I am really impressed with how mature Victoire is being! It makes it hard to fault her, I mean she shouldn't have taken off for six years, but she was terrified and probably wanting to give her son some kind of stability, knowing that would be impossible with her entire family wanting to know how and why she was pregnant.
I think you did a wonderful job with the reactions, as I said it's been six years so scolding her wouldn't do much and it seems obvious that her parents realized that. Well, her dad took a bit longer to don on to that conclusion ;).
I'm excited to see what's in store next for Levi, Teddy, and Victoire!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Thanks!
Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote her. She was running away from her problems, but she had some reasons. Report Review
I LOVE Ginny's reaction. Freaking out a little bit more than Fleur did LoL.
Fav quotes -
"Oh why did I drop James on his head when he was a baby?" - Oh poor James :D
"Mum, Is there any reason James just told me to come in here and pretend Iím pregnant?" - You have got to love James, he's Brilliant !
Love it :D
-Potterfan310Author's Response: Haha, thank you! Those are my favorite quotes too ;) Report Review
Hi darling! I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get started on your reviews!
Anyway, what a shocking first chapter! This was so full of emotion. I feel so bad for Teddy already :(. I don't like that he made the deal, but I also think he'll regret it soon enough on his own.
And Victoria! Victoria! She decides to run away for six years after getting pregnant! Oh my gosh! What a first chapter!
I do think you could have added in more imagery to really bring the reader in. Description and imagery are both what I always find myself needing to amp up, also :).
Great job, and I'll be back soon for the second :)!
JamiAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I've been told I need to work on imagery and description before. It's sooo hard :( Thanks for letting me know that you noticed that. Report Review
oh please update soon! i really like this story!Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I will do my best to put the next chapter up soon :) Report Review
i love how each chapter is from a different person's point of view. Dom's chapter made me laugh especially the last line, i also like victoire's chapter as well as you have characterozed her really well.
I think maybe Hilly fancies teddy
I am hoping that as the story goes on we find out why tori left and why she didn't tell teddy and why she has returned 6 years later...
looking forward to the next chapter :)
-potterfan310Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I'm glad you like the different POVs. Hmm, Hilly fancying Teddy. I hadn't thought of that, but I really like that idea. I think I'll have to incorporate it somehow.
I'm hoping to explain that gradually. It's kind of Victoire's character. She just wants the best for Teddy and she thinks be free of responsibility is best.
Thanks again! Keep reading :) Report Review
Madly in love with this story.Author's Response: Thanks! Keep reading and I'll try to update soon! Report Review
Even though it's short it's brilliant!Author's Response: Thanks! I wasn't too sure about this one since it is so short. Report Review
This made me smile:') I love the way it's written! Bravo;)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing :D Report Review
I'm hooked on this fanfic, it's like some sort of drug>.Author's Response: Wow, thanks! Report Review
Wow... This is so sweetAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
This is a very nice finish to my epic 10 reviews I have bestowed upon you. This is a great chapter and it is perfect because I was wondering how Vic was feeling about the whole thing, fantastic. The only thing I have t complain about is the chapter length, they all keep changing and I love the longer ones better than the shorter one so perhaps you could try and add thing together to make them bigger? This decision is totally up to you though so you can ignore me if you really want. Just please make sure to write more because Iím not sure If I could live without your writing! Once again thank you for entering my contest and well done on first place!
Snoopy xAuthor's Response: Thank you! The aim of this chapter is definitely to show some of the difficulties both Victoire and Teddy are having.
I'm sorry about the chapter lengths. I know that is one of my biggest problems with writing this story. Thank you for pointing that out. Report Review
It was a bit short to be honest and that really annoyed me D: I was starting to enjoy this chapter when suddenly I ended and was let hanging on a thread waiting for it to continue. Although for a filler chapter it was still very well written. Levi is just so cute! I could snuggle him to death if I had the chance, he is just so cute and sweet and awwwh I am having a little fan girl moment of a child which isnít even real! How do you do this to me?!
Anyway this is perfect, but I would have like bit to be a tiny bit longer so fulfil my everlasting longing for this story to continue. Other than that it was fantastic and I am really jealous of your writing skills, teach me everything you know, Master! O.o So please just keep writing to help me be happy for the rest of my long and miserable life.
Snoopy xAuthor's Response: I couldn't agree more, actually. I tried to make this chapter longer, but I couldn't seem to add more. I will most likely try to go back and add more, though.
I'm glad you think Levi's cute. Even though he isn't necessarily a huge character, I definitely want him to have a role as the sweet little son.
Haha, thank you! Report Review
Perfect, absolutely perfect once again. This story is perfectly aced and I can really feel the tension between Vic and her mum. Fleur has the right to be angry though; I would be seething if my daughter left for Paris for six years and then came back with a mystery son. Your sense of writing really pulls the reader in and keeps the captive until the very last chapter when they are finaly released, but still wanting more. It is all like a sticky spiders web which holds poor people captive and right now I am stuck in the very centre.
I still love the way you are writing ever chapter in another personís POV, it really allows the reader to explore how the other characters are feelings about the situation. I may need to try something like this in the future when I finaly done writing the piles of stories have I on my computer and on scraps of paper floating around my bedroom.
Once again a perfectly written piece of writing. Well done!
Snoopy xAuthor's Response: I like that analogy. My writing is like a spider web, haha. I'm glad you like it.
That is exactly why I keep switching POVs. I want to show certain things that don't work with certain characters and I want to release different information with each person.
Thank you very much! Report Review
I love it, I really can't put into words how much I love it, its so beautiful! I'm really likin th way each chapters a different POV, at first I was confused, but then It sunk in and I get it now so all's good. I don't think I've witnessed a story where that's happened beore so this is a first for me. I really don't know what else to say exept for the usual: it's amazing write more. But that just sounds boring and out of date now so I need somethng else to say. Perhaps if you made ay mistakes I could point them out, but as there are no mitakes that's impossible for me to do. Make more mistakes next time so I have something a little more interessting to say ;)
Snoopy xAuthor's Response: Thanks!
Sorry that it was confusing at first, I probably should make the POV changes more clear. Thank you. Report Review
OH INTERESSTING! I've seen the famous Vic/Ted ship before, but this is something completely different. An illegitimate sn suddenly appearing out of nowhere whilst Ted's running for Minster of Magic, this could turn out very interessting indeed.
You need to let me into you mind so I can see where you get all of these ideas fr your amazing stories, it really is very interessting how you do it.
As usual no mistakes and I love every second of your writing, you really are one of my favorites. So please keep up the good work and I will love you forever and ever Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you think it is fairly original!
I wish I could tell you where I get my ideas, but I don't know, haha. They just pop into my head. Thank you so much, this is one of the best compliments I have gotten. I really appreciate it. Report Review
Right... well an interesting first chapter I must admit.
There seems to be quite a lot going on in this chapter and it all seems a little bit disjointed. You don't show very much description or emotion. It is very matter of fact so it would read a lot better if you maybe included a bit more.
I do like the story line though mainly because it is completely different. They haven't seen Victoire for five years sio when she comes back with a son there is obviously going to be a lot of confusion and of course Teddy is going to want answers.
I feel very sorry for Victoire as she has been a single mum for five years so coming back and telling Teddy must have been hard but I think you've shown that well with offering Teddy a *get out of fatherhood free* card.
I had never imagined Teddy would have made that decision so I am really very interested to see where you go with this. Nice chapter!Author's Response: Thank you!
I think I will go back and slow down the chapter a bit and add some more. Thanks for telling me.
I'm glad you think the story is interesting :) Thanks Report Review
This was interesting. I've never read a Next Gen story where Victoire and Teddy have a child. I think you've got Teddy's characterization well - he's obviously upset with Victoire for hiding a son from him. While I understand her reasoning behind leaving Teddy, to give him a chance to have a future without dealing with what comes with raising a child, I really don't like stories where the mother takes that right/choice away from the father. :(
I hope Teddy chooses to become a part of Levi's life. If Victoire was so dead-set on keeping Levi out of Teddy's life so he could pursue his career, I wonder why it is that she has returned. I think coming home to all her cousins at once to introduce her son is a bit too much as well. I don't know, I would've imagined it as a gradual thing. Letting a few people know at a time, especially her parents first.
It'll be interesting to see how Teddy and Victoire's relationship works from here, if they decide to pursue something for the sake of Levi and if Teddy chooses to be a father. She did introduce Levi to the family, though, so when Teddy ran to him to ask his name, I was a bit confused at that repetition? There was also some grammatical errors that would be easy to fix up with a quick read-through.
Otherwise, nicely written first chapter.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm very glad you enjoy this chapter. I'll definitely take everything you said into consideration and probably revise this chapter soon. Thanks again! Report Review
i love dom she is so funnyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Haha i really like this one! But why does victorie want to hide teddy being the father? I like all the diffrent POV's but maybe you shoulf lable then as such like (Dom's POV) or something like that!Author's Response: Thank for the review :D
I think Victoire wants what's best for Teddy and for her family. She thinks it would just be too difficult to suddenly announce that Teddy is Levi's father. We'll see what happens in the future though... ;)
I have each chapter labelled with the name of the person whose POV it is.
Thanks again! Report Review
Once again this chapter flowed wonderfully. I can see that she is devoted to her son, but I wonder why she's keeping the father secret? I reckon that it's Teddy? 10/10 and awaiting your update.Author's Response: Thank you so much! The next chapter will be up soon. Report Review
For one last review this is GrangerDanger76
Alright so let me start with the review of this chapter, than I will get into the lengthy review of the entire thing
Alright, so I totally love Fleur. Itís amazing how fan fiction can just totally change my opinion of a character, because to be honest, I loathed Fleur in the books. But anyways, I thought she was spot on protective, pushy, but caring mother. I see a lot of Fleur in Victoire too.
Moving on to the final review of all 3 chapters Ė
First off, I particularly enjoyed this story, I guess because I havenít really read anything like it. Itís unique, and I will totally keep reading in my free time!
Characterization- I think your characters are very dynamic. There are a few flat characters such as all the Potter/Weasley cousins, but I feel that unless they come into play as something more than ďthose random Potter and Weasley children running around to fill spaceĒ I think they are perfectly fine where they are at. Especially when Victorie was talking to Levi, about how he didnít need a dad, because Rose would teach him to read ect, ect. That was a nice touch, keeping all those cousins important, yet not the main focus. Watch your characterization of some of the lesser important characters like Charlie and Teddy, because when they arenít the main focus of a chapter, some of the mannerisms and personality traits seem a little off, so try and be consistent.
Plot Ė I think the plot is going o-k. At the end of the third chapter I should at least have some sense of where the story is going, but as of right now, I feel like Iím just reading a bunch of filler. Give me some meat! Conflict! DRAMA!
Other than those nit-picky things this story is really great. These are all super minor things to take your story to the next level. I must say also, I didnít really find any grammatical errors, or at least they didnít interfere with reading, so congrats on that!
Great story, looking forward to reading more!
~GrangerDanger76Author's Response: Thank you. I really appreciate these reviews. They're very helpful. (I'm already thinking about what to do about Bill.)
Good, that's what I was going for with Fleur. She was definitely my favorite to write :)
I'm so glad you think it's original. And that you want to keep reading (I wasn't expecting that and I love it!)
Yeah, I know the Potter and Weasley cousins were flat. The ones that pop back up should have some personalities, though. Not many actually pop up, however. I'm going to focus on Teddy and Victoire mainly, with odd bits from other characters. I'll try to keep them all consistent.
I know, there are some filler chapters (don't hate me!), but it should pick up soon.
Thanks so much for your really helpful reviews! Report Review
Hi, GrangerDanger76 again!
So at first I didnít realize that the chapter names where whoís point of view it was, but I must say, that is a great touch.
Overall, I think the characterization is just right for a second chapter. Can I just say I adore Levi! He is so adorable. You have captured the timid, hesitant little boy very well.
Character wise, I donít understand how Charlie could be so angry, and then all of a sudden just change his mind. If you wanted to go in that direction, I would say to make it more gradual, because that just didnít seem realistic, especially for a Weasley.
This was a rather short chapter, but I think it was necessary to get the plot moving!
Great job!Author's Response: Thanks again for reviewing!
I'm glad you like Levi, I was least sure about him.
Do you mean Bill? Did I write Charlie? Now I have to go check for my mistakes :( You're right. I didn't really think him out much so I should probably go back and make him more realistic.
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey! This is GrangerDanger76 with your review!
Alright I decided I would give you a little feedback on each chapter individually, then a big one for the story overall.
So first off, I really like this story. I really enjoyed Teddyís character, mostly because I havenít read a lot of him, and your characterization of him was perfect.
I think the plot is moving along great, I think it was a nice touch adding all those cousins in there!
However, I am looking forward to see where Teddy and Victoireís relationship goes. Iíd like to see that explored more.
Other than that, great first chapter!
Looking forward to reading the rest! :)Author's Response: Thanks you! I really appreciate this review. Report Review
I love this story already!
Can't wait to read more!
I am sooo a Teddy and Victoire shipper. in fact, I am with JKR in all her pairings!
~the nargles got me
:P. >. xAuthor's Response: Thanks :D
I agree completely. JK Rowling knows all. Who are we to question her greatness?
Thanks so much for taking the time to review. I'll be posting the next chapter soon. Report Review
Good second chapter! I think her parents reactions are pretty accurate. Can't wait for the next update! I want to see more interactions between Victoire and Teddy - and more about him running for Minister!Author's Response: Thank you!
Good, I'm glad you liked that. I had a lot of fun writing writing about Bill and Fleur. So much, in fact, that in the next chapter...well, you'll just have to read and find out ;D
There will definitely be more about Teddy. He is an important character and should be butting into the story a few more times...or a lot...
~Miss Muggle Report Review
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