As always, I really liked this chapter! I like Sarah a lot- she's actually one of my favorite characters. But I was wondering if you could make the chapters a little longer, or have more stuff happening. Because I like your writing style and I think if you added a few more scenes in your chapters they could be elevated to another level.
Also, does James like his girlfriend? Because he seems to be drawn to Lily really quickly after just one encounter and he probably knows that lots of girls at Hogwarts like him.
So yeah! That's it I think. I like where the story is going! And I watched a few scenes of the movie on YouTube because of this story! Is Ted supposed to be like the guy on the bus? If so, then you portrayed him just right :DAuthor's Response: I love you so much really! You've reviewed every chapter and everything... Its just so fab!
That's funny that you say that because I thought that maybe I wrote too much for one chapter. I see all these other chapters and the words are no more than 3,000. So I thought I was boring you guys :/ But forget that then, long chapters it is!!
Thanks for the compliment! ^.^When I'm writing this, I just to have fun with this hoping you whoever reads this can have a laugh or at least have a smile on their face.
Yes, James is so troubling right? Like whats his deal? If he doesn't like Caroline, then why is he with her?!? But like Lily said in this chapter "Appearances lie..." So what I'm hoping to do is present Caroline's problem and the real reason he's with her. And for James and his popularity... will unravel that even more...
I'm hoping to include a good scene where Lily and James actually talk with little interruptions, so from there, you'll see some genuine feelings and not lust from an accident.
Sarah? Isn't she just the best? AND Remember Henry that was mentioned in the first chapter? He's going to be mentioned very son...
And yes Ted is from the bus. He has to be my fave and I've been dying to introduce him because he's just so funny and I can make him say the most cringing-embarrassing things! and hiss character is just going to keep getting more flamboyant until something happens DUN DUN DUN.
THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW!
I liked Sixteen Candles when I was younger, but I have to say that both Jake Ryan and James in this story come off looking really stupid and shallow for being with their girlfriends in the first place. Why on earth is James putting up with her bossing him around; you haven't really given her any redeemable qualities other than her looks and he looks pretty terrible to be trying to hit on another girl while still with his girlfriend. I don't know if you are planning to follow the movie pretty faithfully, but I would like James a lot better if he got his act together quicker and didn't stay with someone who doesn't really have anything going for her other than her looks. His character isn't very developed in the movie, so you could do more interesting things here. And I would respect Lily a lot more if she didn't put up with him pursuing her while still with this girlfriend, even if she is terrible. I do like the other characters though.Author's Response: Yes the movie is great isn't it? I totally agree with you, throughout the movie I realized how Jake didn't really have any real feelings with the girl he was with. So the whole time I wondered why? Why would you be with a girl if she didn't interest you at all? And that's when I started coming up with ideas why. Maybe the girl had a more going on behind the scenes that we don't get to see. And the whole reason why Jake was with her, was because he didn't want her to face that alone.
With that said, you can see what I'm going to lead to with the Caroline and her part of the story. Remember appearances lie...
Don't worry, Lily can be such a teenager because I simply wrote her that way BUT I am determined to show her less vulnerable side. Because right now all we're seeing is the side that's insecure and naive really. All i ask is to wait a bit longer and you may see the development.
And about James, I have something planned for him, he-he
THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! Report Review
Overall, I was impressed by this chapter. However, there will several minor points that I noticed.
First, I found numerous grammatical, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. I would suggest getting a BETA to catch those mistakes, if you don't have one already.
Second, I felt that you portrayed Lily very differently in this chapter than J.K. Rowling did in the Harry Potter series. Lily hated James, refusing to go on a date with him until their 7th year. On the other hand, in your fanfiction, you depicted her as one of James' fan club girls. You might want to consider changing Lily's personality toward him.
And lastly, I was a little bored throughout the chapter. I struggled to stay focused when I was reading it, and did not feel inclined to read on. Try adding a bit more plot to your first chapter to draw in readers. It also seemed a bit cliche. Of course, that's a general assumption from reading only the first chapter. Try adding a unique, original twist to the plot.
Voldy Needs a HugAuthor's Response: Thank you for the suggestion.
Well as for the comment about Lily's personality I know its completely different from J.K.R. I got the inspiration from a character who was the complete opposite of the typical "Lily Evans" funny i thought that was different.
anyways, I tried to make her kind of my own character in an awkward way. And so I thought having an awkward run in with her crush was going to 'draw in readers' especially because its relatable and common.
oh well to each their own *shrug*
Awww. I loved this. I can't wait to read your next chapter. :)Author's Response: Thank you! you are so kind! Report Review
You're making me want to watch "Sixteen Candles." :p
I really love how your brought out the James and his crew out in this chapter. I was excited to read more in detail about them. I love James/Lily, one of my faves.
Great plot, great descriptions, excellent detail! Keep it up!
Notify me when more is out!Author's Response: OMG You're like my new best friend. Thank you so much for reviewing ALL three chapters! that's just great. I'm glad that you really like the chapters and yes James involvement was much needed right? The next chapter should be up soon...
YES WATCH THE MOVIE!! Report Review
I was getting goosebumps reading this! What intense questions! Poor Lily must have felt so awkward, I know I would have.
Great job with the descriptions and feeling. You really hooked me on with your detail. I love those awkward-teenage-phase stories!
Excited to read more!Author's Response: Thank you for another review! I know that if I was answering those questions, I would surely cringe. I'm hoping Lily can one day be relieved from her awkwardness. Report Review
Sirius Black- Oh mama, give me a glass of water to quench my flaming ovaries.
James Potter- Just look at him and bam! You're pregnant.
^Hands down the funniest lines ever! I really laughed an awful lot while reading your chapter. You did a great job of portraying Lily as socially awkward and clumsy. That girl was getting on my nerves too, ughhh!
Can't wait to read more :)Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad I made you have a laugh! I knew by saying that you already knew that Sirius and James were. damn.
THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!! Report Review
Oooh this looks really interesting. I cannot wait to see where you're going with it, especially because I've never seen the movie of Sixteen Candles. Great Job!Author's Response: Thanks for leaving a review! and I'm glad my story has gotten your attention. YOU SHOULD REALLY WATCH THE MOVIE. IT IS GREAT!! Report Review
FASTER UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!! SO GOOD.Author's Response: Don't worry, know that summer is here, I'll be writing much more faster! Report Review
THIS IS SO GOOD!! KEEP GOING I CAN FEEL IT WILL BE A GOOD ONE. and don't hold back on ANY of the romance ;)Author's Response: No worries, for you, I won't hold back on the romance. Ha, ha.
Thanks for the review!! Report Review
AH! Finally after like 6 months you update D: I was waiting for this for so long!! As you can probably tell, I am excited. Anyways, this chapter was fun to read even if that much didn't happen. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I really hope that you update soon because I want to read this story badly! :D happy writing!Author's Response: Sorry for that long wait!! The next chapter is up now so I hoped you read it (its much longer) The chapter of this is almost done, so you just have to wait a tiny bit longer :) Report Review
I love this storyline. It's just like in real life not like the other james/lily stories. And i just registered here to leave you a review.. :D
Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: YES! I wanted to make this story as relatable as possible. omg that is so sweet! thank you especially for going through registration just to leave a review! :''D Report Review
that.was.amazing! im left wanting more of the story and too know what happens next!!Author's Response: No worries, hopefully you like the next chapter!!
Thanks for reviewing!!! Report Review
This was really different than what i expected it to be. I loved it! Cant wait for more, so please update soon :D and btw, i like the awkward moments between them heheheAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! And yes, I live for awkward moments :D Report Review
This is definitely different from other fics centered around Lily I've read, haha! Can't wait to read more :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I thought why not make Lily awkwardly smart with a huge crush on James instead of having her just smart and James the one, having a crush on her? Report Review
I love Sixteen Candles and was prepared to hate this after reading your summary. But I can't. It was brilliant and I am now mad I didn't think of it first. Cheers!Author's Response: I'm glad you don't hate it! I got nervous at the first sentence of your review! I hope I keep the stories up to your expectations! Report Review
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