Reading Reviews for Shadows of War
  
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Illuminate Prologue: August 2001

7th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the Ravenclaw battle!

This is a really effective prologue! You set up the tone for the story really well and, through not a lot of words, manage to convey a heck of a lot about how the world functions after the end of the war.

You also tell a lot about Astoria's character, even though she's never named specifically. Shows she is caring and patient though helping her sister and joining the Grief Counselling group. You also set up a pretty nice hook for the rest of the story: her falling in love.

Really good prose, nice and poetic and smooth flow. Great job!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm very glad you enjoyed the prologue! I spent a lot of time going through it to make sure that it set the tone for the whole story because I knew if I got people's attention with tone in the prologue, it would pull them into reading more chapters.

I also am glad that I got enough detail in about Astoria's character. I was kind of nervous about not explicitly putting her name in the chapter but I anytime I tried, it sort of ruined the flow I had going. That and I figured if I put enough detail in about her sister and where she stands in society that it would be easy to tell it was Astoria telling the story.

Thanks much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #2, by shadowycorner Prologue: August 2001

6th December 2012:
Aaah, Drastoria! I love them, I really do! So happy I might've found a new story thanks to the holiday swap. This first part was very powerful for being so short. Only thing, in the fourth paragraph, at first you write mom, and then mum. I think you should decide for only one, and my personal advice would be the British alternative since the story's taking place in Britain. :)

I'm guessing Astoria was talking, and her voice was haunting and intriguing and so true, what she's been saying about war and everything. I had shivers reading it. I really liked this part,

You can't walk away from mankind because everything seems to be falling apart. You have to pick yourself up and push on. Find your place and go. Wonderfully summed up.

I am curious. About Daphne. About Astoria helping people. About Astoria and Draco. I'd read the next chapter right now if I could, but I'm dead tired, so I'll have to leave that for next time. The story's going to my favorites, though. :) Wonderful prologue.

Author's Response: I absolutely adore Drastoria. Within the past 2 years or so is when I really got into the pairing and now it's just...it's like the perfect pairing!

And yes! It is definately Astoria talking. I'm glad I worked the chapter in such a way that people could figure it out. I was really nervous about putting the story out there without explicitly saying her name in the first chapter, but I just coudln't get it to work with her name in there. But it seems as though that's alright.

And I absolutely love that line too! It was one of my favorites and really hit home with me when I wrote it.

And my whole intention was definately to get people curious and having them wanting more. I purposely restricted the amount of information I put in the prologue just to get people to come back and be like, what's up with Daphne and whens Draco come in...I feel like some evil genius xD

And thanks for mentioning the mom/mum thing. I try hard to keep with the British alternatives, but I forget easily...

Thanks so much for the review! Much appreciated!
~Grimmerz


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Review #3, by academica Prologue: August 2001

5th December 2012:
Hi there! Here for the Holiday Review Swap!

I like this sort of omniscient-y beginning, and how you tied it into Astoria's perspective there at the end. I think the premise of her meeting Draco in a support group is really unique and believable, and I like how I got a sense of her personal tragedy, with her sister and her struggles with her parents.

Things that I think would make this even better:

--It should be 'by whom,' not 'by who.'

--I would have liked to get a better sense of why those people in town are still fighting. You left it a little broad, like it still needs more flavor.

This is a really great start, nice job!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late response to your review!

I'm glad you like what I have so far. It took some time to craft this prologue and get it to a point where I thought it'd cover everything that happened, or everything to come...whichever way that works.

Thanks for the ideas on how to improve! Will definately fix that first one [I am horrible when it comes to who/whom] and look into the second one...

Thanks for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #4, by classicblack Prologue: August 2001

5th December 2012:
Hello, here from the Holiday Review Swap!

Oh my, this is absolutely lovely. It's so dramatic and firm and paints a beautiful image of the broken Wizarding World after the Second War ended. Also, with the ending lines, you really characterized Astoria nicely and set up what is sure to be a fabulous love story between Draco and Astoria. All in three to four paragraphs you managed to show me that Astoria's family had thrown her out and forced her to care for a mentally-unstable sister (which reminds me a bit of Neville's situation). You also showed that it will be a long and difficult process for Astoria to fall in love with Draco. It definitely made me want to read more.

I'm also looking forward to reading more how exactly everyone is still fighting the war. I'd like to read about how certain characters are dealing with the effects of the war on them. Be sure to elaborate more on that point!

Fantastic prologue!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late response to this review! I've been a bit of a slacker for the past year xD

Anyways, I'm glad this chapter really painted a picture in your head. My entire intention was to get people thinking about war and thinking about how that war affected people. And with that whole thing with Daphne...definiately had Neville's situation in my mind. It's changed up a little bit, as Daphne's is self-inflicted more or less, but still similar.

How characters are dealing with the war is definitely going to come up. It's really a major part of this story and hopefully I'll be able to express that more as the chapters go on.

Thanks so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #5, by TheGoldenKneazle Prologue: August 2001

10th October 2012:
N'aww this is just so sweet already! So sweet, and so deeply emotional and full of feeling already. I love how you've brought this scene about, how it's Astoria before she went through this hinted-at emotional transformation. And it's very, very addictive - I definitely want to come back to this story and read the next chapter!

Your descriptions were just brilliant and I adored them; it really made me feel in touch with Astoria, and made me want to find out more about the world she's living in as she describes the people around her. You've already given her a backstory, an environment, and in so few words - it's just magical, how quickly you've captured the atmosphere for us.

Astoria's characterisation is already so well-fleshed-out; it seems silly that we could get a handle on her so easily already, but you've written her voice as so clear that it just snatches your attention immediately. The way she's recounting her difficult, traumatic memories of how she's helped to heal people; how she's making these painful observations about post-war life that have all this evidence; how she's not delving into pretentious metaphors (not that they're always pretentious but you know what I mean!) but stating it all so simply - you've just laid her out for us so simply and easily that it's impossible not to already love and connect with her :3

So, to summarise: I completely love this already, and you've done absolutely amazingly with so few words! :D
~TGK

Author's Response: Ahhh! You are absolutely amazing. This review makes me smile and makes me just want to dance around every time I read it. Seriously, I’m so happy that you enjoyed the read and it seems as though you caught everything I was trying to put into this first look into Astoria’s mind. I’m totally awed that I wrote something that was so well perceived!

And I think what truly helped me develop Astoria’s character so quickly was the time I set aside before I started writing. I just sat down in front of my computer and closed my eyes. I imagined what sort of pains come from loss and from a war that everyone you know has been hurt by. I took the time to explore what sort of feelings would come from it and then I thought about how one would perceive it. I put that into Astoria, let it flow through my mind and then just went for it.

I will admit, though, I was concerned that the flashes of different people she helped, of her sufferings since the war ended were going to be a bit too much to throw into 500 words but it seems as though it worked out. But it seems to have made her character more real and easier to relate to, in a way. And I’m just…I’m glad it was simple and easy to get into and left you craving more…It really is good to hear!

Thank you so much for the review! It was really lovely and I apologize for being a scatter brain with this response, but really…Thank you so much! I hope to see you back for more chapters! :D

~Grimmerz


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Review #6, by LoopyLemon Prologue: August 2001

9th October 2012:
Ooooh I want to read!!

This was a fantastic prologue. A wonderful taster of the story to come. I know that we are reading from Astoria's point of view even though it is never stated. Being able to know these details without having to be explicitly told is amazing.

I loved the line about her being a traitor. I think it is very fitting that this is who Draco falls in love with.

Please keep writing this, it looks amazing! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so glad you enjoyed this Chapter! I also love that it's evident that Astoria is telling the story without me explicitly writing it. I wasn't sure if that would come across as clearly as it did, which is great! And just.Thanks! This review puts a smile on my face everytime I read it!

~Grimmerz


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Review #7, by LittleWelshGirl99 Chapter 1: November 2000

6th October 2012:
Crikey! This was pretty intense, and god, the moments with Daphne were heart-wrenching. Does she have PTSD? I really want to find out more about her condition, whatever she has, and what caused it. It must be such a terrible for Astoria to have to deal with - a constant reminder of everything the war took away, damaged.

Astoria seems so lost, really, that's the only way I can think of describing her. The fact that she didn't want to have a day off work because she had nowhere else to really go really pulled at me, I felt so awful for her. But Christian seems nice - he evidently cares about Astoria a lot. He seemed like a great co-worker I have to say :)

It was all so well-written and captivating, now I just want to see a little more of the plot snaking in!

This is such a brilliant story, I really hope you keep on with it! You have a real talent :D
~annon

Author's Response: Hello!

I feel like some evil genius sitting here writing this story. I have picked on such a dark topic and have weaved such a mysterious story and everyone seems to be really intrigued by what I have planned to come. And it's great, but it definately feels like I've found some dark secret about writing and getting people absorbed into a story...either that or I'm really tired and really weird. xD

Anyways, Daphne's scenes were hard to write. I myself was getting anxious as much of that scene was plotted and played out in my head before I actually wrote it. So heart-wrenching is definately a good word to describe her moments. And it is sort of like PTSD but it has this twist to it and that should be coming out in the next couple of chapter's here actually so I won't say too much more...

And Astoria...Oh dear, I feel so bad for all this stuff I'm piling on top of her...between her sister's breakdowns and her parents lack of support, I'm just amazed at how her character has changed from the initial view I had of her. She definately is much more grown up than I initially expected her to be when I started writing.

And I think the plot starts making it's move in the next chapter, or at least a big part of it will start being pushed really soon...

Thank you so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #8, by LittleWelshGirl99 Prologue: August 2001

5th October 2012:
Ee I absolutely adore draco/astoria, so I was pretty excited to click on this story, and definitely enjoyed reading it.

This was very much a prologue, and a fab one at that! Lots of setting the scene, and the hint of a real mystery and great stuff to come.

I like stories about the post-war situations, dealing with the aftermath and all that, the scars left behind. They can be quite distressing - and especially that line about Daphne "losing all sense of herself" in St Mungo's seemed to convey this - but also extraordinarily interesting. I like seeing how different authors would interpret it.

Astoria seems interesting - obviously we haven't had much of a chance to get to know her yet, but I like what I've already seen.

A compelling story, I have to say :)

Author's Response: Hello!
I am so glad you enjoyed the prologue. I was concerned, when I first posted it, that it wasn't enough information with how short it was. I also wasn't sure if the mysterious aspect to it would be enough to draw attention but I'm glad I've got something good going.
Thank you so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #9, by Aphoride Chapter 1: November 2000

7th September 2012:
Okay, so it's been a while since I read the first chapter, and gosh, I regret not coming back to this. I really like it. It's just... gah, so good. Seriously. I promise you I'm not lying :P

The emotion is so strong in this. It's strong and powerful and tense and I can't help but feel for both Daphne and Astoria because that must be so horrible for both of them - going through it and watching her sister go through it. You've managed that level of emotion and the topic itself so well, handling it so carefully. There's not too much but not too little either; there's just the right amount and it's so lovely. Heart-wrenching, but lovely.

I loved the little insertion at the top about the rebuilding of Hogwarts and the Ministry. It set the scene really well, describing what had happened before this all sets in and I really liked it. It was just the right length, as well, you didn't try to drag it out or anything. Also, I loved your point about how almost looking past the events and pretending they didn't happen isn't really rebuilding and healing. It was such a poignant point, particularly what with Daphne's situation further on in the chapter. The two bits fitted together very well :)

Astoria. Gosh, I feel so sorry for her, but at the same time, I know she'll be all right in the end, so it's not so bad, I suppose. She's so understandable, despite everything that she's been through - her reluctance to leave her family and her sister is so true to life. It's not that easy to walk away and stay away, and you've really brought that home here.

The one thing I would say is that, while this chapter was fabulous for all the information on Astoria, it's not so big on the plot front. Which is fine because, like I said, it gives so much lovely detail and information about Astoria and because she's not a well known character we kind of need that information, but it's something you might want to bear in mind for future chapters ;)

Mm... loved it. Want more. Write more. Sorry, I feel like this has been a very unhelpful review :P But, seriously, I really like this. Honestly.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry I'm responding to this review a year later! Life has been a little crazy and I keep forgetting I have reviews to reply to...but I'm here...So here we go.

Emotion is my entire goal with this story. I find that a lot of stories that include any mention of the war sort of mute the emotions and make it difficult to understand how hard war really is. They struggle to make the reader feel what it's like to deal with what's left behind after the war. And that's what I'm aiming to change, which seems to be going good so far.

And that insertion at the top was the most empowering thing to write. I was amazed myself at how naturally I was able to write it and how it effectively set the scene. And admittantly, it wasn't initially going to make it into the chapter. It was just me getting in the mode of writing Astoria. And then I read it over and I was like, it sets the scene and it has some strong points that relate to Astoria and Daphne so I'm going to go for it. Which I know was the right choice.

And I noticed that this chapter really didn't really foster much on the plot front, but I feel like it was a necessary chapter. As you said, it gave a great deal of information about Astoria and for me, it really helped flesh out her mind set for me. It helped me get to know her, and how to write her a lot better. But you are right...I'll have to push some more plot in the coming chapters because I could probably write a great number of chapters that really don't go anywhere plot wise...

And this review was totally helpful! The feedback and your perspective on what's going on with Astoria and Daphne tells me that I'm getting my point across. I'm writing and I'm telling people Atoria's story and the reader's are picking up on the key things I want them too.

That and I kind of absolutely adore your reviews! They are so sweet and much apprecited! And I hope to be getting the next chapter of this out soon, like, before the end of this year.

Thanks again for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #10, by Aiedail Prologue: August 2001

4th August 2012:
I absolutely love the fact that the best drasotria's I've come across are intermingled with the war. I can't imagine something that could have shaped two Slytherins more than the war could have, especially considering Draco's role.

There's an idea here that I'm fascinated by outside of your story, too, so I'm going to talk about it: the idea that people are carrying the war inside of them. It's not just that some end up with something like PTSD, it's not just the bad memories, but it's what people are doing in real time because of these memories. There's this whole element of the past and present melding together. And there's also the idea that people react violently to the war: not literal violence, but rather, they continue to embody stereotypes, and to have prejudices, because their lives or their parents' lives were torn apart. It's so strange, that we're willing to forgo our presents as human beings to live in this shadowy past.

The idea of a Grief counseling group is intriguing! I was going to try my hand at making my drastoria into one, but it turned into more of a different story and I didn't do it. I'm excited to see where this goes.

The tone of this prologue is very, erm, prologue-y. It's got mystery and ethos, and I believe the speaker from the start. She has a compelling voice and I want to know her story.

So I'd say, overall, great job, fellow 'Claw! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late reply to this review! I've either been really busy or really lazy, which really is no excuse, but I'm not going on a replying spree so here we go...

I absolutely agree. I've read a fair number of Drastoria's and I find that the ones that are intermingled with war keep me interested and absorbed in the story line more. I think it's mostly because I see Draco as being really changed by the war because of his parents, and Voldemort, and the fear they lived in because of them serving Voldemort.

As for the idea of people carrying war around with them, I quite agree. No matter what people do, whether they directly or indirectly experienced war, they still have this shadowy past that melds in with the present. It affects the very way they think and whether they recognize it or not, they do follow those stereotypes.

Anyways, I'm quite glad I've got you intrigued! Hopefully as my school schedule settles down a bit, I'll be able to write another chapter...

Thanks for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #11, by manno_malfoy Prologue: August 2001

11th July 2012:
You know what the thing is? I have only recently found myself interested in Astoria Greengrass, and every time I read a new story centered around her, the more interested and fascinated I get.

I love the way you've described how the end of the war does not signify the end of the damage it may have on people! On the contrary, it's a stage during which we take on a new level of challenges, during which we, as you have put it, end up healing scars. Certainly enough, all was not well the morning following the war. Astoria's outlook on such things adds to how believable everything is and shows us a bit about how she thinks, developing her character without flooding the chapter with self-claims and introductions.

I think you give Astoria a nice, determined tone, which I think would be quite canon. I mean some people believe that Astoria's and Draco's marriage was arranged, but I've always believed that Draco is too stubborn of a man to agree to go through with something like that.

Anyway, this is a great first chapter that makes me eager to go on and see the details about what she has found out about the war, how she fell in love and all of that. Great job!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late reply to this review...life has been busy and I've been lazy :P But I'm here now to reply to your fantastic review :D

Astoria is quite a fascinating character. She's not just somebody off the street and I don't think she would agree with an arranged marriage to Draco either. She has this need for independence even though she slows down enough to care about her sister. She knows she has to keep moving and working through things and she does an excellent job, as later chapters will help reveal. And while I haven't read too many Astoria-centered stories, I think what I came up with seems partially canon. I'm not saying it's perfect, by any shot, but if I had to imagine a way for Draco and Astoria to come together, it would be like will be explained with this story. Especially as I hope to incorporate the way the war changes these characters into what we see in the epilogue of the series.

Past Astoria's character, I'm glad you liked my focus on the effects of war. I have read far too many stories that seem to skip over the changes the war had on people and it just didn't seem right. So I thought I'd take a chance and just go for it. Hopefully I'll end up with the effect that I see in my head...

I hope to see you back for more! Thanks so much for the lovely review and of course for reading!

~Grimmerz


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Review #12, by EverDiggory Prologue: August 2001

9th July 2012:
This was really powerful, especially the last line.

I did choose this because of the Draco/Astoria, teehee. I was really surprised how well you captured it.

If felt very powerful and emotional, I was thrilled! Yu really made me excited to read more! *favorites*

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for this slow of a reply, but life has been a bit busy. But I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter. I put a lot of time into crafting it to create a powerful and emotion filled chapter that would get people as hooked on the idea as I was and it seems to have worked! Thanks for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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Review #13, by married to black Chapter 1: November 2000

3rd July 2012:
Great first chapter. I'm so curious to what's next. The whole time we were being told about Daphne's condition, my eyes were pretty much glued to the screen and I was quickly scrolling down, so captivated. I really want to know what's going on with her, you've piqued my interest! I keep asking myself questions. Is it the war that affected Daphne? Or a specific situation? What exactly happened? And is Astoria going through a similar, less severe situation in a way? Are the pair of them depressed?

I'm just so curious! And the fact that you have me asking myself these questions is brilliant. It means you've successfully engaged me into the story and have got my attention. So 'gratz on you for that!

Once again, I enjoyed the flow you wrote in. There's something about your writing style... I don't know how to explain it but I just love it so much. It reminds me of Richelle Mead's style, if you know that author. She's one of my favorite authors and for me to compare you to her... well just know that means I find you brilliant!

Seriously. I love your description. I think that's what gets to me most. It's completely perfect with the tone of the story and such. Not too detailed and not too sparse. Just wonderful. Your grammar was also well done and same for your spelling.

All in all, this is fantastic. :)

Author's Response: Ahhh! I cannot even put words to how happy I am you enjoyed this and left a review! You really are fantastic and have totally made my night with your lovely review! :D

Now that that's out of my system...I'm glad I have your interest. I'm purposely leaving out detail, in part because Astoria herself hasn't figured it out yet and in part because I want the curiousity and questions. I want this story to leave people thinking and maybe even get them to relate the themes of this story to real life. So I'm actually really glad taht you have questions and are curious. I hope I'm able to continue that and keep you coming back for more! ;)

And I'm glad you enjoyed the style. It's much different than my natural writing style, but I actually have come to like it more. It give me a bit more freedom with wording while keeping the flow nice and even. It really is fantastic and I'm glad you have enjoyed!

Also, I know exactly who Richelle Mead is. I've read pretty much all of her books and have been addicted to everyone I've picked up. I have stayed up all night just to get through her books and it's a huge compliment to be compared to her! She's just an amazing author and I thank you as that's a huge compliment!

I'm glad you love the story and I thank you a million times over for the review! You're amazing!

~Grimmerz


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Review #14, by married to black Prologue: August 2001

3rd July 2012:
This is a really great prologue. I always wondered how Astoria and Draco came about and this is the first story I came across of the pairing. I'm excited to read the next chapter. I can already tell I'm going to like this. Your writing style is very entertaining. Your word usage, expressions, and so on just make the story sound intriguing. It makes me want to read it even more. It seems like you have an interesting plot going here. This was a great start to the story :)

Author's Response: Ahh, I'm happy you enjoyed the prologue! It was quite fun to write, just because it gave me the opportunity to test out a different writing style, which seems to have come across nicely. I did spend a lot of time debating my wording and just how much information was released in the first chapter because I wanted to draw people in and have them on the edge of thier seat waiting for more. And I can also say this is really my first experience with Draco/Astoria. I know a little of them from some next gen stories, but nothing post hogwarts so it's definitely a new experience for me too!
Thanks so much for the beautiful review! You made my day!
~Grimmerz


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Review #15, by Ravenclaw_Charm Prologue: August 2001

2nd June 2012:
Hey, I'm here from the BvB battle!

Just...wow. It's a short first chapter, but you just painted a beautiful (in terms of style) picture of post-war Wizarding World. You've really captured my attention - especially with the last few sentences - and I want to read more! It's really brilliant opening, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this (:

Great job and happy writing! :D

Author's Response: Hello! I'm very glad you enjoyed this! I was and still am so particular with the detail, which is strange as I don't know where this story will go exactly, but I'm glad you love it. I purposely left pieces of the puzzle out just to get people's attention and it seems as if I did a pretty good job doing just that. Hopefully there will be an update soon, as I have restarted the next chapter again...Thanks so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #16, by Livi_777 Prologue: August 2001

7th April 2012:
Hi! I'm here for the review battle (returning the favour!)
First off, this was amazing! Just really honestly good writing. It's just so hard to find something that's just excellent and very honest, so I'm really glad I stumbled (sort of) across your page!
First off, I'm going to be nitpicky. I know Britishisms are a pain (us Britons just have to make things complicated!), but 'Mom' should really be 'Mum'. Then 'brown hair, brown eyed girl' should be 'brown haired' and ' torment our mind' should be 'torment our minds'. Another little grammar-y thing is 'Were mentally and emotionally dealing with the war still.' I think that sentence should read 'Were still mentally and emotionally dealing with the war.' I just think it flows better.
Otherwise, I think this is wonderful. As I think some other people have probably said, we're getting a feel for Astoria without being told anything. You're leaving us hanging a bit, which works really well, but you don't leave her a total mystery, and she isn't just acting as a tool to tell the story through, she appears to actually be a character who we want to get to know.
Overall, I think this is a really good place to start and I can see this evolving into a very interesting story!
Livi x

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry I'm slow to respond to this...life is pretty busy at the moment.

But, I'm really glad you enjoyed the start of this story. I spend a great deal of time pouring over the details of this first chapter to ensure it set the stage to the rest of the story. I wanted it to be honest and I wanted people to be able to feel, or at least understand, the emotions and situation to the best of my knowledge of it.

As for those edits? I will defintely take a look at those! I'm not a Brit, so I really appreciate little bits of advice on the Britishism. It helps me learn little bits and pieces of what to do to make it more 'British', so to say. And I adore nitpicking, so no worries. It helps with small things I don't catch when editing!

And my intention was definitely to leave people hanging. The prologue takes place after the rest of the story pretty much, so I wanted to interest people and draw them in while giving them a reason to come back. I also left people hanging because it was the emotion I wanted to leave behind...I wanted people on edge and sort of lost, because that's what war does to people.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It really made my day! And I apologize for my long-ish reply ;)

~Grimmerz


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Review #17, by Singularity Chapter 1: November 2000

2nd April 2012:
Hello again. I'm really intrigued by this story and looking forward to where you take it. It's an interesting idea to explore. I hope you continue.

I was a bit confused at first by the numbers at the beginning. I wonder if you could put on labels to be clearer about what those numbers are: two and half years, thirty months, etc. Not a big deal, but it might be worth thinking about.

I really like the character of Christian. He seems like a really great guy. I like what you're doing with Astoria's character as well. You write the tension involving her family really well. I'm curious to find out more about what happened to Daphne.

I also thought you made a really interesting point about the state of community following a war. When bad things happen, people tend to band together and help each other out. Even in the aftermath, people feel more of a closeness and camaraderie than usual. Now though, it's two and a half years later and I can imagine that most of that sense is gone. The closeness brought on by the hard times has all but vanished.

This was a really excellent chapter. It flows really well, and you've done a good job with editing. I didn't notice any spelling/grammar/punctuation/etc errors, so well done all around.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm very glad you're interested in this story. It has been a concept I've been thinking of exploring for a while, just because I don't think it's been touched on very much in fan fiction, and if it has, I haven't seen too much of it. So yeah, I've sort of decided to jump in and see where it takes me. I don't have too much planned, so I'm just as excited to see where it's going.

And I will probably get on editing that first part as a couple people have questioned what it means. They don't necessarily understand the numbers, so I will for sure look to editing that as soon as I get the next chapter ready to be posted.

And Chrsitian's character...at first I was really unsure on if I should add him. But as I got going with the chapter, I realized Astoria would need someone to talk to, to ground her from the situation with her family. She would also need some outlet to express her sister's story to, and I know Christian will be essential in some of the next couple chapters. I'm also glad I've led people to wonder about Daphne...that was a big intention in this chapter. I want people questioning what's going on with her and how it connects with everything else...and it seems I've accomplished that well.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! This had me smiling for a couple days, just because it let me know I was heading in the right direction, that I was getting across the point I wanted to. And I'm also glad you've enjoyed this! It's fun to write!

~Grimmerz


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Review #18, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter 1: November 2000

31st March 2012:
Hi again
So this chapter was well written. I didn't see any grammar errors or spelling issues.

The begginning confused me a little with the numbers. I quote "Two and a half. Thirty. One hundred and thirty. Nine hundred and twelve" They seem kind of random and with the halfs and the numbers over 60 and/or 24 they didn't seem to be counting in any sort of increments. You would probably be fine just starting off with the next sentence the "I could go on..." but thats just my opinion you don't have to listen to it.

I really like the Christian as a character, he seems really nice and like a good friend. The PTSD thing going on with Daphne is interesting. It makes me wonder what happened o her in her past that is giving her such bad episodes. I also thought that the whole blood traitor accusations by her parents was an interesting take on things. It makes me wonder how you're going to spin Draco.

Anyway good chapter, hope to see you around BvB again some time

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad to see you back for the next chapter! [I just responded to your other review xD]

And the numbers weren't supposed to be in a pattern. They're actually all speaking of the same thing: The time since the war ended. In this chapter, it's two and a half years after the war. Which is equal to thirty months. Which is equal to one hundred and thirty weeks. Which is equal to nine hundred and twelve days. And the 'I could go on' was for breaking it down furhter from days. I now realize that it wasn't necessarily clear in the chapter, so I may have to go back and do some editing there...

Otherwise, I'm glad you like Christian's character. He was a last minute character I decided was necessary to have. It'll become more apparent in chapters to come as to why he needs to be there. ;) And I'm glad the PTSD thing fascinates you. It's a major piece of making this story as it talks in depth about the effects of war, which was my main reason for writing this. And I'm hoping Draco will come in here soon...It may be a couple chapters yet, but I'm not sure as I don't have much plotted here.

Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review! I'm glad you've enjoyed! And I'm sure I'll see you around BvB again soon :D

~Grimmerz
~Grimmerz


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Review #19, by Aphoride Prologue: August 2001

30th March 2012:
This is wonderful! I love it! (And, seriously, I'm not just saying that) It's just incredible how you've thought in such depth about the war and the effects it would have on everyone - not just the people who were intimitely involved, but wider society as well. It's so good - I loved the way you pointed out the different people, randomers from the street, who were still effected, who still had to fight, even if they didn't realise it. It's just so realistic and deep and amazing.

We don't get much of a feel for Astoria's personality in this since it's just all internal monologue, but she seems like a really interesting character. I like how she's internalising things - that could be interesting later on - and how she's so strong and capable, finding her own job, looking after herself and dealing with Daphne all at the same time. She also seems really observant, which is an unusual trait to see in a character, but it fits her well.

I'm really interested to see where this goes - what happened in those eight months (obviously she fell in love with Draco, but how? When? What happened?) and how she coped with everything... ah, this is really exciting.

Write more! (Please? :D)
Aph xx

Author's Response: Ahh! You're awesome, you know that, right? This review seriously had me smiling all day yesterday! Even reading it now...it's just amazing!

I'm so very glad you enjoyed reading this. I thought long and hard while writing this chapter...I read it out loud to myself a million times, hoping to get dark feeling of post war, the best I could. And it seems to have come across nicely, which is exciting!

And I know...I noticed it doesn't tell much of Astoria's personality...but in a way, it does. There are a bunch of hidden pieces within this first chapter, things that I think will be overlooked until they're revisted in later chapters. Because there's a back story as to why Astoria is so observant and strong. It took time and falling apart and some other things which I won't say as they'll come in the course of the story ;)

I'm also glad you're interested in those eight months...my whole intention was to draw people in by not giving them enough detail, not telling them the back stories. And it seems it's worked great ;) Hehe, I'm glad your exicted and I definitely hope to see you back soon! :D

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It totally made my day!

~Grimmerz


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Review #20, by BoOkWoRm24 Prologue: August 2001

28th March 2012:
This chater was really well written. It almost reminds me of a good one shot that became the basis of an entire story, but it works. It has a lot of rhetorical questions in it which isn't necisarily a bad thing for a prolouge just don't keep that up for the entire story. Other than that you've successfully intorduced your main character and I'm assuming the guy she falls for is Malfoy. so good job

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so very glad you enjoyed this chapter! I definitely wasn't sure where I was going with it at first, and then it just sort of fell in place. And I know there were a lot of rhetorical questions, but it just goes with the confusion in Astoria's mind. It won't be persistent in every chapter as she'll more of be getting answers to some of those, but it may show up a couple times. Otherwise, I'm very glad you enjoyed. The guy is Malfoy. ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #21, by charlottetrips Chapter 1: November 2000

11th March 2012:
Oh man. No wonder Astoria can't just fritter about now that the Dark Lord is dead. She's confronted every day with the aftereffects of the war through her sister. Having to take care of someone in such a condition, especially someone you love, can tear someone apart, wear them down. I think we're slowly seeing that here and so I'd be interested in seeing if Tora will give in or fight out of it.

The dynamic between her and Christian is interesting, friends and then possibly more. You've given us a little more insight into Astoria, this serious-minded girl who seems to have the weight of the world on her shoulders and little love to be had in the world. It's nice to know that she at least has a friend.

xChar

Author's Response: Yeah, a lot has fallen in Astoria's way since the end of Voldemort. It's a concept I spent a lot of time thinking about after reading Deathly Hallows but had sort of forgotten about until this plot bunny came about. And I am really excited to walk through this struggle and see how it turns out for Astoria, as I don't know the entire plot...I just know with this story it will fall into place. So it will be exciting to see how Astoria really deals with this.

And yeah, I wanted her to have this dynamic with someone on the outside, who sympathized with her situation and stood up for her when she couldn't do it herself. Which is why Christian's character came in. It really will be important for her to have Christian around as a friend as things get more complicated, with what is still coming...because this is just the start of Astoria's problems..

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I really appreciate your feedback!

~Grimmerz


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Review #22, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter 1: November 2000

11th March 2012:
Hello!

Its been way, way too long since I left you a review and so, I am leaving you one! Ha, I can't believe I'm giving you your first one, this is so good that I thought I would get so much more. Like, ten more chapters...sigh. Anyway, I love this and I really like how you talk about the PTSD, which is something that I'm sure alot of people would have after the War. It always made me wonder and you put it in so nicely that I can't wait to find out more about how/why Daphne has it. I really feel for Astoria and how she's being treated at home and I'd love to know what caused the shift in the relationship she has with her parents. Her anxiety and fear is so well-done and I can completely imagine her in my mind, which makes her seem all the more real. Now, I shall leave you to be all awesome and stuff and I'll be waiting for another chapter!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello!

I totally squee'd when I saw you reviewed this chapter! You're reviews always make my day and they encourage me to get the next chapter written sooner. And they are just lovely!

Now that that's out of my system.I'm glad you liked that I included PTSD. It is a disorder that commonly comes from war and situations similar to that and I knew Daphne would be my first choice to have it. It all helps create who Astoria's character is, which is something that will become more evident as more chapters are posted. It's also good to know that you can feel for Astoria, that you can feel the fear and anxiety that runs through her mind. I always struggle with that sort of emotion and getting it to sound right in writing, so I'm glad you enjoyed!

Again, thank you so much for this review! I always adore your reviews! The next chapter will hopefully be up soon [Last week of the month for sure, as Spring Break frees my time up!]!

~Grimmerz


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Review #23, by Singularity Prologue: August 2001

9th March 2012:
I really like this prologue. It seems to set the story up really well. We get a bit of a feel for Astoria and who she is, as well as the world that she is a part of, and what this story is about. You've managed to give us a lot of information without it being overwhelming. You've done a lot in those 550 words.

I think the idea of the war still going on, and everyone still carrying a bit of that war inside of them (whether they are aware of it or not) is a very intriguing one. It's true that everything doesn't instantly go back to normal when a war ends. As the last line hints at, it leaves behind a lot of wounds and scars that need to be healed.

Just from this chapter, it seems like this story has a lot of potential. I can't wait to see where you're going to take it.

Author's Response: I'm very glad you enjoyed the prologue. I spent a good deal of time crafting this chapter to draw attention and really bring to light the fact that war leaves something behind, an imprint that everyone must carry with them. It's a theme I've always been curious about and when this plot bunny first came to me, I knew I couldn't pass it up. I just hope I can keep it on track, as I only have major plot points made out, and keep the theme strong throughout...

Thank you so much for the lovely review! It definitely made my day!

~Grimmerz


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Review #24, by Aderyn Prologue: August 2001

7th March 2012:
Interesting start, this seems like a summary of the story, but really it just sets the scene. I think you pinpointed a very influential time period where the changes you descrbed could easily occur.

At times, this prologue is very lyrical, but there are also places where the language needs to be tightened up. For example "...that has ended in the physical sense of war." I think you should drop the "of war " as it seems redundant. Same thing when you are listing what is tormented. Say "torment our life " and drop the cliche "day to day ".

Overall, very interesting. I would want to see what happens next. Good luck!

Author's Response: As the prologue, this is very much so the summary of the story. Astoria discusses what she has learned over the course of the past couple of months and how influential it really is on everyone. It was one of my favorite parts of writing this chapter, becuase when I wrote it, I wanted it to flow when read outloud. Becuase I did read this chapter repeatedly outloud as I went along. I just feel it really gives a personal sense to this story. And I will look at the language, specifically the things you pointed out, next time I go through and edit! Thanks so much for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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Review #25, by PolyJuice_ Prologue: August 2001

18th February 2012:
Righty-o. Let me start out by saying I like this a lot. Its rather touching and I have a warm fuzzy feeling, despite the slightly sad nature of this story. :') The emotions are well portrayed.


~"By who, you may wish to know. By who?"
+I see what you are trying to do here, but it just comes across as redundant.

+A lot of your sentences are long-winded and need to be cut;
~"See that mom, cuddling her baby close to her chest as she hurries towards the Leaky Cauldron to get to Muggle London? See that man scurry from the entrance of Knockturn Alley to the great doors of Gringotts Bank? See that eleven year old, brown hair, brown eyed girl dragging her mum towards Ollivanders Wand shop to get her wand for her first year at Hogwarts?"
+If you shorten it;
~"See that mom, cuddling her baby close to her chest as she hurries across the road? She's heading to Leaky Cauldron to get to Muggle London. See that man scurrying from the entrance of Knockturn Alley to the great doors of Gringotts Bank? See that eleven year old, brown hair, brown eyed girl dragging her mum? She's running towards Ollivanders Wand shop to get her wand for her first year at Hogwarts."

~"I ended up healing scars."
+Again, I see where you're trying to go, but it doesn't actually make much sense. If you tried something like
~"I ended up with slowly healing scars."
+Or
~"I ended up healing my scars."
+Even this one doesn't make much sense. ^

Anyway. Its good, very powerful!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm very gald the emotions of the piece came across for you well. This was actually a kind of fun prologue to write, and I wanted it to contain power, though I'm not sure of what kinds.

I will definitely take a look at the sections/sentences you mentioned. I'm planning on doing a run through edit of this chapter soon, as I'm almost done writing the next one.

Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for pointing out those things to me too!

~Grimmerz


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