So I am going through making you more CIs (and reading, obviously, since I want to make them at least somewhat appropriate), and right now I want to hug you for the greenhouse every day comment because that is totally what working with living things can be like. I have a friend who worked with fish and genetic engineering, and she had to go in for about an hour almost every day, no matter what else was going on.
Also, this is a great chapter and I love the fact that you didn't let the "I have a girlfriend" line build and cause drama over the course of several chapters before Molly discovered the truth. That would have probably ended up feeling tiresome. This was totally realistic - who hasn't lied at some point or another about having a significant other out of panic? :P
(This is a terrible review, but I'm hoping the CIs make up for my lack of reviewing/poor review. ♥)Author's Response: Thank you so much for those CIs and the review! You're amazing! And I'm glad you think I captured the greenhouse and her needing to work at least some every day. The way I see it, the world doesn't stop living just because you want a day off.
Yeah, I definitely didn't want that lie to build up, that's why I chose to include Connor in the scene because friends tend to call your lies in front of the person you're lying to. And it definitely wasn't a terrible review because I still enjoyed it. Thanks again! Report Review
Hello, Leslie! I'm sorry that I'm a bit later than anticipated -- life caught up with me, as I'm sure you know. I meant to leave this review several days ago, but tonight seems to be the first time I was able to sit down before nine o' clock to get a few things done and crossed off my checklist!
One of the things I liked best about this chapter is how easy it was to jump right back into the story from where I left off all those months ago. Molly feels like an old friend I'm getting reacquainted with, and that was a nice feeling to get me through the chapter! I love her group of work friends, too -- they all seem like a really fun bunch. :P Nothing to match Finn, of course, who I'm anxious to read more about! Those brief mentions of him weren't enough, especially because it's pretty clear Molly doesn't know what to think of him now.
Her reunion with her mother was so sweet! I can't remember now if I mentioned it in a previous review -- I don't think I did, since she's just now come home -- but I already like the way you're characterizing this branch of the large Weasley family, who are perhaps the least-written of them all (with the possible exception of Charlie). Percy's one of my favorite Weasleys, so, by extension, I like reading stories centered around Molly and Lucy, but I really like what you've done with them here. Molly's not a carbon-copy of Percy; she's very much her own person, and I respect that a lot. I'm very eager to see Percy brought into the mix, though! And Lucy, who sounds like she is more like her father. His buying her a greenhouse was incredibly endearing, and if he wasn't married I'd have to hug him. :P
I'm so glad I finally got a concrete, legitimate excuse to pop by this story again! I've been meaning to for AGES, and somehow never got around to doing it. Getting back into the swing of the plot's really made me excited to read on, though, and hopefully I'll be doing that soon. After all, Finn's up next, and I need some more Finn in my life!
A great chapter in a great story! Brilliant job, Leslie! ♥Author's Response: I'm glad you found it easy to jump back into the story after having stepped away for a while. And that's completely understandable as life does have a tendency to rear its ugly head when we least expect it to. Also happy you find my characterizations of this branch of the Weasleys likable. I wanted to set them apart from the other families since Percy was so different from his parents and siblings. And Lucy is a lot like her father, now, but she was a bit of a wild child in Hogwarts before she settled down enough to grow up.
Thanks again for reviewing, Rachel! (: Report Review
Welcome home, Molly!
This was another great chapter. Molly is so sweet and relatable. I like how Lance calls her the voice of reason. It's such a good match since the last chapter showed Finn being the responsible one in his group of friends. It's great how everyone in both their lives are sort of nudging them to get back together. It's so true how sometimes friends know a relationship is meant to be long before the people in the middle of it all have a clue!
I loved the gift of the greenhouse from her parents. What a lovely touch. I like that maybe it's meant to be a bit of a peace offering from her father. I guess we'll have to wait and see if he has other intentions.
Just one quick bit of CC. In the sentence, "Uh, you kind of do," Molly said, hesitatingly joining the conversation..." I thought the word 'hesitatingly' was a bit awkward. Just "Molly said, hesitant to join the conversation..." might read a bit smoother.
Sorry this is a short review, but I did want to get at least one more chapter in on your story before the end of the month :)Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out that typo, I'll go back and fix it. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story at this point and can see the similarities of Molly and Finn before they are reunited together again. More on her father to come if you decide to return. Thanks again for reviewing, I really appreciate it! Report Review
Back again with review number two!
I thought this was another strong chapter. It's a really great parallel to chapter one. We saw Molly at work, now we get to see Finn at work. We met one of Molly's friends, now we get to me a few of Finn's. We got a taste of his family through Declan, and we can see that Molly's not the only one regretting some past decisions. I thought it was really nice how you made the two chapters line up so well.
I'm usually not a big fan of POV changes (just a personal preference), but you use it really effectively here. Romances really do lend themselves well to using both sides of the pairing to tell the story. This is especially true if it's going to be a few chapters until the characters start interacting with each other in any major way.
Just as with Molly, I'm already getting a great sense of Finn's character, and I really like him. You've made him so relatable, the kind of person we'd want Molly to end up with. I like that he's more mature than his friends -- even though it seems to cause him some angst. There is that struggle in your twenties to still have fun and go out, but to also start think about settling down, working hard at your career, staying in touch with your family even though you live your own life now. I thought you captured a lot of that here.
If I can offer some CC, I thought sometimes the dialogue was a little formal. I thought Connor's lines were very well written but some of the exchanges between Declan and Finn felt a little stiff. Here are two examples:
-- "...it's just my patience are just about shot as of late." As of late isn't a phrase I hear a lot in conversation so it stood out a bit here.
-- "but I need to get some sleep because I have a client meeting early tomorrow morning." The because here is a little formal. It might be a bit more conversational if you broke it into two sentences.
Just as a side note, at the end of the scene, there are about nine lines of dialogue in a row and you identify the speaker with a dialogue tag in eight of them. Since it's just the two of them in the scene, you could eliminate most of them to help improve flow.
Another fun chapter. I can't wait to see what's waiting for Molly when she gets home. I'll definitely be back to read more soon!Author's Response: Thanks for another review! I'm glad you like Finn and so relieved that this second chapter was as strong as the first with it being from a different perspective. Also, glad that I was able to capture the age range well as sometimes I can have difficulty with that aspect of the writing, but I felt more in my element here since I am in my early twenties and have lived on my own.
Thanks for pointing those critiques out. I'm trying to use dialogue tags less now after the adv fiction workshop I took last semester because one of the things the prof told us was to use dialogue tags sparingly so I'm working on that. And I'm glad you also pointed out those spots where the dialogue was too formal and 'as of late' I think is more of a southern phrase because I know people who have used it in dialogue but I completely get where you're coming from as I can see how that might sound a little awkward now that I've read it back out loud. Thanks again! Report Review
Hello, Leslie. I'm so excited to finally be here reading your story for the review swap!
I thought this was a really nice start to your story. I wouldn't have known at all from the writing that it was a sequel if you hadn't pointed it out in your author's note. You laid everything out so smoothly -- Molly's past feelings for Finn, her relationship with her father, her currently-single state, and even a bit about how she ended up in her chosen career. I feel like I can just jump right into the world you've created here.
Molly seems like a great character. I like that she's down to earth, with real world concerns. But she's got an optimism about her that makes her really likable. She likes her job, the life she's created for herself in Australia, and even though I don't believe her when she says she's better off forgetting Finn, at least she's *trying* to keep her wits about her. And of course, I love the little hints at the end. I have a feeling this trip home will be full of surprises.
In terms of CC, I did notice two small things. First, I don't know if it's intentional or not, but I noticed you used very few contractions when writing the narrative parts of this chapter. Contractions tend to lend a more informal feeling to the writing, which would work great in this modern story, which doesn't need to be overly formal in tone. One line particularly:
-- Molly knew she had no way to still feel torn up over it, especially since she had ruined things with the one boy she had had feelings for that could even remotely come close to love.
There are four "hads" in this sentence, two right next to each other. It's not wrong, of course, but I think "...one boy she'd had feelings for..." might work even better.
The second was a small slip into passive voice on the sentence:
-- It resulted in Molly jumping slightly as she looked around confusedly before her eyes settled back at Jules across the work table from her.
The sentence isn't wrong (and I won't even pretend to be an expert on what voice things are written in) but I do think it would be stronger without the "it resulted in."
Overall, great start to the story. Oh, how I love me some Next-Gen. Off to read Chapter Two now!Author's Response: Thanks so much, Becky! I'm glad you liked the start and was able to understand the storyline without having read Why Not as that was my intention. And I'm so glad Molly is likable and relatable. Also, thanks so much for pointing out those critiques as I do have a tendency of being redunant when writing my sentences... I also have a bit of a fetish for comas and semicolons. :P Anyway, thanks again and I really appreciate all the feedback! Report Review
Oooh, they got it on! :P and now she's resolved to go with him and stand up to her father. oh, that's going to be a lovely conversation I bet. :PAuthor's Response: Hahah, thanks for reviewing, Lee! (: Report Review
Ahhh! he can't leave! he just got back with molly! oh she had better be peeved with him about leaving without even discussing it with her! grr! Even if they had a good snog session before that, it so does not make up for him leaving! Blah!
I still loved it thought, despite the implications of what is to come.
Off to the next chapter (though that might have to wait til tomorrow).Author's Response: Well, he did only just learn about after their picnic and he's planning on telling her when he sees her on Thursday (or maybe he'll see her the following day... :P) so don't be too mad at him. It's not like he's irresponsible or being a prat. Just wait and you'll see what happens. Thanks for *finally* reviewing!
-Leslie Report Review
Hi! I feel horrible about taking such a long time to get here, but I really was busy!
I was surprised to know that this is a sequel -I somehow didn't see that in the Author's Note, even though I've read it. Anyway, somehow, there was enough information to keep me from getting confused. At the same time, I didn't feel like there was too much information or many boring introductions, which is a feature I personally admire. The chapter flowed smoothly without feeling tedious at any point and I believe that it sparks enough interest in what shall happen next.
As for Molly herself, I think you've got the foundation for a very interesting character. Imagine standing up to Percy Weasley yet get to live to tell the tale, which is pretty much what you're doing here. I liked how honest Molly seemed to be, how she didn't have a problem telling the story of what had happened between her and Finn, which I would like to know more about, as a matter of fact! I'll probably read Why Not before going on with this story.
I think that this is a really wonderful first chapter, and I hope I'll have enough time to read more of it and its predecessor soon! Great work!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Thanks so much, I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it and was able to still understand what was happening despite not having read Why Not. I definitely wanted to make this the type of sequel that could still stand apart from Why Not. And I'm equally excited that you enjoyed this chapter enough to read Why Not before coming back to continue reading this one! :D I hope you continue to enjoy and let me know what you think, too, when you read it :) Report Review
You know, I could just smack these two. I swear, they act more like teenagers now than they did when they were teenagers. It's rather quite funny. Though, I daresay they need to do a little more than snog, I think, to get each other's absence out of their system.
On that note, you know I don't like romance (which makes me wonder why I read this knowing it's gonna be chalk full of romance), it wasn't over done to the point of making me gag. Though you came quite close with that whole "I don't love" then she does love him, scene. Almost too much for me.
However, I'm still glad these two wised up and got back together. I rather like Finn's idea of them both quitting their jobs and moving to a totally different country. Seems it might be the only thing that would work for these two, despite the fact that Finn would easily relocate for her.
Loved it!Author's Response: I wouldn't say they're acting like teenagers as anyone who were getting back together after a break up and several years of not seeing each other would have a lot to say (argue) before the bridge to the greener side can be crossed.
Well, that's Molly's stubborn personality (that she gets from Percy) coming out in her when she forces out 'don't' and I wouldn't say that that's too far into romance as it's actually considering drama (which is the other genre I've marked for this).
Well, of course they're back together. For them to be together they needed to have that argument, otherwise it wouldn't have worked out between them this time either. Some things need to be said before two people can move forward and these two had to get rid of the baggage they had been carrying for several years before any good could come of a relationship between them. From now on it's all down hill from here. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Oh boy. She's going for the position and Hogwarts and is now about to find out that he'll be gone for the rest of the summer. Here she is considering giving up her life down under for Finn and he's about to leave for Egypt, though again great opportunity for him. just can't see this going over very well...Author's Response: You'll see how it goes down when you read chapter 10. :) That's the chapter of the true start, I think, since it's the first bump they've come to in the road since getting back together. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
And of course after lunch he finds out the trip is for most of the summer. but it is a good opportunity for him. oh, and that Clare in the beginning...can I hit her? :PAuthor's Response: Sure can, I thought it'd be hilarious to add Clare in there and I loved writing Finn telling her off and not including her on the payroll for that day's work. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
that is a lot that he is asking her to give up. she's got a whole life down there now, of course she's going to need to think about it. and he's asking her to move and be with him while knowing he will have to be away a few times over the summer? -headdesk- and what is Percy up to now.Author's Response: Yes, but he'd give up his life to follow her if she'd let him. Or possibly even if she left without asking him to follow her. Either way, things are more lasting between the two of them now that they're older as you'll see. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
And I'm back, trying to catch up on this!! :D
Another great chapter, Leslie! AND I LOVE HOW THIS CHAPTER ENDED! With their conversation all throughout the chapter, I knew they couldn't just leave it like that. There was too much history between them. I could feel all of it and their old feelings for each other. I just KNEW it was there, and I think I could feel that both Molly and Finn didn't just want to leave things as 'we ran into each other on the street.' Things had to go on further from there.
And then there at the end! I got so excited! And Molly better not break things off again. Scaredy-cat.
I can't wait to see where things go. Great chapter, Leslie!Author's Response: Yes, this argument had to happen between them or things wouldn't progress. Both of them, especially Finn, had things to say that had gone unsaid before Molly had left for Australia when they had finished at Hogwarts. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story, Drue, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I was just thinking last night about your story and then your update appeared! I feel bad for Molly. Here she is considering applying for the Hogwarts position and she doesn't yet know that Finn won't be in England but a few more days. Thanks for the update. Good luck with your summer session!Author's Response: Aw, thanks, I'm glad you're still enjoying Molly and Finn. And yes, they're timing is just wretched, they really do need to work on it more. But good news is coming in the next chapter (which I posted last night). These two crazy lovebirds are seven years older now and more mature, I'd like to think they can handle a bit more than they could when they were in their final year. Thanks again for the review! And I passed all my summer classes and am four weeks deep into the fall semester with twelve weeks left to go (last full term semester of undergrad). Report Review
Wow, a lot of things happened in this chapter! It was good to see Molly interacting with her friends in Australia, though I guess it's too bad we probably won't be seeing much of them for a while, because she's left the country.
I like the idea of having a sort of vacation Portkey. That makes a lot of sense, for long distance travelling. And that's an interesting coincidence that Molly met up with two people who know Finn when she came back. There's no hiding from him now, that's for sure.
And perhaps Jules was right in that Molly's parents aren't all that bad. Audrey for sure seems quite reasonable. And even if Percy had an ulterior motive for buying her the greenhouse, it was still a very kind thing to do and Molly is understandably happy.
Seriously, so much progressed in this chapter. Now Molly knows that Finn still has feelings for her, which may make for an interesting dilemma. Either way, I hope I find out reasonably soon. :)
Nice job so far. I don't have time to review more now, but hopefully I'll find time to come back and leave a few more reviews soon.Author's Response: Yes, Molly definitely won't be hiding from Finn after running into his best mate (and flat mate) and brother; so many people she knows works in the M.O.M. Yes, Audrey is definitely lovely and the complete opposite of Percy (and Molly gets along with her mum more than her dad, but then again she's more like Percy in personality and that's why they butt heads constantly).
Thanks! I'm glad you see a lot of progression in this chapter and are enjoying it still! Thanks again for reviewing, you're awesome! :) Report Review
It's nice to see you introduce Finn in this chapter. I always find stories that alternate points of view to be interesting because it lets you look more into the two character's heads.
Finn seems pretty practical in this chapter, despite what Molly said about him being at git in Hogwarts. I suppose, though, that, it's like he said: he's growing up. That's a bit hard to think about though.
It' also interesting that both Finn and Molly still seem to be pining after each other, or at least unable to forget. In that sense, they seem rather similar, however their family life is obvious different, because Finn has Declan, while Molly's dreading visiting her family.
I don't entirely feel like much happened in the plot beyond introduction, not that that's a bad thing at this point. But I will definitely keep reading to find out more!Author's Response: Yes, Finn is more practical than Molly because he's male. Guys don't think too deeply as it's all straight forward with them. I'm glad you liked the way I alternated to show Finn, too. I wanted both Molly and Finn to share the spotlight in the sequel since Why Not was very Molly centric and the sequel is about how the both of them finally making it work between them.
Yes, well, Molly is really only dreading the prospect of her father trying to control her life. But yeah, their families are different. And they definitely fell in love with each other in Why Not so it's only natural to be regretting letting each other go.
Yes, the first couple chapters are definitely more introduction, but once Molly arrives in London things start to conflict as they see each other for the first in seven years. Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
I'm so sorry that I didn't get to reviewing this sooner--I certainly meant to.
Moving on, I think this was a nice first chapter. I haven't read "Why Not?" So I'm sure there are things that I'm missing (namely Molly and Finn's backstory) but you do a nice job of explaining it here. I feel like I know enough that I'm not lost, even though I'm reading a sequel.
I can't completely tell from this chapter, but Molly seems to be an interesting character. I can imagine that having Percy as a father was difficult, to say the least, but it says something about her character that she was able to stand up to him and be an Herbologist, speaking of which, that sounds like an interesting profession.
From the way you've set things up, it seems like Molly will meet Finn at some point in London, which definitely will cause some conflict, but again, this is the first chapter, so I'm mostly speculating.
Anyways, I'll try to read a few more chapters now! Sorry again for the wait.Author's Response: I'm so happy that I've gotten a good number of people who haven't read Why Not telling me that they understand this first chapter and I'm glad you feel the same way because I definitely was trying to write this so that it could stand alone even being a sequel to Why Not.
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're liking Molly's character and her profession so far! :) Report Review
Ahhh! I finally read the next chapter! It took me long enough. I'm sorry.
Geez. I'm in love with the men you write. I really am. Both Finn and Declan. Great boys right there. And I can feel how much Finn cares for Molly, and that just makes me love him even more.
Great chapter, Leslie! I loved it, and now I can't wait to see what will happen during their encounter!Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm glad I'm doing a good job writing the guys as it's very hard to write the opposite sex. Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you're enjoying the story still! :) Report Review
TAKE MOLLY TO EGYPT TOO!!! sorry if my reviews aren't very long or helpful. I just like reviewing every chapter. Update soon please. 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thanks, I'm happy that you're enjoying it! :) And short reviews are just as good as the longer reviews a lot of the times; any feedback is lovely and I am thankful that you like the the story enough to take the time to drop a line or two in the review box at the end of each chapter. Thanks! :D Report Review
This story is great!! 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it! Report Review
Oh no. Please say yes molly 9/10 : )Author's Response: What a cliffhanger, right? Thanks for reading! :D Report Review
Gah they are adorable!! 9/10 : )Author's Response: They are, aren't they? Thanks for reading! Glad you're enjoying it! :) Report Review
And so they meet... 9/10 : )Author's Response: Yep, they meet again. :D Thanks for reading! Report Review
That was a great gift from her father 9/10 : )Author's Response: I thought so, too. :) Thanks! Report Review
Poor finn, this seems a lot harder for him than molly. 9/10 : )Author's Response: I wouldn't say that. But it shows more for Finn because Molly was the one to brush their relationship under the rug to end it before she left. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
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