Reading Reviews for Maturity and Maternity
  
81 Reviews Found

Review #1, by bad wolf Chapter 1

29th December 2013:
this is really good! I love your style so far and can't wait to read more! I especially love all the Doctor Who references ;-)

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Review #2, by bad wolf Chapter 1

29th December 2013:
this is really good! I love your style so far and can't wait to read more! I especially love all the Doctor Who references ;-)

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Review #3, by HiddenFace Chapter Five

14th January 2013:
Hey there,

It's me again. Sorry. You really do crack out some great stories though and I was kind of hoping you'd be updating this one too? It's such a great, unique twist and I'd love to see where it goes.

I know I'm hypocritical asking you to update when I'm a fairly poor updater myself but I really think you should... Your stories are worth finishing.

HiddenFace x

Author's Response: This story is finished, but it'll probably stay on my computer as I find it mediocre at best. Audrey and Percy's characters started to bore me, in my opinion they are one dimensional I want to write more then fluff between them you know? I'm glad you liked it though. :)

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Review #4, by NerdyTeddy Chapter Five

11th October 2012:
I looove this!
Audrey isn't a total bore for once, and that's encouraging.
I think Ginny is pregnant too. And at some point during her pregnancy, Audrey will leave Percy... but no worries their love will grow.
Why did they break up? Audrey clearly initiated the split, as Perce still loves her.
Update!!! I really want to know what the Wotter dinner will be like :)

Author's Response: I know, it's so clear to look through. Also Audrey broke up with him because she finds him boring (and looking back on how I wrote him, i don't blame her one bit).

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Review #5, by anon Chapter Five

11th October 2012:
Ive just read all 5 chapters and was disappointed that there wasn't a sixth. when will you update?

This chapter and all the rest were amazing. Loved the humor and Herman. Im surprised ginny isnt a bit more excited.

Author's Response: I am so sorry you wasted time on this fic.

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Review #6, by TheGoldenKneazle Chapter Five

18th July 2012:
WEASLEYS! Their interaction is just brilliant, they all bounce off each other and I love how you have them talking back and around each other :D Although Audrey thinks he only proposed to her because Molly made him?! NOOO! Poor Percy, plus what will his family say?!

I did love Herman's pep talk to Audrey though, he was very realistic and seems to talk exactly the talk she needs to hear! I want her to marry him so much already, even though I have a vague idea of when that'll eventually happen :P

I just love how everything you write is so funny and brilliant, and I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep it up Arielle! :D

Author's Response: The Weasleys are some of my favorite humor people, they really do have some funny things to say in my head.

Thanks for all the reviews. :)


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Review #7, by TheGoldenKneazle Chapter Four

18th July 2012:
Ohh dear, poor Percy :( I feel so sorry for him, being rejected by Audrey, even though she's trying to do the best thing for him! It's just so sad that he's rejected in the process... plus I eagerly await the family's reactions :P

and Audrey's getting serious about the pregnancy with her long list of stuff to not eat! I feel sorry for her in that she can't do without coffee, but I loved all the office scene, it's very realistic and the way secrets and rumours travel so fast is brilliant ;)

hehe Audrey's worries about not being able to fit in the cubicle made me laugh so much! :D

Author's Response: Well those cubicles are pretty small. ;)

Thanks again for all the reviews!


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Review #8, by TheGoldenKneazle Chapter Three

18th July 2012:
The Weasleys!! I love how you portray them so, so much, because it's all so fresh and funny. Their love of food, the food being served being so addictive, everything is wonderful :D Also, I LOVE how Mr Weasley knew what was going on before anyone else; he's not the first person you'd expect, but thinking about it, it's his wife that's had so many kids!

Ahha Percy, I love how he and Audrey were trying - and pretty much failing - to collaborate together on this 'colleagues' thing. And they just realised she was pregnant... plus all the wedding planning bits were so great, and the line "Well, why else would you get married?" other than cake, I couldn't stop laughing!

I just can't wait to see more of the Weasleys - the wives/girlfriends in particular, who doesn't love a bit of Weasley action? - and more of Audrey's job!

Author's Response: If I was a Weasley I'd probably love food to, Mrs. Weasley is a great cook! Even Audrey loves the food.

Honestly the cake has to be one of the main attractions of getting married. :)


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Review #9, by TheGoldenKneazle Chapter Two

18th July 2012:
SHE TOLD HIM! YAY! Hehe I do love how Audrey doesn't drag it out for hundreds of chapters and that she's told him within a day! It makes it a lot nicer and easier to read with less stress, and I like focusing on their relationship more :D

Hehe I loved seeing how they met! It was really cute, and the insights into Percy's character help us to see him as a desirable and sweet person :3 Also, I loved seeing Ginny and George through Audrey's eyes, she's already fitting right in with them all!

Plus, I liked Percy's ending line - "wow" - more than the other one you had before, it's cuter and makes me feel more sorry for him since Audrey dumped him so callously :P

Author's Response: Well, I tried to make Audrey somewhat sensible, she's still a nutcase, but still she can at least still tell Percy the truth.

Also I enjoy focusing more on their relationship as well, so... :)



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Review #10, by TheGoldenKneazle Chapter 1

18th July 2012:
ARIELLE, I have been meaning to review this in FOREVER! I was missing Audrey and Percy, and your writing in general :D

Sooo I loved how you brought Percy into this by his writing letters in the prologue, which Audrey mentioned later on. She's so sassy and brilliant, and at the moment we can't see how she'll work with Percy, but all the characters she describes and talks to are just wonderful and addictive :D

Ahha her conversation with Gus! It's brilliant because she's referring to books so much, and we don't even know what she does at this point, but we get to see so much of her through this one conversation. I love how you contrast Gus with book heroes, too, since it makes the reality of the situation a lot more obvious.

I may already have read all of this, but I am still VERY EXCITED for Audrey meeting with Percy!

Author's Response: Hello Lottie! It's certainly been a while. :) I'm glad you like my Percy/Audrey. And thank you for all the wonderful reviews you've left me. :)

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Review #11, by Cassius Alcinder Chapter Two

17th July 2012:
Back for Chapter 2!

The opening flshback gave us some great insights into Perc's character. You managed to convey his smg prattyness (is that a word?) but make him sympathetic at the same time. And it also appears that he and Audrey as a couple were totally dysfunctional from the start, which seems fitting.

It's highly amusing how quirky and neurotic Audrey is, but I would just warn against going a little too overboard with it.

George and Ginny's prescence was highly amusing as well, and it seemed like a total younger sibling move to try to eavesdrop like that.

Looking forward to seeing how th news of the pregnancy effects them moving forward

Author's Response: Odd, only two people (you and someone else) called Audrey quirky, she is neurotic though.

I'm surprised your back, I will say that. I never pegged your for a pregnancy fellow. :) Thanks for the review though. :)


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Review #12, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Five

17th July 2012:
Hi there!

I figured I would leave another review because I really like the story!

I really liked Herman in this chapter. I really want Audrey to listen to him. She really doesn't know what is going to happen. He is right in being harsh to her. I also like how you take the serious moments and include humor too. Like Gloria. Oh my goodness... I laughed so hard at the thought of you know who going into the store to buy chocolate ice cream! Hahahahaha!! =) I also liked how she claimed to have once seen Merlin. That is just too funny.

I like the balance between serious and humor in this chapter. I also really like the way that it flows. You get this feeling that you are right there with them.

Keep up the awesome writing! I cannot wait for chapter 6!! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thank you so much! That really was very nice of you.

Herman is realistic, Audrey is not, she feels he's being harsh but really he's right and she's wrong. However I am glad I created Gloria to lighten the mood.

:) Thanks again for the review!


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Review #13, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Four

17th July 2012:
Hi there!

Here with your review!

I really love this story and all the awkward moments. I really want Audrey to come around to Percy's offer, although, I can totally see where she is coming from.

I thought you did a really great job of hitting the nail on the head with the do not's of pregnancy. I can fully relate to the way that she responds to that list of foods and not being able to have what you want.

Audrey is very feisty and I think that is what is the most appealing about her. She isn't your normal girl. Percy sees that, but Audrey isn't quite sure about him.

I felt horrible for Percy at the end of the chapter. Having his family there must be really uncomfortable for him.

Keep up the awesome writing!!! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Poor Percy is right, for a while I thought Audrey was the award winner for most awkward, but Percy takes that home every time I write him.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the reviews!


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Review #14, by LyrisLovegood Chapter Five

17th July 2012:
Hey I'm finally here with that review swap. Sorry it took so long.

I like this chapter a lot and Hermes is so funny mocking Audrey about her ex.

I still cannot wait to find out why Percy and Audrey broke up though...

And good old Molly Weasley making a fuss over everything haha

Keep up the good work :D

Author's Response: No problem, better late then never right? Anyway, I'm really glad you like it. :)

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Review #15, by Cassius Alcinder Chapter 1

16th July 2012:
Review tag!

First of al let me say that I love your interpretation of Percy/Audrey. Percy gets a bad rap far too often, but I think we can see in the last book that he clearly has some redeeming qualities.

Audrey's narrative voice was very amusing, and I can totally see Percy and her being the ultimate nerd couple.

The use of the minor characters was very effectiv as wel, and having the likes of Herman and Gloris around seems to add to the effect of Audrey's eccentricities.

It's pretty dialogue heavy so far, but otherwise it looks like a good start.

Author's Response: Percy and Ron are some of the most characters that are also the most abused. I agree with you completely.

And yes, Percy/Audrey would be the ultimate nerd couple. But if you wanted to discuss Avengers with someone it would be Penelope Clearwater. :)


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Review #16, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Five

13th July 2012:
Last time she claimed she had seen Merlin walking up and down the street in a fuzzy pink onesie.

^ I have a onesie.

Awkward...

It was a joke gift for Christmas from my sister. Nearly suffocated me at night. Sweating so much it was unbelievable.

ANYWAY!

Percy and Audrey just need a good old snog. Not even kidding you. 'Jump' him! :D

Kangaroos. Aw. (=

Author's Response: That's an awesome joke gift, I had one (but I told you this) and it was pink as well, which is were I got this idea.

Percy and Audrey do need a good old snog, but they're too stubborn and mentally challenged to realize it. Audrey more then Percy.


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Review #17, by forsakenphoenix Chapter Three

6th July 2012:
Like I said in the last chapter, I really like how you formatted this with Percy's POV in the beginning showing the start of their relationship and Audrey in the now.

I thought it was kind of amusing how he would pick the restaurant that was closed because of a lose rat. Poor Perce can't do anything right sometimes, can he?

Yikes, Audrey is being tossed to the wolves. She drops that bomb on Percy and he's all like, "Oh, let's go see my family!" Percy, Percy, Percy. I am amused that he would change the subject so drastically and drag her into this, but I am a bit confused. He smiled and was all, 'wow' when she told him she was pregnant, but then he just changed the subject and didn't want to talk about it. It just seemed a bit abrupt to me, I guess. Like Audrey said, it seemed like something important that needed to be discussed and he was avoiding it.

I really like how crazy the Weasley dynamic and how awkward Audrey is. I think my favorite part of the chapter was Audrey and Percy answering the questions but they had different answers! It's hilarious and like a comedy of errors. They can't catch a break, can they?

I was sort of confused by the turn of events, like Ginny randomly accusing Audrey of being pregnant (I'm not quite sure where she would get the impression from and that's certainly not something I would blurt out over the table). I was also a bit confused by the wedding talk. I mean, I figured they just assume that Percy and Audrey would get married now that they're expecting a child, but there was no build-up to that moment so it just seemed out of place to me. I did love the Weasley kids fascination with cake though. It's making me crave some now too!

I also really enjoy Gloria and Herman. I don't know if I mentioned that before, but I love the idea of Audrey living in a flat with a woman who can't even remember her name (though how awkward would it be to live with an 80 year old?) and Herman seems like a good guy. Hopefully he can help Audrey figure out a bit of the crazy in her life!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! :)

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Review #18, by forsakenphoenix Chapter Two

6th July 2012:
So I like how you start off the chapter with Percy in the past, revealing to us their first meeting, and then we move on to Audrey's POV and the present time.

First, in the past, Percy is kind of a bit of a snot, isn't he? His snide comments about his hurt co-worker and then laughing to himself while surely making himself look like a creep to the Healer. I really loved how he asked Audrey out and then when she asked to clarify, he pretended he didn't say anything and wanted to walk off. That's kind of adorable at how embarrassed he was.

Then to the present. I'm still trying to get used to Audrey's character. She's definitely quirky but her rambling monologue is getting old rather fast. I think I was mostly frustrated when Ginny opened the door and she noted the resemblance, but then assumed he had moved on and had a girlfriend. If she's going to notice the familial resemblance, then why would 'girlfriend' be her second thought? I'm just curious. It kind of frustrated me at how dim she was being, or maybe just trying to get out of a sticky situation.

Ginny and George were amusing. I loved how they asked if she was related because of the air. Though they certainly said things that were meant to hurt, I think. Like mentioning all of Percy's old girlfriends but never having heard of her. That's kind of a big 'ouch.' I know how curious they all are about each other's lives, but I was annoyed with Ginny when she said she wanted to listen in on this "private" matter. I just can't imagine her saying something like that and if someone wanted to talk to my brother privately, I wouldn't just outright say that I wanted to stay even if I desperately wanted to know what was going on. So I suppose I just found that a bit unrealistic.

I did like how Audrey kept stalling about telling Percy. You can obviously tell that she's struggling with the idea that she's pregnant with Percy's child. Percy's reaction is definitely one I did not anticipate but it makes me happy that he seems happy about it. I got a hint of his feelings for Audrey from his monologue (not the letter he wrote in the prologue, that I suppose that did say a lot about him in a roundabout way) but they hadn't been dating very long so like I said, I was a bit surprised by his reaction (but not unhappy about it!)

Now that she's revealed to him she's pregnant, I'm interested to see how they're going to deal with the matter now that they're broken up. If Percy will want to get back together or if Audrey will be stubborn and want to be a single mom, etc.

Author's Response: Honestly, you're probably the first person to call Percy a snot and Audrey quirky. Those aren't normally used.

And Ginny is based on my sister, if I ever wanted to be alone with someone (especially of the opposite gender), there is no way she wouldn't eavesdrop, she'd probably try to get it out of me then and there.

But that could be just my sister.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #19, by forsakenphoenix Chapter 1

6th July 2012:
So I think this was an interesting prologue/first chapter. It's looks like it has the makings for a romcom. Audrey sort of has that characterization about her that would fit perfectly into one of those types of fics/movies.

Percy's letter to Audrey was amusing. He really misses her and probably wants her back, but he still writes her a letter telling her that he can easily move on - hopefully spurring her to take action and apologize since Percy seems to think she's in the wrong.

Of course since they've broken up, Audrey finds herself pregnant. I did find it a bit unrealistic for her to take so many pregnancy tests and then when only one said no, she clung to that fact and blamed the rest as faulty. I realize that she's in denial, but it just seemed a bit excessive for me.

I think that your story is really driven by your dialogue and that you need a better balance with your descriptions and narrative. It's not to say your dialogue isn't great - I loved Audrey and Herman's conversation about Gloria's theoretical pregnancy - but I did wish that you did add more description to help the setting or Audrey's emotional turmoil.

I'm really interested to see how she's going to tell Percy and his reaction. Like I said, this is an interesting start to your story, I just hope maybe one day you can come back to it and flush it out a bit more.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, although I am surprised you picked this one, and yes it is a comedy, not so much so much romantic as just a comedy. Because I know nothing about romance.

And descriptions apparently, I don't know why, but it's hard for me to write good description. Something I need to practice on obviously.

Yes, the broken up/pregnancy thing is annoying, but sometimes a person needs a plot. If they were married, obviously there wouldn't be this problem.

And yes, I will be going back and re-looking over this chapter, or maybe I'll just move on. I'd rather not be stuck just editing the same thing over and over. :)

Anyway, thanks for the review.


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Review #20, by EverDiggory Chapter Five

29th June 2012:
Charlie is...gosh! I was smacking myself in the face and making strange expressions of shock.

I cannot what to read this dinner! And apparently Herman thoroughly enjoys poking at open wounds. I love Ginny, she's so entertaining...not doing anything XD

Update soon!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Charlie is strange, but Percy and Audrey take home awards for most awkward people to ever exist. Anyway I'll try to update soon! :)

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Review #21, by KatsClarinet Chapter Five

28th June 2012:
Yay an update! This has made my night! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #22, by ayaceres Chapter Five

28th June 2012:
Yaaay! an update! ^~^ I can't wait for the next chapter. Please update soon ^3^

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #23, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Three

19th June 2012:
Hi there!

Review Tag! =)

I really enjoyed this chapter. I love the way that you write the different POV's. I haven't been a huge fan of Percy, but after reading this chapter along with the previous two, I have been drawn in to these two characters.

I love the way that they are answering the questions at the same time, but with different answers. I also like to see Audrey's first impression of Percy's family.

You write them so well in such uncomfortable situations and circumstances. I love the way you use description to create a wonderful picture in your readers minds. I can really tell that you like writing Audrey and Percy it makes me like them.

I love how Gloria asks Audrey who she is. Poor dear.

Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked this story and enjoyed my versions of the characters. You're right by the way, I really do love writing them, they are some of my favorite characters ever. :)

Thanks for the great review. :)


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Review #24, by Aguamenti123 Chapter Three

8th June 2012:
I really like this so far, it could have been so easy to make Audrey really uptight like Percy, but I'm really enjoying your approach :) I love the humour in it too, and the way Percy and his family react to the news. Bravo!

Author's Response: Percy's not really uptight, he's just awkward and nervous a lot. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this story and the way I presented my characters. Poor Audrey...

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Review #25, by Remus Chapter 1

4th June 2012:
Hey! It's Perelandra from the forums and the review swap. Sorry it has taken a while to review...I've been super busy at work that I really haven't had time to sit down and read.

Alright so first off, I had no idea who this Audrey person was...took me a while that this is Percy's wife. So you're my first fic ever that I've encountered the Percy/Audrey pairing. Second, her last name Pond...she related to a pair of Ponds who happen to travel time with a peculiar man in a blue box? :)

Alright now on with the review. This was definitely something that I've never read before. I do suggest, however, that you add detail, imagery and narrative. While you do great in dialogue...your story is only moving BY dialogue.

Adding detail and imagery will help the reader get into your story, specially since you're writing in first POV. Your first six paragraphs (after the prologue) were great and then when the dialogue began, you dropped the narrative making your story feel a bit choppy. For example, you can add the weather, what Audrey feels towards it. Her own panic about possibly being pregnant and single and the fact that she HAS to tell Percy the news. Things like that put the reader in the character's place.

I think that's it for now...tell you what, if you wish, I have a thread on the reviews request...look for me and add it to the queue if you wish!!

--Perelandra

Author's Response: Hey! Nice to see you, I wasn't expecting the review, after I answer this I'll leave you one.

It's alright that you didn't know Audrey, a lot of people think she's an OC. I'm your first Percy/Audrey fic? I hope I gave you a good impression...

Yeah, I'm pretty dialogue heavy, I'm trying to change that though! So maybe someday I'll finally come back and edit this. :) Thanks for all your great advice. You'll probably see me soon in the review request area. :)


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