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Review #1, by Rae Simmons Death or other options

9th January 2012:
Ooh, very nice. I quite like the idea of it, though I don't think you need quite so much space between the lines. If possible I would suggest using a different word processor or at least trying to edit them out before posting. In current form it's a bit like listening to someone with a speech impediment, it draws away from the impact of the story.

I also think your writing would be so much more powerful with a little more "Show" and a little less "Tell". One of the best things about Harry Potter is the wealth of description which allows a reader through willing suspension of disbelief to emerge themselves into the fantastical world of magic. This is not to say that more words is always better. A writer always needs to be conscious of timing; by which I mean to say that if things are happening in the story at a rapid pace then the sentence structure should be short and choppy to display it to full effect. Contrariwise, if your character is taking time to smell the roses then likewise your reader should be able to smell them too.

I know perhaps you don't need my shining words of wisdom *Ahem* I'm sorry for being a little... Well, never the less I am quite excited for this, and I am sure you'll do a marvellous job all by yourself. Not to say I would not be more than willing to help... Oh dear, I'm surely being presumptuous. I'll just sit patiently by and wait for the next chapter. So sorry.

Yours truly,
Rae Simmons

PS I hope I didn't just have a "tl;dr" moment. Alas!

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