So, let me be honest here. I chose this story partly because it sounded amusing, and because I've read one of your stories before, I know you can write amusing well, and I felt the need to be amused, but mostly because of its small word count. Is that a terrible reason to read a story? Probably, but it's the truth.
Is it weird that Voldemort reminds me of the Grinch from Dr Seuss' The Grinch Who Stole Christmas? He just seems to be a more intense and eviller version! And not green and hairy.
Oh, God. It got better. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in that particular flat! And Voldemort's Secret Santa is the White Witch? I predict snow with a chance of romance for the Christmas season!
So this is what defeated villains do once they hit retirement. Search for Secret Santa presents and scare unsuspecting children in toy stores. It's not a bad life, considering the alternatives put forward in their stories.
I really hope Voldemort is a hipster. I reckon he would make an awesome hipster. I can imagine him carrying off wearing a Christmas sweater in ironic hipster style.
As far as evil sorcerers go, I reckon Saruman's eviller, so it is rather fitting that he gets to share the flat with Vader. And have you noticed that all evil people talk in really epic ways? Why is that? Why can't they talk like normal people?
I've always thought that Rita Skeeter was Satan's spawn, so I think it rather fitting that she is his publicist. I couldn't imagine anyone better for the job. I mean, you'd need someone even more evil than Voldemort to sell Voldemort, and Rita Skeeter fits the bill well.
Ooh! Low blow with Justinian Beaverton! As far as parodies go, I would've thought a nineties band with a comeback Christmas single would have been more ol' Voldy's speed, but I guess Justinian would work well. After all, even I have Justin Bieber's Christmas single! And I'm finding it weird that Justinian's behaviour is reminding me of Keith Richards...
As far as the Christmas presents go, my favourite was the one that Ron gave. Merry Christmas, indeed!
I wanted to be amused, and I am so happy that I was. It's February, but now I'm feeling the Christmas cheer again! Such a lovely read!Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a thourough review!
Yeah I can totally see the Voldy/Grinch parallels, and I don't think its much of a stretch to assume that Voldy hates Christmas too.
Hmm I've never seen Voldy/White Witch a ship before, but
I think they have some potential, although it may be a bit stormy haha.
I think a villain talking in normal terms just wouldn't have the same effect, I mean picture if the Emperor was like "Yo Anakin, it would be cool if you joined the dark side dog"
I hated Skeeter just as much as you do, and I think she would be all too willing to take this job.
I just thought it would be funny to have "Justinian" acting completley different form his public image, and also the mental image of him and Voldy together just seemed way too funny in my head.
Thanks again! Report Review
Honestly, this is the most hilarious story I've read in quite some time!
Voldemort is a HIPSTER! :D :D :D It's probably going to take me about a week to stop laughing with that one!
Why can't you give him a break, though? It was Christmas after all! :)Author's Response: Thanks again! And alas, poor Voldy can never catch a break. Report Review
I love these voldy stories!!! PLEASE MAKE MORE!!!Author's Response: Thanks, I'll try! Report Review
Hello, I will finally shut up after this last one, at least it inflates your review numbers.
There were so many classic moments in this one. I love love love the idea of Hipster Voldemort - he should exist IRL, that'd be amazing, wouldn't it? - and the fallen villain secret Santa, and, of course, the terrible rapping... and especially the Golden Trio. You've actually made me go Team Voldy on this one. That was just mean, Potter-Weasley clan, honestly.
Anyway, I will stop being such an annoying fanboy/fangirl now, and tell you one last time that I love your writing. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot once again!
This series was a lot of fun to write and it means a lot when people enjoy it. Hopefully I should have some more soon! Report Review
As always, I can't get enough of these Voldemort fics of yours! Seeing him at Christmas was totally epic! And I loved how he associates with all the fallen villains of fiction- it's like they have their own group or club or something. They probably all think that they're the best villains, though.
I had to keep myself from laughing when I saw who the young pop star was! Brilliant! And the whole Christmas song sounded cheesy to begin with, but I would probably watch the music video just to see Voldemort in that Santa suit and sing those lyrics!
For a moment at the end, I though the Golden Trio really would be nice to Voldemort. After all, they won. But their presents were all appropriate. I'd have to say Ron's gift to Voldemort was the best! Okay, not for poor Voldemort, but it was satisfying to me, imagining what will happen soon after the end of the story. Overall, great read! I hope you write more eventually!Author's Response: Thanks for another great review!
Even Voldemort can't resist the Bieber fever, and at this point he pretty much has no shame left and will do anything for money.
As much as the golden trio would like to spread some christmas cheer, they could not resist the urge to get some kicks in while Voldy is down.
Thanks again! Report Review
I know it's the wrong season, but this is so great any time of the year! Especially with Darth Vader as his flatmate. Only you, Cassius Alcinder... only you can pull this off.
From the little toy trains to the action figures, to the stuffed lion, I was really into this. Oh, the irony, indeed. Anakin's dialogue was scarily spot on, and Voldemort's replacement was priceless!
"Although I may not have a nose..." *cough* And you made him happy for just a little while too!
Brilliance, my friend. Utter, sparkly, glittering brilliance.Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review, I think even Voldy needs some Christmas cheer sometimes! Report Review
OMG, I'm actually crying because of laughing right now...This was so hilarious, I'm at a loss for words.
“Smoke rises from our microwave, the hour grows late, and now, Voldemort comes to our flat, seeking my counsel.”
That was my favourite line, and I'm going to post it in the "favourite quote section" of the forums.
I love the combination of Darth Vader and Voldemort. And, of course, Justinian Beaverton feat. Voldemort. No comment is needed here I think, that's plain brilliant.
Ah, the tears are drying. Thank you for this wonderful story!!!
Love, MirielAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the review and thanks for the shout out in the forums!
I just love picturing all these evil villains together having a secret santa.
Thanks again! Report Review
This. This is comedy gold. I never thought it could get better than reading Voldemort working for minimum wage or Hermione working for a football team, but this.. was brilliant. I love your work, and this was just too funny for words.
Justinian Beverton... I nearly died. Voldemort's rap was hillarious.
I loved the u-no-poo in the apple pie! Such a fantastic way to end this, Brilliant work! Do you think you'll ever write anymore in your Voldemort series?Author's Response: Thanks a lot, glad you enjoyed it!
I actually just wrote another one but it had some validation issues I have to work around, but hopefully it should be back up soon.
I also have a few random ideas floating around in my head, like Voldemort having to take a paternity test in one of the imfamous "voldemort's daughter" stories, or Voldemort getting a job at Wizarding World of Harry Potter, sowe'll just see what develops. Report Review
HAHAHAHA! This is hilarious! And wonderful! I love how sulky Voldemort is in this fic: he kind of reminds me of Lucius Malfoy for some reason. Haha. I love the villian secret santa too: it was hilarious and set the mood for the rest of the story!
I was cracking up during the discussion of pop songs: having some pop star come in and sing, while you rap one short verse and dance around in the background. it's so true, which made it even more hilarious.
Justinian Beaverton??? Hahahahaha :D I love Voldemort's rap: it's so hilarious. I can picture Voldemort attempting the moonwalk perfectly, too: you did an awesome job with the recording portion of this story!
My favorite part was the Christmas gifts from the Trio. I adore the presents you chose from each person: the Harry Potter portrait ties in with Voldemort's upmost embarrassment, being beaten by a baby boy, the book is so Hermione-ish, and the Weasley pie reminds me of bellatrix and Molly's scene in DH.
Overall, amazing! 10/10Author's Response: Glad to hear you liked it! And I think Voly and Lucius can definetely relate now.
I totally agree about pop music, its just so formulaic! Glad you enjoyed the lyrics.
The Christmas gifts were relaly fun to come up with, and it felt like sucha perfect way to end the series. Thanks a lot for the review!!! Report Review
Hi! review tag :D
First of all, I love your characterization of Voldemort - the perfect, sulky ex-Dark Lord. I also loved the interjection from all the other dark lords (especially Saruman and the fact that the White Witch was getting a lion for Christmas :P). The style of writing is very matter-of-factly, which works perfectly with the humor. I felt like the ending was kind of out of place- like I would've like to see a reprisal from his flat-mates or that he had been able to make enough to get a new flat mate - something that could connect the other events in the story together. Besides that, I thoroughly enjoyed that and found it really funny! Great job ^_^Author's Response: Glad to hear you enjoyed the concept! So I know I wrote that you can read them in any order, but I think the ending makes more sense if you've read the other stories. One of the recurring themes of the series is Harry always turning up to mock Voldemort. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Yay! I get to finish out the series :)
I love that Voldemort bought the White Witch a lion. That's hilarious, and it's an awesome parallel to him seeing Harry Potter effigies everywhere. Nice attention to detail!
Poor Voldemort, getting replaced with Saruman! That's the ultimate betrayal. And ugh, thank you for making fun of Justin Bieber. He's probably my least favorite thing about the world today... well, second least favorite. (We won't get into politics, haha.)
This ending was clearly the best, and that's why I'm glad that I read these "in order". I LOVE the gifts you selected for the Golden Trio. They matched each character's personality perfectly, and I'm pretty sure that closing line of Ron's may go down in history with Molly Weasley's best canon moment.
Excellent! Thoroughly enjoyable, as always :) I look forward to seeing what you produce next in the humor genre!
AmandaAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot Amanda!
I cracked myself up picturing the group of evil villains having their own secret santa, so I had to translate that to the story somehow.
I'm glad we agree about Justin Bieber, when it comes to things in pop culture that annoy me, he's a close 3rd after twilight and the kardashians.
Also glad you enjoyed the scene with the presents, and I love how the Weasleys are the nicest people until you put their family in danger, and then they smite you.
There's at least one more of these in the works, and I'm currently working on a pretty epic Dramione parody.
James Report Review
*Dies laughing*. Oh wow! I can't even explain how much I love this! I am so, SO glad I got you in the review tag! I picked this one-shot because it had less reviews than some of your other work, and I'm really glad I did! I'm definitely going to have to read some more of your work now! This is just so, utterly hilarious... it fits my twisted sense of humor perfectly.
Okay... that's enough gushing. Seriously, the writing on this was flawless. There was a great story-like quality to it, it's like hearing an account of this from a storyteller... except it's written.
I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors, so kudos there, also! This is definitely getting added to my favorites right now! 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad we have similar humor! If ou don't mind a shamless plug, I do have 3 other Voldemort stories very similar to this if you enjoyed this one:)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
LOLOLOLOL that is BRILLIANT! as soon as Saruman came in I just died of laughter. I'm a big lotr fan so I found it especially hilarious. The Harry Potter action figures were a nice touch as well, and the lyrics to the song were just hysterical. Hipster Voldemort was also anouther highlight. Oh gosh, you have created quite the masterpiece! This will be going straight into my favourites :DAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! I'ma big lotr fan too and I'd love to see how voldy and saruman would interact. If you enjoyed this one, I have a few others just like it! Report Review
"Look into my snake- like eyes, and tell me what you want for your Christmas surprise. Although I may not have a nose, I'm full of jolly ho ho ho's. If you don't like it, you can take it to court, because even Santa won't mess with Voldemort!"
Is it bad that after I read that part I burst out laughing and when I stopped I actually rapped it out?
Yeah, I'm pretty embarrassed. Hahaha.
This was wonderful. It actually put me in the christmas spirit and I've been feeling pretty Scroogey lately.Author's Response: Wow you actually rapped it!?! I'd be curious to hear what kind of tune it had, and I defintely pictured it being one of those annoyingly catchy pop songs that you can never get out of your head. Thanks for the review, and I'n glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hahahahahaha you wonderful person, yet another fantastic story. You no poo, that has got to be the best part in my opinion. If there's a Dobby for comedy, you have my vote. 10/10. Will there be another? I ask in a groveling manner and beg pathetically.
I've just posted (in validation) my first ever attempt at comedy. It would be great if a master like yourself could look at it (when it's cleared) and give me an honest review on it.Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review, and I'll definetely check your story out! Report Review
Justinian Beaverton! REALLY!? Haha! Please tell you're writing another one! I also liked all the different ways Darth Vadar used to tell Voldy that he was being kicked out!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing, this was definetely a fun one to write! I'm sure there will be more at some point, once I get some more ideas! Report Review
My favourite lines:
'I still got it, Voldemort proudly grinned to himself.'
'Voldemort, I'd like you to meet Justinian Beaverton.' Voldemort looked on in shock as a teenage boy with the type of obnoxious bowl cut hairstyle that first appeared in the 1960's.'
'Alright, Rita baby, let's get this over with.'
The whole of the music video part made me laugh. I love the terrible lyrics xD I keep picturing Voldemort in a red santa suit giving the camera a cheesy smile next to justinian beaverton... :D
Haha. These Voldemort stories make my day a whole lot better :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! i definetely pictured Voldemort trying to grasp at any little bit of pride he could find.
I was cracking up while writing the music video scene and I'm glad you liked it too! Report Review
These stories never fail to make me laugh. Absolutely brilliant - especially the gift from Ron and the accompanying letter. Poor Voldy, he can never catch a break. I love how you've painted him as this hapless, downtrodden guy who just wants to show the world that he's not /that/ evil, honest. -winning smile-
10/10Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing, I had to throw that twist in at the end, we can't let Voldemort have a happy ending now!
Who knows what he'll try next? Report Review
Hi! You're tagged!!
Yet another brilliant addition to your Voldemort series!
Vader took Saruman as his next roomate? That would certaintly bring up so many great moments... Also, Justinian Beaverton and Voldermort making a hit Holiday tune? Allow me to lose my earing for the rest of the holiday please!
I absolutly loved it and had a definite laugh when imagining Voldemort eating the Weasley pie filled with U No Poo, that was a stroke of genius.
Great work one again!Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
I picture their christmas song being one of those relaly annoying pop songs that you hear everywhere and can't get out of your head.
I'm glad you liked the pie thing, I can't let him have a happy ending!
Haha, that was great! I really liked that, especially the Weasley's homemade pie :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review, glad you liked it! Report Review
"Hipster Voldemort" made my day... :) Voldemort singing with Justin Bieber made my day again.
:) absolutely wonderful!Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
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