Here from review tag!
This was a really touching and enjoyable story. The descriptions painted the picture so well of the snow, the wind, the houses and everything. We could see so strong a contrast between the joy that the Evans family was celebrating, as opposed to the unhappy and broken home of the Snape's.
The characterization was excellent as well. We could really see how Severus at a young age was very much affected by his family's troubles, and how even back then, Lily reprsented something good and redeeming that he hoped to obtain, but would always be just out of his reach. Great insight into both their characters.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
I really enjoyed reading this story- I think that it was thoughtful and gave good insight into the miserable life of Severus Snape. Am I right in thinking that Snape hadn't yet gone to Hogwarts in this story? From the description of the Evans family in this story it seemed like the rift hadn't yet appeared between Lily and Petunia.
I liked your use of description to give the readers a picture of Snape's awful life at home. His poor clothing and lack of Christmas gifts coupled with the arguing between his parents really helped to create a loveless atmosphere in his house, which you contrasted nicely with the loving atmosphere at the Evans house. Snape's hope for better, happier Christmases in the future was especially touching because to the best of our knowledge he never gets one.
The plot of this story was well put-together. As I mentioned before, the beginning of this story helped to ground Snape's character and his feelings at that point in the year and his journey out into the world of happier households allowed Snape the chance to reflect on his feelings and give the story a sense of forward momentum. The ending worked well with the rest of the story to give it a sense of completness, because it was hopeful and further explored the feelings that Snape had expressed at the beginning of the chapter. The plot itself didn't feel rushed and I enjoyed reading about Snape's hopes for the future. I did find it a little strange, though, that his parents were able to fight for almost a whole day in the same room- wouldn't at least one of them gotten too angry at some point and stormed out of the kitchen, possibly discovering Snape's absence along the way (though they might have been too angry to notice)?
As for the flow of this story, your paragraphs moved smoothly from one to the next but I did notice that sometimes you would use the same description/verb twice in one sentence and it made those sentences a little awkward to read. For instance, you used "faint" twice in one sentence in the first paragraph to describe the sun- even just the use of a synonym for "faint" would help the sentence to sound less repetitive.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and it definitely sounded true to canon! Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!Author's Response: Hi! WOW, thanks so much for this wonderful review! I'm really glad that you liked it and your comments were very helpful ^_^ Report Review
Hi there! Char here with your Requested Review and from the Tag Thread (hope you don’t mind, killing two birds with one stone) *no birds were actually injured or killed with that statement*
Just because it was the first thing I saw: “particpate" – “participate”
(Added once done reading the whole thing: And because I didn’t want to put this as the last thing you see now that I’ve written the whole thing – there was some spacing issues on the paragraphs.)
Second thing I’ve seen: your graphics! I love the soulful looking individual on your banner and then the chapter image is simply beautiful with the gold and white…excuse me while I stare at it for a moment.
…and we’re back!
Oh, your opening paragraphs are so sweet and very nicely descriptive. It really does set the moment and the tone of the whole thing. Imaging little Severus drawing Lily and him stick figures just makes me want to smoosh him. And then you go on to describe the pitiful Christmas he’s set to have!! Oh Sevvy!
LionsRule! This whole thing! Why don’t you just take my heart and wring it until it’s got nothing left? Just the whole thing made me want to go and blow all my money on little boy presents so I could throw it at my computer in hopes that little Sevvy would get them. The way you write him at this point in time captures how young innocence starts gaining the color of bitterness yet maintains a warm corner, all because of one Lily Evans. Very nicely done.Author's Response: Hi! No, of course I don't mind you combining this with the review tag ^_^ Thanks for the catch, I'll keep that in mind the next time I submit this. And thanks for the graphics compliment- although the credit for those goes to Coco786 and Carnal Spiral over at TDA. I'm really happy that you liked this story, and thanks SO much for taking the time to review! Report Review
I really enjoyed this story! The contrast between the Christmas-y atmosphere outside with the winter wonderland and Snape's home life was beautifully done. It made my heart ache for young Severus, knowing how affected he is by his parents' arguments. The fact he made them presents they would probably never see or appreciate made me angry with them. I wanted to shout at them and ask them why they couldn't see how hurt their son was by their fighting.
I understand Snape's jealousy perfectly, but I really loved how he stood vigil outside Lily's home and enjoyed her happiness. It was perfect. Despite the fact that I'm a hardcore James/Lily shipper, I really wanted Snape to have a happy ending.
I love that Lily gave him a little candy cane, his only present. It's something sweet and hopeful.
You did a wonderful job with this and I really enjoyed it. Well done. :)Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
awww this was so heartbreaking yet so sweet!! i think you captured severus and the snape family really well and your imagery was excellent!Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it! Thanks for the review ^_^ Report Review
*Cracks Knuckles* Let’s do this:
Thoughts while reading:
“Outside, it was a picture-perfect Christmas.” Oh, promising.
“He stared at his sketch for a moment, before the steam melted away and his drawing evaporated.” Amazing imagery!
“His parents were in another screaming argument” Conflict!
“…even if it only lasted for Christmas day?” How sad! My heart is breaking!
“They were just cheap little knickknacks, wood carvings of Christmas trees and snowmen that the boy had spent a few of his lonely days whittling.” Even sadder!!! I want to hug him!
“Severus scowled at her before looking towards the one person he had really come to see.” Oh! Must be lily!
“Lily Evans was sitting on the floor; her legs crossed Indian-style.” Yep!
“One day, maybe he could celebrate such a happy Christmas with Lily.” How sweet
“Holding it close to him, Severus closed his eyes, wishing with all of his heart for a happy Christmas in his future.” Again, so sweet!
Wow, amazing chapter, I loved it! It was excellently written with beautiful imagery! I thought you captures Snape wonderfully, no matter how sad it might be!Author's Response: Woohoo! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for taking the time to review this, and I can't wait until January 6th ^_^ This review made my day! Report Review
Nothing like a good Snily to cheer me up when I'm feeling down :)
So I've written a piece for this challenge as well, and mine is pretty non-traditional and dark in tone, so it was refreshing to come read a happy little Christmas story (well, as happy as a piece starring Snape could be). I really loved your description at the beginning, the way you painted a picture of the winter wonderland outside and its contrast to the environment in Snape's home.
I love Snape to death, so it totally breaks my heart to imagine him making presents for his parents that they probably won't even look twice at. Seriously, how did you not burst into tears writing this thing? And that ending! Oh my. I'm at work between meetings, so I'll try hard to only cry on the inside! Ha.
Anyway, this was totally sweet and it warmed my heart. I'm glad that Lily had a good Christmas and that her happiness could help her friend out, if only a little. The piece was very well written and I didn't notice any mistakes, which is great! I've clearly got some tough competition.
academicaAuthor's Response: Yay! I can't believe this got a review, already ^_^ It really means a lot that you liked it! I'm really happy, and thanks SO SO SO much for taking the time to review. Thanks again and good luck! XD Report Review
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