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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Anonymous Firsts and Foremost

23rd October 2014:
La chanteuse not le chanteur because she's a girl.

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Review #2, by BeaJerry An Introduction of Ordinary Proportions

18th February 2012:
LOVE THIS.
I've always wondered this; do wizards and witches have religions? You mentioned how she was devoted to the Church, and as she's Italian I'm assuming she's a Catholic, and isn't magic and witchcraft banned- isn't it seen as the devil's work?
Anyway, there's probably an explanation behind that.
Update soon!
Bea xoxo

Author's Response: Hiya BeaJerry!

I'm glad this struck your interest! I think wizards and witches have religion. I think it's cultural, obviously why I chose Italy. My other option was Spain, but I'm a hint Italian so I went there. I cannot say how much I will dive in the divide between devil's work and magic, but I will touch upon the subjust of belief, etc. ;)

I'm shooting for an update by mid-March. Let's cross our fingers shall we haha.

Thanks for the review, made me smile~
--NRB


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Review #3, by GracelesslyFalling An Introduction of Ordinary Proportions

8th January 2012:
I really love the way this is written, it flows wonderfully and seems so refreshingly different to the stuff that I normally read.

"In a world filled with moments, moments crossing generations or lapsing only milliseconds, the only occasions worth recognizing are the ones filled with new experiences, where love and loss intermingle, when a person's excellence shines brighter than any sun."

-This is perhaps my most favourite part of this chapter, it's really beautiful! Obviously from what I can get from this chapter Marianna seems like an extremely interesting character, and I'm looking forward to seeing her and the story develop!

Update soon!!
-Izzyxxx

Author's Response: Hi Izzy!

Thanks so much for the review :) I'm glad you loved the writing for this piece! I can't wait for the story to develop and I hope you keep a look out for the next chapter coming beginning of March.

Much appreciation,
--NRB


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Review #4, by Cirque Du Freak An Introduction of Ordinary Proportions

23rd December 2011:
Hello! :D

So far I REALLY like this! I think it was such a good idea and even if it is a little cliche its impossibly interesting, because it avoids the usual American transfer and it seems like you're staying true to the culture and country so far!

I love the fact that you fit politics into this in an interesting way, because I loathe it and even though this story isn't focusing on it is a nice factor to have!

I really liked the style and the language of everything - its easy to read and flows brilliantly. Your use of vocabulary, I think, was superbly chosen and it wasn't over simplistic or overbearingly! :D

I think you did really well in the length of this and keeping it interesting at the same time! I find that some writing can be really overwhelming when they don't have dialogue and its just heaps of description, but I didn't feel that way when reading this!

There were just a couple of things that caught my eye - they were very minor :

"and her devotion to the Church. While the [later] was beginning to wane" -- I think this was supposed to be "latter".

"her mother, two sisters, and [houseelves] were all in a planning fervor" -- and for this one just a missing space.
However, I also found that sentence a tad bit long, so if you split it up I think it would be easier to read. :)

"Yet little did her mom know that Marianna's padre" -- I think this is just me, personally, but I think "mom" really sticks out and is a bit too much of an Americanism - however, its your prerogative here, because it probably is just me. (':

I also think that the third to last paragraph "During that time, besides mastering the dimensions of the plate settings..." is a tad too long - I suggest splitting it here: "bound to show up this evening[,] along with the occasional stray thought".


Other than that I really enjoyed reading this and because we don't know very much at this point its definitely enticing and I can't wait to see what other things you'll unfold in your story! :)

I find Marianna's character something I can relate to, because I used to (and am still, sometimes) like that myself and it is really my true nature. When I compare myself to other parts of my family I find that I'm very different from them and even though its a little bit cliche-esque to have the one person standing abnormally out from the family, it's so true!

I particularly like the simplicity of her object and how you've explained her relationship with her family in only a few short sentences and it gives us an idea of what they could be like and what they could become throughout the story.

Really cannot wait for the next chapter!

xxx

Author's Response: Hi Cirque!

I'm so sad this is the last review, because your reviews are so AMAZING~

So I didn't even realize how much dialogue there wasn't until you said so haha! No worries, almost of all the next chapters I have planned will have dialogue. Marianna loves language, even if she's terrible at getting anything across ;)

Hopefully, I've fixed all those points you mentioned. I tried to capture Italy the best I could with padre and madre. So I went back a corrected those flubs.

I'm glad you found this story to be so interesting. I'm pretty afraid of the responses I'm going to get because it does tackle some religious, political, racial, and other sensitive themes (no preggos though). So hopefully you will continue to enjoy the story and relate to Marianna. The cliche is being used as are some other ones, but meh they are the least of my concern for this story haha. (I stand out in my family as a black sheep too :P)

I hope to churn out this next chapter by the end of the month, so I'll keep you posted ;)

THANKS SO MUCH!

hugs & squishes,
--Ellie


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