So Hi. I'm late I know but shhh :P Anyways, I can't quite get this thing to log me in so I'm reviewing Anon! Lucky you ;) Anyways, I want to say this was the creepiest thing I've read since... Well Since Stephen King. So... yeah. :p It was good and I couldn't find anything bad about it! Results will be out either tonight or tomorrow since I'm done procrastinating!
Mike. Report Review
This was... Terrifyingly awesome. Voodoo doesn't bother me, it was very interesting to read. But all the description, the doubt and hesitation, the reassurance that she was hurting a doll, and then all the anger in stabbing the doll - it was an awesome read. :D
SamMalfoy93.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you thought it was awesome! Report Review
Oh my gosh, this was absolutely amazing! You really captured the working of Bellatrix's mind when she was angry but still full of childlike innocence; it's really not an easy task, but I think you wrote the balance of her reluctance and her anger so well. I could really see how she almost made herself do it, how she channelled her anger into something so horrible.
The bit about the prefect was also brilliant. He was so sadistic, yet all too real because he was annoyed about the NEWT essay - I could see exactly how Bellatrix was looking up to him in awe and amazement, because he seemed to know how she felt better than she did but was so much older and better. Your poem was so gory and horrible, it was easy to see why Bella was so revolted - but the idea of an elite group really captured her.
It was sadistically wonderful! :P
~TGKAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you thought it was amazing :D Report Review
I would be lying if I said this wasn't creepy - voodoo dolls are a little freaky! I thought that it was actually good that it was creepy - it means that you definitely managed to get ahold of my feelings and make me shiver, which is excellent. You've definitely nailed the emotions here!
It is quite dark. Chilling, really, to see a version of Bella before she was an adult and to see her in the process of her... turning, if you will. You can see how this would affect her and how she would carry this with her even as an adult.
I definitely feel like the prefect was Tom - or, I guess, any high up Death Eater. I liked the detail with the spell - foreshadowing ftw! :D
You did a really great job here - spooky and a really interesting look at Bella. Nice work!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! If I made you shiver, I believe I succeeded in my goal! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Whoa! That was so dark and evil and twisted!! You let yourself go in this one. I like how Bellatrix was petulant and fiery but not yet disturbed and evil as she came to be later on. This nameless prefect was a perfect catalyst to start her on her dark path.
There's still some innocence in her hesitation to do this to a doll, that's "just a doll" but not. But then she crosses that inevitable line and starts on a dark path wtih almost no return.
That was intense!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! It was supposed to be intense, so I'm happy you thought it was! Report Review
Wow. That was pretty powerful, I've got to admit. I really liked your characterisation of both Riddle (as that's who I assume the prefect is) and Bellatrix - even though it's not strictly canon and I'm a canon nut ;) They both seem so invested in the idea of pureblood supremacy, which is so good to see, since a lot of people seem to forget it. I also liked how they had such potential to turn into the characters in the books - and Riddle was so manipulative already! It was brilliant.
Also, I loved you using an enchanted voodoo doll rather than a curse or spell or potion. It was a really original idea and seemed much more likely and believable than Bellatrix being able to cast curse after curse after curse.
Ah, I just really enjoyed it. The simplicity of it was good, too - you didn't bring in too many characters or scenes for it to become crowded or anything and the pace was perfect.
Really enjoyed it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Really sorry for the late reply. I replied to this already, but it didn't go through! Anyways, thanks a lot! I'm glad you enjoyed it! You can think what you want about the prefect; I didn't intend for him to be anyone in particular, but many people think he's Riddle. I don't think we'll ever know for sure, though :P Thanks again! Report Review
I am reviewing for the 'In the Moment of Death Challenge.' I enjoyed the flashback. I thought the tension was built up well. I enjoyed how you referred to Ivory as 'it.' This was a dark chapter, and the flashback really showed a part of Bellatrix I never would have expected to see. It is interesting the way you portrayed her; so innocent and pure, warped and twisted by hate, misinformation, and lies. Thanks. The results will be available tomorrow or the next day (I hope!). Thanks again!
P.S.- Read my stories.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed it! I love your subtlety when looking for reads ;) I'll hop on over and review one! Report Review
To say that voodoo dolls DON'T freak me out would probably cause concern, so don't think I'm down with the voodoo just because I read this ;)
This was reaaally really dark. I am quite freaked out, to be honest, but I suppose that's more a testament to your writing than to the fact itself. It's easy to go overboard with description with things like this, but I liked that you kept everything relatively simple, which made a really big impact on me as I was reading.
The Prefect, who I'm sure is Tom/Voldemort, was really creepy too, the way he spoke about the girl Bellatrix was mad at. It was really spine-chilling, really really evil and you can consider this a job well done. :)
MarinaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I... uh... freaked someone out a lot with this story, so I just wanted to put the warning up just in case ;) When I was writing it, I never identified the prefect, even in my head, so I guess he could be Tom. I'm still not going to identify him, though! Report Review
Hi :) I'm doing reviews for my Pureblood challenge.
So I really liked this. It showed Bella, not just as a heartless killer but she had more feeling and almost a guilt for what she was about to do which I loved. The story was all about Bella getting her own back and it was full of blood purity and Pureblood prejudice. Its what I wanted to see from an entry as it showed the attitude to muggle borns from a house like the Black's. It to me was almost like the changing point in her life and how she became the woman we love to hate. It was a really dark story and I like that because I'm a big believer in ghosts, voodoo and the supernatural. What else could of influenced Bella than a sadistic death eater? I didn't spot and grammar stuff. Good job :)
As far as what I didn't like there wasn't much. I think it might be a little too dark and supernatural for some people. Maybe see Bella's supuriority complex when the whole thing with the muggle born took place. But you got the blood purity status thing spot on!
Thank you for entering and I think you did great. You'll hear off me through blog as soon as we reach the deadline. I enjoyed reading :) xAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I realize this story is definitely not for everyone! I look forward to the results! Report Review
Congrats on first place xD
Just a really quick review to say that I really liked this chapter! I would love to read more! Especially who the girl is, what she did and perhaps even Bellatrix's reaction whilst watching the dream?
Really good! And congrats again :)
Keira :)Author's Response: Didn't I already respond to this? Oh well, this is not the first time my response hasn't gone trough. Anyways, thanks for the review! I'm writing another chapter for it! Congratulations on the Evil Challenge! Report Review
This is my apology review to you. I reviewed your story Never Mix Apparating and Drinking and, me being me, I completely got the tone of that review wrong. I still feel so bad about it! I really do. I really hope that it didn't make you feel horrible because I can assure that it was not my intention. But let's leave that horrendous review aside, yeah?
You know, after reading this, I was quite thankful that I had acted like a total idiot when reviewing your other story. Because it meant that I could read another one of your stories. And this story was just brilliant.
I try not to let the challenges that a story is written for affect my reviewing of it too much because it is easy to become biased. So I didn't read the challenges until the very end but I couldn't help but think that this story fit all of them very well. I don't know the exact details of them but I hope that you did place well in them! Because this was just dark. And creepy. And amazing.
I think you set the tone for the whole story extremely well in the first paragraph. You used words like "hid" and "secrets" and it just sort of... I don't know, it just made me think of the dark common room in green and silver and it was creepy. And I loved it.
It continued on in that creepy way. The way the prefect was bored with the essay and how he hated his mudblood professor who had assigned the essay. At no point did you make me feel like this was a happy, cheery story and that was so well written on your part. I envy authors who can do creepy well and you have been added to that list.
Bellatrix was a joy to read in this. It's almost frightening to think how much hate she has when she is just eleven years old, but at the same time, it fit. We don't know a lot about Bellatrix other than the fact that she is basically insane, and you had that insanity displayed really well in her character here, especially when she was so young. I think you managed to 'tailor' her insanity to her age which you should be proud of. It wasn't as though you just transferred the usual Bellatrix craziness into her character here, I can tell you thought about her age here and it showed. Particularly in her initial hesitation and how she thought that the idea was cruel. Adult Bellatrix would never think that. So well done on you part for that!
Can I also say how much I loved the descriptions while she was hacking away at the voodoo doll? I really don't know what that says about me as a person, haha, but I thought they were excellent. Angry, gruesome, graphic and just... argh, so creepy and kind of scary, but so good at the same time. I don't know how you did it but it was awesome.
I also loved how cool and collected the prefect was in this. I didn't even need to know who the prefect was, it was more his presence that jarred me than anything. He was almost delighted with the idea of the voodoo doll and he was just so calm throughout this story. That was so creepy. It's scary to think how someone as young as he is could be so thrilled with the ideas you presented forward in this story but I loved it and it fit the story well.
The voodoo doll idea itself was an interesting one. When you first introduced the idea of a voodoo doll, I'm not going to lie, I did think it was childish. But you mangaed to create something quite horrible from it and it fit the mood and tone of the story. It is a clever way and very Slytherin. It didn't cause any really harm but would certainly unsettle the muggle born in question (I can't bring myself to write mudblood!) and that seems Slytherin-esque to me. Subtle, sly but very cruel.
That last line, when Bellatrix is "cheerful" and skipping is just... God, she's really insane. I can't believe that an eleven year old can be so happy after doing what she had done, but she is and that incredulity that I am feeling as a reader is a strength of your writing. You had me shaking my head at Bellatrix throughout this and that's the exact way I felt about her while reading the books.
Whether you write another chapter to this or not, I am happy. This is something you should be very proud of. And I'm not just saying that because I feel horrible about my other review, I would be saying the exact same thing if I had just come across this story randomly. Believe that.
Joop.Author's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! I think this is one of the best reviews I've ever gotten! It made me a smiley and giddy! What horrendous review? All I see is one ginormous-ly awesome review that's worth like 5 or 10 reviews ;) You've more than made up for something you didn't even have to make up for :P For that... THANK YOU! Report Review
This is, although slightly creepy, a very good peice of writing :) It made me feel all shivery inside, but it makes me REALLY want to know who the seventh year prefect is. Oh, and was your object [for the evil challenge] a voodoo doll, or the knife? Or was it something completely different I haven't picked up on?
Probably the latter. Not too observant, that's me.
I hope this, small and rather insignificant, review has made you happy :) You said in your A/N that it made you happy, and I like making people happy.
Just comes with being a Hufflepuff, I think. Dang it.
Sorry, I got a little bit distracted. My plans for World Dominatio- my geography project are all over the floor and I was just cackling evill- re-reading what I'd written.
You used quite good balance between description and speech, so I liked that :) I like it when people do that right.
I've actually just broken a word that I'd come off the computer in -2 minutes time, so I'll have to go :(
[H#hat]Author's Response: Hiya HeHa! Thanks for the review! My thing for the Evil Challenge was the Slytherin House. It wasn't really an object. Whoever that prefect was is up to your imagination! Yes, your review did make me happy! :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection