Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review! =)
First and foremost, I have to apologise. I know I haven't been awfully late fore review like I have been for others but still I have been late and I really am very sorry for that! Hope I'm forgiven =)
Back to the story then. Honestly, the intriguing part starts when you look at the title and then see the characters. I mean why would a story about Death Eaters not have Death Eaters in it? How can it be about Death Eaters then? That's where I got intrigued initially. So you don't have to worry about the intrigue level =D
Characters: Well, to be honest, since I did not know what characters I'm gonna be reading about I had no idea how analyse the main character narrating the story. My only comes when I found out who it is: It's good to see that you chose Molly Weasley. I just read a story about Roxanne Weasley and I mentioned this there as well that it feels really good to read next gen stories that do not mention the typical and common next gen characters. I really liked how you brought out the potential in Molly's character. Keep it up! =)
Flow: The flow was normal. It wasn't bad or good. I did not have any problems with it =) But then again, when it's a 900+ word prologue, the flow is barely of any concern here. Before the flow actually establishes, the chapter ends. So you needn't really worry about that in this chapter.
Description: Wow. You achieved a very high level of description here. Describing her emotions and her feeling, then describing the environment she was working in: you were really successful in all of that. I could totally picture her and Cesaria (Unique name, where did you find it from?) sitting as they were and her sprawled on the floor in between memos. Then the wind blowing away those memos was mentioned was nicely too. I must say that it was very good to see a 900+ word chapter described so perfectly. Very well done =)
Dialogue: There wasn't much dialogue in this chapter. Wherever there was dialogue, it was alright =) No problems with it. However, I must ask, why was Cesaria's tone like that when she was talking to the old woman? I totally did not understand the reason for her attitude.
Boring: Nope. Not boring at all. Plus, when you've already established the intriguing part by the title, there's little left behind that can be called boring =)
Exciting: Yes! I need to know what in the world happened that caused Molly Weasley to turn into a Death Eater. And that so after Voldemort's death! Why do they still exist at all? Need to know! =P
Annoying: Nope. Not one teeny bit. Looking forward to the next chapter actually =)
Also, I know this has gotten long, but what can I do? I can't stop typing until I've said all that I have on my mind. =P
Keep it up! I love unique ideas and this is definitely one! I hope this review helps you! Do let me know what you think =D Until next time, best of luck and Happy Writing!Author's Response: First of all, it's almost Christmas, so the delay is understandable. Actually, I'm surprised you've found the time to check this out, what with presents to wrap up, festive stuff to arrange in tasteful yet cheery manner and all that. I, for one, barely have time to brush my teeth in morning these days -) So no worries there.
Secondly, thanks for another great review. This one was DEFINITELY longer than my chapter, so, once again, I applaud your hard work. Also, if it wasn't for your critique, I would have exactly zero descriptions in my stories, so thanks for your help -)
Now, I keep asking about the flow mainly because for me flow is as much a mystery as the amount of money one should leave as a tip in a nice New Zealand restaurant (is it European 10 to 15? or American 25? Confusing). So I trust your judgement on this one.
About Cesaria. She's going to be one of the central characters in the story, so I'm going to write more about her motivation, internal conflict and such in the upcoming bits. Her name comes from the novel 'Unholy Ghosts' by Stacia Kane, a very entertaining read. Also, she now has a brother called Luke, so I've got this neat little Borgia reference -)
The next chapter's gonna be up in a day or two, and I'm looking forward to hearing your opinion on that. I hope you won't mind if I re-request.
Good luck and Happy Holidays! Report Review
It's me from the forums here with your review. This was a great start to what seems like will be a very interesting and orginal story.
The description of the workplace was great, you could really feel the drudgery and repitition of working in a large bureacracy like that. Molly's characterization was great as well, we usually picture her being very rule abiding seeing as how she was Percy's daughter and all that, so i like how you made her the complete opposite of that.
I really wonder how Molly ended up becoming a death eater, and how the organization was still in existence after voldemort's defeat. You definetely have a lot of potential to work with there.Author's Response: Well, I'll do my best to make Molly's story exciting.
It's really nice to hear that my descriptions are getting better. I don't really enjoy writing them; actually, I write the fun bits first and add the boring fillers later.
Thanks for the review! It did wonders for me, inspiration-wise -) Report Review
Huh, huh, huh, huh?
Well, I've got to admit you have my baffeled, confused and very very intrigued. I actually don't have a clue where you're going to go with this, but I'm glad that you have something else for me to review.
I like it, I think - ahha. Its pretty short but it certainly does the job of capturing my attention.I didn't really notice any mistakes, but I wasn't looking very carefully for them so there might well be some. Nothing jumped out though - so once again you've got a good rounded piece of writing right here :)
Poor Molly though, working there seems kind of soul destorying - although I'm not exactly sure what she does. Anyway, I enjoyed this so far :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Can't say that 'confusing' is exactly what I was going for -) Ah, well, maybe next time. It's nice to hear I nailed the intrigue part at least :)
Thanks for checking this out -) I'm glad you liked this bit! Report Review
Ooh you have me very intrigued. I've got a very vivid image of their workplace in my mind, especially after the wonderful descriptions of Molly buried beneath the paperwork. It really brought the world to life in my mind, it was so well depicted.
Ces is nicely introduced, I can just imagine the sort of person she is and how she interacts with Molly. And Molly... Last of the Death Eaters? And that old woman was so wary of her! What did she do? Ooh, so interesting.
Great job!Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much!
I'm very, very glad you liked the prologue. I'm rather excited about writing Molly's story, and your review is about as encouraging as it gets -) So nice of you. Report Review
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