Reading Reviews for Obliviate!
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by slytherinchica08 Prologue

24th August 2012:
First I must say that I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to get to your review but alas here I am.

In the request you asked me to focus on characterization, flow, and if I thought this was a good idea. To start with, I thought your characterization, from what we got to see in this chapter, was really good! I think you did a great job with her feelings especially while they were under attack at the world cup. Also I thought that starting your story here was also a great choice! It makes the story interesting and fast paced right away and lets readers know that they are in for an adventure. I'm interested to see how Barty Crouch jr. will come into play in later chapters with trying to make sure that he meets the girl again. I thought the flow was nice for this chapter as well! I never seemed to be stumbling over words or having to reread paragraphs or anything to understand whats going on. I think that this was a good beginning it does make things interesting and I think would be a good read. Great Job!


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Review #2, by In The Shadows I Dwell Amnesia

9th January 2012:
It's Ash back again with your next review. Once again I'm going to mention the beginning, but mostly because I particularly love how you've tied it to the ending, it's always a nice touch to see in a story. It's interesting to see that in the space of a chapter so many developments can be made, and yet she can still remain in a state of knowing very little about herself and the life she was once part of. It's a very powerful opening to the chapter, and an equally as powerful ending in my opinion and it certainly grabs the reader's attention right from the very beginning.

There was a setence I noticed early on which I'll mention because I had to go back and read it a couple of times due to it just seeming a little awkwardly worded: "I know what I can see in the reflection," it just seemed as though it could have been worded a little differently, perhaps as something like: "I know what I can see in 'my' reflection" as it just seems to work a little better, again it's a matter of personal taste, but seeing as it's written in the first person it really can work either way I suppose.

I found the relationship between Beth, Amanda and John interesting and how she identifies them as a source of comfort. It's interesting to see that they are the one's who found her in the muggle world and they are also the one's to bring the wizarding world back to her. The letter from Ginny revealed a lot about her friendships, and I'm hoping they'll all be reunited at some point! It's also interesting that no-one hadn't panicked considering they wouldn't have heard from Beth or her family and if her parents really were taken from the forest why no-one had recognized them. I'm sure there's an answer for it, it's just something I found interesting.

You asked me to comment on the flow of the story and I think it's fine, it reads very nicely and you have separated the chapter in places which make sense and even add greater flow to the story instead of lingering in the one scene for too long. I really like Beth's perspective in this chapter, it's really great to see the world you are presenting from the eyes of someone who can't remember their place within it, and I think you've done a great job on this chapter, so keep up the excellent work!

~ Ash

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Review #3, by In The Shadows I Dwell Prologue

8th January 2012:
Hi Megan!
It's Ash from the forums here with your review. I have to say you have an intriguing beginning to your story, it's a very interesting choice to place the beginning where you have, you don't often see a lot of the Quidditch World Cup in fics so I believe it was certainly a nice choice to start everything here. More interestingly the characters you've chosen really stood out. Barty Crouch Jr. is one of those characters whose personality I find it hard to capture, although you have certainly done it well here, his actions were believable and yes, I could picture him murdering Beth's parents as revenge. These actions were very much in character for him, although I'm personally unsure whether he would have revealed himself to anyone that night seeing as he was very much acting in a way which I always thought suggested he was simply going along with the madness which unfolded, although you've had him cover his tracks so it doesn't matter anyway as no-one would remember seeing him!

I found Beth to be an interesting character and I was able to gather quite a bit about her character even from this short prologue, which is good as even in a short space of time I, the reader was able to connect with her, and her panic and confusion among the chaos was clear. I particularly believe you've captured these moments well, I can only imagine how awful it would have been for someone so young to be caught in a situation as horrifying as this, and I believe that you've really brought it to life, especially Barty Crouch Jr.'s role in the events of the chapter, I have to admit you have me interested in why he's so concerned with seeing Beth again, and I look forward to finding out!

I noticed a few sentences which didn't necessarily need the punctuation within them, this one: “Barty Crouch Junior. We all thought you were dead,” seemed to stop the flow of the story slightly with the full stop, where as it could have been a comma and allowed the sentence to flow on. I suppose it's a personal choice thing, although it tends to disrupt the flow of the story slightly, which was overall very good. Your spelling and grammar in general was very good with only a few little errors overall, and there certainly wasn't anything that couldn't be resolved by a quick beta.

I'm particularly excited about the plot of this story, I think you have an excellent beginning and I truly look forward to seeing where this story goes and how the role of Barty Crouch Jr. unfolds and develops in the story! Well done on a great start to your story I found it to be a really enjoyable read, and it flowed excellently from start to finish!

Keep up the great work!
~ Ash

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Review #4, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Home

28th December 2011:
I really wonder if Wizards are going to come looking for her and i'm still not sure if I trust John or Amanda now because it all seems too good to be true. Is she getting her memory back in bits and pieces? Because she seemed to recall the portraits moving in Hogwarts. Another excellent chapter and I'm interested still to see where this is going.

Author's Response: Yes, it does seem very much "too good to be true" and Beth knows this, but she's just glad she's being looked after and she finally has a home. She will be missed by the Wizarding World, yes, but at the moment they are still very hyped up about the World Cup and also worrying about the Triwizard Tournament, so they're very busy! Also, I'm glad you spotted that she vaguely remembered the moving portraits - she remembered something about it, but not specifically - she's still a bit confused and thinks her brain's making things up.

The next chapter IS on it's way - it's taking me ages to write and so I'm sorry it's about six months down the line ahah but it's in the works.

Thank you again, Megan xo

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Review #5, by Roots in Water Home

27th December 2011:
It's your Secret Santa again!

This is a very interesting story! It's very unique- I don't think I've ever read one before where the main character is obliviated and lives with a muggle couple and I look forward to seeing where you take this.

I think that you're doing a great job of creating Beth's character. It's interesting that her father was considered dangerous by the Death Eaters and (as mean as it sounds), I think that it was a nice touch that you killed her parents. The Death Eaters couldn't have risen so high and become so feared if they were able to be taken down, fooled and beaten by any witch or wizard.

It was also very interesting to read a well-known canon seen from an OC's point of view. The way they ran into the woods, the same as Harry, Hermione and Ron had done... I was surprised when the apparition turned out to be done by Barty Crouch Jr (if I understood that scene well)- I first thought that it was her father, taking them to safety. As well, your characterization of Barty Crouch Jr. was very well done. He wasn't exactly sane but he was functional, something he had to be in order to masquerade as Moody for an entire school year.

Your short sentences in the beginning and end of the second chapter really added an extra aspect to the story, because they gave the impression of confusion, helplessness and fear and help the reader to better understand Beth. I also liked how you're including little hints about her past life in the story- she obviously didn't have much interaction with the muggle world while she was growing up as she doesn't know what a "paramedic" or a "television" is.

I'm curious as to where you're going to take this story. Are wizards going to come looking for her? Is her (and her parents') absence from the Wizarding World going to be noticed? Her next year at Hogwarts will be starting soon... Surely she'll be missed. And what will happen with Barty? He'll probably show up soon- I wonder what her reaction to him will be, though she'll probably only see him in passing, on the streets or in the corner of her eye. And what will happen with Amanda and John? It was really convenient of them to be foster parents... Hopefully they are just as nice as they seem to be right now.

Your writing flowed very smoothly from part to part, but I did notice that in the phrase "There isn't much in the hall" I think you missed the word "room".

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and I hope that you continue with it!

Author's Response: Sorry this has taken me months to respond to, but (yeah. I have no excuse) thank you so much for spending so much time reviewing every chapter! I'm glad you feel that it's a unique story - because that's so rare in itself! I'm sure there are many others like it in the great world of fanfiction, but I'm glad to know I'm doing something a little bit different.

Thank you very much for the criticisms etc, I'm taking note of them as I write, and they really give me something to think about as I'm trying to continue the next chapter at the moment. Yes, she will be missed in the Wizarding World, but at the moment everyone is very hyped up about the occurings at the World Cup, and haven't noticed much else.

Thank you again! Megan xo

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Review #6, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Amnesia

20th December 2011:
I don't trust John at all but besides that I really don't know what to say. I wonder if she'll ever get found by the magical world, you would think that they would have some healers or people knowledgeable of magic in the muggle hospitals but I guess not. I just hope Beth finds out who she is in the future even though i know it's hard after being obliviated but who knows! Well, you know because you're the author. Anyway, I think this was an excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to review! You don't trust John? That's really interesting haha, and I'm going to keep that in mind as a continue writing! Yes, you would think they would, wouldn't you? Perhaps they did in this hospital - but they were in a different ward or were oblivious ;) to Beth's state...

Thanks again for reviewing!

Megan xo

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Review #7, by lizmusic45 Amnesia

18th December 2011:
Wow...You have such moving writing. This is really good, wow. I'm just really marveling over how nicely written this is, I knew you had talent, but this, this just exceeds it.

You should be really proud of yourself, this is really quite good :)


Author's Response: Oh, thank you very much! That means a lot, especially from a Harry/Ginny fan (I promise, this will have a lot of Harry/Ginny in later chapters ;))

Thank you again! Megan xo

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Review #8, by EverDiggory Prologue

13th December 2011:
Hey there,it's EverMalfoy(well...aka that is)with your review!
I have to say the plot is rather interesting,but I suppose we will have to see as the story continues. I think your strongest areas are the ratios and characterization! The next review will be longer,as the story advances. Lastly,I'm gonna tell you frankly that I haaate my iPad,and it will randomly autocorrect stuff,so if there's a few mess ups,it's the iPad, not me. Really bad experiences with that,so just a heads up. Until the next review doll face!9/10

Author's Response: Haha no worries - I don't think there's anything here that's been autocorrected :-)Well thank you very much! The next chapter should be up soon. And thank you - in a previous story I found characterisation quite difficult so I'm glad it's better in this one!

Megan xo

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Review #9, by Keira7794 Prologue

10th December 2011:
This was written really well :) The characters just slipped into the canon storyline and I'm really interested to see where you go with this :)
Barty was true to character adn eerily creepy! personally, I would feel like beth would of had a bigger reaction to her parents deaths or her dad would of tried to protect them somehow before he said he was going to capture Barty? But that's just a very minor point.
Great story. Hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Canon storyline and canon characterisation are the most important things to me, so that really means a lot :-)

No, that's a great point and I agree with you. I wanted to add more anxiety, but I also wanted it to feel like it was going too quickly for her to properly take anything in.

Thank you once again! The next chapter is in the queue so should be up shortly, and I already have chapter three written.

Megan xo

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Review #10, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Prologue

10th December 2011:
He aimed his wand at the three of them, and there was a whisper - "crucio," - and pain filled their bodies, and they wished that they were dead, so they would no longer have to feel the knives digging into every inch of their skin - but it was gone as soon as it had started.

Oh wow! I thought as I was reading this that it was a one-shot not a story. What a pleasant surprise! I've never read anything with Barty before and he kind of scared me. Hahaha! I'm such a wimp. I really enjoyed this, it was very fast paced which I like because it's a quick scene that we see in the movies and you have your own twist to it. I'm conflicted to say to include more details just because it's an OC and we really don't know anything about her but then I sort of like the mystery of not knowing anything about her because she won't remember anything! If you were to tell us more about who she is it wouldn't be the same going into the next chapters.

I think it's a solid first chapter and you have definitely peaked my interest.

Author's Response: Thank you! Actually, the story isn't based on Barty at all, but I'm glad you liked him in this chapter :) He may come back! ;) I do know what you mean about the 'more details' part - I think I might add a little more later, but I also think that not knowing anything with her might make it more dramatic... I may come back to it- it depends on how the next few chapters go ;)

Thank you once again for the lovely review!
Megan xo

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Review #11, by javct Prologue

10th December 2011:
Very interesting :)
This story defiantly has potential; I loved it how this story is based around main-events in Harry Potter but is also told from an OCs POV.

One thing I would suggest however (this is just my opinion) is maybe adding some more imagery to the story? I mean, I know we saw what it looked like in the movie and read about in the books but seeing as the main character is an OC I think maybe we could add what Beth is seeing? Just a suggestion :)

I think your characterisation of Barty Crouch Jr. is perfect! He is just that tad of crazy but acts like he is some-what sane. I've read so many stories where Barty Crouch Jr. is just a normal person, and I'm always like "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" so congrats on that!!

Good luck with the rest of your amazing story!
*jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much!'s quite difficult but I tried my hardest to make it as true as possible to this scene in the Goblet of Fire. The next chapters are going to go completely away from Hogwarts and magic in general though, so it won't just be the series from a different POV.

I'll definitely try and add more imagery to the story, and that's a great idea - thanks.

And thank you! Characterisation of canon characters is always something I strive to get, so I'm glad you think I achieved it.

Thank you again,
Megan xo

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