Reading Reviews for Sunshine Day
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by academica Sunshine Day

6th July 2012:
This is so sweet! It's interesting to see Neville as a bystander, not quite full of enough Gryffindor courage to ever tell Luna how he feels. (The funny thing is, I imagine that even if he had come to her on her deathbed and finally told her that he loved her, she would have just nodded and smiled and said something like, "That's nice. It's nice to be loved." So very Luna.)

I really like the vignette style of this story and getting little glimpses of Luna through Neville's eyes. I love how, from his perspective, she transforms from an odd, cute girl into a beautiful woman and the object of his affection. The story flowed nicely and the ending felt right.

Nice job! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you! It was very fun to write. Hmm, HEADCANON ACCEPTED! Haha.

Thank you so much!! *hug*
-Jas


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Review #2, by dlongbottom Sunshine Day

23rd March 2012:
Finally my Father told this story.I always suspected he loved Luna.Good teenage angst.

Author's Response: Thank you!!
Jaz


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Review #3, by ginerva_molly_weasley Sunshine Day

25th January 2012:
This story is actually beautiful!

Honestly I love the way you've made Luna seem as if she actually is slipping away bit by bit but he being Neville just can't see it.

Some of the description in it is just beautiful and really makes me feel out for Neville especially when he's loved Luna for ages but still goes with Rolf. A s perceptive as she normally is you've made her seem very detatched after the death of her father which I really like!

The results of the challenge will be up soon!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you!
I tried to make it as realistic as possible, so I'm glad I got that across.

Thank you! I have a habit of using descriptions and I really hope that I get the emotional across well :D

Thank you so much and thanks for such an awesome challenge!


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Review #4, by MercyWaters Sunshine Day

15th January 2012:
That was a really sweet story. It was sad and touching, but at the same time a bit happy with the ending. I'm glad that Neville came to terms with things rather than continuing on all heartbroken.

I enjoy the characterization of Neville, I was always a bit disappointed with the lack of insight we get into his character in the series, so I'm glad with how you portrayed him. It seemed accurate and was really well-written. :) The storyline was good, though I do think it could've been elaborated on a bit more. You skip through scenes very fast, I think some of those scene breaks could be combined and you should lengthen a lot of them with more description. I also think that you could've included Luna MUCH more in this piece. There doesn't seem to be much attention on her, just how Neville feels about her.

Thanks for requesting a review! :)

-Mercy

Author's Response: Thank you for this! It's been very helpful.
In an interview somewhere Neville described Luna & his relationship as a summer fling so I tried to get that across. I try to write my stories more realistically, whether they be from a boy or girls POV because I'm sick of reading stories where they get all heartbroken.

Same! Neville was brilliant in the books but he never got enough credit. Thank you!


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Review #5, by TonksLupin98 Sunshine Day

8th January 2012:
It's so beautiful it made me cry

Author's Response: aww thank you and sorry it made you cry!! That was defiantly not my intention!

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Review #6, by DracoFerret11 Sunshine Day

31st December 2011:
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums here with your review. And off we go! :D

First off, I love your chapter image. It's really pretty. And I loved the line on it, "Luna was everything I wanted, except she wasn't mine." That's just...ingenious. Brilliant. Beautiful. I adore it. :]

Random comment on your summary: you currently have, "It was always her that I needed to say those three words too but now I have said it it's too late." But that's grammatically incorrect. If you want to keep what you have, it should say: "It was always her that I needed to say those three words to, but now that I've said them, it's too late." Same thing, you know? But clearer.

More random notes: there's a paragraph in here that you've got copied twice. Where it says, "Choose the right time and the words will come to you," Harry advised, placing a hand on my shoulder, "that's what I did with Ginny," Muttering something about Ginny's pregnancy, Harry dissaperated leaving me along with a screaming plant.

So, you should probably get rid of one of those... :]

More technical things: you have several grammar and spelling errors throughout the story. I would definitely recommend getting a beta reader or looking over the story again on your own. It will make it easier for readers if you fix the issues you've got in here. :]

The paragraph after the one I just mentioned, where you start with, "No one ever tells you how delicate love is." is absolutely wonderful. I really liked how you wrote it. It was beautiful and really poignant. I definitely think you hit the nail on the head there.

Okay, so about the plot: I think you paced things pretty well. It was a little rushed, but that's bound to happen in one-shots. I think you handled it as well as you could, given the shorter length. If you wanted to add more descriptions, though, I think it would balance things better and tie everything together in a more obvious way.

The storyline itself was very nice. I like the idea of unrequited love, and the emotions you portrayed here really helped me feel was Neville was feeling. I liked that you showed his progression as he became more frustrated with himself and wanted more and more to tell Luna the truth about his feelings.

A quick sidenote: when Neville is seeing Rolf as Luna to marry him, you get a little bit repetitive. And I feel like a proposal might be more dramatic than just outright asking somebody if they want to marry you.

I don't know how I felt about the ending of the story. I liked the emotions you described while Neville was still upset about Luna not being with him, but I feel like he wouldn't have gotten over her so quickly. Like...I know he's happy for her, but maybe there should be a note in there about how he isn't yet over her, but he wants her to be happy, even if he's not in the picture. You know what I mean?

And I didn't particularly like that you said, "And so she was until the day she died with Rolf happily by her side." I thought that was a little odd, considering that Neville probably didn't follow her every move 'til the day she died, you know? That made him seem a little bit like a stalker. And I don't know how I felt about Neville addressing the readers directly ("dear readers"). I felt like that was out of the character of the story.

Other than those little notes, I think you did very well. I liked the plot and the idea. The emotions you portrayed were beautiful and some of the things you described were absolutely stunning. Very good job. :D

--Emily

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving such a long and detailed review! It was very helpful :)

I'll fix up that double paragraph, I didn't even realise I didn't that. Woops :/ and thanks for the rest of this, it's been amazing!!
I'll defiantly be coming back for another review another time
Jaz


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Review #7, by HermionelovesRon24 Sunshine Day

20th December 2011:
Awww, I Love all of your beautiful stories, and I was wondering...can you be my beta? You don't have to agree, of course. But I would really love to have you as my beta!!! erm byee!!

Author's Response: aww thanks :) I'm glad you like it and I can try if you want :) I've never beta'd before but I can try and if I turn out to a terrible beta then you can just get someone else, haha. I'll PM over the forums or tda :D

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Review #8, by Cirque Du Freak Sunshine Day

12th December 2011:
Hey!

This was heartbreaking one-shot that I quite enjoyed. {: I've always shipped Neville/Luna since OotP and they have so much potential too!

I think the only thing that bothered me a little bit was the fact that the letters disintegrated, because Luna just doesn't strike me as a person who would let go of her friends for a moment. After all they went through together I don't think a man, any man, would have taken precedence over them.

I particularly liked the ending where Neville states that she's happy, because then maybe it'll be some closure for him to sort of try and move on from his life.

You had a few typos here and there, but nothing majourly out of place so well done. {:

xxx

Author's Response: Hey!
I think I am incapable of writing a happy one-shot; they always end up being heartbreaking. Neville and Luna are one of my OTPs, they are made for each other; seriously!

True but Rolf didn't take over her life it's just that Neville separated himself from Luna because he loved her and it hurt him to see her happy with someone else. Sorry if that was confusing
Typos? Well, I'll go back and fix them when I get a chance.
Thanks for the review; really helpful! :)
Jaz, x


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Review #9, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Sunshine Day

12th December 2011:
Oh my goodness! This was ah-mazing! SERIOUSLY. I'm a bit Neville obsessed but I can't ever see him with anyone besides Hannah. I kind of like to make him with Luna but not with Luna like you just did here. I love the way you transitioned the entire piece, Neville's feeling stayed true throughout while I could tell through bits and pieces that Luna was changing and was with Rolf. I thought it was written perfectly. Everything flowed so well and I could really feel Neville's emotions. I was a bit sad for him but at the same time I was happy for Luna. Poor Neville never stood a chance!

Author's Response: Haha, i'm glad you liked it! I love Neville, I think he's such an underrated character in fan fictions. I'm glad the transition worked well, I'm always worried about that.
Thanks for the amazing review!
Jaz, x


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Review #10, by ariellem Sunshine Day

12th December 2011:
Hello! I LOVED THIS, it was canon (big bonus) and it was well written, and the chracterzation was just unstinkin' believable.

Unstinkin'? Where did I get that word?

Any I LOVED this! Great job!

Author's Response: Haha, i'm glad you like it :) I don't usually write canon stories so I'm glad it was good.
I'm glad the characterisation was good. I'm always worried about keeping the characterisation canon :D
Haha, thanks :)
Jaz, x


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