I just wanted to say that you write really, really well. The flow and the pace was really good and it kept my attention throughout the entire piece. The way you wrote it, with the switching between the scenes was really interesting and I really enjoyed reading it like that.
Another point I really liked was the way you didn't write it from Peter's or Sirius' perspective but rather, the muggles'. It was a different take which is always refreshing to read! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It's always fantastic to hear I write well -- it's one of the best compliments I could ever, ever receive, actually. :3 I'm happy to hear it held your attention, too, because I think that's vitally important in a story, and perhaps even more so in a one-shot.
My friend Sarah (Toujours Padfoot, who this story is for) requested a story specially from the Muggles' point of view, or from the point of view of at least one of them. I can't take credit for that! But I enjoyed writing this, and am happy that it interested you, too! Thank you so much for taking the time to review this for me!! ♥ Report Review
How did I not know that you had a Peter Pettigrew story?! It's a crime that I haven't come across it before, but now I am here to attack it with a million squees because it is amazing. Well, I guess it's more of a story that includes Peter rather than a story about him - he instigates the action, but he's more of a passing shadow. That, for me, is where the brilliance of this story comes from. You took a perspective distanced from Peter. Better yet, that perspective is a Muggle one. *flails* Who does that? Not enough people, that's for sure, but you have, and oh-my-gosh-it's-fantastic.
With a few specific, everyday details, you create living people who become caught up in something far beyond their comprehension. It didn't take me long to figure out what would happen, and I spent a lot of this story yelling at Christine to get the hell out of there, but I still loved the suspense - the knowing actually made the story more interesting. It's the ticking time-bomb theory of suspense - that agony of inevitability is far more effective than just showing something blowing up. And I notice, genius that you are, you don't show the blowing up bit - it happens so fast that Christine never knows what hit her, poor girl. You developed these Muggle characters amazingly within a short span of time, which is something I always find impressive.
There was one line I think may need rewording - Well, I suppose these things to happened - I understand what you meant, but the syntax is off. Of course, Peter could be absolutely off his rocker and can no longer speak properly, so if that's it, then no worries. :P
I liked how you set off the "main action" with the scenes at the bar. Peter is fascinating in those scenes, though we only get snatches of him, but there is a strange combination of fear, suspicious behaviour, and maliciousness verging on a sort of insanity. It could be the trauma of the blast that lead him to giggle, but it could equally, if not more likely, be that same kind of madness Bellatrix and Voldemort display - a blatant and terrifying disregard for others. Your Peter is chilling, but he's still pathetic too in that usual Peterish way. He's complex and I'm having trouble pinning him down, which of course, is another thing I like - it's more exciting to have villains that are difficult to read. After finishing your story, I'm still left with many questions and I still want more.
Needless to say, this story is fabulous and I wish I'd read it sooner. Everything I read from you is so good, of the highest quality and extremely interesting, it's not at all fair. It's wonderful that you write so much because otherwise, you'd have me constantly bothering you to write more amazing stories like this. ^_^Author's Response: I had no idea you liked Peter Pettigrew stories! I think that's fantastic -- although I don't really like him, per se, he's undeniably an interesting character, and I'm always appreciative of someone who can write him. Which, seeing as you won the Peter Pettigrew TGS duel, I know you can!
When Sarah asked me to write about this moment in particular, I was a bit surprised at first, simply because it's never something I would have picked. But that's her brain, I suppose, thinking of all these missing moments, and I had such fun writing this! I do think it's because of something you mentioned -- bringing out the people around Sirius and Peter, and fleshing out their situations instead of leaving them faceless and nameless. (Also, not sure how that line's slipped through edits -- awkward. I've got it fixed now, so thank you for pointing it out!)
For the bar scenes, I actually didn't intend to keep weaving them throughout. I showed Sarah the first portion of the first bar scene, and it was she who actually made me think to make the 'mysterious shadowy figure' Peter at all. :3 I'm very glad you liked it! I think he is a little insane, but mostly just terrified -- within a day he's basically been the result for the literal/figurative deaths of two of the people who are supposed to be his best friends.
Gahh, thank you so much for coming by and leaving such a sweet review, Susan! ♥ I'm honestly just so happy (and flattered!) you liked it. I'll keep on writing as long as people like you keep being so supportive. :3 I can't tell you what this means to me! Report Review
I have to say, I squeed a little when I saw that you requested a review! :)
But anyway, I love this story! I'm not much of a fan of Peter Pettigrew and every time I read about him, I have the strong urge to throw something but I managed to sit myself through this story quite contently! It was unique, interesting and above all, very well written! The attention to detail is unbelievable. I love the small things like Christine tucking her hair behind her ear. I absolutely love details and you've done a fantastic job with them!
Also, characterization was great. You introduced new characters in this story but within a matter of seconds, I felt as though I had known them for a very long time. The way you connected everyone together even though it was from different points of views was just great. I love the original characters you chose and the way you integrated them into the story really made it seem like they belonged and it couldn't have been done otherwise.
It was an interesting one-shot and I definitely enjoyed it. It seemed so natural the way everything happened and I especially love how you added Christine's point of view. I think that was very important, having one of the victims' view. It really does make the story believable and overall, natural because in real life, innocent people do get hurt doing everyday things. I can't really say much when it comes to criticism because I have none for you.
You're a terrific author who seems to excel at every story no matter the genre or era. Absolutely amazing work with this one!
-marissa lily potterAuthor's Response: Did you really? Well, I'm always glad to oblige! :D And by saying that, of course, I just mean thank you for taking the time to review anything of mine, requested or no, because it really is very much appreciated!
I don't generally like Pettigrew either, but for some reason a lot of what I've been writing within, oh, the past year or so has necessitated a lot of him. ;) I try and approach his character with as sympathetic a mindset as possible.
I'm so happy you liked this story! I very much want, in everything I write, for people to feel like my characters aren't just people on a screen. And sometimes that's a hard thing to get around, but your compliments really are so encouraging to that end. I wrote this story for a friend of mine for Christmas, as a request from her, but I'm quite surprised at how much /I/ ended up enjoying it, too! (Then again, I'm not -- we sometimes tend to think alike!)
You are much too sweet. ♥ Thank you so much for being willing to leave me a review on this story! I'm extremely pleased you found it to your liking! :) Report Review
the moment i read about the gas explosion and drunk man in the bar i suspected it would be Peter. I didn't realize that you will actually write about the showdown. I absolutely loved the part where the old man got oblivated. I don't why. But i just did. You're just amazing.period.Author's Response: You caught my foreshadowing, did you? :3 True story -- the man did not start out as Peter, and I really didn't know it was him until I had one of my really good friends read through it, and she was like WHO IS THAT MAN. And it didn't occur to me that he even /was/ anyone, you know?
I love it when things work out that way.
The Obliviation is actually one of my favorite parts, too! I'm so glad you liked this story -- it's one of my darker ones, for sure, but in general I like my darker stories more than my fluffier ones. Honestly, though, it really means so much to me to have these reviews, more than I can ever tell you, and I just have to thank you so much for leaving them. It's really just amazing. ♥ Report Review
Oh my goodness. I was totally not expecting this at all when I read the summary! I'm actually not sure what I was expecting, but my god, woman, the things you do to my heart.
I love how you alternate your scenes between the bar and the street, how we see this event that we all know so well from two Muggle bystanders who know nothing about magic.
I think giving a name to the woman, watching her enjoy simple, mundane things, makes it a lot harder to bear when she dies in the explosion. I expected it, but it doesn't make it any less sad. And Andrew Allen was sweet. His grief for the woman that he barely knew was touching.
I think I loved the scenes with the barman the most, though. Cleaning glasses that were already clean, just for something to do. Trying to start a conversation with his lone patron, feeling that as a bartender, he needed to be a friend to all those and trying to reach out to his frightened, nervous patron. It was all so well-written, and we get an idea that it's Peter there, hiding...from his avoidance about the gas explosion, the tension, the fear. Then when he leaves, the missing finger...everything just comes together and oh my god, this story is perfect.
Seriously, can you write anything terribly? Just to make me feel better about myself? I adored this, and no wonder it was Featured One-Shot.
I just fall more and more in love with your writing every time I read something new.Author's Response: Here is a complimentary box of Band-Aids for your heart. ♥ But you should know by now that some of the things I write aren't the happiest ever... Odd, of course, since I like to think I'm generally a positive and happy person, but there we have it!
ToujoursPadfoot wanted to read this, and I'm so glad she prompted me to write it for her, because I'm very pleased with the way it turned out. :) I think the barman bits are my favorite, too, because they sort of connected and built up the suspense, I feel. And they're what kept me moving, too, those bits. Win-win!
Missy, you lovely person. ♥ I really, really cannot tell you what these reviews mean to me, and from an author I in turn admire, no less. You continually make my day, and I am very, very glad we have become friends. Report Review
Great imagining of the aftermath of the blast. So real to "see" as you read it. Enough detail, but not overly so as to be cumbersome. Well done, with just hints of magic, so that we who know, know what's going on!Author's Response: You've caught me as I'm going through answering all my reviews! It was quite a surprise to refresh the page and see this here, and I'm so pleased to see you've returned. I've responded to about 5 reviews from you tonight -- that just blows my mind, I am so grateful!
I'm glad you enjoyed this story, too -- I think it's at least in my top 5 one-shots I've written. I like the darker ones, for some reason, although I'm not sure why. I don't think of myself as a particularly dark person! Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
OH!- I just love the way this came together. I think that you did a brilliant job of creating the atmosphere for this story.
I'd never before really thought about that scene on the street with the thirteen muggles but it is really such a crucial scene in the book. I think that you did a fabulous job of creating realistic characters in very few words- you gave Christine life and breath and it was so heart-breaking to know that she was going to die. And then read her death.
I also really enjoyed the scenes of the aftermath of the "explosion" that you interspersed in the story. They were so well done- little scenes that built up and up to have a powerful impact.
The last sentence was perfectly done. It really summed it up for the reader and gave the story closure. Even though I already knew it was Peter in the bar it was still a moment of "Oh my gosh- it's Peter, it's PETER!"
I really did enjoy reading this one-shot and I'm so glad that I clicked on the link. It was beautifully done.Author's Response: I was so nervous about writing this story, not knowing if I'd be able to do the prompt justice -- ToujoursPadfoot requested it specially, and I'm in such awe of her writing. :D So I'm really glad to hear you enjoyed it! I like writing moments not a lot of people think about, because there's not as much concern about subtly stealing work, I think.
I /love/ that last sentence, if I may say so while keeping my modesty intact. :D I worked it over several times before keeping that one. But really, thank you so much for this review -- really! It totally made my day! ♥ Report Review
Wow. Omg. This was just wonderful to read. The fact that I didn't know what was happening at the beginning, and the intrigue and then finally realising what it was about, it was like I was a Muggle there too - and the characters you created, if you read Harry Potter, it's like they were merely just that - a dozen unfortunate people who got in the way, but they were all real, different people with their own lives, just innocently /there/ and not having a clue what was going to happen. I love how you skipped from scene to scene, and the imagery was amazing, I could picture it so clearly. Just brilliant! Well done =DAuthor's Response: I like writing more suspenseful, twisted stories, I think -- is that weird? It's a bit more fun to sort of play with people's minds and keep them guessing. But then again, I write a decent amount of internal monologuing and fluff, and that's not at all similar. Ah, well.
Thank you so much for taking the time to swing by and leave SUCH a complimentary review! It really does mean a lot to me that you did -- more than you might perhaps realize. :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Wow, what a mood switch from Sarah's story. But this was BRILLIANT, Jane. What an interesting way to describe the infamous event that led to Sirius's incarceration. I think my favorite part of this was how you used perspective and point of view to your advantage, telling us the story through the eyes of clueless Muggles who could only suspect that something was not quite right. It gave this story a very chilling feeling of suspense that I felt physically as I made my way toward the end. The anticipation was very, very tangible, with my knowledge of the horrible outcome that approached.
The imagery was also lovely. I especially like the juxtaposition of the broken glass and the chocolates, the sense of "before" and "after" that it brought, the sense of a happy moment ruined by violence. The characters you created were interesting and aroused a sense of pity in me. Especially poor Christine and Andrew the chocolatier. How sad.
Well done! I'm sure Sarah loves it :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming by to read this, Amanda! It really does mean so much to me that you did. :3 Isn't it funny how different our stories turned out?
The emotions you describe having -- EXACTLY what I was going for, and I am so flattered to have evoked them in others. The glass in the chocolates is one of my favorite images, too -- I saw it in my head as being a sort of logical thing to have happened, and knew it had to go in there.
Thank you so much for the review, I am so honored! Report Review
Oh, well done. Rarely do you ever see a story written presenting the story of Peter Pettigrew told with any strength or beauty. The inclusion of Christine, so innocent and full of promise and joy, was bittersweet and gorgeous. Her view of the night was a stark contrast to the actual terror about to befall those on that corner. I loved the chocolatier and his interaction with the doomed girl. You made it all so human and believable. Really well done, hon. ~GWAuthor's Response: Wow -- thanks so much for being willing to come by and look at this! I was a bit stunned to see your name, which sort of makes me sound like a simpering idiot. I really am extremely pleased. :3
I'd never given much thought to this scenario before Sarah requested wanting to see it, but I'm very happy with how this turned out. Thank you so much for saying you find it human, too! It's interesting to write about the magical world from a Muggle perspective -- very different, but something I might be trying again in the future. Who knows?
Thanks a million times over, this review totally made my day -- and more! ♥ Report Review
THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER OH MY GOD.
I just. Gahh. I don't even.
HOW DO I REVIEW THIS. IT IS LIKE MY FAVORITE ONE-SHOT YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN, AND IT'S LIKE BONUS GALORE THAT YOU WROTE IT FOR ME AS A PREZZIE.
So I am just going to try to string a few coherent phrases together here and there and hope you get the gist of how incredibly blown away I am. The /detail/. Like, I am just sitting here in awe. The format, too, how it goes from the pub back to the street, back to the pub, back to the street. When you showed me a snippet earlier, I don't know /why/ I didn't suspect the man at the bar was Peter, WHAT WAS I THINKING NOT SUSPECTING THAT. I was like, "Well it can't be Sirius because he was apprehended in the street" so typically I forgot that it could be Peter. I don't even. What. -shakes old self-
The showdown was HOMG SO INTENSE. I shall applaud you for ages, the way that you built up to it just right, and then shifted back to the pub, and then again. Christine is the perfect example of an innocent bystander. She has her own past and her own life and she's just walking on her way along the street; and when Andrew advised her to go down to the corner to hear the violinist, with the best of intentions, my heart just sank. Everything was written so marvelously, the red cellophane on the candy cane and the violinist saying "obliged, obliged, obliged". And the woman, I just can't get over when she says that the violinist shouldn't be just playing on corners. It was such a realistic thing to say, it's just so apparent that you really experienced this scene inside your head as you were writing it, because you painted it so vividly. The chocolate chips and how he touched his nose like there was some kind of secret (SO /REAL/, MAN, I'M TELLING YOU, I'VE HAD EXPERIENCES LIKE THESE WITH FRIENDLY OLD MEN BEFORE AND I'VE GOT GOOSEBUMPS NOW) and the broken glass and the crater - and oh my god, that she was upside down with her hand wrapped around something that wasn't there anymore. Just so poignant, that is imagery that is going to stick with me for a long time. This is pretty much canon now.
Sirius and Peter's exchange was perfect, as was Peter's behavior - he's such a frightened little rat, you can tell that he doesn't care /too/ much about what he's done, he just cares about consequences and doesn't want to get caught, doesn't want to be punished. I love how Sirius's wand was described in the eyes of a Muggle, and I love the flash of orange and how a man tried to help Peter up after he fell, and how Peter said sorry about bumping into everyone, and how he still paid for his ale, and how /canon/ everything was. It was just. I can't even. All twelve victims feel so real, like they really existed, like this is how it all went down. None of them were aware of what was happening, of who Sirius and Peter were, or why Sirius had a drumstick, about why they were shouting. They were just living like it was any normal day, and I am so, so pleased and honored to be able to read this scene, exactly how I wanted to read it, and that I was still so impressed by it because it was beyond anything I imagined. I am so, so happy that you wrote this story.
Best one-shot I've ever read. Ever.
♥ You are a brilliant writer - you do such amazing things with words. Don't EVER stop writing.Author's Response: I am on beyond excited/flattered that you loved this so much, Sarah -- I really and truly am. The whole time I was writing it, I was so afraid of messing up and disappointing you and I nearly scrapped it many, many times. :D
I cannot even do this review justice -- it is very literally impossible. I have read this so many times that I could probably recite chunks of it, and still it's so hard for me to wrap my head around.
OMG THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT I AM REALLY GLAD YOU DO SERIOUSLY YOU ARE THE BEE'S KNEES BUT LIKE A MILLION TIMES BETTER. ♥ I really wish I could thank you better; this is a poor job of it.
♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
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