Reading Reviews for The Start of Something Amazing
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Rumpelstiltskin The Dress

16th March 2014:
Hello there, I'm here for the Blackout (number 14/15).

Plot/plot arch: This is sweet; Lily is looking for a dress for her wedding. I did like that she had been unsuccessful for a while before coming across the dress she truly enjoyed. I think my favorite part was Lily's request for the girls not to have red dresses, as to not clash with her hair ;).

Characterization: Lily's getting married, so it's understandable that she's not only excited, but that she wants to find the perfect dress for the occasion. Her two friends are perfectly fit to be her friends in this, and are just as excited with her for the wedding.

Detail: I think the only thing you could maybe improve on is a description of the "perfect dress". Since the chapter is focused on that dress, and there is really no actual description of it, I think it would be suitable to add one. It would also help focus the chapter on what the focus is supposed to be.

Emotion: The excitement and bustle of an impending wedding day was present in this, and I think you did a good job at capturing that.

Other/notes: This was a good start!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for reviewing! This was my first time actually writing Lily, so I'm glad the characterization was okay! Thanks for the CC as well- Detail is definitely not one of my strong suits. Thank you!
~Sara


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Review #2, by A Not-So Gangster Message From Your Santa Chapter Two: The Engagement

27th December 2013:
YO, WAIT, WHAT? SARA, WHAT THE HECK GURL? THAT PROPOSAL WAS SO SWEET, I SWEAR TO GAAAWD.
*inhale exhale*
A rap for you from me:
Sara,
This is from your Secret Santa,
I don't understand how you write so good,
And why don't we enjoy some Fanta?

ANYWAY, WOW. This was good. I'm in love with James. See this is what I mean, why hasn't there been an update on this story in so long?? YOU NEED TO UPDATE! It's perfect. I think you might want to comb through for some typos and punctuation marks, but besides that, love love love ♥

No, seriously, you rock gurl.

Dumbles in pink makes me die of laughter ohkay?

Anyway lovely, sorry for this ridiculous review. But I hope you liked it! Not long before the big reveal.. I'll *try* making you a graphic and stuff, but no promises :P I wish you had an MTA though.. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Author's Response: Yes, yes, James is the sweetest. I'd like to steal him away from Lily, but that would ruin one of my favorite pairings (not to mention the entire story)...so I'll just let Lily be spoiled. Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the proposal. And I like Fanta!

~Sara


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Review #3, by A Message From Your Secret Santa The Dress

27th December 2013:
YOU ROCK GURL! No, seriously. This was great, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This is really interesting, because usually you see Lily and James stories back in their Hogwarts days. This was different, and the concept's unique.

Lily's characterization was really different from what we usually see as well, it was fun to see her enjoying life. Her two friends seem interesting as well, and I really hope thre's more to this soon! I also hope we get to know more about your characters and OCs later on in the story.

Keep on writing Sara! I hope you had a good Christmas!

Author's Response: Thanks! I wanted to write a story from a slightly different perspective, so I'm glad it worked well! Thank you!

~Sara


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Review #4, by randomwriter The Dress

16th July 2013:
Hey :)
I think I know where you're going with this story and it seems to be really cool.
I must admit that I've never seen Lily written like this, nor have I imagined it.
However, this was pretty nice :)
CC would be that this is a little short.
Anyway, a great chpater nevertheless :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try to make the next chapters longer, whenever I get around to writing it! Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by SeverusSnape15 Chapter Two: The Engagement

17th February 2012:
This is a really cute little chapter. It's a very sweet engagement, I love it! I wish you'd put a bit more detail into it, though. You have a few errors, but everytime you use quotations, you need something after the words.

Ex: "Hello," she said. Or. "Hello!" You don't put anything after them. :) Keep that in mind. Thank you for entering my challenge.

Author's Response: Gah! *headdesk* I always, always do that! *Must get better at that*

Thanks though!

~Sara


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Review #6, by SeverusSnape15 The Dress

31st January 2012:
Thank you for entering my challenge! I love this. If I'm not mistaken, Lily was pregnant when she got married? I think I'm correct, but I'm not sure. Might be AU. Anyways, good chapter. Try breaking those big paragraphs, though! It makes it easier to read :)

Author's Response: Hi! I haven't heard Lily being pregnant when she got married, but that's not to say it didn't happen. I have plans :) Oh the paragraphs...*headdesk*

~Sara


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Review #7, by EverDiggory Chapter Two: The Engagement

17th January 2012:
“James, where are you” Lily called out to her fiancée as she walked through the door.
there needs to be a question mark...

“What are you doing here?” I thought you were going out with the girls tonight.” he asked her.
an extra unneeded quotation mark

You should propbably say who's all there with Lily,that was a bit confusing.


I ABSOLUTELY ADORE your characterization of James!Great job,I'm beyond pleased with this!

The thought of Dumbeldore with a hot pink beard and robes makes me want to die laughing

Very good flow!

Unfortunately,theres a bit of a lack of detials. Even though I should be the last one talking *cough* but I figured I should tell you!

Fantatsic:D

Lovely job,doll! I will be favoring because I'm curious to see where youre going with this!

Author's Response: Hi :)

Thanks for pointing those out, I shall edit...whenever I have time. xD

Thank you :) I had no idea where the beard and robes came from...but it made me crack up as I was writing it xD

Yes, yes I'm always a bit lacking on details. Not one of my strongest suits :/

Thank you so much!

~Sara


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Review #8, by EverDiggory The Dress

17th January 2012:
Lovely introduction!

Good details,and there were no spelling mistakes/grammar errors that caught my eye.

Characterization was pretty good for such a short chapter. Flow is actually really good(:

I shall leave a longer review for the next chapter,seeing as how this was a set up chapter of a sort!

xoxo

Ever
8/10

Author's Response: Hello :)
Thank you so much! I'm not usually good with beginnings, so I'm glad you thought this one was good :)

Gracias!

~Sara


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Review #9, by Santa Chapter Two: The Engagement

2nd January 2012:
*whistles* I'm not fangirling... of course not...

BUT OMG THAT WAS SUCH A SWEET PROPOSAL. (*hides* About my caps problem... :couch:) James is so adorable with everything he says and you just have a way of writing them that makes me want to dance around and squee. Lily is also really well written and the two of them make for a wonderful read!

Anna and Melody are still great fun to read and I can't wait for more of this story! I didn't notice anything big for cc, but there were some grammar issues with punctuation, but they're not too bad and it shouldn't take long to fix. (If you need help, just shoot me a PM... after I reveal which Santa I am... I'm PMing you after this for one last surprise :D) I love where the story is going and I just feel so happy when I get to read this! A truly wonderful story and it can only improve with a beginning like this!

(h) Santa

Author's Response: xD Hi Santa, though I know who you are now. Thank you :) Yes, I really should edit stuff before I put it up... hmm.

Gracias!

~Sara


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Review #10, by Super Secret Santa! Chapter Two: The Engagement

30th December 2011:
Hello again and happy holidays (although they are almost over by now..)!!

Aww, I have to echo Melody's words : that was such a sweet way to propose!!

I loved this chapter as well; it was a lot of fun to read about. You really came up with a nice and original way for James to propose, great work!

Once again, I loved your characters and he inclusion of James in this one only made it better. The only little thing that bothered me with this chapter (and the one before as well, I just forgot to mention it), is the ponctuation. Very often, you forget comas (like at the end of a piece of dialogue) or even periodes. This is an easy fix and would definitly improve this already great chapter.

I hope you will continue with this story and that we will get to see this beautiful wedding you are planning! Great work and hapy holidays!

Author's Response: Thank you! I don't know how I came up with that idea to propose...my fingers just started typing!

I know, i always forget stuff like that! Thanks for pointing it out though :)

~Sara


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Review #11, by Super Secret Santa! The Dress

30th December 2011:
Hello and Happy holiday!

Did you think I had forgotten you? I assure you I had not, Santa NEVER forgets the good kids!! I simply ran a bit behind scedule this year; a master head cold hit me from behind at the beginning of the week and I am just starting to feel a bit better so, I apologize for the delay!

Let's not get distracted though. I am here to give you a review and not microbs, I promiss!!

That was a lovely opening chapter! I have to say that I quite enjoy your three main girls, particularily Lily. Oh and, dress shopping? I think it's the first time I read about this particular event for Lily!! I really liked it, it was easy to read and was all smooth and flowed nicely. Great work!

Author's Response: xD well I'm glad you're feeling better Santa :) Thank you so much, I decided I wanted to go for a more unusual opening chapter. Annnd I may have been in a bit of a girly mood...which meant hello dress shopping :D Thank you so much!

~Sara


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Review #12, by Santa The Dress

20th December 2011:
Hello dear!

EEE! DRESS SHOPPING! *quiets fangirl* I mean, I thought this was a fantastic chapter that I read in a highly professional manner. Mmmhmm. *sighs* *unleashes fangirl*

YAY LILY! I know this was just the first chapter, but I already love your Lily and Anna and Melody. (And their names! They fit well and I just like them in general. :D) I wasn't sure what they were shopping for at first, so I was held in that fabulous sort of suspense where everythign about a chapter feels magical and you read into every sentence with this sense of 'what's happening now?' at every twist and turn of the sentences.

And then I miiight have done a slight happy dance when I read that they were shopping for wedding dresses, though not only because I like extravagant dresses in general. I think with this chapter subconciously covered Lily's relationship and I liked how this is a story about Lily that does not really start and go along the same stroy line as stories with Lily generally do. You have explored a part of Lily's life that is new and I think you're doing a fabulous job with it. :D

I didn't really notice any major spelling or britpickings when I was reading, which is always a plus. The whole chapter flowed very nicely and your characterization is great, especially since this is just the first chapter! Great job and merry Christmas,

Shh, it's a secret!

Author's Response: Ooh, thank you! xD I love fangirling over chapters I read...I'm glad this was a good chapter :D Thank you Santa!

~Sara


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Review #13, by agmalfoy The Dress

10th December 2011:
I think it's a good start! I hope that you don't get discouraged by lack of reviews and stop writing! I'm interested to see what comes of this.

Author's Response: thank you so much! sadly i wont be able to upload for a while but i do plan to continue this :)

-sara


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