Hey there, here with your review battle review :)
First of I want to say, your story brought a tear to my eye. I've always imagined Petunia regretted the way she treated her sister. That after she died all she wanted was to have her back so she could give her one last hug and tell her she loved her and I also believe that it was the same way with Harry. That when she knew that she would most likely never see the boy again, that he didn't love her like he should love his aunt, his adoptive mother, that it broke her heart a little more and you really brought that out in this story.
It definitely has a good beginning and ending too it, the way it starts with her blaming Lily for everything that happened to her, for leaving and it ends with Petunia deciding that it was in fact her fault that all this happened, she just hadn't seen it. It gives a nice flow to the story, a nice beginning and ending. In a one-shot or songfic that's really important, that it has a strong beginning and ending, since they are so short, you need to compact basically an entire story into one short chapter and it's important that you make the parts you want people to see, stand out. That's what you did here and it's great.
I have one little nit picky thing. Throughout the one-shot, it seems almost as if, Petunia is writing a letter, one she might leave at the house as she departs, saying her goodbyes to Lily as she says goodbye to Harry, however at the end it gets a bit confusing as you make it almost as if you aren't reading from Petunia's perspective, that you are more a fly on the wall that is being told a story by Petunia. You might want to check on that. Even adding an 'about' as if in pretence for what she would or make it past tense, that she is thinking about all this while she is in the car, remembering the letter she wrote or the things she just did. That would make it flow just that little bit better, but that's just me being nit picky. You don't need to change it if you don't want too. It's great just as it is.Author's Response: Hello there! Thank you for stopping by!
Oh wow really? That's amazing to hear! (Not that it's usually amazing to bring tears to peoples' eyes, but you know what I mean!)
Yes, I feel exactly the same way about Petunia: that is wouldn't have been as easy to sever ties with Lily as she lets on it was. And I'm sure that there was some regret about Harry there too- I thought that that scene near the beginning of DH is very telling, when she almost speaks to him, but doesn't...
I'm glad you liked the structure of it too, and the way that the blame sort of changes in Petunia's mind. It's also great to hear that the parts that were significant stood out enough!
Hmmm, I see what you mean actually. I hadn't initially imagined this as a sort of letter, but I can definitely see your point, and how it would flow better if I put that bit in the past tense... Thanks very much!
This was such a lovely, helpful review- I really appreciate it!
-Bethany Report Review
Ravenclaw Review Tag (Team Bronze)!
wow. this was breathtakingly beautiful, and i absolutely loved it. seriously, this gave me chills reading it. you are such an amazing writer, and i'm in love with this piece. I have no suggestions to offer because I think this is perfect, as is. You describe Petunia and Lily's relationship so well. I love that you say that Harry is like Lily--I think that this is a perspective that only Petunia, as Lily's sister, can see. I'm just in love with this story- I think it's amazing.
~MAuthor's Response: Woo Team Bronze!
Wow, this was such an awesome review- you're way too nice to me! :P I can't thank you enough for all your wonderful compliments, they really make me grin!
I'm so glad that you picked up on the Petunia-thinking-Harry-looks-like Lily aspect- Harry is so often compared to his father, but I really wanted to try and write the idea that Petunia would notice how he looked like Lily.
Thanks again, so so much!
-Bethany Report Review
Hello there Iím here with your fifth review! I know you said that it was probably best to steer clear of this, but if my calculations are correct, Iím going to have to review so you get your eight so here I am :D Plus itís Jilly and I love any Jilly story!
You lied to me this one-shot wasnít awful I love it! I love anything to do with Petunia and this was such a fantastic portrayal of her, one of the best Iíve come across in fact. Her actions were consistent to her thoughts, as I often find they donít match up. She also appeared to be a sympathetic character to the reader, which is rather hard to pull off as usually she just comes off as a bitter old witch (oh the irony...)
I think one of the things which I liked most about this one-shot was that Lily didnít go to Petuniaís wedding. This may sound incredibly minor to you, but I feel as if the jealously Petunia held for Lily in the books ran so deep that she wouldnít want Lily there to show her up and thatís why I loved it so much.
One thing I also really liked is the fact that you made Petunia successful. People tend to make her out as the dumb, ugly and under-achieving one, but I donít think thatís true as they shared the same genes so they must have some similarities. Therefore, I loved how you made her smart, and that she seemed to choose Vernon out of her own liking, not simply as someone to fall back upon.
I also loved how the parents love for Lily and Petunia seemed equal, and they didnít have favourites. I hate it when thereís blatant favouritism towards Lily, when I feel that they would have loved both of them equally. It warmed my heart to see that they went to her graduation and all the other school events, and didnít ignore her as Lily was the special one.
I do have one CC for you is that the spacing between the paragraphs was inconsistent. It didnít distract me, itís more for general presentation and I have OCD over spacing so unless itís equal I feel the need to point it out :P
Another amazing one-shot from you and it was a brilliant portrayal of Petuniaís character as you made her a sympathetic character and one that you grew to like and understand.
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hello again! Thank you for this review- like I say, I'm not particularly enamoured with this story, so hearing such lovely things about it is especially great! :)
I do find Petunia quite a complex character... I thought the last scene with her and Harry in DH was very telling, the way she almost said something to him but then couldn't... that was basically what inspired this! I think she is a bitter old witch (I see what you did there :P), but I think there are reasons for that.
I admit that I didn't put much thought into Lily not being at Petunia's wedding- you make an excellent point though, so I'm glad I did it now!
It's also good that you liked her reasons for ending up with Vernon. The thing is that they actually have a pretty happy marriage in their strange, nephew-abusing way, so I reckon there must have been something between them. And Vernon is pretty much the opposite of Lily haha :P
I'm glad you liked the sisters' parents' attitude. The way I imagine it, they would have tried to celebrate both girls' sucesses, although for Petunia is would never be enough.
Thanks for the point about the spacing! I haven't looked at this story in a while, so it probably does need editing! This has been such an awesome review, because it's put confidence back in a story I really wasn't keen on! I'm enjoying your reviews so much- thankyou for leaving yet another detailed, helpful one of them! :)
-Bethany Report Review
Oh dear, this was such a well-written story. I have hardly come across stories describing Petunia's plight, and I think you did this in a very original and realistic way. I loved the way you captured Petunia's thought-process. The descriptions were very surreal and your writing style was quite captivating. It had this rhythmic element to it that I enjoyed very much.
The story flowed really well, the pace was good, the characterisation of Petunia and her feelings towards her sister were well-written, and the grammar was also good. All in all, this made for a great read!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hello there and thankyou! I think Petunia is a really interesting character- her actions in the books seem understandable if not admirable to me, and I wanted to explore that!
I'm glad you enjoyed the flow, pace etc because this is probably the one of my fics that I'm least enamoured with. The rhythmic thing just sort of happened when I was writing it, but it's good that you not only picked up on it but liked it! :P
Anyway thanks again!
-Bethany Report Review
That was so beautiful!!!
Everyone always makes lily the victim but you write so beautifully that i feel sorry for petunia...
Well done!!! Author's Response: Thankyou very much for your review :) Haha I've always found Petunia a really interesting character I'm glad you liked the way she came across :) Report Review
I really liked seeing this from Petunia's perspective. Very sad but poignant.Author's Response: Aww thankyou very much :) Report Review
this.was absolutely heart breaking and beautiful.Author's Response: Wow thankyou very much :) Report Review
That was really deep. I think I will cry now, though.Author's Response: Haha thankyou!!! :) Report Review
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