Reading Reviews for Shadows of War
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie Prologue: August 2001

9th July 2015:
Hey, Mikaela! Here for BvB!

I loved this. How have I not discovered your writing before now? You're really wonderful.


The way you started this story was wonderful. You pulled me into Astoria's state of mind, and while I saw a lot of pain and sadness in it, I think the best word to describe what I was seeing in this chapter, at least, was weariness. I liked that a lot - I think that it's incredibly realistic, particularly given the period of time that has passed since the end of the war.

Because at first when I started reading, I thought that the war had ended quite recently; it wasn't until Astoria said that it had ended three and a half years ago that I realized how much time had passed. The toll it took on the wizarding world was a high one, though, and it makes sense to me that there would still be battle scars, especially for someone like Astoria, who it seems really lost everyone. I'm curious about what happened with Daphne, and I hope you touch on it, but I love the touch of Astoria's parents turning on her as well. The war being over and Voldemort losing didn't magically make people believe that they were wrong, just that they'd lost.

A tiny bit of CC:

While I loved your prose overall and felt that it really set the tone of the story in a powerful way, there were a couple points where I felt like you got a little overly flowery, and a few others where I think you could have expanded your description.

For example, I felt like the third and fourth paragraphs could have been cut down a little. The third paragraph reads a little too defensive for me, because you haven't really indicated that there's anyone in particular who's challenging her on the assertion. And, I felt like the fourth paragraph could have easily stopped with "By who?"

Conversely, I think that the description of people that immediately follows it could have been expanded a bit. It would have been nice to see a little more about how she saw their battle still going on, because as it is, it's a little removed from what she's talking about, which is incredibly personal.

Otherwise, though, this was wonderful. I know that you published this first chapter awhile ago, but I hope that you continue the story - I love Astoria-centric fics, and I'd love to see your interpretation of her going forward!

Author's Response: Heya!

Thank you so much! You are so, so kind and have left some of the most lovely reviews! I really appreciate all the kind words, especially as I'm just returning from a 2+ year writing break, in which my styel of writing has changed so, so much.

I am so glad you feel pulled into Astoria's character! She's actually becoming one of my favourites to write (though I adore writing all my intense, fiery characters) and I am just so glad she came across well.

My other main goal in this story, other than highlighting Astoria's strong character, is to focus on the war and the effects it has on people. I'm in nursing school currently and we spend quite a bit of time talking about PTSD and the psychological effects things have on people. Many times, as I've learned, these effects may appear soon after the event but are not recognized or dealt with until they are out of control. In the case of Astoria and her family, it takes quite a bit for the effects to be dealt with, thus leading to this time, three and half years later, where she's thinking about all she's learned in the past year or so.

As for the constructive critisism, you really gave me stuff to think about. This story is an old idea I'm in the process of revamping and reframing. I never had a solid plot (until last week or the week before) so as soon as I get a bit of a better feel of Astoria's character as I work through writing the first couple of chapters, I'll be sure to look through and adjust things as needed. I'll look specifically at the areas you mentioned as well!

Thank you so, so much for the review and CC! I am halfway through rewriting chapter 1, and I want it out by the end of the week, so hopefully there will be more soon!

-Mikaela


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Review #2, by eunoia Prologue: August 2001

9th July 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the BvB battle!

When I saw this I just had to read it because I love Draco/Astoria and I'm writing my own story about them. I love to read other people's stories as well and comparing their headcannons with mine.

Firstly, what a powerful opening chapter! Despite this chapter being quite short (it's only a prologue after all), you've already set the mood for the story brilliantly.

You've established a very strong voice for Astoria right off the bat and I was drawn into every word. I love how you've characterized her as fiery and perceptive (my own headcannon for her is the same) and how you described the effects of war and how it still lives on in the people who suffered because of it was really well done.

You've also conveyed a good amount of mystery as well that makes the reader want to read more. What exactly happened to Daphne? Why was Astoria disowned? And why does she hate Draco?

This is a really well written prologue and I will be back to read more. Well done! :)

Author's Response: Heya!

I have really come to love Draco/Astoria. I know I only have the prologue up (I did have a first chapter before I decided it deserved some editing and an actual plot that wasn't made up as I went...), but I have spent quite a lot of time thinking about these characters and how things would work for them. It's led to some interesting plot ideas that should come up...

I'm so glad you like the power in this chapter! My whole intention was to show how fiery Astoria is. She took on the attitude I had in my head when I first came up with this idea while I was sitting in class one day, and I am so glad it carried through and drew you in! Also love that you see her the same way! Funny how names work like that!

Also glad you want more. I unfortunately adore cliffhangers and leaving behind more questions than answers, so the fact that it worked so well? I may be a bit smug about it..but I definately mean it in the best way possible! I love being drawn into stories where there are always more questions than answers and I love an opporutnity to try my hand at it!

Thank you so, so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the introduction! The first chapter is about halfway rewritten and I am working to get it out by the end of this week, hopefully!

-Mikaela


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Review #3, by tangledconstellations Prologue: August 2001

8th June 2015:
Heya!

Swinging by once more the BvB review battle! :D

I was really excited about reading this after reading Jumping off Swings (which you already know how much I loved! ♥). I thought this looked really interesting because I find the Malfoy family fascinating post-war, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.

This was such a great introduction to the story to come. The narrative voice is so fiery and so headstrong but there's also an element of self-doubt in there too. As I assume this is Astoria, I think letting her have that kind of personality is really cool, especially as it's going to eventually blend with Draco's story, too. There are already questions I want answering (why was she disowned? Is Daphne okay?) which is awesome and I feel invested in what's to come. Even though this was a short intro, a lot has been set up and I have a real feel for the style of the universe you're writing in.

I love how reading this chapter feels as though there's going to be an epic story to come. I can feel that there's going to be drama and pain and already I have confidence that you'll guide the reader there seamlessly. I don't know - there's just something really emotive about this intro and it's just incredibly exciting. I think this is a wonderful start and your writing is just beautiful.

Awesome stuff! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura!

Made me smile to see you back to read another one of the stories I was really proud about writing. This and Jumping Off Swings are some of my most favorite pieces that I have written, so it's great to see people reading them!

Astoria was a character that came quite natrually for me to write. I just kind of knew her attitude towards things, being almost bitter at times and always headstrong. It fit so well with her image in my head. And, of course, her voice being the voice of reason in this is going to be really interesting. I'm not quite sure how things will play out, but the general plot line I'm following should bring up a lot of things.

I also wrote this with the intention of leaving questions, of having people come back and be like, so...initially this was said...how'd it happen? I love cliff hangers and when you get that 'I can't put this down' feeling. Best part about reading and actually pretty fun to write as well!

Really glad you enjoyed this story! It was a fun one to write! Hope to see you back for more (and hopefully my muse cooperates to write more)!

Thanks again for the review!
-Mikaela


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Review #4, by BellaLestrange87 Prologue: August 2001

3rd June 2015:
This is for the Blue vs Bronze review battle!

I love this opening chapter. Even though it's really short (which isn't a downside, so I don't know why I worded it that way) it set the stage for the rest of the story really well.

One thing I particularly liked was how you contrasted what was going on on the surface with what was happening behind the scenes. For example, the seemingly happy girl going to get her wand. Adding that they were all fighting the war - three years after it ended - was really effective and showed just how effects of the fighting remain after the actual fighting itself has finished.

I'm really curious to find out more about Astoria, and about what happened to Daphne to put her in St Mungo's in the first place, and why she's a traitor to her family. You gave me just enough information to want to know more without saying "I know everything, I don't need to keep reading", so kudos to you.

I like your description of the dynamic between Draco and Astoria. She initially hated him, but was forced to help him at Grief Counseling and ended up falling in love with him, no matter how much he tried. I can't wait for this next chapter.

~Olivia

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so glad you enjoyed this first chapter! It took me quite a while to write it in just the way I wanted it because I wanted people to walk away going 'what happened? How did she get to this point? Why does she know what she knows?' I am not as big of a fan of reading something where I'm like, oh, so it'll probably go like this so do I really /need/ to read anymore? I want to leave people with a million questions and have them checking back in for more chapters in the future. One of my favourite methods of writing!

I don't remember what initially started the idea for this story...I want to say this was during the period where I was really interested in 9/11 and was watching a lot of documentaries and reading a lot of literature about it. It was then, reading this stuff, that I kind of questioned how things can seem alright when there are still people, to this day, that are struggling with the events. So many people with PTSD or anxiety because of what happened and what they saw and it just sort of came out. It was an idea I really needed to explore.

As for more information...well, it'll come out! I'm looking at writing more of this this summer (I have a couple of SUPER long car rides with plenty of time to write coming up...) so they'll be plenty to read!

Thanks so much for the review! I appreciate it!

-Mikaela


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Review #5, by Illuminate Prologue: August 2001

7th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the Ravenclaw battle!

This is a really effective prologue! You set up the tone for the story really well and, through not a lot of words, manage to convey a heck of a lot about how the world functions after the end of the war.

You also tell a lot about Astoria's character, even though she's never named specifically. Shows she is caring and patient though helping her sister and joining the Grief Counselling group. You also set up a pretty nice hook for the rest of the story: her falling in love.

Really good prose, nice and poetic and smooth flow. Great job!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm very glad you enjoyed the prologue! I spent a lot of time going through it to make sure that it set the tone for the whole story because I knew if I got people's attention with tone in the prologue, it would pull them into reading more chapters.

I also am glad that I got enough detail in about Astoria's character. I was kind of nervous about not explicitly putting her name in the chapter but I anytime I tried, it sort of ruined the flow I had going. That and I figured if I put enough detail in about her sister and where she stands in society that it would be easy to tell it was Astoria telling the story.

Thanks much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #6, by shadowycorner Prologue: August 2001

6th December 2012:
Aaah, Drastoria! I love them, I really do! So happy I might've found a new story thanks to the holiday swap. This first part was very powerful for being so short. Only thing, in the fourth paragraph, at first you write mom, and then mum. I think you should decide for only one, and my personal advice would be the British alternative since the story's taking place in Britain. :)

I'm guessing Astoria was talking, and her voice was haunting and intriguing and so true, what she's been saying about war and everything. I had shivers reading it. I really liked this part,

You can't walk away from mankind because everything seems to be falling apart. You have to pick yourself up and push on. Find your place and go. Wonderfully summed up.

I am curious. About Daphne. About Astoria helping people. About Astoria and Draco. I'd read the next chapter right now if I could, but I'm dead tired, so I'll have to leave that for next time. The story's going to my favorites, though. :) Wonderful prologue.

Author's Response: I absolutely adore Drastoria. Within the past 2 years or so is when I really got into the pairing and now it's just...it's like the perfect pairing!

And yes! It is definately Astoria talking. I'm glad I worked the chapter in such a way that people could figure it out. I was really nervous about putting the story out there without explicitly saying her name in the first chapter, but I just coudln't get it to work with her name in there. But it seems as though that's alright.

And I absolutely love that line too! It was one of my favorites and really hit home with me when I wrote it.

And my whole intention was definately to get people curious and having them wanting more. I purposely restricted the amount of information I put in the prologue just to get people to come back and be like, what's up with Daphne and whens Draco come in...I feel like some evil genius xD

And thanks for mentioning the mom/mum thing. I try hard to keep with the British alternatives, but I forget easily...

Thanks so much for the review! Much appreciated!
~Grimmerz


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Review #7, by academica Prologue: August 2001

5th December 2012:
Hi there! Here for the Holiday Review Swap!

I like this sort of omniscient-y beginning, and how you tied it into Astoria's perspective there at the end. I think the premise of her meeting Draco in a support group is really unique and believable, and I like how I got a sense of her personal tragedy, with her sister and her struggles with her parents.

Things that I think would make this even better:

--It should be 'by whom,' not 'by who.'

--I would have liked to get a better sense of why those people in town are still fighting. You left it a little broad, like it still needs more flavor.

This is a really great start, nice job!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late response to your review!

I'm glad you like what I have so far. It took some time to craft this prologue and get it to a point where I thought it'd cover everything that happened, or everything to come...whichever way that works.

Thanks for the ideas on how to improve! Will definately fix that first one [I am horrible when it comes to who/whom] and look into the second one...

Thanks for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #8, by classicblack Prologue: August 2001

5th December 2012:
Hello, here from the Holiday Review Swap!

Oh my, this is absolutely lovely. It's so dramatic and firm and paints a beautiful image of the broken Wizarding World after the Second War ended. Also, with the ending lines, you really characterized Astoria nicely and set up what is sure to be a fabulous love story between Draco and Astoria. All in three to four paragraphs you managed to show me that Astoria's family had thrown her out and forced her to care for a mentally-unstable sister (which reminds me a bit of Neville's situation). You also showed that it will be a long and difficult process for Astoria to fall in love with Draco. It definitely made me want to read more.

I'm also looking forward to reading more how exactly everyone is still fighting the war. I'd like to read about how certain characters are dealing with the effects of the war on them. Be sure to elaborate more on that point!

Fantastic prologue!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late response to this review! I've been a bit of a slacker for the past year xD

Anyways, I'm glad this chapter really painted a picture in your head. My entire intention was to get people thinking about war and thinking about how that war affected people. And with that whole thing with Daphne...definiately had Neville's situation in my mind. It's changed up a little bit, as Daphne's is self-inflicted more or less, but still similar.

How characters are dealing with the war is definitely going to come up. It's really a major part of this story and hopefully I'll be able to express that more as the chapters go on.

Thanks so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #9, by TheGoldenKneazle Prologue: August 2001

10th October 2012:
N'aww this is just so sweet already! So sweet, and so deeply emotional and full of feeling already. I love how you've brought this scene about, how it's Astoria before she went through this hinted-at emotional transformation. And it's very, very addictive - I definitely want to come back to this story and read the next chapter!

Your descriptions were just brilliant and I adored them; it really made me feel in touch with Astoria, and made me want to find out more about the world she's living in as she describes the people around her. You've already given her a backstory, an environment, and in so few words - it's just magical, how quickly you've captured the atmosphere for us.

Astoria's characterisation is already so well-fleshed-out; it seems silly that we could get a handle on her so easily already, but you've written her voice as so clear that it just snatches your attention immediately. The way she's recounting her difficult, traumatic memories of how she's helped to heal people; how she's making these painful observations about post-war life that have all this evidence; how she's not delving into pretentious metaphors (not that they're always pretentious but you know what I mean!) but stating it all so simply - you've just laid her out for us so simply and easily that it's impossible not to already love and connect with her :3

So, to summarise: I completely love this already, and you've done absolutely amazingly with so few words! :D
~TGK

Author's Response: Ahhh! You are absolutely amazing. This review makes me smile and makes me just want to dance around every time I read it. Seriously, I’m so happy that you enjoyed the read and it seems as though you caught everything I was trying to put into this first look into Astoria’s mind. I’m totally awed that I wrote something that was so well perceived!

And I think what truly helped me develop Astoria’s character so quickly was the time I set aside before I started writing. I just sat down in front of my computer and closed my eyes. I imagined what sort of pains come from loss and from a war that everyone you know has been hurt by. I took the time to explore what sort of feelings would come from it and then I thought about how one would perceive it. I put that into Astoria, let it flow through my mind and then just went for it.

I will admit, though, I was concerned that the flashes of different people she helped, of her sufferings since the war ended were going to be a bit too much to throw into 500 words but it seems as though it worked out. But it seems to have made her character more real and easier to relate to, in a way. And I’m just…I’m glad it was simple and easy to get into and left you craving more…It really is good to hear!

Thank you so much for the review! It was really lovely and I apologize for being a scatter brain with this response, but really…Thank you so much! I hope to see you back for more chapters! :D

~Grimmerz


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Review #10, by LoopyLemon Prologue: August 2001

9th October 2012:
Ooooh I want to read!!

This was a fantastic prologue. A wonderful taster of the story to come. I know that we are reading from Astoria's point of view even though it is never stated. Being able to know these details without having to be explicitly told is amazing.

I loved the line about her being a traitor. I think it is very fitting that this is who Draco falls in love with.

Please keep writing this, it looks amazing! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so glad you enjoyed this Chapter! I also love that it's evident that Astoria is telling the story without me explicitly writing it. I wasn't sure if that would come across as clearly as it did, which is great! And just.Thanks! This review puts a smile on my face everytime I read it!

~Grimmerz


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Review #11, by LittleWelshGirl99 Prologue: August 2001

5th October 2012:
Ee I absolutely adore draco/astoria, so I was pretty excited to click on this story, and definitely enjoyed reading it.

This was very much a prologue, and a fab one at that! Lots of setting the scene, and the hint of a real mystery and great stuff to come.

I like stories about the post-war situations, dealing with the aftermath and all that, the scars left behind. They can be quite distressing - and especially that line about Daphne "losing all sense of herself" in St Mungo's seemed to convey this - but also extraordinarily interesting. I like seeing how different authors would interpret it.

Astoria seems interesting - obviously we haven't had much of a chance to get to know her yet, but I like what I've already seen.

A compelling story, I have to say :)

Author's Response: Hello!
I am so glad you enjoyed the prologue. I was concerned, when I first posted it, that it wasn't enough information with how short it was. I also wasn't sure if the mysterious aspect to it would be enough to draw attention but I'm glad I've got something good going.
Thank you so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #12, by Aiedail Prologue: August 2001

4th August 2012:
I absolutely love the fact that the best drasotria's I've come across are intermingled with the war. I can't imagine something that could have shaped two Slytherins more than the war could have, especially considering Draco's role.

There's an idea here that I'm fascinated by outside of your story, too, so I'm going to talk about it: the idea that people are carrying the war inside of them. It's not just that some end up with something like PTSD, it's not just the bad memories, but it's what people are doing in real time because of these memories. There's this whole element of the past and present melding together. And there's also the idea that people react violently to the war: not literal violence, but rather, they continue to embody stereotypes, and to have prejudices, because their lives or their parents' lives were torn apart. It's so strange, that we're willing to forgo our presents as human beings to live in this shadowy past.

The idea of a Grief counseling group is intriguing! I was going to try my hand at making my drastoria into one, but it turned into more of a different story and I didn't do it. I'm excited to see where this goes.

The tone of this prologue is very, erm, prologue-y. It's got mystery and ethos, and I believe the speaker from the start. She has a compelling voice and I want to know her story.

So I'd say, overall, great job, fellow 'Claw! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late reply to this review! I've either been really busy or really lazy, which really is no excuse, but I'm not going on a replying spree so here we go...

I absolutely agree. I've read a fair number of Drastoria's and I find that the ones that are intermingled with war keep me interested and absorbed in the story line more. I think it's mostly because I see Draco as being really changed by the war because of his parents, and Voldemort, and the fear they lived in because of them serving Voldemort.

As for the idea of people carrying war around with them, I quite agree. No matter what people do, whether they directly or indirectly experienced war, they still have this shadowy past that melds in with the present. It affects the very way they think and whether they recognize it or not, they do follow those stereotypes.

Anyways, I'm quite glad I've got you intrigued! Hopefully as my school schedule settles down a bit, I'll be able to write another chapter...

Thanks for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #13, by manno_malfoy Prologue: August 2001

11th July 2012:
You know what the thing is? I have only recently found myself interested in Astoria Greengrass, and every time I read a new story centered around her, the more interested and fascinated I get.

I love the way you've described how the end of the war does not signify the end of the damage it may have on people! On the contrary, it's a stage during which we take on a new level of challenges, during which we, as you have put it, end up healing scars. Certainly enough, all was not well the morning following the war. Astoria's outlook on such things adds to how believable everything is and shows us a bit about how she thinks, developing her character without flooding the chapter with self-claims and introductions.

I think you give Astoria a nice, determined tone, which I think would be quite canon. I mean some people believe that Astoria's and Draco's marriage was arranged, but I've always believed that Draco is too stubborn of a man to agree to go through with something like that.

Anyway, this is a great first chapter that makes me eager to go on and see the details about what she has found out about the war, how she fell in love and all of that. Great job!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the late reply to this review...life has been busy and I've been lazy :P But I'm here now to reply to your fantastic review :D

Astoria is quite a fascinating character. She's not just somebody off the street and I don't think she would agree with an arranged marriage to Draco either. She has this need for independence even though she slows down enough to care about her sister. She knows she has to keep moving and working through things and she does an excellent job, as later chapters will help reveal. And while I haven't read too many Astoria-centered stories, I think what I came up with seems partially canon. I'm not saying it's perfect, by any shot, but if I had to imagine a way for Draco and Astoria to come together, it would be like will be explained with this story. Especially as I hope to incorporate the way the war changes these characters into what we see in the epilogue of the series.

Past Astoria's character, I'm glad you liked my focus on the effects of war. I have read far too many stories that seem to skip over the changes the war had on people and it just didn't seem right. So I thought I'd take a chance and just go for it. Hopefully I'll end up with the effect that I see in my head...

I hope to see you back for more! Thanks so much for the lovely review and of course for reading!

~Grimmerz


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Review #14, by EverDiggory Prologue: August 2001

9th July 2012:
This was really powerful, especially the last line.

I did choose this because of the Draco/Astoria, teehee. I was really surprised how well you captured it.

If felt very powerful and emotional, I was thrilled! Yu really made me excited to read more! *favorites*

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for this slow of a reply, but life has been a bit busy. But I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter. I put a lot of time into crafting it to create a powerful and emotion filled chapter that would get people as hooked on the idea as I was and it seems to have worked! Thanks for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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Review #15, by married to black Prologue: August 2001

3rd July 2012:
This is a really great prologue. I always wondered how Astoria and Draco came about and this is the first story I came across of the pairing. I'm excited to read the next chapter. I can already tell I'm going to like this. Your writing style is very entertaining. Your word usage, expressions, and so on just make the story sound intriguing. It makes me want to read it even more. It seems like you have an interesting plot going here. This was a great start to the story :)

Author's Response: Ahh, I'm happy you enjoyed the prologue! It was quite fun to write, just because it gave me the opportunity to test out a different writing style, which seems to have come across nicely. I did spend a lot of time debating my wording and just how much information was released in the first chapter because I wanted to draw people in and have them on the edge of thier seat waiting for more. And I can also say this is really my first experience with Draco/Astoria. I know a little of them from some next gen stories, but nothing post hogwarts so it's definitely a new experience for me too!
Thanks so much for the beautiful review! You made my day!
~Grimmerz


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Review #16, by Ravenclaw_Charm Prologue: August 2001

2nd June 2012:
Hey, I'm here from the BvB battle!

Just...wow. It's a short first chapter, but you just painted a beautiful (in terms of style) picture of post-war Wizarding World. You've really captured my attention - especially with the last few sentences - and I want to read more! It's really brilliant opening, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this (:

Great job and happy writing! :D

Author's Response: Hello! I'm very glad you enjoyed this! I was and still am so particular with the detail, which is strange as I don't know where this story will go exactly, but I'm glad you love it. I purposely left pieces of the puzzle out just to get people's attention and it seems as if I did a pretty good job doing just that. Hopefully there will be an update soon, as I have restarted the next chapter again...Thanks so much for the review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #17, by Livi_777 Prologue: August 2001

7th April 2012:
Hi! I'm here for the review battle (returning the favour!)
First off, this was amazing! Just really honestly good writing. It's just so hard to find something that's just excellent and very honest, so I'm really glad I stumbled (sort of) across your page!
First off, I'm going to be nitpicky. I know Britishisms are a pain (us Britons just have to make things complicated!), but 'Mom' should really be 'Mum'. Then 'brown hair, brown eyed girl' should be 'brown haired' and ' torment our mind' should be 'torment our minds'. Another little grammar-y thing is 'Were mentally and emotionally dealing with the war still.' I think that sentence should read 'Were still mentally and emotionally dealing with the war.' I just think it flows better.
Otherwise, I think this is wonderful. As I think some other people have probably said, we're getting a feel for Astoria without being told anything. You're leaving us hanging a bit, which works really well, but you don't leave her a total mystery, and she isn't just acting as a tool to tell the story through, she appears to actually be a character who we want to get to know.
Overall, I think this is a really good place to start and I can see this evolving into a very interesting story!
Livi x

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry I'm slow to respond to this...life is pretty busy at the moment.

But, I'm really glad you enjoyed the start of this story. I spend a great deal of time pouring over the details of this first chapter to ensure it set the stage to the rest of the story. I wanted it to be honest and I wanted people to be able to feel, or at least understand, the emotions and situation to the best of my knowledge of it.

As for those edits? I will defintely take a look at those! I'm not a Brit, so I really appreciate little bits of advice on the Britishism. It helps me learn little bits and pieces of what to do to make it more 'British', so to say. And I adore nitpicking, so no worries. It helps with small things I don't catch when editing!

And my intention was definitely to leave people hanging. The prologue takes place after the rest of the story pretty much, so I wanted to interest people and draw them in while giving them a reason to come back. I also left people hanging because it was the emotion I wanted to leave behind...I wanted people on edge and sort of lost, because that's what war does to people.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It really made my day! And I apologize for my long-ish reply ;)

~Grimmerz


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Review #18, by Aphoride Prologue: August 2001

30th March 2012:
This is wonderful! I love it! (And, seriously, I'm not just saying that) It's just incredible how you've thought in such depth about the war and the effects it would have on everyone - not just the people who were intimitely involved, but wider society as well. It's so good - I loved the way you pointed out the different people, randomers from the street, who were still effected, who still had to fight, even if they didn't realise it. It's just so realistic and deep and amazing.

We don't get much of a feel for Astoria's personality in this since it's just all internal monologue, but she seems like a really interesting character. I like how she's internalising things - that could be interesting later on - and how she's so strong and capable, finding her own job, looking after herself and dealing with Daphne all at the same time. She also seems really observant, which is an unusual trait to see in a character, but it fits her well.

I'm really interested to see where this goes - what happened in those eight months (obviously she fell in love with Draco, but how? When? What happened?) and how she coped with everything... ah, this is really exciting.

Write more! (Please? :D)
Aph xx

Author's Response: Ahh! You're awesome, you know that, right? This review seriously had me smiling all day yesterday! Even reading it now...it's just amazing!

I'm so very glad you enjoyed reading this. I thought long and hard while writing this chapter...I read it out loud to myself a million times, hoping to get dark feeling of post war, the best I could. And it seems to have come across nicely, which is exciting!

And I know...I noticed it doesn't tell much of Astoria's personality...but in a way, it does. There are a bunch of hidden pieces within this first chapter, things that I think will be overlooked until they're revisted in later chapters. Because there's a back story as to why Astoria is so observant and strong. It took time and falling apart and some other things which I won't say as they'll come in the course of the story ;)

I'm also glad you're interested in those eight months...my whole intention was to draw people in by not giving them enough detail, not telling them the back stories. And it seems it's worked great ;) Hehe, I'm glad your exicted and I definitely hope to see you back soon! :D

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It totally made my day!

~Grimmerz


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Review #19, by BoOkWoRm24 Prologue: August 2001

28th March 2012:
This chater was really well written. It almost reminds me of a good one shot that became the basis of an entire story, but it works. It has a lot of rhetorical questions in it which isn't necisarily a bad thing for a prolouge just don't keep that up for the entire story. Other than that you've successfully intorduced your main character and I'm assuming the guy she falls for is Malfoy. so good job

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so very glad you enjoyed this chapter! I definitely wasn't sure where I was going with it at first, and then it just sort of fell in place. And I know there were a lot of rhetorical questions, but it just goes with the confusion in Astoria's mind. It won't be persistent in every chapter as she'll more of be getting answers to some of those, but it may show up a couple times. Otherwise, I'm very glad you enjoyed. The guy is Malfoy. ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review!
~Grimmerz


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Review #20, by Singularity Prologue: August 2001

9th March 2012:
I really like this prologue. It seems to set the story up really well. We get a bit of a feel for Astoria and who she is, as well as the world that she is a part of, and what this story is about. You've managed to give us a lot of information without it being overwhelming. You've done a lot in those 550 words.

I think the idea of the war still going on, and everyone still carrying a bit of that war inside of them (whether they are aware of it or not) is a very intriguing one. It's true that everything doesn't instantly go back to normal when a war ends. As the last line hints at, it leaves behind a lot of wounds and scars that need to be healed.

Just from this chapter, it seems like this story has a lot of potential. I can't wait to see where you're going to take it.

Author's Response: I'm very glad you enjoyed the prologue. I spent a good deal of time crafting this chapter to draw attention and really bring to light the fact that war leaves something behind, an imprint that everyone must carry with them. It's a theme I've always been curious about and when this plot bunny first came to me, I knew I couldn't pass it up. I just hope I can keep it on track, as I only have major plot points made out, and keep the theme strong throughout...

Thank you so much for the lovely review! It definitely made my day!

~Grimmerz


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Review #21, by Aderyn Prologue: August 2001

7th March 2012:
Interesting start, this seems like a summary of the story, but really it just sets the scene. I think you pinpointed a very influential time period where the changes you descrbed could easily occur.

At times, this prologue is very lyrical, but there are also places where the language needs to be tightened up. For example "...that has ended in the physical sense of war." I think you should drop the "of war " as it seems redundant. Same thing when you are listing what is tormented. Say "torment our life " and drop the cliche "day to day ".

Overall, very interesting. I would want to see what happens next. Good luck!

Author's Response: As the prologue, this is very much so the summary of the story. Astoria discusses what she has learned over the course of the past couple of months and how influential it really is on everyone. It was one of my favorite parts of writing this chapter, becuase when I wrote it, I wanted it to flow when read outloud. Becuase I did read this chapter repeatedly outloud as I went along. I just feel it really gives a personal sense to this story. And I will look at the language, specifically the things you pointed out, next time I go through and edit! Thanks so much for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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Review #22, by PolyJuice_ Prologue: August 2001

18th February 2012:
Righty-o. Let me start out by saying I like this a lot. Its rather touching and I have a warm fuzzy feeling, despite the slightly sad nature of this story. :') The emotions are well portrayed.


~"By who, you may wish to know. By who?"
+I see what you are trying to do here, but it just comes across as redundant.

+A lot of your sentences are long-winded and need to be cut;
~"See that mom, cuddling her baby close to her chest as she hurries towards the Leaky Cauldron to get to Muggle London? See that man scurry from the entrance of Knockturn Alley to the great doors of Gringotts Bank? See that eleven year old, brown hair, brown eyed girl dragging her mum towards Ollivanders Wand shop to get her wand for her first year at Hogwarts?"
+If you shorten it;
~"See that mom, cuddling her baby close to her chest as she hurries across the road? She's heading to Leaky Cauldron to get to Muggle London. See that man scurrying from the entrance of Knockturn Alley to the great doors of Gringotts Bank? See that eleven year old, brown hair, brown eyed girl dragging her mum? She's running towards Ollivanders Wand shop to get her wand for her first year at Hogwarts."

~"I ended up healing scars."
+Again, I see where you're trying to go, but it doesn't actually make much sense. If you tried something like
~"I ended up with slowly healing scars."
+Or
~"I ended up healing my scars."
+Even this one doesn't make much sense. ^

Anyway. Its good, very powerful!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm very gald the emotions of the piece came across for you well. This was actually a kind of fun prologue to write, and I wanted it to contain power, though I'm not sure of what kinds.

I will definitely take a look at the sections/sentences you mentioned. I'm planning on doing a run through edit of this chapter soon, as I'm almost done writing the next one.

Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for pointing out those things to me too!

~Grimmerz


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Review #23, by marinahill Prologue: August 2001

17th February 2012:
This is a short prologue, but I really don't think you needed it to be any longer - you managed to put across so much in very few words and spark my interest.

I can just tell already that this is going to be more than just about a relationship between Draco and Astoria - there are more scars out in the world that play a part in their lives and it'll be interesting to see how you and how Astoria tackle the problems remaining after the war.

A great start, very intriguing :)

Marina

Author's Response: I'm very glad you think this length works. I was intending to keep it short, between 500 and 600 words, just as a challenge to myself to try to get the main theme of this out quickly, but do so in a fashion that intrigued people to come back for more. And it seems as though I managed that well.

And I am actually very excited to get some of those side stories out. Because I didn’t want my whole focus to be on just another pairing. I wanted to show that war had some nasty side effects, left some sort of scar on society that affected everyone in some way or another because I don't think that is shown enough in fan fiction after the war. So I'm glad you've enjoyed the introduction and are ready for more!

Thanks for the lovely review! It made my night! :D

~Grimmerz


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Review #24, by justonemorefic Prologue: August 2001

9th February 2012:
Your prologue sets up your world very nicely :D The war is over, but there's still a lot of rebuilding in the world, especially in people's personal lives, and it seems like Astoria's already gone through quite a lot since, but her voice is hopeful and I can feel like she's someone who's changed (even though I don't know how she was before). I think there's a lot of potential in the post-war world you've set up :D

You give us little hints about Daphne and Draco that make me quite curious - I wonder what went on in that group of hers and how her sister is now, and how Draco's been like as well.

Great start! ^__^

Author's Response: I'm really glad you've enjoyed the prologue! This chapter is by far one of the best things I've ever written. I really adore it, and can't wait to build the back story to it. Because I can never get enough post-war stories with the after effects of war. :)

I do throw in many hints with Daphne and Draco. And my intention definitely was to get curiousity and interest. And now that I have it, I can divulge the secrets with coming chapters! And Daphne's situation will definitely be highlighted in the first couple chapters, along with later ones!

Glad you enjoyed! Thanks so much for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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Review #25, by forsakenphoenix Prologue: August 2001

8th February 2012:
Oh, this is such an interesting idea for bringing Draco and Astoria together. I loved this prologue. It was short, but full of emotion. I love the idea that despite the fact that the war is over, at least in the physical sense, they're fighting against their demons, against nightmares and scars left over from the war. I think it's a very realistic way to look at the wizarding world post-war. I don't think things were magically all right again, and people certainly suffered because of it. You've certainly painted Astoria in a heartbreaking way, making us feel for her, for what she's lost because of the war. But it's nice that we'll soon be learning what she gains from it too. :)

This was a great prologue, and I can't wait to see where you go with this story. Well done!

Author's Response: Hello.

I'm very glad this idea interests you! I spent a lot of time on this idea, that I actually gathered during one of my writing classes. But this idea just sort of expanded in my head, and I knew the prologue had to be short but strong. It had to carry across the atrocities of war that everyone seems to overlook. And I wanted that connection deep with Astoria. I think the thing I'm most looking forward to with this is developing Astoria into the girl who understands that war doesn't end just because the physical fighting is over. Because this takes place just over a year after the start of the story. And she definitely doesn't understand the effets of war quite as well as many of us...not that I really know too much, but I'm really excited to be exploring the concept of post-war times.

I'm glad you jumped in and are excited for more. I'm excited to share the story that's going on inside of my head! An update should be coming soon as the next chapter is about 40% done!

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Grimmerz


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