Better late than never?
Yes. I know it's been almost a year... or more like eight months. And I suppose eight months is better than a full twelve months but it's still... yeah. At least I'm here. It's better than nothing! I tell people that I promise to never forget about them and I don't. So here I am.
You know what I like about your writing? You don't over-dramatise it. There are so many stories which really build up to a kiss and while they do keep me on the edge of my seat and keep me clicking "next chapter", it's nice that the kiss between Anthony and Lily was nothing special. It happened, they sort of laughed over it and that's the end of that. I think that more closely resembles how it is in real life than in movies where you the entire plot leads up to a kiss. I like that.
I liked this chapter! Lol, trust you to put your beloved soccer into it. And, yes, it is called soccer. Not football. :P I also liked that you didn't give us a play-by-play rundown of the entire game. It tends to not add too much to the story unless the sport is pivotal to the story. And I liked it in this. It was nice.
I wonder who the person is that Lily saw! I don't know who it could be. And I won't bother guessing because I suck at that type of thing. Should be interesting to see, though.
A lovely two chapters!
Jasmine :)Author's Response: No worries - I'm about three months late responding to this. I understand how RL can get. Thank you so much for getting to me now. :)
I'm glad you liked the kiss - I think that there's definitely a time and a place for a crazy build up, but that it often isn't really necessary. I mean, sometimes kisses just happen, you know? They're not always a big deal.
I'm also glad that you felt like I balanced the description of the game well. I know that most people aren't in love with the sport like I am, and I didn't want to overdo it.
Thank you for the review! :) Report Review
How could you?
First the kiss cliffhanger, where I was like wahhh???
And now this? It would be okay if you updated three seconds after finishing the cliffhanger with the voice that she'd know anywhere.
WHOS VOICE IS IT?! I MUST KNOW, NOW, PLEASE!!
You're driving me insane!!!Author's Response: Aw, sorry! I've gotten distracted from this, though I do love it. I'll get the next chapter posted asap, though I will give you a hint - it's one of her cousins, who happens to really, really dislike Spurs. ;)
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
This would be a good chapter...
But the MarioKart reference made it brilliant!!! Ahaha I bet you thought I was gonna say something like "there just wasn't enough pole dancing" or "where were the explosions? A story with no explosions isn't a story at all!"* but I really rather liked it.
*completely true. The only exception is in Harry Potter fanfictions because an explosion at this point in the story would be pointless. Duh.Author's Response: Now I kind of want to insert a dream-sequence explosion just for the sake of it. :P
I'm glad I'm not the only MarioKart fan. :) Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
I'm really loving your story so far it's very interesting as it is a very unique story and not like any others I have read. I also love all of your OCs they fit in well unlike some I have seen in other fics that just don't fit. I really hope she will get with Annie soon! Please post some more soon :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :) I'll post more asap - I've been a little bogged down lately, but I definitely haven't forgotten about Lily. Thank you for the review! Report Review
Okay, first off I'm so incredible sorry that this review took much such a long time to get to. Well, an unforgivable length of time (four months, ack) but well... I was thinking about closing my thread for awhile due to school and general life chaos, but I'm definitely back on course with this now. So, sorry!
I've started by going through and picking out all the little things, if that's okay and then I'll go on to talk a bit more generally at the end :)
First, I really loved the little details you included about Lily in this bit "It was silly, but one of her least favorite things about the muggle world was the fact that most stores didn’t have bells above shop doors." and the bit about Lily loving doors that opened into a building rather than out. My knee-jerk reaction to that was just to smile goofily, then I was trying to get my critic brain on and was trying to work out whether these details were actually relevant, but you used them in such a way that they make me feel like I know Lily's quirks and...awh, it make me smile. I feel like through that you managed to say a lot about Lily's character without explaining what she was wearing or trying to definie her character: show not tell, after all.
This bit There were also matching brown leather couches sandwiching a table that both looked like they would be more at home in a stuffy office – like her uncle’s – than a tea shop, though the man who had scorned the fuzzy white armchair that sat only paces away in favor of the no-nonsense brown leather clearly would have disagreed with her. really confused me. I think it's probably just me being thick as its one in the morning and my brain still hasn't recovered from the amount of revision I forced upon it - but it seemed a little too wordy, maybe? Your style is so crisp and easy to read but I got lost with the sandwiching and the uncle and then the other man and the white armchair and also the brown leather couches. Possibly just find a way to split that up into more than one sentence or something?
"But I love them, I do! " This seemed quite... melodramatic from Lily here. I have a bit of an aversion to the use of exclamatives but... i don't know, it seemed like Annie wasn't really accusing her and it sounded defensive? And that something like "I do love them" would have worked better at that point.
"If Ed says you’re good people" -- should that be 'a good person?' I'm thinking it's just a colloquial thing that I've never seen because I live under a rock.
Okay, that was all very picky stuff that I picked up as I was going along and feel free to ignore any of it at will. I really do love this story - it's so easy to read and so crisp and lovely. You have quite the way with words that means that your writing itself a pleasure to read, not just your characters and plot too. And then I really like all the characters in this. I said up there ^ that I liked the way youv'e characterised Lily and I stand by that - she's quite simple, really and I can completely imagine her not to have the reckless tendency like all her cousins. Its nice a refreashing and I really like her.
Annie was interesing too so it was good to meet her. Although not much has happened yet, I think you've done enough as a writer to keep us engaged and wanting to read more.
Sorry if this review is a bit rubbish, but I really do love this story and feel free to rerequest for future chapters! Its a lovely story and I'm only sad that it took me so long to get to reading the next chapter.
Thanks for writing!
-ACAuthor's Response: No worries about taking awhile to get to the review. I can be the same way, and it's taken me two months to respond. *hides* I'm sorry - my unanswered reviews built up, and then once I'd made a dent in them I put off answering yours because it really is a lovely review (not rubbish at all!), and I didn't want to answer it with just an inadequate, "Thank you."
I definitely see what you mean about the little awkward bits you pointed out - I can occasionally get a bit wordy, and I definitely did there. I'll have to go back and rephrase it a bit.
"Good people" is indeed a colloquial thing, although now that I'm thinking about it, I think I picked it up from American relatives, so it may not be standard use in British English. It's a little hard to explain, but it's not quite the same as "a good person" - it's really about somebody's character. I guess "good person" is too, but... argh, it's difficult to articulate. It's different. At any rate, yes, it is an idiom, though I don't know that you've been living under a rock to have never seen it. :P
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry again for taking so long to answer it. I'm glad you liked the story, and I'll keep an eye out for an empty spot in your thread. (... assuming you still have it, anyway. :P) Report Review
I'm really curius now about who the O/C is because I don't think it's Anthony, so who?? I quite like how confused Lily is about all the football stuff (and I'll sdmit it really helps me understand it all when you explain cause I have no clue about teams south of the border) and I like Edwin and his growing interest in the wizarding world, but I'm not sure about the whole running away thing, but I'm willing to go with it since I love the story that follows :) update soon please because my curiosity is killing me!Author's Response: Yeah, I don't love my set up for the running away bit... it's something that I think makes sense in my head because I know how Lily feels, but I haven't communicated it as well as I could have. I'll probably be going back to edit this story some eventually to help back that up more. I'm glad you like the story enough to go with it, though! :)
Thank you for the review! I'll update as soon as I can. :) Report Review
Oh, rats. I was hoping for Lily/Anthony. But he played that rejection very cool - I think I would have gone home and cried! I keep getting the sense that the pairing is Lily/Annie, though I don't have much to back up that theory. I just keep getting that feeling when Annie's in a scene.
Great chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh goodness. Ok, so the person who recognised Lily is definitely going to be a relative from the magical world, I reckon. I'm going to hesitantly guess one of her brothers, but I really have no idea. It'll definitely add some more drama to Lily's life though!
As for Anthony, well, I have never seen anyone play rejection so cool. You'd expect some mild embarrassment, at least. But I hope they can keep being friends! (And what I really hope is that Lily falls in love with him and it gets all romantic and cute.)
Thanks, looking forward to the next one!Author's Response: :) Thank you for the review! I'm working on the next chapter, and I hope to have it up soon.
I actually have a cousin who plays rejection about as cool as Anthony does. It's really entertaining to watch, and since Anthony seemed like that sort of person, I thought I'd draw on that a little. :P Report Review
She continued talking to Edwin about the kiss
^ Do you mean 'considered'?
Lily made herself busy pulling out tea bags so no one could see the smile that had spread across her face, too.
^ I'm sticking to my theory (and nope I won't PM you because I like to find out the pairing when it actually happens!) that the pairing is Lily/Annie. It seemed like you were dropping little hints in this chapter. Lily has never really been interested in boys. She doesn't understand why. Hint. Hint. Hint.
Lots of football talk but I'm interested to know who is behind her and now I just figured it out after I wrote 'football'. It's Dom! Duh! Because she's the only one in the family that is interested in football. Right? Am I right?
Trying to pull one over on me Beeezie! :DAuthor's Response: Oops, yes. Thank you!
Regarding Dominique - yes, you are right! :P Arsenal (Dominique's club) and Spurs have a rivalry, so she's there rooting against Spurs. :P
Thank you for your review! Report Review
Once again, I'm completely floored by how well your stories all work together! I really like you've done that. I would imagine that it's nice to have a set of characters and descriptions at your disposal.
I really enjoy Lily's character. I would probably feel the same if nearly my entire family was somehow putting themselves in danger on a daily basis. I think her reaction to everything that happens in her life is reasonable. And I love that she runs away to Edwin Dursley's! I've always liked the name Edwin - nice choice! I feel that it's something someone like Dudley would name their child.
Being the Rose/Scorpius shipper that I am, it's great to see that they're still together this far in the future. Not that I thought they wouldn't be considering the most recent events of "Curiosity" but conformation is nice! I adored the image of Scorpius playing Nintendo! I hope we get to see that "in person" in a future chapter! That's too good to leave out.
Ha ha, Annie's football obsession makes me laugh. I can't really fathom loving a sport so much, but I suppose I feel that way about history. I studied it in college and want to be an archivist and I just get so excited when talking to other people about history. So naturally I like Anthony quite a lot and I'm interested to see where his storyline with Lily goes.
Wonderful!Author's Response: I forgot to say this in my last response - yes, I do have a huge database (and also a lot in my head). I'm really a geek that way - among other things, I have at least a partial list of every Hogwarts year from 2006 to 2027 (for the years of the next-gens, it's usually more detailed), a list of who works in the law and beast divisions at the Ministry and when, schedules for the major characters for Rose's fifth and sixth years, a list of who in Rose's year as well as the other next-gens and their closest friends take what for OWLs and NEWTs and what they get on them, Quidditch teams, and backstories for several different families (including the Greengrasses and the Dedworths).
... yeah this was what I did my last year of school when I wasn't working on my thesis. :P
I love the football stuff I can work into this - I'm a huge, huge fan (though I don't really care much about Liverpool - Dominique already likes my EPL team, though, and I can't have everyone be an Arsenal fan!), and especially now that the season is over and I was unhappy with many of the results, I'm probably going to be working in snide comments about my least favourite teams doing poorly in the 2020s. :P
I do understand liking history that much as well, though - history was one of the things I studied in college, and I really just loved all of my classes. One of the careers I'm considering is actually archiving, too, so I can completely understand the appeal!
Thank you so much for another lovely review. :) Report Review
I have to say I agree with Edwin but Lily needs to figure everything out herself, he can't push her one way or another. It isn't going to help her out. Aw, I really like Anthony but I'm kind of upset that I really thought the pairing would have been Annie/Lily and I was warming up to the idea. I never can find well written slash stories that much and I'm sure if you wrote one I would enjoy. But I do like Anthony, I do, I just think Lily will probably dodge the kiss or something because it kind of came out of left field.Author's Response: Yeah, I tend to agree about Edwin - this is something Lily needs to deal with, and pushing her isn't going to help.
I'm not going to spoil what the pairing will eventually be for you (unless you want me to :P), but I will say that what happened with Anthony in this chapter is not going to immediately lead into something. (I am trying to phrase myself very carefully.)
Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
"Your friend Scorpius stayed for a couple hours. He stole my pizza and played FIFA with me."
^ Haha. That did amuse me. Too bad we couldn't actually see him play. I would have loved to see his facial reactions and how Edwin roped him into playing. I wonder if he enjoyed it. Oh, Scorpius!
Learning all about these things is kind of awesome. I know next to nothing about football but my friend used to play (writing football confuses me! Haha! I'm such an American) and she was actually quite good but she stopped playing once she started college, well soon after she started because it was too much work. But I remember her watching the games and she used to travel a lot to Italy and such to play against the teams over there.
Which kind of leaves me to my next question. Do you play football?Author's Response: Oh, you'll see Scorpius playing either a first person shooter or FIFA at some point during this story! It's just too hilarious not to include. :P
I'm really glad you're enjoying learning a lot about football! I'm kind of insanely obsessed with it and think that everyone in the world should basically be into it because it's the best sport ever, and I mostly have to cram my football obsession into this fic and the fic I'm writing about Dominique starting a football tournament at Hogwarts. (Which is hilarious.)
I play some. I played a lot more when I was a kid, but since I got older it's pretty much limited to occasionally kicking a ball around with my friends. :(
Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
"Want to borrow my cell phone's thesaurus?"
^ Do we seriously have those on cell phones? I have to go search my phone now and see. I have the internet on my phone so I guess I do have it but I don't have an application for it. That's kind of cool though.
But anyway (sorry I'm so random).
This question might sound...I don't know but I'm thinking about it, you know? And I can't get it out of my head. I forgot how old Annie is, I'm pretty sure she's older than Lily right? I don't think she's too old though so...is that the pairing for the story? Is it Lily/OC (Annie). Don't tell me...well, tell me actually. No, I don't want to know. Hm. I'm conflicted.
I was really convinced it was Anthony and then I don't know there's something about how Annie cares about Lily that tells me maybe, just maybe they have a connection.
Or maybe I'm just reading into this too much. Well, anyway it seems to me that Annie has something going on with her as well because her life really just seems consumed by football right now and in reality we really don't much more about her. I think she can relate to Lily but I don't know how.
I understand that Lily is upset about what her family does but I'm kind of confused as to why she ran away, is that really it? Because I try to think of it as, say her family, or some people in her family were part of the army, would she run away then? Would someone run away because someone they knew was in the army and they know that it's dangerous and it upsets them so they leave?
I don't know. I just don't really understand I guess what's going on inside her head. I don't think you told us the entire story just yet.Author's Response: I feel like some cell phones probably do, but I'm sure all will by 2025 (which is when this is set). They're also probably be the size of a fingernail or something ridiculous like that, but you know. :P
Annie is a couple years older than Lily - Lily's 17, Annie's 19 or 20. PM me if you want me to tell you who the ship is - don't make any assumptions because of chapters that have been currently posted. ;)
Lily ran away because she felt like she couldn't even put the danger out of her head for a little while because it was constantly around her. I think I'm going to need to rehash that a bit, but I will! :)
Thank you for the review. :) Report Review
Annie rubbed her eyes, which only made them redder. "Liverpool lost to Manchester United last night," she said, and buried her head in her hands as she burst into tears.
^ Oh the drama of people and their sports teams. Reminds me of my cousin, seeing a 27 year old cry because the Yankees didn't make it to the world series or they did and lost terribly to the Red Soxs, I'm sorry...I laugh. Makes me sound terrible but I laughed at Annie too.
You must have a real love for football. When I went to Spain I could tell that everyone was really into it because all these people were wearing the shirts and kept going on about it whenever we walked around and did touristy things in some places. I suppose it's nice to be into something that much. I used to be a big basketball fan but now I can't even tell you what's the difference between a three point and two point shot (besides the point difference obviously).Author's Response: Yeah, people definitely get dramatic about their teams (myself included). It really can be nice to care so much about something - even when it's heartbreaking it brings you out of yourself, and there are a lot more people who comfort you when your team loses than anything else.
I've spent the last three weeks on a roller coaster of emotions with football... I'm going to vent my frustrations with chapters predicting great futures for my favourite teams and lousy ones for the teams I hate. :P Report Review
"Early on, I was careful because I knew that she was skeptical about going out with a Slytherin in the first place, and she had a nasty habit of eavesdropping."
^ These references to Curiosity Is Not a Sin really make my day. :D I love that you connect everything, even if it's something small, to your stories.
I suppose the Lily/OC pairing will be Lily/Anthony because of the small exchange that happened here. I'm glad it's not Scorpius/Lily, that would be an awful love triangle and I'm not a big fan of those what good person would really do that to their cousin?
Confession? I don't know how to play football (or soccer as we Americans call it). There's something horribly daunting about that ball and having to run up and down a field and kick it. I lack serious coordination skills.Author's Response: Oh, yay! I always try to work in those little references, in part because I find it fun and I like to link things together, and in part because I really hope that people who read a lot of my stories see them and it makes them happy, because those sorts of references always make me happy when I see them in stories I like.
I won't say what the pairing will be, other than definitely not Scorpius/Lily - by the end of this Lily will have heard some pretty important news from Scorpius about him and Rose ;) - but I will say that you shouldn't necessarily assume anything based on the end of this chapter. ;)
And aw, that's okay! Football is awesome to watch, too. :) Even the MLS can be pretty decent, but this summer you should definitely tune into the European Cup! (Which is like the World Cup, but for Europe.) If you do, focus on the Spain, Germany, and Netherlands games - they're the best teams in it. :)
Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
Wow I actually gasped at the end of that chapter and my brother asked me "whoa what's happening?" haha and now we're having a discussion about how good it would be if all books were released chapter by chapter with cliffies... ANYWAY
I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think this disagreement had to happen. I don't really think Lily's being unreasonable, but I do a bit... And yay for Anthony, although in all honesty I think the next chapter is going to be "Lily dodged his kiss; awkwardness ensued." haha
Looking forward to more, whatever happens! Thanks :)Author's Response: Aww, I know what you mean! I hate it when writers leave things on cliffhangers... but at the same time, it always keeps me coming back! It's a love-hate sort of thing, which is probably why I try to do it sometimes. ;)
I won't spoil it for you... but I will say that your gut is leading you in the right direction! ;) Report Review
Ed does have a point but Anthony is a little kinder about the way he goes about telling her that she behaving in an immature and irresponsible way. She will want to see her family again - she misses them. Go Anthony - I like him. Thanks for the update!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I definitely agree that Lily's being a bit immature, but yeah, there are ways of dealing with that, and Ed was not the most diplomatic.
Of course, then Anthony had to go spoil his altruism by kissing her. :P
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Hi! Me for the TGS review swap :)
I haven't read a lot of Next Gen running-off stories, so this was a new experience for me. I was a bit wary because I didn't understand the amount of danger that Lily's family really seems to be in so I don't know why it upsets her as much as it does. I'd expect to see some kind of real examples of how she worried about them, like how when she thought about the tea cup her brother had given her for her fifteenth birthday she couldn't even enjoy it because she had to then wonder about James, and how he was. I also don't know why she's so mad at Albus. It seems to me it's just his way of coping. It's possible she's just too upset for this to make any difference for her, though. It also took me a long time to understand that Rose and James are aurors, right? Or am I still confused about that.
I like Edwin, but I have a lot of questions about him. I realize that you probably address a lot of these things in later chapters, but the first chapter shouldn't be overlooked as an opportunity for some basic information, right? I wonder things like does he live alone? How old is /he/ ? How come he doesn't know how old Lily is but she knows his address and that he'll take her in? Why does it matter to him so much that she's eighteen? The color on the wall stuff lost me a little bit, though. Also, with the bed stuff, I got confused about who was who for a while!
I like the premise you've set up. I can see there will be some exploring to happen, a lot of new freedom that Lily will and won't be ready for in different measures. I like that Edwin is a Dursley but I foresee problems with his parents / relations plus the fact that Lily isn't being very careful about using magic in a muggle neighborhood and the Ministry keeps tabs on those kinds of things. Overall I didn't have a very clear impression of what things looked like so I was having a little bit of trouble getting into the story. It's hard for me to know what things mean to Lily--she's willing to forego a family that loves her and knows her for a cousin who brings his pals into the place and who doesn't know how old she is--and I can't yet see exactly why. Still, I'm interested in reading more because I like the newness of this situation and I'm excited that you'll have this great new canvass to work with.
I think I will try to read and review your other chapters just to see if some questions I have noted here are things you do take care of later. I understand that first chapters with WIPs are sometimes strange places, and often times, the story actually starts in a different chapter :) Good job and good luck with this!
-lilyAuthor's Response: Hey! :) Sorry for taking forever to respond to this. I got a little backlogged.
I definitely agree that the first chapter does need to include a fair amount of information, at least to set the scene. I thought that I'd made some of those bits clear, but I'll have to go back and look at it again, because it seems like I didn't. :)
As far as him knowing how old Lily is specifically... I don't know. You put a lot of significance on it, which I really wasn't intending, so maybe I need to cut that part out. I'm close to almost all of my cousins, but I'm not always clear on exactly how old they are. I didn't really think about it being confusing when I put it in, but I certainly don't want it to come across that way, so maybe I should look again.
Thank you so much for the review. I'll definitely look back at this chapter to try and clear some of the things up, and I'm sorry again for taking so long to answer this! Report Review
Hello! I'm so so so sorry for how long it's taken me to get around to reviewing this! I'm mortified it's been nearly a month since you requested! I've tried reviewing a few times before but my browser kept closing down for some reason and i'd lose what i wrote! Anyway, sorry again for this incredibly long wait.
I like that your continuing to highlight the difference between the muggle and magical world. I liked how Lily was just so confused about not being able to use her hands and the whole not scoring business. I like that this fic is so centred around football and i have to admit that every time i see your status updates about football i think of Annie and her obsession.
I especially liked the details you added in here that made the story seem a lot more rounded and rich. Some of the things i liked was just the comment about how long you've loved your team. It's so true and realistic because it's easy to love a team when they're doing good, but when their rubbish and you still support and love them it's a completely different thing.
I also liked that you pointed out that she doesn't get on with all of her family. So many write the Weasley's as this huge happy family that all love each other or all just really get along and are best mates. It's rare that that would happen in a family. But i loved that there are people that she just didn't really get along with. I also liked the highlight about the wildness of family and how she doesn't really associate with that so much. This makes Lily seem so much more of a real and multi dimensional character.
The repetition of 'great' was also an interesting touch. I feel like it covered a lot about what Lily is feeling about her family. It seems like something people when they just don't what else to say about their family or how else to describe it. I almost feel like it's used to cover some other feeling up perhaps? When i hear people say great repeatedly in real life it always seems like it one of those 'yes but' type things where it's like i love them but or they're great but. I don't know exactly what i'm trying to say with this comment exactly and i'm having a hard time trying to express exactly what i'm feeling about this but i thought it sort of covered her feeling so of uncertainty of her family.
As i said before, you've done a great job with giving Lily more dimension in this chapter. She seems like someone who bottles up all her feelings because she sees it as a sign of weakness or something. I think this was a great addition to trying to explain why she left her family in the first place. It almost seems at some points that she feels left out of her family, like she doesn't quite belong? I may be reading way too much into but there was a few lines that sort of gave me that impression.
Even with this chapter that was basically all about her leaving and there were some great things in there that made it a bit more believable, i still felt like her reasons fell a little flat and i'm still having trouble buying into it completely at this point. I'm probably being a bit dense and I'm sure you'll explore this later on and do a great job with it. Does she feel like she doesn't measure up to her family? Is she trying to find where she fits into her family and perhaps wants to try and find that out herself without being overshadowed by her family? So many possibilities.
Anyway, this was a lovely chapter and i really enjoyed reading it and seeing the relationship between Annie and Lily grow! :D I hope my ramblings made sense, i had a hard time articulating some of the thoughts that i was having but i hope that i got my point across. :DAuthor's Response: It has taken me forever to answer this, and for that I am very sorry. *hides*
I completely understand browser problems - I actually always type up my reviews in a text document, because I got tired of losing things when my computer misbehaved. :P
Lily's major issue with her family is that she just finds being around them really stressful. On one level, the reality never really changes, but on another, just cutting yourself off from it and avoiding it can help you avoid the tension and anxiety the situation is causing. If that makes sense?
I'm really glad you're continuing to enjoy this - I have so much fun with this story. (And, amusingly enough, some of my football predictions seem to be on the way to coming true! Which is very exciting for me.) Your ramblings definitely make sense, and they are always so, so helpful. ♥ Report Review
i liked this chapter and i'm excited to see how Lily plans on telling Annie about her 'secrets'.
Can't wait for the next chater!!Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'll get it up asap! Report Review
Character development! I found it funny that Annie became so sad over a game... I mean, I myself don't follow any sports so ya know xD I don't understand. I keep finding myself drawn to continue reading this story too... I stopped for a second to contemplate eating a bit of pizza but I decided to read this some more!
It's a great story Beeezie. :)
Mike.Author's Response: Oh, god. Yeah, for sports fans, losing a game to your greatest rival is positively gutting. I've literally cried before. (Then I heard that the team that beat mine dropped the trophy they won under a bus and felt a little better.)
I'm really glad you enjoy it so much. :) Report Review
Woohoo! I finally have so adequate time to review! And I think I'll review some more for 2 reasons. 1. This is awesome! 2. I feel bad. xD
Anyways, it's interesting how Lily interacted with Anthony. *Raises eye brow* Felt her face getting hot eh? :P Foreshadowing? I'll find out soon!
I like the small mishap Lily had when she was talking to Annie, it made her seem more human, and how a wizard would sometimes get when they throw themselves into muggle territory.
Annie is a fun character to read too! I really like all of your characters. :)
Mike.Author's Response: Hey, no worries. Look at how long it's taken me to respond to you... (embarrassed and ashamed)
Thank you so much for the review. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, because this is really one of my favourites. :) Report Review
I don't get it.
You have Lily running away from home. Away from the Weasleys and Potters. They're always so loving and family-like but now Lily has run away. And you barely mention them. It's just hanging there in the background.
And... for some reason it works. I don't get it. It just does. It is so far removed from everything Next Gen story I have read but it's not bad. It's brilliant. But I am struggling to understand just how you have done it.
Your characters are brilliant. Even though they are all OCs (with the exception of Lily), they all have a purpose. I get frustrated when I read stories where there a bunch of new characters and they just seem to be there just for the sake of being there. I don't get that here. All your characters have distinct personalities and I love how you have written all of them.
I also love the football references. Trust you to do put them in! :P I don't actually know a whole lot about football but I can get pretty fanatical about the cricket and AFL so I understand how Annie felt when her team lost. That made me laugh, though.
Please keep writing.Author's Response: I am so, so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to you. :( I took a bit of a vacation from the archives and am a terrible person. I hope you can forgive me.
Thank you so much. I love (love, love) your work, so such high praise from you makes me ridiculously happy. I really enjoy this story, so I'm really glad that you like it so much. I often have the same reaction to OCs, so I'm very glad that you think that mine are real and developed and all.
Thank you. Really. You are amazing and I love hearing that you like my work. It brightens up my day. Report Review
No, thanks for all the context! I mean, I followed, but it does help. I'm enjoying this story and I like the characters, and feel like I'll like them more as the story progresses and they develop more and more. I feel like I don't know that much of Annie's personality, but that she is nice underneath her football persona! And I still like Edwin - he just seems really cool to me. Thanks! :)Author's Response: Thank you for your review, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. :) I'm really glad you liked this chapter, and I'll get the next one up asap! Report Review
Yey! You updated! And see, I told you I'd drop by on my own (:
So anyways, great chapter. I really love your dialogue, it's so fluent and easy to read. Just two friends talking to each other casually and that's what makes this story so real and believable. Which is why I love this so much. Oh, and because of the football of course d:
I really like Annie's character. She's so nice, and so down-to-earth type of girl. And Lily! I think you're doing such a great job on describing her feelings about her family, and about what's going on through her head. I think you handled very well the situation, where she was hurt about Annie not telling her about her football 'career'.
And the part about Scorpius playing FIFA? That was just hilarious! I could so picture it, him staring at the controller suspiciously at first, poking the buttons unsurely. I'm still laughing at the image.
But yeah, loved the chapter. I'm already waiting for your next update! Good luck writing (:
~EAuthor's Response: Hey! I'm so sorry about the terrible wait for my response to this - I've been a bit stressed lately, and I've been avoiding a lot of things. Hopefully you will forgive me.
I'm glad you liked this chapter, especially the part about Lily being hurt about what Annie didn't tell her. (And, of course, that you enjoyed the visual image of Scorpius playing FIFA - I was really hoping someone other than me would be amused. :P)
Thank you! ♥ Report Review
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