think that you've picked an absolutely appropriate amount of time to start to move him out of it. If you continue this, I'm sure you won't make everything all better immediately, but I do think that many more chapters of him just moping around his house would have gotten a little dull.

I also think that the fascination he has with time turners and the Department of Mysteries is something you can definitely use to explain how he starts to move out of his own head. That can make a huge difference when nagging and good intentions from the people around you can.

On the whole, another interesting chapter. :) Good job!

Author's Response: I'm so sorry that I hadn't responded to this sooner. I know it's been over a year and all but I honestly don't know why it took me so long to respond.

Looking back at it now I realise how true everything you've said is. Obviously, I need to do some serious work on this chapter- I think I got stuck in too much of a rut and it just wasn't working out for me.

Thank you so much for this review and again I'm so sorry for not responding sooner!

x Ely

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Review #2, by Beeezie Dinner

22nd March 2012:
Here with your 2/3 reviews for the Unquiet Mind challenge!

There was a lot more dialogue in this chapter, so the issues with formatting and punctuation bothered me a lot more than they did in chapter 1. I really do think it would be worth checking out the article in "Grammar Guidelines" and going through to fix - it probably wouldn't take very long, and I think it would really help the flow.

Again, my major problem other than that are with some of the details, which didn't really seem to make sense. For one thing, in chapter 1 you say that Teddy and Victoire have been going out for two months, but here, Harry, Ginny, Bill, and Fleur have just found out. For two people who are essentially adults, that seemed odd to me. It's the summer, so they would have had to actively be keeping it a secret, which seems odd.

Another example is that Fleur has retained her thick accent - she moved to England when she was still a young adult. After twenty years, it realistically would have become much less strong. Moreover, I found it hard to believe that Victoire picked it up. It just doesn't tend to work like that - maybe mannerisms, or a few quirks, but if Victoire grew up in England, she wouldn't have a full-on French accent, you know?

Other than those little things, though, I thought that this was a good chapter. I think that you conveyed Teddy's problems and insecurities well - I thought that there was a bit too much loaded into the last part of the chapter and would have liked to see that expanded a bit, but other than that, you captured his emotional state well, and I definitely felt a lot of sympathy for him.

I think we've all kind of been in that situation - where we feel insecure and unsure of ourselves and like nothing we do is right. I particularly liked the touch where he was just avoiding all the letters - again, I think that's something that most people have done when they felt overwhelmed, and it was an excellent touch to the chapter. :)

Author's Response: I'm so sorry I haven't had the chance to respond to this until now- I told myself I would answer this ages ago but everytime I sat down I'd get distracted or things would suddenly get busy again. Anyway!

Thank you for pointing out those grammatical errors- I'm not entirely sure what planet I was on while writing this but I'll be sure to fix them up as soon as I possibly can.

I seem to have gotten some of the details mixed up a little as you've pointed on. I do plan on re-doing this chapter to iron all those problems out and I completely owe it to you for picking those out. Hopefully with a fresh mind I can fix everything up!

I understand what you mean with Teddy's problems and insecurities, I'll definitely do some work on that to spread them throughout the chapter a little more evenly.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the whole letter avoiding moment, I was a little unsure about it myself so it's really lovely to hear that you liked it!

Thank you for the amazing review and so sorry again for not getting to it until now!

x Ely

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Review #3, by Beeezie Nowhere

22nd March 2012:
Hey! I'm finally here with your 1/3 reviews for the Unquiet Mind challenge!

I'm sorry again about the horrendous delay… but I'm here now.

On the whole, I liked this chapter and I'm interested to read on. You made some very interesting choices in how you characterised Teddy; I've often found that he's either written as functional and well-adjusted or just not a very good person at all, and I thought that you did an excellent job of showing someone who's just plain struggling with life.

Where I thought that you struggled a bit was in some of the little things. Your dialogue typically wasn't formatted correctly, which for me, at least, does tend to detract from a story. There's a great article about dialogue over in the Grammar Guidelines section of the forum that I highly recommend checking out to brush up on some of the rules.

I also felt like sometimes the details could have used a little work. For example, you refer to arthritis as a "muggle disease" - I feel like you'd be better off just not identifying it at all (you could just say that she'd been having problems doing simple chores or was having pain in her wrists) or referring to it just as a disease, you know? "Muggle disease" just felt a little odd to me in the context of something as common as arthritis - kind of like calling migraines a "muggle disease." Does that make sense?

On the whole, though, I thought that you had an interesting interpretation of Teddy and his life, and I think that the troubles you portray him as having are completely realistic, especially for someone in his situation. The way he dreads Ginny's lecture and the way he tries to look pulled together in particular are spot on for someone struggling with life as much as he seems to be.

Nice job!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to your reviews, I've been crazy busy with school and just real life but I promised myself that I'd sit down this weekend and reply while I have the time.

I was honestly really worried about my version of Teddy, I'd never read Next Gen especially with Teddy in beforehand because I didn't want it to crowd my judgement so hearing you say that, or rather seeing, makes my day.

Since you reviewed this, I have actually found myself a beta for this story and have sent the first chapter off to them so I shall have that fixed up shortly.

Yes, that completely makes sense and now that I think about it I see where you are going with that. So thank you for pointing that out!

I'm so glad that you like my Teddy, it honestly makes me feel more confident about him.

Thank you!

x Ely

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Review #4, by Keziah The Ministry

30th January 2012:
I am getting super excited for the time travel!! And I love how Teddy acts around people, he is just so calm and nice!

Author's Response: It is coming up very soon, I promise that Kezzie. He is very unlike some people I know *cough* Thank you for reviewing!

x Ely

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Review #5, by CloakAuror9 Dinner

24th January 2012:
Hello there!

Hold you're deathly glares right there! I know, I took ages to get this review across but things needed to be sorted out...y'know? Okay, maybe not.

Anyhoo, great chapter! I though it was written exceptionally well. I particularly like the way you the words were spread out evenly. It wasn't one of those with chunk after chunk of words that make it so hard for me to read or those ones that go a sentence per paragraph (seriously!)

You capture Teddy's character here very well. I like the bit how he wishes he had parents to fuss and what-nots all over him. Even having Harry Potter as your godfather does have its disadvantages. Also, I don't know why but Ginny came across as snobby to me here. You might want to fix that if you don't actually want that effect. She seems mean...but she's naturally scary any way.

Overall, love the chapter! Keep the story going! Me and my reviews *cough* even though they might come a little but late *cough* no matter what! 9/10

Gotta Dash,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Hello!

No don't be silly, this review really isn't late- I'm still actually waiting for a review from the creator of the challenge and I asked her back in December!

I'm veryb obsessive over the layout of my chapters, they have to be spaced a certain way otherwise I get annoyed with myself so I'm glad you like it :)

I haven't actually written Ginny as an adult before so I wasn't really sure how to write her, I tried my best but I'll definitely take your words into consideration.

Thank you so much! I honestly adore your reviews even if you think they are 'late'. Thank you again!

x Ely

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Review #6, by Kezzie Dinner

24th January 2012:
Love, as usual, but bring on the TIMETRAVEL!!! ;D xx Kez.

Author's Response: Thank you Kezzie! The time travel shall begin soon!

x Ely

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Review #7, by iamapoet Dinner

16th January 2012:
At this moment, I coud strangle Teddy for being such a fricking boy! In the next chapter, have him answer her owls! Otherwise, great story!

Author's Response: Haha, you shall have to wait and see what Teddy does :3 Thank you for the review anyway.

x Ely

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Review #8, by Keisha Nowhere

29th December 2011:
That was seriously great. I hadn't given Teddy all that much thought, but this really opens him up. I loved it, but in a much calmer way than usual, perhaps a more 'Teddy' way than normal! :P

Author's Response: Aw thank you. Your review is so lovely and I'm glad you like the story!

x Ely

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Review #9, by CloakAuror9 Nowhere

27th December 2011:
Hey there!

First off all, you'd want to know that I'm a very big fan of NextGen and requesting this story is just like winning the lotto since I rarely get them.

The characterisation was nicely done and I was partly shocked that you didn't mention his hair but I considered it as a good thing since it kind of made your story unique.

The description was great. I like the way you made Andromeda have arthritis. It just goes to show that Wizards are still humans and can get sick -a thought that most authors forget.

Overall, I really liked it. I think the pace is very steady and the plot is very good. I really can't wait to see the next chapter.

Ta-ta for now,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Oooh, what a lucky guess on my part then!

I thought that most of the people who would read my story, would know that Teddy's hair was blue therefore I didn't bother to mention it.

My best friend in the whole world has arthritis, therefore it's like a dedication for her.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and I'll definitely be re-requesting when the next chapter is up!

x Ely

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Review #10, by TenthWeasley Nowhere

25th December 2011:
Ely! This is a somewhat delayed review, and I must humbly apologize, but I am getting to it now and that's what truly matters. Right? (And before I forget -- thank you so much for the shout-out. It made me feel literally warm inside! ♥)

This fic has really, really made me want to read more about Teddy Lupin, and that's not something I can say about a lot of stories that I read, especially ones that feature next-generation characters. I love the way you've characterized him, and I feel it's probably very accurate to how someone would feel. I love the fact that Andromeda is still so focused on Remus and Tonks, and that Teddy is too -- it's a sad detail, but a very realistic and emotional one, and such a small thing really set the tone for your first chapter. I am duly impressed! :) There's such a family attitude here, what with Teddy caring for his grandmother, and going so often to see Harry and Ginny, that I just genuinely enjoy.

I'm really excited to see how you write the dinner between Teddy and his godparents, as well, because I've never seen you write Harry before! I'm really interested to see their take on the whole Teddy/Victoire pairing, as well, because in the books the only real perspective we ever get on that is Lily's. And the views of a ten-year-old girl don't necessarily match up with those of her parents. :P I hope you update really, really soon!

Great first chapter, Ely -- seriously! I'll be watching for when you post the next chapter, and as I've said, I hope it's soon, although I know you've got a lot of projects under your belt (which is so admirable -- I can't handle more than two!). And while I'm at it, once again, I adore your banner! Fantastic work, and I hope to see it popping back up before too long!

Author's Response: Rach! *blushes* I take slight reasoning for that right? I'm sorry, but it's fun to distract people even if it means waiting longer for lovely reviews such as this one! You are so amazing that I feel if I do not give you shout-outs then it's just not fair at all :3

I understand completely what you are saying, I'm not really a big Next Gen fan either so I'm so very glad you enjoyed this! You are making me blush so bad with all your kind words, I owe you so much!

I have never written Harry before, so I'm a little nervous that I'm going to mess it up but hopefully with the help of some lovely people, it'll turn out okay. *crosses fingers* One can hope, Right? I'll try and update as soon as I possibly can (Hopefully before I go away)

Your reviews always make my day Rach, honestly, and for you I will try and get my next chapter up very soon indeed! THANK YOU SO MUCH! *huggles*

x Ely

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Review #11, by KatnissMalfoy Nowhere

24th December 2011:
I really like this (I'm in the time travel contest too). Your descriptions are good, especially of Andromeda and how Teddy wants to look good for Victoire. I really don't enjoy NextGen but this is a pleasant surprise! I can't wait to see how he travels and where :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm in the exact same boat as you, I'm not a big Next Gen fan at all :/ Thank you so much for the lovely review!

x Ely

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