Hello, dear. Thank you for entering my challenge. I'd like to say thank you for trying.
I'd like to point out the first sentence...It says "Oh my GOD" it should be "Gods" if you're going to put "god" anything. Or Godric, Salazar, etc.
I also think this story is a bit too...NON-British. Roxanne sounds very American to me. Even the slang terms you're using are American.
You also never told WHY it was Victoire and Teddy's fault? I don't think readers will really understand that. And why was she so upset about it if she's married? As well as, why does she think she's "stuck" with him?
I also don't think a mother would call her child "a little sucker" :/ It's kind of...mean to the baby, in my opinion.
A good thing is that your grammar is pretty good!
Thank you for entering, love. :) I can't wait to read the next one...Author's Response: Sorry about taking so long to respond to this.
Thank you so much for the feedback... I really needed it.
I see what you mean about the confusing-ness. I didn't really read this chapter over as well as I probably should have, or as objectively. I didn't even think about the whole British/American differences thing :(
I'll try to clear everything up in the next chapter. Or most likely, I'll just re-write this one. But, the point is she's really apprehensive about being the first person of her generation to have a baby (not to mention about the baby itself)... and Weasley males are kind of infamous for their overprotective tendencies.
I don't think I was as clear as I should have been on the relationship between Taylor and Roxy either. They are very much in love, and Roxy does want this baby. Its just, she's just a very spazzy person who's never actually grown up entirely. And now she's going to have to. Report Review
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