This was an exquisite piece. My favourite line was "with him no more than a passing shadow on her mind; a memory pushed to the back in favour of brighter things.
For him, she was and is the brighter thing."
Beautiful.Author's Response: Thankyou so much! I am so glad you liked that line, I tried very hard with it :) I'm so glad you thought so! Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was so dark, so crushing, yet it fit the moment perfectly. It expressed Snape’s honest emotion, his regret, his love…it expressed it all in a very eloquent way. I really feel as though I got a good grasp of what he was and the change he went through upon finding Lily dead…about finding the mistake he made by turning to the darks arts and other Death Eaters. His realization is painful and I can feel it just as strong as he feels it from the choice of words you use. It’s amazing, and I just love it.
The words also flow together easily, like they were meant to be strung together. They’re poetic, as they move to their own cadence and keep your mind with his. I like how he relates coming to their house on this night to the last time he came out. I also like how his emotions about James’ death are displayed. Part of him can’t feel pain about it, because James was always mocking him and making him the joke, yet another part does feel sorrow that he’s fallen. Just not in a direct way. And they all add to Snape’s character, to your writing.
The only thing I found a little distracting at times was sentence length. Sometimes a 2-3 line paragraph was composed of a single sentence [with commas and what not] but some of those played with the flow a little bit. It made it difficult to keep some of the same themes of the paragraph together. That and the entire sentence sometimes contained two different descriptions and it made it a bit confusing.
But honestly, I loved this story! I have not read many stories about Snape [none really at all] and I’m really happy I decided to start with this! It was excellent!
And just on a closing note, I’ll share my favorite line, which just so happens to be the last line :)
“It may be darkest before the dawn, but for Severus Snape there will be no more light.”
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Oh thankyou so much! I am so glad you liked it, and that it was accessible. I'm also very glad you could see him, why he did everything, and the pain - it was what I really wanted to get across, because it is so often brushed over.
Aw thanks! I'm very glad it worked; it was a different style to what I'm used to, and it was tricky at first. But I did try to create a more poetic style, and I'm glad you liked it :) Hehe thanks! I was trying to show how Snape is still so connected to the past, because the present is so horrific.
Yes, you are very right about the sentences... I need to edit, it was written during my Comma Abuse Era. The paragraphs can be pretty disconnected too, and I just didn't like to use full stops :/
Ahh I'm so happy you liked it! There's not many Snape stories out there and I wanted to add one more.
Thankyou so much, I love favourite-liners, and also for your gorgeous review. It really cheered me up :D
~TGK Report Review
Ugh, just absolute brilliance! It was like the most beautiful of symphonies, starting softly then building to a crescendo when he saw Lily. AMAZING writing! I love how you got inside Snape's head and made yourself comfortable in it.
My favorite line: "The image of the house as it used to be is beating through his mind like the mantra of a clairvoyant trying to resurrect the long-gone image of someone, something, else." Perfect!
-EmAuthor's Response: Wow, thankyou so much! That's so sweet! I really enjoyed writing Snape, although it was heart-wrenching :(
Thankyou so much :) Report Review
That is the most moving one shot I have ever read. It is amazing and you the last line is so daunting. I've read this so many tomes (about 5 no joke) and it still makes me cry when he is rocking her. He isn't too cross or all angry either, you described the grief and sorrow perfectly. Please carry on writing wonderful1 shots - I love them xxxAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much! I'm glad it has made you think, and that the last line worked. Wow, I'm really glad you thought my writing good enough to read on repeat! Thanks, I just thought that it would be so horrendously sad for Snape to have to go through that. Thanks, I will :) Report Review
This is so sad! But i like your writing style, it's sort of poetic and i like how deep your going into his character. It was a really interesting read! Poor Snape.i don't think I've ever really thought or never really understood how horrible his life was.your take on things made me really FEEL that. Poor Severus.Author's Response: Aw thanks! I was playing around with styles and I'm glad you think it worked ok. I've always felt so sorry for him, and I'm glad I could make you think! Thanks :) Report Review
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