Great story , please update best couple ever Report Review
Gah this story gives me butterflies and has shivers going down my back! Their tension is just so amazing. Normally, I wouldn't believe Draco to be this kind of character, but I guess everyone falls in love, right? For some strange reason, I can actually see all this happening to Draco. Draco is definetely my favourite character in Harry Potter, and as a writer, you portrayed him amazingly well! Keep up the great grammar, punctuation, and writing style! Amazing story so far! (:Author's Response: Oh wow that's so lovely to hear... Really it means so much more than I can put into words. You really know how to compliment someone! Especially seeing as Draco is your favourite character. I know personally I'm extra critical about my favourite characters in fanfiction and I'm glad to hear you think I portrayed him well as his characterization is the one I worry about the most.
Thank you so so much for taking the time to read this story and give it such a lovely review. Report Review
Sooo, I don't really read stories with Draco as the main character because I don't find him believable in many of them. Now, in this story, to me, he is still OOC, but for some reason, after getting through the first chapter and actually liking it, I find it believable. And this Astoria, the way you wrote her, is just the girl that could get the mighty Draco Malfoy insecure. I love her. I love them. And I really like this story. The party was fun, the House Elves are still there and most importantly, Astoria is still in the house, so I can't wait for the next chapter.
I'll be back to review again.Author's Response: Yeah I'm the same way. I'm inclined to agree with you about him being OCC but I'm sooo happy you find it believable. He's the one I worry about the most to be honest. Aw, it's so nice to hear you love Astoria. It really means a lot to me to know you enjoyed it. Hopefully you will enjoy the next chapter as much!
Thanks so much for the awesome review! Report Review
Hi I'm here from the review battle!
I really enjoyed this first chapter, it's a fantastic and intriguing intro to what seems like a wonderful story with an interesting plot. There are a couple of things that I would like to commend you on:
1. Description: I loved your description of Astoria's looks, the picture that was 'painted' in my mind was georgeous and so perfect.
2. Humor: I can't remember whether you put this as one of you genres, but I loved the little bits of humor you added into this, mostly in the conversation between Astoria and Draco.
3. It was very smart to change from Draco to Astoria's POV. I found it a very interesting part of your story and a great addition! Well done.
I noticed a few (as in 3 or 4 so not a big deal) grammar errors but I assume that they are most likely just typos, so don't stress over them or anything.
In conclusion, this was an extremely enjoyable read, so keep up the good work and good luck with future chapters :)Author's Response: Hi! :D
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! :) Thank you so much! :D
Actually Astoria's description was one of my favorite parts of the chapter to write! I'm so happy you liked it and it had that much of an effect.
Humor is not actually one of genres but I do like to add a little bit here and there and I'm really happy to hear you picked up on it and enjoyed it!
I'm glad you enjoyed her POV. I really like writing from Astoria's pov and I plan to do it some more throughout the story.
I'll have to keep an eye out for those! :P
Thank you. :D And thanks so much for the lovely review! :) Report Review
YES! I FOUND ANOTHER DRACO/ASTORIA!! It's like finding a unicorn!! *Pets her drastoria Unicorn.*
Honestly, for it being your first fanfiction I thought it we pretty good, sometimes some of the dialogue of Draco and his family was a bit unrealistic, but other then that you did quite a nice job. I think you would probably benefit from a BETA, just to have someone look over your work afterwards for a second opinion.
But hey, good job!! :)Author's Response: *Feeds Drastoria Unicorn*
Thanks. :) Ah yeah, I think my Malfoys are a little tame. It's something I was thinking about changing a bit should I ever edit the story but yeah I don't know. We'll see. I would like to have a good BETA but they seem hard to find atm.
Thanks so much for the review! :D Report Review
I think my favorite part of this chapter is when he actually takes care of her. Also, how he still has house elves. Makes him seem a little bit more real Draco-like.Author's Response: Yeah, somehow I couldn't see him cleaning up everything! :L I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you so so much for the reviews, they've inspired me to get off my butt and start writing again! ;) Report Review
Draco has dreams?!?! And he wrote her a letter.*squeals* Also, I'm glad to see that Draco has at least one real friend in the world. Keep it up; it's great, really.Author's Response: I guess he does! He must be human after all! :O XD Hehe, I'm glad you liked it! Of course, everyone needs at least one friend, even Draco Malfoy (I don't think he's that bad really). Thank you, please keep reading! :D Report Review
I like this story a lot. There aren't that many good Draco and Astoria stories out there, but this is a good one. I like that she is independent already and doesn't need anyone's help.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D That really means a lot! I'm glad you do, I wanted her to be somewhat different from the typical love interests we see in most fanfictions. Report Review
They're so cute when they bicker! Keep on going, I love it!!!Author's Response: Thank you! :D Report Review
Hahahahaha I can just see us on a night out there and you holding melly up Author's Response: Yes, our nights out were the main inspiration for this particular chapter. :P lmao xD Report Review
FINALLY a refreshing story about Draco and Astoria!! I don't know why these are so difficult to find or why people always try to place Draco with Hermione it's just not normal. I loved this chapter and the first one as well. Keep up the good work!!Author's Response: Thank you ! :D
Yeah I agree. I just don't get Dramoine. lol Cannon FTW ! xD
I'm really glad to hear hear it ! Please keep reading and thanks again for the review ! :D Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your review!
I really loved the inclusion of the summary in the end of this chapter! It really tied the whole thing together and really, throughout the entire chapter, I was just waiting for Draco to write it! Nice job on your part.
I like the slip-ups Draco sometimes has where he almost reverts back to this old ways. Like when he was describing the Muggle bars and he almost says Mudblood (or something to that extent) or when he calls Astoria's old boyfriend, Jared, a mudblood in his head. I think it really helps bring out Draco's inner struggle with himself to not be the man he was raised to be.
Sometimes I notice that you switch from past tense to present tense or from present to past. Try to make sure you keep that out, as it can confuse the reader. A good, strong editing will fix it, don't you worry ;)
It's a bit odd that Draco has fallen for Astoria so quickly or that they've beceome friends so easily, but I suppose that happens. And, afterall, this is a shorter story so some things have to be a bit rushed. I liked that they opened up to each other, though, especially with their conversation about controlling fathers.
Try to keep the chapter lengths a bit shorter. I myself am an offender of this rule, but middle to shorter length really help keep the reader more interested in the story. Unless your JKR, long chapters don't sit too well with readers. This chapter was fine, but just for future reference.
Overall, you've got a pretty good start to your story. Just go back and edit and fix the punctuation, spelling, grammar, tense mistakes and it will be great!
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Hi ! :D
Thank you so much ! Tbh, I was dying to write that part for a while now. xD
I'm so happy you noticed those ! Even though he's a somewhat better person than he was I still want him to have some of those old ways, I didn't want to change him too much like what is sometimes seen in some fanfiction.
Do I? I'm sorry, I was never aware of it ! Thanks for pointing it out. Yes, looks like a good, strong editing IS in order ! ! ;)
Ahh, I know. I didn't want to drag it out too much and I've so much other stuff planned so I guess it is somewhat rushed. My bad. ^^;
I'm really glad you liked their conversation though, I really enjoyed writing it. :D
Yeah, this chapter was just an exception. Usually my chapters stay around the 3000 word count.
Thank you so much once again ! You've really been a great help and I'll be sure to get right onto my super edit asap. :D
Hey, I'm here with your review!
So it seems a bit to me like Draco only likes Astoria because she's a challenge. Make sure to add more to their relationship in the future, otherwise Draco will start coming off as a bit shallow!
Found a couple spelling/ lack of word/ incorrect word use errors. Just go back and edit and it'll all be spick and span.
I liked this chapter. It was simple and down-to-earth and really helped provide an insight into Draco's character, along with Astoria's. I found that I really liked Astoria's POV because it had humour and sass, but that the only insight into her character that it gave me was that she was a giggler and that she was beginning to like Draco. I got more from Draco's POV. Make sure to give Astoria a voice as more than just "the girl that likes Draco".
I thought it was interesting that Draco was a potioneer and that even when he graduated Hogwarts, he was still under the influence of his father and chose to get a Minitry job.
There was plenty of humour in this chapter and I thought it was pretty well done.
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Hi again ! :)
Oh don't worry, I will be. I believe he is still in the 'first attraction' phase at the moment. Besides I think up to this point he was a little shallow anyway but that's just my opinion.
Okay, will do ! :)
I'm happy to hear you liked it ! Yeah I wanted to try and develop them a little more. Funny thing is I actually wanted to write more of Astoria's POV but I didn't want to over do it since this story is supposed to be in mostly Draco's POV ! lol Again, that is something I'm definitely going to be doing but thanks for pointing it out because if I ever do go back and edit this (which I will at some stage I'm sure) that's definitely something I'll remember.
I glad to see you noticed it. I think he still isn't quite out of that 'bubble' yet. I mean, he's been this way all his life and I thought it would be interesting to show his progression throughout the story.
I'm glad to see you liked it. Thank you so much for the nice review ! :D Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your review!
So just to get all the negatives out first, I found a couple grammar mistakes, missing words, etc. Nothing too major. There were a couple run-on sentences, like this one, "After general introductions and complements, Mr Greengrass informed us that, most regrettably, Daphne would not be joining us for dinner tonight as she had very important papers to write up for the Minister of Magic that she simply couldn't put off as it was a document that was vital for tomorrow's meetings between all the European ministers." It could be split into two. Possible stop it at Minister of Magic and then make a knew sentence with the rest, but instead of 'that' put 'these'. Also, "...a that-don't-impress-me-much fashion" is incorrect grammar. Don't should be doesn't. Sorry if I seem super nit-picky, but even if the writing and the plot of a story is fantastic, the level of the quality can be greatly decreased by spelling/ grammar errors.
I liked that although Draco seems to have taken a turn for the better, there's just the faintest undertone of the fact that he, like his mother and father, misses the glory days and still sort of believes in the pureblood mania. Not in an over-powering way, but just because he was raised like that.
I liked the conversation in the garden and that you gave a sort of sneak peak into Astoria's character.
Normally, I'd say that I think the right time for Draco to start falling for Astoria and sort of vise versa wouldn't be the first chapter, but then I looked back and saw that this was a novella, so you can get away with that because it's a relatively shorter story, haha.
I thought you did very well with writing Lucius and Narcissa, but I feel like Mr. Greengrass is just another Lucius, just before his fall from grace. Also, Lucius could have been a bit more... smug, I guess? I know he's a broken man, but the lifestyle that he had before seems too extreme and all-consuming for him to have sort of dropped all his previous mannerisms so quickly, you know?
Overall, I think this was a very good first chapter and a very good beginning to your first fic!
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Hello ! :)
Oh, thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Don't worry, I wouldn't have asked for a review if I wasn't ready to be criticized. I'll edit it asap. :)
I'm happy you liked that. I wanted him to have matured some but I still wanted him to have some of the elements of the Draco we know from canon. I try to stay as near to it as I can. So it's somewhat of a relief to know that's okay. xD It's nice to hear you liked Astoria's POV too.
Haha, phew !
Hm, I never saw him that way though I can see why you'd say it. They're definitely quite similar but I have a plan to show of Mr. Greengrass' differences from Lucias in later chapters. He doesn't really come across well in this one but honestly he wasn't my main focus. I'll definitely keep that point in mind though when writing him in future and if I ever decide to tweak it later on. I didn't think about that ! Again that will be something I'll remember when I go back to edit it in the future.
Thank you so much for the super helpful review ! ! :D Report Review
I'm from the 'review tag' on the forums, and I was really exicded when I saw this story was yours, because I've been meaning to read this for ages.
First thing is I'm AMAZED this is your first story. This is very well written, you're very talented, and your attention to the details in this first chapter were very lovely.
I think you did a brilliant job catching the personallities of Draco, Narcissa, and Lucius in this. The way Lucius walked into the scene with the door slamming open, that was way too perfect. And then the 'going bald'.. I couldn't stop laughing.
Narcissa is such a sweetheart in this (I never thought I'd say that sentance...) with the begging Draco to go out with the Greengrass family.
One thing I did notice is in your 7th paragraph down, "N.W.E.T.'s " should be "N.E.W.T's" but other than that everything looks great spelling wise.
Lastly, Astoria. She's lovely already. I liked the perspective from her at the end... it's good to here she thinks Draco is cute already ;) Very sweet first meeting for the two, especially the part about Draco not using his brain and the part about Astoria's mum coming out so awkwardly. I like her dislike for Pansy and Daphne.
Brilliant first chapter, Favoriting and continuing for sure! Great job.Author's Response: Hello ! :D
Thank you so much ! ! I'm so glad to hear it as I did put a lot of thought into this. And it makes me so happy to know you liked the characterisation ! Hehe, I'm happy you picked up on that, I was waiting for someone to mention it ! ! I also have a plan involving dodgy hair-care potions but that that might not make it into this story. lol xD
Oh I didn't notice that ! Thanks, I'll edit it asap.
It means so much to me to read that. It really made my day !
Thanks again for the lovely review. :D Report Review
I'm back! (again, lol)
Yes! We've got to the letters! I'm pretty happy now that it's got here... so much can happen now! I'm really curious about the letter - so many questions! Presumably he sends them to her via owl, but does he write his name at the bottom or does he leave them unsigned? How will she react? What will happen when she finds out/realises it's him? Argh, you must write another chapter soon, lol, I want to know! :D
Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter (as if you couldn't tell, lol). I liked the insight into Astoria's character that we got. She seems a lot more open and forgiving than Draco (apart from towards her father) which could make for some interesting scenarios later on, I imagine...
Ah, Blaise. I liked how you portrayed Blaise and Draco's friendship. They seemed quite childish even though they're adults, which I liked.
Also the mention of Hannah Abbott as landlady of The Leaky Cauldron was excellent! I love it when people include more minor characters like that!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hello again!! :D
I have a plan for the letters but there's a high possibility I'll change my mind so for now I'm not giving anything away I'm afraid. Although it really makes me so happy to see your interest in them! I'm working on chapter four atm so hopefully I'll have it up soon. :D
Aw, it really means so much to me to know you really enjoyed the chapter. Honestly. I'm so glad you liked that insight, I was slightly worried that it wouldn't be received well considering how bold Astoria's character has been up to now. Yes, I hope so. Whether or not we are thinking of the same scenarios is yet to be seen but... :)
Hehe, I'm glad to hear it as I kinda like that too. :D
Why not? Hannah's awesome and she's got an awesome job to boot! XD lol I hope to give her another small part later on in the story maybe. ;)
Thanks so much for the truly amazing review, its always so nice to hear from you and I hope you'll stay tuned and continue to enjoy the story. :D Report Review
This is really great for your first fanfic story - I enjoyed it a lot. You can tell how Draco has changed since the war in ways that his parents haven't, or can't. I thought describing Lucius as a peacock pruning his feathers was very effective.
Interesting how they were trying to set up Draco with Daphne, but it's Astoria who catches his eye.
I enjoyed Draco's dialogue throughout and thought you characterized all of them very well. Mr Greengrass is a bit of a jerk, isn't he? Telling Astoria her mother's shop is a waste of time and money. Hmph.
I think this is really cute, so far, and I'm interested to see if Astoria finally agrees to go out with Draco (though I'm sure she will eventually...I just want to know what he does to get her to agree!)
Nicely done. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much ! :D
It means so much to me to know you enjoyed the story. I'm especially happy you liked the characterisation, it's definitely something I worry about getting wrong.
Haha, in Mr Greengrass' defence he has the mentality of a business man although I'll agree with you he IS a bit of a jerk but that's somewhat important to the story later on.
As far as Draco and Astoria goes let's just say persistence is key. ;)
Thank you again for the awesome review ! :) Report Review
This was the perfect start to a brilliant Drastoria! You've had me laughing so much, I love how you've characterised Draco. The different POVs were very effective, too.
I actually can't find anything to crit upon! The flow was lovely and good grammar!
LWG :)Author's Response: Thank you so much ! ! :D
It really means alot to me to know you enjoyed the story. I'm so happy you like his characterization, he's the one I worry about the most. Aw, thats so nice to hear !
Thanks so much for the lovely review ! :) Report Review
I'm back! :D
First off, once again I really like your characterisation of Draco. I like how you put him in a harmless job in sport, rather than making him an Auror like some people do - it seems to fit better, in my mind. He's a bit more relaxed than I would have imagined him, but it works - it's like he relaxed around Astoria, you know?
Astoria is still brilliant. I love her working in the Potions shop and how, even though she obviously dislikes him, she goes to lunch with him for free food :D I'd totally do the same thing, lol. I really like how she's not all perfect and ethereal, you know, how she gets covered in dirt and things like the rest of us. It makes her seem so real.
The only thing I spotted was at the beginning when you talked about the Wizard Watch! Network and then put the description in brackets. I think it would have worked better if you'd tried to make Draco explain it - a good excuse for humour to slip in! ;) Just something to think about when you edit, maybe - but it's a small thing!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Nice to see you again ! :D
Thank you again ! :) I'm glad you picked up on his choice of career. I personally, don't think an Auror is very fitting for him. He just doesn't seem to have the backbone ! xD
Haha ! Yes ! I think I would too to be honest. lol I'm so happy you do ! I never wanted Astoria to be one of those perfect characters, I wanted her to be her own person if that makes sense.
You know I never thought about that ! Its definitely something I'll think about. How to write someone explaining television when they more than likely don't know what it is...It'll be a challenge that's for sure ! ;)
Thanks for reading and reviewing again, it is very much appreciated ! :D Report Review
This was so brilliant! I loved absolutely all your characterisation in this; I could really see where the old Draco is and how he's changed to become who he is now. Hehe, he's good around the ladies ;) But also of his parents, who you have also shown to have changed because of their experience in Azkaban but still be the same political people as ever.
I loved your Astoria! I've never seen her characterized as the fiesty pureblood, and I love how you've described her through Draco's eyes and shown her own point of view on top of his. It really brings depth to her, being able to see how she reacts to Draco and why. I really want to learn more about this 'Greenthumbs' too!
Author's Response: Thank you so much ! :D
It makes me so happy that you enjoy the characterisation especially with Draco as he's the one I'm most afraid of messing up. I wanted to keep an element of that old Draco and still have him grown up some without completely changing his character. Haha yes, who you have thought it right? ;) Its very calculated on his part though ! xD
That really makes my day to know you love Astoria and it's really nice to hear you liked her POV as I really enjoy writing it. Haha ! Well 'Greenthumbs' makes an appearance in the next chapter so make sure to check it out ! ;)
Thanks again for the lovely review ! :D Report Review
Hey! *TEAM BLUE*
I love the astoria/draco ship and found this to be an enjoyable read. I'm anxious to see how you characterize Astoria. She seems very likable, though bitter perhaps? I hope that some of that bitterness is worn down once she doesn't feel the need to be on gaurd around draco. This was a good start! Well done
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hi ! *TEAM BRONZE* xD
Thank you. :)
Hm, I can see why you'd say that. Trust me though, bitter is not what Astoria is about. She has some issues and a tendency to judge people but overall (I'd like to think) she's a good character. I think she's somewhat feisty but I also think Draco needs someone like that to keep him on his toes ! ;)
I'd be very interested to see what you'd think of the other chapters actually.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing ! :D Report Review
Can I just say, for your first HP fanfiction this is amazing. I remember my first one and it was rubbish :P Kudos to you!
I love your Astoria! She's so unique - beautiful, obviously clever, snipy (with Draco), actually has emotions like a real human being... I could go on, but I'll stop there. She's just a very realistic character.
Also, your Lucius, Narcissa and Draco seem so well characterised as well. They're really similar to the Malfoys we know from canon, which is good.
I can't wait to see where you go with this and how Astoria develops!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so so much ! :D
It really makes my day to know you love Astoria. I'm glad to know you find her realistic as I try to keep my characters as realistic as possible and there are far too many 'perfect' characters out there in fanfiction.
Aw, that means so much. It really does. Sometimes I worry a little (especially with Draco) if I've got their personality's right. I try to stay as near to cannon as possible.
Thanks again for the really great review ! :D Report Review
Nawww! :') loved it. Obviously but I wish it was longer. Your doing what your man said today. Your drawing the reader in ;) lols Writing chapter four i hope? Might as well slave away at it right ? XDAuthor's Response: Thanks so much Laura ! :D Really ? Longer than that ? XD Haha ! That's awesome ! ! :D Did you see that Leaky line I shoved in ? Ahh... I really need to write more for the setting ! XD Yes as soon as I get the challenge done ! ! :P
Thanks for reviewing as always ! ! :D
Enjoyed the new background information on Astoria.
Their conversation defintely sparked someting in Draco. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thank you. I'm really glad to hear it ! :D I hope it will help you understand her a bit more. :)
Yes and I think it's a very important part of the story.
I will and thanks very much for the great review. :D Report Review
I think you've done a great job with the characters here. They've both gotten deeper and more relatable. Great job!
"An Legilimens?" was the only grammar error I noticed (I think it should be a Legimens) so you do a great job with that.
I love love love that letter. I couldn't resist reading this story when I read the summary. Such a romantic letter. And Draco says he isn't a romantic...Author's Response: Thank you. I can not honestly tell you how much that means to me. Its such a relief to know that! These characters already mean a lot to me and I want to do them some justice.
Oh thanks for pointing that out ! I totally missed it ! I'll correct it asap. :D
That just makes my day to know you love the letter. It really really does. I personally am a bit of a hopeless romantic and I love those kind of things as well. Haha ! Maybe he has hidden depths ! XD
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the lovely review. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. :) Report Review
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