Reading Reviews for As the Light Fades
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Remus wedding.

10th February 2012:
Hey! Perelandra here with your second review!

This was so bittersweet! I absolutely enjoyed it. You stayed constant with the narration, flow and details. So kudos to you. Also, I guess I'm used to people writing the Malfoy's hating the fact that Scorpius ended with a Weasley so I'm glad to see a change. I guess some people understand that parents are not all evil and want their kids to be happy. Even if it is being with the daughter of the person you used to hate.

Your story lacks dialogue, however, few people can get away with it. Your story is one of those. It's so full of details and well written that you really don't need it.

Couple of things, you wrote that Rose had contracted cancer. That did not sit well with me mostly because that words is used when one person infects another. While it's still fine to say that she contracted it, I guess it would be more realistic to say that the cancer developed pr progressed.

Lastly, you misspelled Rose's name, when Hermione is talking to Scorpius.

Other than that, that's it! If you were update let me know!

--Perelandra

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Review #2, by Remus white.

9th February 2012:
Hey! Perelandra here with your review!!

Sorry it has taken a while but I've finally made it.

This has plenty of emotion seeping through my screen. The way you wrote your narration and description of both Scorpio's feelings and the imagery really helped me, as the reader, get into this story right off the bat. The flow was fantastic as well. I'm afraid to read the next chapter because I have no idea if I'm just going to start crying while I'm at work!

The one thing that I saw 'wrong' was the punctuation for the dialogue. You have periods where you should have commas. I'm not sure if Breezie has reviewed this story but if you haven't requested from her, I really recommend it as she helped me when it came to that issue myself.

That's all I can think of!

On to chapter 2!

--Perelandra

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Review #3, by BoOkWoRm24 wedding.

6th February 2012:
This story is so sad!!! Poor Rose, she's dying. Poor Scorpious, he's has to watch her dye. At the same time it was really well done. I'm sure your probably going to make me cry in the next chapter if you go kill Rose off. You did a really good job, can't wait for the next chapter.

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Review #4, by academica wedding.

5th February 2012:
Hey again! Sorry it's taken me forever to get back over here and check out this chapter. I've been pretty busy myself :)

This chapter really touched my heart. It's so sweet to see Rose's family come together to make her wedding the best day that it can possibly be, given her condition. I think Hermione's little interaction with Scorpius was my favorite part, just because it shows how much she's grown since that moment in PoA when she decked his father right in the nose.

I thought you really did well in dealing with the heavy, heavy emotions in this piece. It was right to have Scorpius really struggle with the fact that the wedding could never be the one that he and Rose truly deserved, and I liked how you didn't include any of the cliche "Weasley marrying a Malfoy" nonsense that I see in so many Scorose pieces. Today, it was about two young people in love who only want to be together, and that's all that did matter and should matter to anyone.

Wonderful job! :)

Amanda

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Review #5, by NextGenna14 wedding.

20th January 2012:
This story is so sad, but so amazing! :)

Author's Response: Awh, thanks! I'm really happy you liked it :)

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Review #6, by PygmyPuffsForever wedding.

20th January 2012:
Aw, this story is so cute :D I almost cried...

Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #7, by academica white.

17th January 2012:
Hey! Here from review tag :)

So this is a really interesting twist on Rose/Scorpius, and to me, it's so much more believable than the constant stream of love/hate pureblood/half-blood stories I see all the time. I think it's because they could have been anyone; the emotions would be the same for any young couple in love and about to get married when tragedy strikes.

I really like the detail in this piece. I love how you compared Muggle and magical healing, noting that neither is helpful when it comes to Rose's condition. I also liked the paragraph about Scorpius watching other couples and knowing, deep down inside, that he and Rose will never fill their shoes.

The end of this was very sweet, and I think it's so kind of Scorpius to want to fulfill Rose's last wishes even as they break his heart. As a side note, I like the color theme you have with the chapter title, and I hope it continues with the other chapters. The imagery is very powerful.

One little thing -- you've got several small typos in here, but there's one big one that you will want to fix sometime soon. "Emancipated" refers to freedom from bondage. The word you're looking for is "emaciated" -- very different meaning.

Great job! I'll be back when this is updated, I think :)

Amanda

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the wonderful review! Second chapter is in the queue, be sure to check back soon:)

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Review #8, by forsakenphoenix white.

15th January 2012:
This is terribly sad. Cancer is such a tough subject to deal with, and people are affected by it on a daily basis. I recently lost my grandmother to cancer, so I know how upsetting it is to watch a loved one fade away, suffering. But I think that it makes the readers able to relate to Scorpius, and you did a great job with that.

It breaks my heart that he loves Rose so much that he can't stand to see her like that. But I get it; he'd rather remember her bright and vibrant and the two of them so in love with one another. I love that the magical world doesn't have a cure for cancer either. Magic can't solve everything, and it makes it more realistic, I think.

Having him see Rose at the end, it's obvious by their interactions that they're in love. I'm happy she wants to get married before she dies, but I feel like it'll be even harder on Scorpius when she eventually does go. :(

You did a wonderful job with Scorpius's characterization. He's very brooding and he's emotionally connected to Rose in a way that I don't read very often in ScoRoses (not that I'm all that familiar with that ship, but it's generally more vapid and shallow).

I hope you update soon. I'd love to read more. :)

Author's Response: Your review made my day :) Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this. Also, thanks for reviewing my other story! I meant to write a lot more in response, but I accidentally clicked the submit button before I was done. :p

Anyway, thank you so much! I'm really happy that you liked it. I'm in progress of writing the second chapter at the moment so it should be updated soon (if I can figure out how to end it). Thanks again


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Review #9, by magnolia_magic white.

8th December 2011:
Hi! magnolia_magic here from the forums (finally!)

I think you have a wonderful start to your story. It's such a tragic subject, and you deal with it very well. In fact, I really admire the fact that you chose cancer as your subject for this story. So many people have been affected by cancer in some way (myself included), and so this story can resonate with a lot of people. I really liked the fact that there isn't a cure for cancer in the magical world; it makes the story that much more relatable.

You have a great descriptive style, and for the most part your word choice is excellent! Your writing is very straightforward and stripped-down, and it just cuts right to the heart. When you describe Rose's wasted appearance and her suffering, it was just heart-wrenching. I think you do a great job of telling your story. And this style is great for Scorpius' narrative voice; I really felt his bitterness and pain.

That said, there were a couple places where I noticed word choice errors. Towards the end, the word "emancipated" should be "emaciated." And at some point, you say "It's not use in denying it." To be more clear, I'd suggest putting something like "There's no use in denying it." Those little things would make a huge difference :)

Here is one of my favorite lines in this story: "He didn't want to see Rose. He felt terrible about it, he really did, but he just couldn't face her." I think it's great that you added this line. It's a very realistic reaction from Scorpius about such a tragic situation.

Speaking of Scorpius, I think you are doing a good job with him so far. There isn't really much for me to comment on as far as characterization goes, since this chapter is mostly focused on the situation. But there are a few subtle things that give insight into Scorpius' character; specifically, how he deals with a crisis. He seems to be a brooding, emotional person who is thought-oriented rather than action-oriented. Hopefully that's something like the impression you were going for!

I am so glad you requested this! It was such an emotional beginning, and I'm sure this is going to grow into a very moving story. Keep up the good work!
--Maggie

Author's Response: Oh jeez! I can't believe I didn't see this review until now, my bad! Anyway, thank you SO much for the thoughts on this. This helped me out quite a bit and I'm really glad that you enjoyed it!

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Review #10, by javct white.

30th November 2011:
Here with your review!!
That has to be the saddest piece of fan fiction I have ever read. Seriously, the way you wrote that was perfect.

I have had experience with Cancer in my family so, when I started reading this I was a little skeptical, but you managed to write it perfectly.

The imagery in this very amazing. You left just a tad to the readers imagination which is good; most of the time the writer just tell us everything without allowing room for the readers imagination. The emotion in this story was mind-blowing, it almost made me cry (which is rare because I never cry in fan fic). I loved Scorpius thoughts throughout this. It showed just how torn up he was about the whole situation.

Honestly, I can't really see anything you need to improve on at the moment.
*jaz, 10/10
PS: sorry it took me so long to review.

Author's Response: Ahh, thank you so much! I'm really glad that you thought it was good, that means a lot. No worries, I really appreciate this and you weren't even that late! ^_^

- Jacqueline


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Review #11, by apocalypse white.

27th November 2011:
Hey, apocalypse here with your review! =)

Firstly, WOW. This is one of the rare stories that would make you want to cry no matter how hard you try to control it. It was pretty heart wrenching made me feel I was losing Rose too. Really great work! It's hard to described feelings in the way you did and I think you did a pretty good job considering its your first fanfic. Congratulations for that! =)

Moving on, I spotted a few errors here and there. There was one place where he placed his hand on her back gentle; i think you meant gently. Also, in the sentence "It took a massive toll on him, physical and emotionally." The 'physical' should be 'physically'. Another one I found: "It's not use in denying it anymore." I think a better sentence would be 'It's no use denying it anymore.'

You portrayed your characters really well! The good thing about this pairing is that you can portray them in any way you want. =) So, your characters were fine overall. However, one thing I felt was that in some way Scorpius' character was incomplete. I know me saying that he should be vain and proud and whatnot would sound cliche so that's not what I mean when I say that his character felt like it needed something. When we're reading the story from his point of view, there has to be something that makes us remember it's him. I hope you know what I mean. I'm not sure if I was able to convey this point of mine very well.

A very well written story and I'm happy with it =) A very good choice of words too. The description level was great. Like I said, I was able to feel just like Scorpius felt as his emotional state was described perfectly! Really good job!

I hope I was able to help you =) Thank you for requesting and feel free to come back any time you want =) Good luck and Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank so you much for pointing out those errors. I'm terrible with spelling and grammar so I'll probably just get a beta for this. And I do understand what you mean, I'll try to help that in the next two chapters. Thanks again!

-Jacqueline


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Review #12, by CloakAuror9 white.

26th November 2011:
...Are you planning to break my heart? Do you know how hard it is to read the story without crying?...It took me ten minutes to calm myself down.

Okay..now that I'm calm...let's move on with the review...

First of all, I must admit that it was pretty heart-wrenching to read a fanfiction that starts off with my favourite couple having a hard time with cancer.

I am truly amazed with what you have done and although your story isn't the first one I've read with Rose having cancer and dying, it had been the first to make me cry so much.

The way you made your characters work was so amazing! I have no more words for how amazing you started this story off.

Three chapters won't be long but it will be enough. Enough to make my heart break. I feel so bad that I can't say much on this review just because I got too affected with Rose's dying wish. I feel so guilty.

But your story is truly heart breaking and amazing. I don't know any Rose/Scorpius shipper who wouldn't show a tear or two when they read your story.

Amazing. Amazing. 10/10,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Aw your review made me so happy! I'm really glad that you liked it! I hope it didn't make you cry too much. I really really appreciate this review so thanks for taking the time to read + review. ^_^

-Jacqueline


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Review #13, by Miss Lily Potter white.

26th November 2011:
Hey, I'm here with your review! :)

Oh, wow. This is heartbreaking. I love this sort of thing, the stories where someone's dying and the other has to deal with it (I just really like angst) and this one was spot-on. I loved your descriptions of Scorpius' sadness, and the ending, with Rose thinking she didn't love him - ugh, ugh in the best way. And I love stories that have cancer - because it would be sort of awful if the Wizarding world had a cure and didn't share it with the Muggles, wouldn't it? I like when there are things that not even magic can fix.

There was one thing that I noticed - you said emancipated when you meant emaciated.

This story was really well done, though. Oh, goodness.

Thanks for the excellent read. Great job.
- Jasmine

Author's Response: Yay, thanks for the review! I'm really happy you liked it, and thanks for pointing out that error! ^_^

-Jacqueline


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Review #14, by Cassius Alcinder white.

26th November 2011:
I'm here from the forums with your review!

First of all, congrats on posting your first story! It's definetely an exciting feeling.

Your use of descriptive language was excellent, you really did a good job of describing the scene in the hospital and the overall mood of everybody involved.

The nice thing about next gen characters is that we know so little about them that you have a lot of creative room to work with. Sco/Rose is a pretty common pairing, but this is definetely a new take on it.

You did an excellent job at capturing the emotions of the characters, and this was a a vaery sad and moving story.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! ^_^ I really happy you liked it!

-Jacqueline


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Review #15, by ms4aisa white.

25th November 2011:
aaaw really good yet sad chapter! :') but I already know that at the end of the third chapter I'll be crying :)
but anyway, the chapter is really good! you're a good writer who can convey the sad and desperate atmosphere they're in... liked that a lot :)

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for being my first reviewer EVER, that made me really happy! ^_^ Glad you liked it!

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