Reading Reviews for The Truth Inside Your Lies
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nami Epilogue

9th April 2012:
This is one of the best stories I've read at HPFF. Has no missing links, is very arousing ie sets emotions at work, clenched my stomach. didn't have to edit it in my mind to read smoothly.
Would want to know if you've it's sequel or not.?

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It makes me proud to read that there no missing links in the story and that it's managed to touch you:)

I'm quite certain that there won't be a sequel. I haven't really thought of it until you've mentioned it, and I can see now why someone would want to see more of them, however, I'd like to leave this with an open ending:)

~ Angie


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Review #2, by Tonks1247 Prologue

28th February 2012:
Hello! Nymphie Tonks here with your late review!

I'd like to first of apologize for being so slow! Last weekend I had so much spare time on my hands and I was going to take advantage of it to read and review, but apparently real life didn't approve because I got loaded with homework. Which I still technically am, but I took a break from real life to read for a little bit. So. On with the review! :D

Plot wise, this is pretty solid. I get a pretty good picture as to what you're trying to get across and what you're trying to show. The one thing I would have liked to see would be more detail with Scorpius' emotions when he's out in the rain. You say he doesn't notice the cold which means a lot must be running through his mind. And I'd like to see a bit of that within this chapter. I want to be able to feel what he's feeling as the thoughts run through his head. It would really help strengthen this.

And I think Rose's character is sorta characterized. I think it would help if you put some more of her emotions in this? Had more explanation as to why this decision came about. Was there something leading up to this decision? Did Scorpius notice changes in her as the party came closer together? Simple little things that sort of help us to understand what it is that's running through her head.

Other than wanting a bit more description behind the emotions, I didn't see anything wrong with the flow. It went on at a good pace and was fairly easy to follow. I really enjoyed your writing style. It was easy to get into and I quite enjoyed reading this!

I do have one small nitpicky thing, which honestly was the only grammar type thing I saw:

"Her hands, fisted in his hair, while his, ran up and down her back." ~I'm pretty sure you don't need any of the commas in this sentence. If you really wanted one, it'd be the one before while and that's it. But you don't need any of those commas.

So really, I quite enjoyed this. I really tend to enjoy Rose/Scorpius and this one was a pretty original story. It had a different edge than most of the Rose/Scorpius stories I've read, and I really enjoyed that! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the good words, suggestions and constructive critisism. I will take everything into consideration now that I'm planning to edit this story.

~ Angie


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Review #3, by Cassius Alcinder Prologue

18th February 2012:
Review tag!

This chapter started out realy strong. There were some really good descriptions in the opening paragraph that set a pretty intense romantic tone for the story. And then you hit us with a twist. I though for sure you were describing Rose and Scorpius, so when it turned out to be a different guy it was a bit of a surprise.

Rose and Scorpius's dialouge when they confront each other was a little melodramatic for my taste to be honest, but it was well written all the same.

Overall your're off to a good start.

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review. I'm glad I managed to create a twist:D

Melodramatic, huh? I'll have to think about it...

~ Angie


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Review #4, by justcause Epilogue

11th February 2012:
Aw. Super cute open ending. :) Nice!

Author's Response: Thank you:D
I'm happy you enjoyed my story!

~ Angie


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Review #5, by justcause III

11th February 2012:
Oh. Wow. Didn't see that coming. I like.

Author's Response: Glad you do;)

~ Angie


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Review #6, by classicblack Epilogue

10th February 2012:
Well then. That was as interesting an ending as I've ever seen.
I liked that it wasn't completely mussy and a fall-into-each-other's-arms-hugging-slash-crying-slash-kissing thing. It was sweet and interesting and to the point.
I don't know if I completely believe that Scorpius could just forgive Rose or that Rose is still over Smith. I just don't know...
Overall though, it was a pretty great story.
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Well, I definitely didn't want you to believe that she is over Smith. As for Scorpius forgiving her... I have to say that his character is close to mine in this story... when I love someone, I forgive, you know? ;-)

Thank you very much for your constructive criticism. Be certain that all your suggestions will be taken into consideration, once I come back to this and edit it. I'm really glad I've requested a review from you: you praised and supported this as few others.

~ Angie


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Review #7, by Rosethorne III

3rd February 2012:
Hey Rosem

Here with your review again :)

I loved this chapter too!

I so wanted them to get together though, but in a way I was also glad that he didn't just forgive her when she told him that she loved him. I think this way was better.

I so love his character, you have him spot on:)

The dialogue is really good in this chapter, everything makes sense as you read it and it sounds natural.

The descriptions are really good again and the flow in my opinion.

I really love this story! I think it has been well thought out and written. I'm so glad you asked me to review:D

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This made me very happy! Especially the fact that you understood the main characters! This was my major concern (especially Rose).

I'm glad you liked my story so much! I hope you don't mind me re-requesting for the Epilogue when your slots open ;-)

~ Angie


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Review #8, by Rosethorne II

3rd February 2012:
Hi it's Rose m again: D

This was such a good chapter! I thought it would be Rose at the end :) About half way through I thought that. But really well written!

I think you have pulled Scorpius off very well here. I really like his character and Rose's.

I'm definitely interested to see what happens between them both in the next chap :) I still think that the scenes between the both of them are sweet :)

In terms of description I think it's better in this chap and I think that has helped with the general flow of it. Again, no glaring grammar issues or anything

Really nice chap: D

Author's Response: Really? I'm glad.

I guess I didn't do a very good work hiding the fact that it was Rose. I don't think I wanted to either:P

Once again, I appreciate the fact that you like the characters and the plot!

~ Angie


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Review #9, by Rosethorne I

2nd February 2012:
Hi it's Rosem again:)

I really like where this is going! It seems like you have thought it through and it's written really well:) I can't see any glaring issues with Grammar and stuff again. I'm interested to see who the woman was in this chap. Good job on that score:)

I loved the ending to this chap and I like them both a lot now, especially Scorpius. I loved how he was with Rose. They are sweet together:)

I think this could have used a tad more description personally, but the flow seems good:)

Nice chap:)

Author's Response: Thank you again:D

It's always nice to get a review full of good words!

~ Angie


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Review #10, by Rosethorne Prologue

2nd February 2012:
Hi it's Rose m here with your review:)

I really liked this:) I do have a couple of things for you though.

I think this has already been pointed out, so you might be working on it, but I would have liked a bit more description about the characters.

Also, I too would have liked a bit more emotion from Scorpius, I get that he loves her, but I still think he would remain angry for a bit longer than what he was.

As for understanding Rose, I think I get her. I'm hoping will see a bit more in the first chap, sort of get inside her head a bit more:D

In regards to the flow, I thought it was good, for the prologue, and your grammar and stuff is great, really well done:D Overall, I really enjoyed this:D Good work!


Hope this helps:D

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'm very glad that you took the time to offer me feedback on everything.

I don't know about the descriptions... The truth is that I avoid them on purpose: I don't really like reading a story and having a particular image for the character when suddendly a paragrapgh ruins that:S I'll think about it, though:D

I'm working on Scorpius' emotions. I too can see that he needs more at the finale.

Really happy you liked this:D

~ Angie


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Review #11, by classicblack III

2nd February 2012:
So I know that you didn't request a review for this chapter (as I've unfortunately deleted my review thread) but I'm going to give a review anyway because I really liked this story when I read it before, haha.
I honestly loved this chapter. At first, I was sort of went "isn't is a bit fast-paced?" until I realised it was a short story (I probably already realised this, but forgot, haha) and brushed that aside.
I thought it was brilliant that Rose chose Scorpius and I really like the summary for this chapter.
I'm glad that Scorpius didn't just fall into Rose's arms when she admitted to loving him. It showed that love didn't make Scorp completely blind and that he's going to make Rose work for it.
I can't wait to see how Rose will be punished for murder and being a part of Smith's plan.
Well done!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: You deleted your thread? I didn't see- I promised myself I won't request another review until I get down to writing the ones in my thread:P In anyway, though, I'm glad you liked my story enough to review on your own:D

Yes- this was meant to be a oneshot. But as you can see, I started writing and couldn't stop.

The next chapter is more like the Prologue, so Rose's punishment... it's not mentioned there: I focus on the phsycological consequences. To be honest I've never thought of mentioning this. So I guess before posting this chapter, I'll edit it, and add this little detail.

Is Ron still OOC? I was just wondering...

Thank you for another lovely review, and for your support throughout the entire story:D

I hope that you'll appreciate the finale as well!

~ Angie


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Review #12, by EverDiggory III

1st February 2012:
I hate Rose,I hate her,I hate her!! I'm absolutely fuming about her. I hate her! Good grief I can't stand that woman...

I love Scorpius though!

You have hit the nail on the head. You have the perfect plot,flow,grammar,characterization,details,spelling,everything! Wow,I love it! Fantastic! Just bloody brilliant,really! 10/10 I'll be favoriting!

Author's Response: I hope that you'll manage to understand her somehow:/

I'm very happy for those reviews of yours! They were all perfect- made me smile so much:D

Thank you so much!

~ Angie


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Review #13, by EverDiggory II

1st February 2012:
Oh my god!oh my god! Oh my god! My Merlin talk about intensity! I'm happy to report that everything was just fantastic!:D I love it,dearly! Very,very pleased! Do be proud of this!

I've found myself quickly falling for Scorpius! I love him! I think the characterization is your absolutely brilliant! It's definitely your strongest suit! Too da loo! 10/10

Author's Response: Oh, my God! Thank you for this amazing review! I am very proud to make readers feel that way!

Thank you so much!

~ Angie


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Review #14, by EverMalfoy I

1st February 2012:
Maybe I'm just into cliche stories too much,but I'm just waiting for the "Oh,and I have this daughter and her names blah blahblah" and he'll be all awkward,"how old is she?"
"oh,just seven"
"oh,hell"

I must read on to see if my prediction is true! You are somewhat lacking in descriptions again,just a little! Otherwise it's perfect! You've got me hooked!

Author's Response: Once again, I'll be returning and checking this again- hoping to fix this:/

But I'm glad I'm getting such a reaction:D

~ Angie


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Review #15, by EverMalfoy Prologue

1st February 2012:
Oh goodness. Well,I love it all,but it seems as though some emotions were lacking fom Scorpius.

I got emotions through from reading this though,even though I'm not sure if it's the desired effect. I felt unbelievably angry when Scorpius didn't bitterly hate Rose. Nice describing how Rose rationalized her immaturity. I like her reasoning to live,because I think almost everyone can relate to that. I will be reading on! 8/10

P.S thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hmmm... I was afraid this might happen.

To be honest, I can understand what you're talking about- I guess I'll have to go back to this, and edit it, because at the moment I have no valid arguement to support Scorpius' reaction! How could I miss this?

Anyways, I'm glad you liked the story nevertheless:D

Looking forward to reading your opinion for the following chapters!

~ Angie


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Review #16, by EarthsTrueGreen Prologue

31st January 2012:
Sad :(
But i get where Rose is coming from. Anyways I really enjoyed this first chapter although i do have one random question how old are they supposed to here?
On to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it anyway, and understood Rose as a character:D

In this chapter they're in their early 20s, around 22...

Thanks for reviewing:D

~ Angie


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Review #17, by Ella III

30th January 2012:
I hope your a quick updater, i can't wait for the next chapter/s!!! Loved the speech at the end that said she still loved him :)

Author's Response: Oh, usuallly I'm not and I know how disturbing this can be:( But, this story is already written, so I'll update next week!

I'm really glad you liked this chapter so much, and that you took some time to leave a review:D

~ Angie


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Review #18, by justcause II

27th January 2012:
Ohmygoodness, so intense! What has Rose been up to? I haven't seen a Rose character who seems to be slightly evil, and I'm interested! :) Keep going, I'm super impressed!

Author's Response: I'm glad you're interested and not disturbed:)

Thank you for this lovely review!

~ Angie


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Review #19, by scorpius_love II

21st January 2012:
GASP! ROSE! this is great i love itt! keep updating!!

Author's Response: I most certainly will:D Thank you!

~ Angie


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Review #20, by classicblack II

21st January 2012:
Hey, I'm here with the last review!
So this doesn't have much to do with the chapter, but it always annoys me that wizards enver think to use Veritaserum while interrogating. Really, it's a sure-fire way to get them to tell the truth!
Okay back to the chapter, oh my wizard god that was one of the best ways I've ever seen someone end a chapter. It really was spectacular. So I guessed it all along, Rose was the woman in the room with Jonas Smith, which means she loves Smith, which means she has to "get rid of Malfoy". You're really one of the best authors I've ever read when it comes to suspense- well done! I think anyone who reads this story will be begging for more by the end of it.
Is it at all possible that the man she was kissing, George, in the prologue was Jonas just with a different name? Afterall, they met at potion's class... during Healer training. If so, great way to tie together the story.
I really think you've got the plot of the story going very nicely and fairly smoothly. Keep it up!
Rose's character is a bit confusing right now. Sometimes she wants Scorp, but then she turns back to Jonas. It's a back and forth and I don't know if you mean to do it, but it's sort of... hectic.
Also, Florean's ice parlour would have probably been closed by now, because Florean was killed during the Second Wizarding War. That was just a little discrepancy from canon that bugged me a bit.
Well I think you've got an amazing start to your story so far. Keep up the good work and feel free to rerequest for a review anytime!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Hello again:D

Hmm... I know exactly what you're talking about! My sister and I had an argument on this: she believes as well that wizards ought to use Veritaserum during interrogations. From my point of view, there must be a law preventing this, since they can't force anyone to say the truth against their will (the Crouch interrogation in GoF was a bit off the record, don't you think?). After all, magic doesn't seem to solve every problem (otherwise everyone would be rich, smart and beautiful), and since Rowling put some limits there, I believe that there would be limits in everything else. However, this is just my opinion.

I'm so very glad you liked the finale. I had a hard time trying to separate the chapters: you'll see this in the next one. And what else can possibly make a writer happier than being begged for more? Thank you for being so supportive!

I've never thought of Jonas Smith as George. When I first read your review, I have to admit that I was intrigued into making them the same person, but then I realized that would be unnecessary: George was the man who kissed Rose and made her realize that she wanted more than a "simple" relationship with Scorpius- he was just a random guy at a party, if you want. Jonas Smith was a man she loved- despite or even because of all his traits, good and bad.

Yes, I can completely understand your problem with Rose. She will explain her actions in the following chapters, but I'm still not certain if the reader can understand her. She's actually my main concern about this story. Will you let me know what you think of her by the end- with any suggestions you might have for her improvement? I'd appreciate that!

I had no idea that Florean was killed during the War! Thank you for pointing this out as well! I'll work something out here- some way to mention why the store is still open... I don't think it has to close just because he's dead... It was always my favorite Diagon Alley place:P

Overall, thanks again. Your reviews were very constructive and helpful! I will most definitely re-request:D

~ Angie


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Review #21, by classicblack I

20th January 2012:
Hi, I'm here with your review!
So I really loved this chapter.
My guess is that the woman at the beginning was Rose, just because she appeared so suddenly (or because I cheated and read the next chapter's summary). I think that including the scene where Jonas Smith and an unknown woman at the beginning really hooked the reader and made them absolutely dying to read on. You have an excellent gift for suspense. I think you should definitely play it up during the story.
I also thought it was interesting that Rose was a Hufflepuff and Scorpius was a Ravenclaw. I don't know, Rose as a Hufflepuff seems so foreign to me because I've never read it before, so I'm not all too sure about it. Also, the fact that Ron and Harry don't seem to mind Scorpius at all seems a little odd. I feel like Ron at least would still have some prejudice against the Malfoys. Ron always seemed a bit stubborn. Harry, yes, I can except because he's generally open-minded, but not really Ron. Especially from what we see in the epilogue of DH, I feel like Ron's hatred of the Malfoys would only increase. I feel like most readers would feel the same, but I can only speak for myself.
I know it's mentioned that Scorpius feels like Rose and him are just picking up where they left off, but it really didn't feel that way to me. Maybe I'm just misinterpretting things, but that's the impresion I got.
I really loved this chapter, though. You're very good with dialogue and connecting one part of a story to another. Even though this was seven years later, it didn't feel choppy. Also, I like that already you're giving us little insights into both Rose's and Scorpius's personalities.
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Another lovely review:D

So you think I do well with suspense? It's good to know- looks like all these yeard of studying literature (and all the others of simply reading books) have finally paid off! I'm also glad you think so, because I don't think this story would be any good without suspense.

As for the time gap, it was a big risk- it always is. It'a relief that it doesn't feel choppy.

I was also uncertain about the writing style when it comes to POVs, but I'm happy to see that you thought of the changes as little insights into the characters' personalities and not as disturbing changes while reading.

Now, about Rose being a Hufflepuff... To be honest, this part wrote itself, however, you'll see that it's quite crucial for the rest of the story: I believe that her loyalty explains her final choice and the fact that she's trustworthy is doubted many times during the fic only to be determined at the end. So I hope that it will make more sense once the story is complete, if not you'll let me know in another review, right? :D

I understand how Harry and Ron's behavior towards Scorpius can be odd. I have read dozens of fics where Ron hates Scorpius and fights with Rose because she's dating him. Honestly? I can totally see this happening (given Ron's character), but there's no chance I can write it that way: it always seemed a bit immature to me. In this story, however, Ron and Scorpius are co-workers, and they've worked together for at least seven years. Also, Ron is over 50 years old. I believe that he would have grown. If those aren't enough to explain his behavior, I'll let you know [spoilers:P] that Scorpius and he have a conversation in the next chapter where he clears his place. Please tell, if when you read this, their relationship still doesn't make sense.

What I can't understand is the last thing you pointed out... You don't get the impression that Rose and Scorpius are "just picking up where they left off". You mean that it doesn't make sense for them to be so close again, all of a sudden? Or that Scorpius thinks they can get back together, and you can't see how he got such an impression? Because if it is the second, that's not what I meant... Please let me know:D

Thank you for this wonderful review! You made me consider many things:)


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Review #22, by classicblack Prologue

20th January 2012:
Hey, I'm here with your review!
Okay, wow. I honestly don't think I can find anything wrong with this chapter, which doesn't really help you if you want to improve it, but still...
I loved how in the beginning I thought it was Rose and Scorpius kissing and I thought to myself Oh gosh, here comes another lovey-dovey Rose/Scorp fic. But then, you switched it around on me and told me that it was Rose kissing another man and Scorpius was watching and suddenly I was like Holy cow, I did not see that one coming!
I also loved that Rose and Scorpius are the opposites of their parents- mostly Rose, actually. Usually, when I read Rose and Scorpius in fanfiction, Rose is neat and orderly and smart like Hermione and Scorpius is the happy-go-lucky one a bit like Draco. You really switched it around and I liked the change. Rose now wanted adventure and Scorpius liked to have his life planned out.
I definitely liked Rose's explanation of being free and how they came to the conclusion that if they had met later, they would have been happy. It really helped set up for the future plot where Rose comes back into Scorpius's life.
It was also interesting that Scorpius and Albus didn't seem to be friends like they are in most fics.
Oh wait, I found a tiny little confusion. After Scorpius leaves the party, I had to go back and read again after he suddenly appeared in his flat. I realised you'd described that he'd gotten cold and Apparated back, but I was a bit confused. Maybe it's just me, haha.
Overall, this looks like a super interesting story. I can't wait to see where you go with this!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: This review is one of the best I've ever got! I love seeing a reader so excited because of something I have written! Thank you SO much!

Well, yes. As you figured out, I'm trying to write a very different Rose/Scorpius story. I do that a lot lately:P One day I'll go back to the classics (I hope).

As for their characters, there's nothing I hate most than them portrayed as clones of their parents (Draco and Hermione's second chance? NO, thank you!). Until you pointed it out, however, I hadn't noticed that I had switched their usual portrayal:D

I'm very, very happy that you think their break up isn't something that just came out of the blue. I was a bit anxious about that: generally, I'm not sure if the reader can understand Rose. Your words here were a relief on the matter!

As for Scorpius' apparition, I'll check it out again... Maybe I'm repeating myself there. I'll think about it!

Once again, thank you very much! This review made my day!


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Review #23, by ms4aisa II

19th January 2012:
oh my, loved this chapter!! awesome work, can't wait to see what happens next! soo good :)

Author's Response: Always happy to receive such a review:D I'll try to update asap!

~ Angie


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Review #24, by ms4aisa I

10th December 2011:
ooh such a good story! :) I really enjoyed it :)
I just hope that the woman at the beginning isn't Rose, that would destroy me :( ;)
good work, I'm already looking forward to the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked:-)
As for Rose... she's a vey tricky character here... that's all I can say;-)

~ Angie


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Review #25, by EnchantMe Prologue

23rd November 2011:
The beginning is very promising, I enjoyed it a lot!
While I'm no pro on prologues or anything, I found this was just the right length to me: not too short, not too long, just pretty much perfect.
The writing was also great! I love the way you manage to create such a believable characters and story without too many words, if that makes any sense. It's a thing I've never been able to do and so I'm amazed at any writer who can.

I find the plot also to be very creative. :D I don't think I've ever read this kind of take on ScoRose before and I've actually stopped reading them becuase of the cliches that seem to be in many of them, but this just reeled me in with the great summary and I'm glad it did.

Okay, I think I'm getting a bit rambly and off-topic now, so to sum it all up, it's great, I loved it and I can't wait for the next chapter. Oh, and 10/10. ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much about this!

Your review made me so happy:D All these compliments about my writing... honestly, this is what I'm trying to achieve and I'm really glad you could see such things in this prologue!

You liked the summary, huh? And I who was thinking of changing it! :P

I hope you'll like the rest of the story as much!
Thank you once again:)


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