I loved this! Emmy is so funny and she really is a terrible liar "you sleep with a two thousand page book under your pillow?"
Can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be? It would really suck having a two thousand page book under your head. The sharp edges digging into your head and all of that jazz.
I can just imagine what James was doing out that late as well (wink wink, nudge nudge).
At the end when he said "I like your Pom poms," what exactly did he mean by that?Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review. =)
Yeah, she's definitely not the most cunning student to ever grace the Hogwarts. But this ability (or rather, lack of) makes her very fun character to write about.
Ah, James... Who knows what he was doing? =P
The pom poms were actually reference to her pink bed socks which had little snitch pom poms. Report Review
Hello from the review tag!
First of all, let me just say, how much I adore the name of your story - it sounds adorable (no disrespect meant if it is meant to sound distinctly un-adorable).
Your author's voice is really cool! It's subtly humorous and I find myself smiling very sillily at my screen at some lines.
Miss Fish is completely adorable - sleepwalking and Snitch pompoms included. And James' character seems to have a lot of potential for growth and development.
I think my favourite things about this chapter were the minor characters though - I found Filch pretty spot-on and Neville absolutely adorbs!
Anyways, this is a great chapter and sounds like a great beginning to an interesting story!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the lovely review! So sorry, it took ages for me to answer it.
It is meant to be adorable, no worries. =) I'm glad you like my writing, I feel like I'm still taking baby steps, but it's so nice to hear it has promise.
I had so much fun with these characters. There will be bunch of other people introduced soon as well, both OCs and some of the Wotters. Hopefully you'll like them as well.
Well, yes, that was one stupid lie... Honestly, one of the worst I've heard! But a hilarious one so, it's fine :)
This is an interesting opening chapter. There isn't much to say; your characters seem interesting and once again, your attention to details set this chapter apart.
James sounds like a funny, laid back sort of guy and Emmy looks like an enjoyable character. It will be very interesting to see how this story develops and how these two characters get along.
Great work so far, you've got me interested in seeing how this turns out.
Happy Hollidays!Author's Response: Hi!
You're quite lovely Santa, if I may say so. This story actually has quite many chapters written, but I'm not yet 100% satisfied with them. Hence this story is just here... I really should take another look at this story and fix it for the queue.
Thank you for the review! =) Report Review
Ahaha this was a funny chapter. I loved James' character. And your OC is cool too. Your narrative was engaging and interesting. This seems like a nice story. Keep writing!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review! =)
I'm glad you liked the first chapter. I dunno if Emmy would call herself exactly cool, but thank you. =) Report Review
First of all, I LOVE the title. It just made me giggle from the start.
I think this may be the last thing of your I haven't read and reviewed; you better get to writing missy! ;).
There isn't a ton I can say about this because it's obviously just the beginning. I have a lot of unanswered questions that I would point out if it were a one shot, but it's set up to be a longer story so those unanswered questions are good to keep us reading!
I really like the details you've well placed. Like the fact that a Greengrass, whether it's Astoria or Daphne, teaches. Our main OC is clearly a good student, and stressed often. James has that fun, myschevous personality. A lot of little things that help us get a good idea were really well disbursed through this :).
Oh and Mrs. Norris JR hahah! Loved it!
The only thing I missed a bit in this is a little more physical description, but this would have been a hard chapter to add those because of the fuzzy night she already had.
I do hope you continue this, as it has quite an interesting start!! :)
JamiAuthor's Response: Hi again!
I know, I'm a bad updater. I'll try to reform or something. =P Thanks for prodding me, I really needed someone to do it. =)
I'm glad that this fic piqued your interest. I guess that out of all my fics, this one is closest of current fanfic mainstream with its characters and storyline. Hence I want to make it bit more, than just another Next Gen fic in the archives.
I'll add more physical description to a next chapter. I do notice now, that it's quite sparse here. Thanks for pointing it out. =)
Thank you for the review! =) Report Review
Wow! I thought that this was a great beginning to your story and I do hope that you continue to write it as I think you have some interesting characters on your hand and a great idea! I've never seen sleep walking adding into a story before so that really adds an interesting element to this one and I can see that it will make for some rather funny encounters such as her one with James! I wonder what James had been up to that had him leaving the ravenclaw tower? I couldn't spot any mistakes in this chapter so great job on that! I did want to say though at one point you have James say something, then the next thing being said is also by him (when he asks if she was meeting up with a bf) but the two things are on different lines so it makes it a bit confusing as to who is actually talking. (if that even makes any sense). Altogether though, this was a great beginning, seemed really funny, and it has lots of promise for whats to come! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hi and thank you for the review!
I'm really glad you liked the beginning of the story. I'll check out that line. Thank you for pointing it out. =) Report Review
I love that your character sleep-walks. How embarrassing what she was wearing when she was caught, although I really want pink bed socks with snitch pompoms on them now... And I love how much Filch is enjoying their punishment. Shackles, really? How canon! The way he decided that he'd rather punish the students than be set up with Madame Pince was so iconic.
I don't quite understand your comparison with the Olympian swimmers. I really like that bit of the metaphor, about preparing to take a dive--but then it loses me because I don't think of Olympics as being leisurely nor do they have sharks. Maybe if you could clarify that a bit more.
Also, the lines “By the way, where were you going when you slammed into me?” Potter asked me with the smirk.
“Late night rendez-vous with a boyfriend?” should all go into one paragraph, I think, to relieve some confusion over who's talking :)
I. Freaking. LOVE. Your characterization of Neville. He sounds like such a typical liberal arts college professor. I bet a lot of readers can relate to that. The teeshirt was a great touch.
Same thing with putting one person's dialogue in the same paragraph. This: “Nothing really.” Longbottom raised his eyebrow.
“I just helped her. She forgot her books to the Ravenclaw tower.” Potter tried to look as innocent as possible. Professor Longbottom didn’t buy it.
...is also confusing.
Haha, her excuse of sleeping with a two-thousand page book under her pillow is hilarious. All in all, a good start. I think you've really characterized James well. I want to hate him because he's the son of The Boy Who Lived and has probably gotten everything he wanted from anybody at school... but he is Harry and Ginny's kid, so there's definitely some good in him. Nice characterization. I would like to see a little more development with the main character but I'm sure that is to come. I'm glad I stumbled across this story!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review! =)
I'm quite fond of those bed socks as well. You can't go wrong with snitch pompoms, can you?
Madam Pince & Argus Filch = true love 4ever, just wait and see. =P
Thanks for telling me about those little lapses, I'll check those out.
This is a really good start, it captures your attention and makes you want to read more, I sort of like how it starts of in filch's office, but personally I think the shackles were a bit much? Maybe, cause I really don't think something like that would be allowed if being hung from a wall or something like that isn't. But that's just me, I also noticed that you didn't meant what house the girl was in, which makes me super curious (if you did I am sorry, I am just blind).
One thing I truely love, is probably how bad a liar the girl really is, a 2000 page book under her pillow? That's great. :) It looks like it's going to be a fairly interesting story and probably entertaining as well :)
Good start, and I look forward to reading more, just watch some of your grammar wording and it will be lovely. :)
~StephAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review. Sorry that it took a while for me to answer it. =)
She's a Gryffie, but it will become more clear in the next chapter. I remember reading from HP, that Filch had some chains and stuff in his office, whether he was allowed to use them (or uses them anyways) is left open to reader's interpretation.
Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to keep my grammar in check. Report Review
Hi! Here from Pass the Parcel :)
This is really cute. I really like your imagery, especially how you described Filch's office (and Filch himself, horror of horrors!). I also admire the way you've sort of interwoven background information about your OC into the main story line. So often I read stories - a lot of them being next-gen, incidentally, perhaps because of all the OCs needed for that era - where the author just sort of plops it down in a paragraph or two at the beginning and skips off into the plot afterwards. Your way of doing it seems much more natural, and so I'd like to offer you kudos on your method :)
I like the characterization of James - he's not just a prankster or bully, but an interesting combination of both. I can see a little of both his namesakes' personalities in there. I also like Emmy - her sleepwalking predicament is interesting, and it seems different from the various Mary Sue-ish cliche problems that I see so often with OCs. Again, kudos on the originality in this story :)
Great job! I'm sure the next chapter will be neat!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi! And thank you for stopping by for the review! =)
Yay, I'm really happy that my background planning and plotting works for this fic, because it's definitely needed for getting where I want this fic eventually to end up.
James and Emmy are quite a pair. =) But with both of them, what you see, isn't exactly what you get. And with that mysterious note (mwahaha), I'll end this response. =)
Thanks again. The House Cup was so fun! Report Review
I loved how you wrote this in the voice of Emmy Fish. You described everything the way she did, and that really helps to draw the reader into the story.
Loved your opening few lines, they really grab attention and keep the reader engaged and eager for more - the idea of a nightmare of a pickle was good too. I also really liked your story summary, it really made me want to read this fic.
As far as first ever fan-fictions go, I thought this was really good. I loved how you did Emmy and how you did James too (he appears to have a lot of the traits of both his namesakes - James and Sirius)
So why was James up near Ravenclaw tower? ;)
Anyway, great fic, really well done :)Author's Response: Hi there and thank you for the review! =)
Emmy's character actually took a little while to emerge, she had originally quite a different story arch in the first draft than what it's now going to be. But trust me, this one is way better than the original one...
Thanks, I have a couple of other WIPs going on now too and writing them and this makes me very happy.
James has indeed inherited some traits from James and Sirius, but under his showy exterior there's quite more there. You will just have to wait and see... ;) Report Review
Bonjour, I'm here from the common room~
First of all, I like Emmy. You get the impression that she's a nice kid. She might not be the funniest character, but she's awkward and friendly and a bit weird, so we as fans will definitely relate.
Your James is good fun, too, with his turning cats purple and shipping Filch/Pince (I actually LOL'd IRL at that). ^.^
However, I've a few concerns:
-James Jr. sounds like James Sr. with a Time-Turner, he really does. I know that it's the first chapter and so we haven't exactly gotten to deep and meaningful character development yet, but still, you might want to avoid that.
-Would Filch be using the shackles? I was always under the impression that they were for show, and after the experiences of the kids of Hogwarts in DH, I doubt he'd be allowed to keep them.
-Due to the secretive nature of the Unspeakables, you wouldn't be able to get a summer job with them.
-There are a few typos; nothing major, but they're still there.
I know I'm being pedantic as all hell and these are just minor details, but I thought you'd like to know anyway, just in case.
In any case, I hope you continue with this, because I quite like it. :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review. =)
There's more to James than that, don't worry. He has his own personality, but since we just see him first time through Emmy's eyes, it will be unveiled bit by bit.
There will be more stuff about unspeakables as well. I'm sure it will explain my choice of summer job eventually.
Glad you enjoyed reading it. =) Report Review
haha i really like this. I love the pranks that james pulled especially the one with Mrs Norris Jr - lol :D
I hope this is updated soon as i really enjoyed this chapter, you have charcterised james really well and he seems awesome, you have done a good job with emmy as well. i think that maybe a friendship will blossom between the 2 of them??
-potterfan310Author's Response: Thank you. Pranks are always fun to imagine.
I have written and rewritten next two chapters now a couple of times and while it has taken far too long for me to update this story, I think I finally got character voices right.
I really hope it will. But that's for me to know and for you to find out... =)
You have a really good start here, I hope you'll update this story soon!
I liked your OC very much. She seems like an interesting character and can't wait to learn more about her. Especially since you mentioned she always prefers to run away from tricky situations and yet she's sorted into Gryffindor.
James is a jerk d: he really needs to deflate his head and treat the girls a lot better!
I liked your writing, grammar was fluent and the whole chapter flowed. I did wish for it to be a bit longer, but that's just me, I prefer longer chapters.
I can't believe Filch used the shackles! He should be fired! I guess his old age is taking the best of him already if that's the only way he thinks that's the only way he can keep them in control.
Anyways, lovely chapter. I really enjoyed reading this.
I hope you continue this (:
~EleniaAuthor's Response: Hi fellow Gryffie! =)
I will definitely continue this story soon. I just have too many story ideas going on at the moment and I tend to get easily distracted.
Emmy has her quirks, but there's a reason for it all. You just have to wait and see. ;)
I can promise that next chapters are much longer than this first one. You actually inspired me to take a hard look of the stuff I have written for the next 3 chapters and after I get a certain blonde surfer boy from my upcoming summer story out of my head, I'll return to this and fix it for queue. Pinkie promise.
Thanks for the review. =) Report Review
I really love the plot. Can't wait for your update. :))Author's Response: Thanks. I hope you enjoy next chapter as well. =) Report Review
This is a great start and I hope to read more about Emmy soon! Keep writing, you're doing great :)Author's Response: Thanks. Working on the next chapter right now. Report Review
That is a really great start to the story :D and quite funny! =D Now Emmy?(thats her name right?) reminds me a lot of myself haha. :D
Anyway I think the story has loads of potential and can go far :D
So update soon :)
~BlameItOnTheNarglesAuthor's Response: Thank you. You will learn more about Emmy in next chapter. =) Report Review
Like it lots :) good entry chapter, keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks. I will. =) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection