Dude. Stumbled across this and pleasantly surprised! Made me laugh in more than one place and the style of writing (with the flash backs etc) and first person was a refreshing change to some of the other fanfiction I've read! Post more? ;)

 Report Review

this is so goodd!!! if u don't mind me asking who is the girl in your chapter images? who is she played by? kk thanks, love yur story, my favorite line was "Listen, my dear readers, as I spin you a tale of trickery, guile, and deceit, of bravery and heroism during a misera—

Oh wait, wrong flash card. Oops… Actually this story involves ticklish pears, invisible articles of clothing, first love, some weird advice, and a whole lot of— you’ve guessed it! — cinnamon rolls." I cracked up, it was so smart and funny! :D love you keep writing!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for the nice review; I'm glad you like it. ^^ And the girl is Ebba Zingmark--pretty, no? xD
~Khanh

 Report Review

So, as soon as I saw this story, I knew I had to read it. Not only is Lily and James my OTP, not only is the summary for this story weirdly intriguing, but your title has the words cinnamon rolls in it. That just necessitates an immediate click on my part ;) Anyway, the point is: I'm glad I clicked on this story (at least so far hehehe).

As someone who utterly fails at writing humor, I am extremely appreciative of anyone who can pull it off and you, my dear, can pull it off. Juliet is a fantastic narrator and I love her little tangents and her parenthesis and her Granny's pieces of advice (which are especially hilarious). I also love how you use Juliet to provide some background, but not in an obvious, obnoxious information-overload way. There's no humongous paragraph detailing her friendship with the Marauders and how long she's been friends with Lily and James and whatnot. Instead, you slip in these pieces of information and, even more than just that, you show the reader these things - through Juliet's interactions with the Marauders and how she reacts to yet another fight between Lily and James. I think that's one of the most important skills that authors can have (subtle inclusion of information, showing not telling, whatever you want to call it) so mad props, yo.

There are very few things that I found even slightly off about this, but here they are (and apologies if they're kind of nit-picky):
- in this part: "'No, Sirius,' I began in a patronizing tone, 'Despite the fact that I've been sharing the same house...'" I think that the 'Despite' should actually be lowercase. Because Juliet is continuing the sentence she begins before you interrupt the dialogue ("No, Sirius..."), then I think it should be lowercase. Forgive me if I'm wrong.
- I would've liked to see Juliet a bit more conflicted over whether or not to help them. To agree to help because she wanted cinnamon rolls, while humorous, also comes off as a little bit unrealistic. Maybe I'm being too harsh (and I apologize if I am or if I offend you in any way) but I just wanted to see her have a little more of an internal debate before she gave in so easily. Or at least reflect on the fact that Lily would probably be angry at her participation in this plan but, hey, maybe that comes later and I'm just expecting too much from a prologue (: Feel free to ignore my probably baseless criticisms if you want.

I think my favorite part of this, in terms of what made me laugh the most, was the ending quote: "Listen, my dear readers, as I spin you a tale of trickery, guile, and deceit, of bravery and heroism during a misera-
Oh wait, wrong flash card. Oops... Actually this story involves ticklish pears, invisible articles of clothing, first love, some weird advice, and a whole lot of- you've guessed it! - cinnamon rolls." Not only was the ending funny, it was the perfect way to finish off the prologue. In fact, the length and pacing of this prologue overall seemed absolutely perfect to me - not too much description or dialogue or background or anything. You had an utterly perfect balance and that's not really easy to do, so I bow down before you.

Erm...I can't really think of anything else to say. I really really did enjoy this and I am extremely envious of your ability to pull off humor so well! I'm already trying to figure out who you're going to pair Juliet up with (Remus or Sirius) because that seems to be what generally happens in these sorts of stories - not like that's a bad thing, though. Anyway, I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next (:

Cherry Bear

Author's Response:

Hey there! First of all, let me take a moment to squee because this review was such a lovely, unexpected surprise! Thank you so much for this! ^___^ And second of all, Jily is my otp as well so high five! xD And third of all... yes, you caught me, I'm just delaying because I'm not sure how to respong to such a great review in a coherent way without sounding like a broken record or something. :')

aksjkflkd I'm really glad you liked it so much! Rambling and humor are basically my fallback methods--I think my philosophy is probably 'when in doubt, tongue-in-cheek/confuse your way out' and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but there you go. xD The advice was actually originally attempted as part of a challenge prompt--I didn't make the deadline but still kept it in.

Nitpicks are brilliant and welcomed! Being a beta myself, I know that an extra pair of eyes goes a long way, so thank you for spotting that! And that is a good point; I'll probably go and expand a bit more on that part.

I'm really glad you liked this, and hopefully the rest won't disappoint. xD Thank you so much for the review!

~Khanh

 Report Review

I really liked this chapter. It seemed longer than the last two! I like when authors switch perspectives and times, so I like your writing style!!! :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! Ah, the first one was really short since it was just the prologue. xD So other chapters will be usually in the 4-5k range. :)
Switching perspectives is fun! Usually it'd be Juliet, the 'narrator', but I'll add in more to the mix if it fits (or I feel like it). >:)
~Khanh

 Report Review

I loved Brendan, and the bromance. Particularly Remus' facial expressions, brilliant!

Author's Response: lol thank you. I'm glad you liked it! ^^ Right now I'm having one of Remus's /this-totally-made-my day/ faces. xD
~Khanh

 Report Review

This is amazing! I love it :)

Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you liked it so much! ^^
~Khanh

 Report Review

I love it!! All the characters are incredibly likeable and you have a really nice writing style :) I kinda went off HPFF after the last book came out but I thought I'd have another look at it recently and your story is definitely the best I've read! Well done :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your compliment. :') I hope you enjoy your time back at HPFF!

~Khanh

 Report Review

finally updated been waiting forever you changed the pictures too to be honest i checked everyday to see if you updated well i just for got the last two days updated sooon

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. I'll try to update soon! ^^
~Khanh

 Report Review

finally updated been waiting forever you changed the pictures too to be honest i checked everyday to see if you updated well i just for got the last two days updated sooon

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long. D: I have a bunch of ideas for the next few chapters, and have most of third year written down, but second year is being fickle (haha, I'm acting like they're people now xD) and is giving me some writer's block. Hopefully it should be up soon! And I changed the banner and CIs to ones I made myself because I thought it'd be more fitting, since I changed the actress who portrayed Juliet. :)

~Khanh

 Report Review

Sounds interesting. I LOVE Cinnamon rolls so i cam understand her predicament... Keep on writing..

Author's Response: Thank you! And cinnamon rolls are awesome, but then again, I have an extremely sweet tooth, so all sweets are. xD

~Khanh

 Report Review

Hi Khanh! I'm finally making the effort to review the awesome stories of people in my favourites and that i know from the forums :D x

Wow. Epic title! And OH MY GOODNESS! How have I not discovered this story before?! It's really, amazingly good! And so funny! Not in an -I'm-so-cool-trying-to-be-funny-and-failing way, but it genuinely is! I need to come for humour advice from you!

Grandma's rule book. Hilarious.

I like how they're all close friends at the beginning, not evil enemies. It adds a cosy quality to your writing (in which the grammar is very good.)

JUST be careful that after a great start, it doesn't all roll into unoriginal-ness! I would hate that, because this story has such potential!

LWG x

Author's Response: Annon! Hi there! *flails about*

This review is filling me with all sorts of warm fuzzies. (Warm fuzzies are heart-warming spheres of light that float around and usually attract the mischief-minded Nargles, don't cha know. :P) Thank you ~~~ ♥

Yes, we all know that grandmas know all. *nods matter-of-factly*

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! ^^ And now that probably means I will be attacking your stories sometime soon. >:D *cue evil laughter*

~Khanh

 Report Review

Hey, this is apocalypse, here with another review for you! =)

Wow. I loved this chapter. It had a very nice feel to it, you know what I mean? =P I really like how your story is arranged. There are parts of the past that are updating you with how Juliet ended up where she is and then there's the present which brings your mind back to the actual story and stops from being you bored. Though I think that the First Year parts should have been in italics since they're more or memories, right? And as your story began in the present, those parts would've been better in the normal font. However, that's merely a suggestion. I'm sure you'll have a reason that'll explain everything =))

Moving on: I liked how you made Juliet part of Hogwarts and their friends in such less words and such an effective manner. I mean, it sometimes takes a lot of words to explain back ground information and narrating the past. But you did in a very effective way and I was really very glad to see that =D

Hahaha! I wish I too had a diary that would give me such useful advice all the time! It's a very good idea there! =D I love how she uses every advice. It's a really unique idea and hats off to you for that! =)

I lovedlovedloved the part where Sirius debriefs them! =DD His language was brilliant and clearly indicated that an amatuer was talking, who's not en expert in this kind of language =P

I really like your description. However I had something to say. I know that eleven year olds are pretty observant and they can tend to see things that adults often overlook BUT they don't usually observe things like emotions in the eyes, do they? Just a thought.. I think that the first year parts should have been a slightly different descriptive. It was descriptive, yes, but not a childish level. I hope you know what i mean.. =)

Other than what I mentioned above, a very entertaining chapter. I enjoyed reading this a lot! =)

Thank you for requesting! =) Feel free to come back any time! Until then best of luck, Happy Writing and Happy Holidays! =DD

Author's Response: Hello again! :)

Hmm... the semi-backwards formatting is because the story is told through vignettes, a tiny bit like The House on Mango Street, if you've ever read that. Each chapter will be about a specific year, with snippets about the present. I guess that can be a bit confusing, so I'll work on clearing that up somehow. xD

I'm glad that you're still enjoying this story, and I'll see what I can do about the descriptions! Happy holidays to you too! ^^

~Khanh

 Report Review

Hey this is apocalypse, here with your review!

The first and foremost thing I'd like to say is that I really really liked the fact that this is narrated by an OC. I was slightly wary before I started reading because of the common pairing and was afraid that this might be the usual Jily. However, I'm extremely glad to see that it's not! =) It was an awesome start to what I can surely see as an awesome story and I can surely see myself following it =D

Since you din't have any specific concerns I think I'll just address some general topics. =)

Characterisation: This is always one of the major parts of a story and I have to say that you nailed it! =DD My favourite character here was Juliet (Of course =P You've made it so like-able that nobody can find anything bad to say about her =P). Sirius was just like I always imagine him to be. It seems like you took the image of Sirius from my mind and wrote it all down! =P I'm never able to execute his character as brilliantly as you did! Excellent job! =D

We didn't see much of James and Lily except in the start. That's understandable since it's narrated by Juliet but I have to say that I'm already looking forward to finding out how Juliet interacts with each of them! =)

Description: I have to say that some narrations that I have come across tend to stray away from the actual plot line due to the rambling thoughts of the narrator/author. I was particularly for those here and you'd be happy to know that I found none! It's a very very well executed chapter and keeps the readers interested. Really very good job! =)

Overall, it's a very good idea and a very good response to the challenge =P I always like a humorous story and I have to say that I love Sirius and Remus' plans to get James and Lily together. It's something that we imagined couldn't happen. I like how you've started this. =)

Um, I think that's pretty all I have to say at the moment.. I couldn't find anything particularly wrong here that I could pinpoint. Hope everything I said here was of some help to you =)

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm really glad that everything seems to be working out for you so far. It's always nice to have a fresh look at old subjects, and OCs are great ways to do that. I tend to ramble a lot when I talk, so I'm relieved that it didn't happen here. No worries, the next chapter will have lots more of James and Lily. :D

On to your next review! ^^

~Khanh

 Report Review

I earnestly hope you continue this story.

if i had a REAL say in the voting for "best this" and "best that", yours would the the story "I wish I had written".

this is humorous with just enough vanilla to make it a smooth read.
Im very appreciative of the use of 'asides' to make things feel so much more personal.
while i feel the story is a bit unorganized i also have to admitt that in this case it WORKS.
other than that, cheers to a good story... now if you'll excuse me, im hungry for cinnamon rolls...

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! It means so much to me that you would have nominated this for Dobbys. :') I'm really glad you liked it! *virtually hands you some cinnamon rolls through the screen* Here you go! ^^

~Khanh

 Report Review

I like that you are going from year to year, reminiscing while continuing the story. It means that the reader can get a back-story while at the same time continuing on with the plot line. It’s great because it means you won’t have much of a chance of getting bored by a year at Hogwarts cause you have ‘present’ snippets to break up the flashbacks.
If anything you may want to try writing present at the top of the section changes, although you have italics to illustrate that, in the first time change it takes about a line or two to figure out that the story has moved back to seventh year and is not still on first. You don’t have to but it would make is flow better. Again I just want to suggest getting a beta, they are very useful, I don’t know what I would do with out my beta’s they are both amazing at their jobs for my two main stories. Basically consider it, it will defiantly help improve your story.
There were two lines that really stood out as needing fixed;
‘and had sat alone in during the whole train ride.’ The ‘in’ in this sentence is unnecessary and breaks the flow.
Also,
‘I glanced over to where “Potter, Black, Sev, and Hagrid” were, according to Lily.’ It’s not really spelling or flow that much but with the “” Try using ‘’ instead, whenever I say “” I thought your main character was talking and it made things very confusing.
Otherwise another brilliant chapter and I look forward to reading more when you complete it. Keep up the good work and your main characters personality.

-SS

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving another wonderful review; these made my day! ^^

Your suggestions are very helpful, and I'll see what I can do to make things read and flow better. ^-^

~Khanh

 Report Review

This is really good, I started reading it and was drawn in by your main characters thoughts and original personality (Granny’s code anyone). She defiantly had that aura, which made her seem perfectly at ease with the Marauders. Also you did a good job of making her ‘fit’ with the marauders and Lily’s personalities, I can see her defiantly hanging out with both parties without getting completely caught up in the Lily/James cross-fire.
Your style of writing is really good, how you get straight into establishing the characters while at the same time establishing a well-constructed scene. However may I suggest getting a beta. Although they are only small mistakes for the most, it does disrupt the overall flow of your story when little mistakes stop the reader getting all that your story could give.
Something I wanted to point out for you is this line.
‘A few weeks before I proceeding my arrival at Hogwarts’ basically you don’t need the I proceeding part, it doesn’t make sense with it there.
I think that is all, it is a really good start to a story and I am looking forward to what else will come from this story. Good work.

-SS

Author's Response: Hi again! Oooh, another wonderfully detailed review from you! :D

Hmm, thank you for pointing that out, I'll try look to this over and fix up mistakes. (girl on editing binge here; viewers beware 8D)

~Khanh

 Report Review

Another good chapter! I can see where you're going with the cinnamon rolls being important for their plan (though I'm dying to know what the plan actually is :P ). This chapter was better than the first. I like how you're going back to the beginning while mixing it in with current events. Very clever. :) Thank you for taking my challenge! Results will be out soon. --Jenna

Author's Response: Ah, the plan is a long, unfolding thing that goes through several phases. We shall see. ;)

I'm glad that you liked it; this challenge was loads of fun to write! x)

~Khanh

 Report Review

You have a great intro chapter here with a lot of nice elements. It was fast-paced (without being rushed), it was witty (without shoving humor down your throat), and it set up the story's plot (without giving too much detail). I usually don't care for OCs, because they tend to all look alike to me, but yours stands out a bit. Juliet has that whole "grandma's rules" thing going for her and that's something new. :) Very good start! --Jenna

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that there were bits that stood out to you, and hopefully the rest doesn't dissappoint. :D

~Khanh

 Report Review

Good second chapter! I like how it switches back and forth between present day and flashbacks - and Sirius's plan sounds hilarious just from the snippets that we heard. Can't wait to see how the rest of this plays out :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :) The next few chapters will be similar to this, with snippets of flashbacks/the operation. Hopefully it won't dissappoint! :D

~Khanh

 Report Review

This is really good. Please update soon! I am sure that Juliet and Sirius are going to get together!

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you for taking the time to review; it means so much! I'll try to update as soon as I can.

And hehe... we'll see about that. ;)

~Khanh

 Report Review

I am really liking this story. Plus I love cinnamon rolls! But could you please explain something, I've been wondering this for a while: what are these challenges? where can I find them and how can I enter them? I really want to, but I have no idea how. Please please tell me everything, I will be forever grateful.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked it so far. :)

Challenges can be found on the HPFF forums. You can just make an account there, find a challenge that you like, and enter it! The forums are tons of fun, too! Hope to see you around. :)

~Khanh

 Report Review

Brill chapter! :)

I like it! And I love Sirius!

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :)

~Khanh

 Report Review

This is such a cute beginning to a story! I got a really powerful craving for cinnamon rolls while reading it, too -- no surprise there. You seem to be well on the way to a good and fluffy James/Lily (do I spy Sirius/OC as well, or is that me picking up on nonexistent vibes?), and it'll be interesting to see where you take it from here.

Your writing style's really natural, too -- sometimes having narrators who break that fourth wall and address the reader is a bit obnoxious, but this time I wasn't put off by Juliet doing so. Which is always lovely! :3 The ending made me giggle, especially, the flash card bit. That way it felt more like the breaking of the fourth wall was intentional, instead of just a cheap plot device.

A few things I found --

Flitwick wouldn’t be happy if he skived another if his classes. (I think 'of' would better replace the second 'if'.)

“Do I look like I need to learn charm?” (Instead of 'charm', perhaps 'Charms'?)

Let me tell you, having Filch catch you at late at night in your ducky pajamas with a handful of cinnamon rolls was not pleasant. (This is purely a nitpicky sort of thing, but if you wanted to go more British, you might use 'pyjamas'. I'm American, though, and sometimes prefer to write "American-style", so there you have it!)

Another quick thing -- James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter wouldn't have just gone around calling themselves the Marauders to the whole school. That was more of a secret thing, just for the four of them. I know that canonical fact gets ignored a lot, and it's not really a big deal, but I'm huge on canon so I thought I might as well point it out. :)

Overall, this was a really cute beginning to the story, and I will be looking for further chapters to review in later battles! You've got a great writing style, and you've improved much since I started reading your stories. Great job, Khanh! ♥

Author's Response: Hi there Jane! :D Thank you so much for leaving such a nice review! ♥

I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far. Hmm, there just might be a Sirius/OC. We'll see. ;) And yay for breaking through walls.~~

Ah, thank you for spotting those errors; I'll have to re-redit that. The second one, though, is supposed to be a bad pun on Sirius's part... Like, he wouldn't need to learn "charm". xD

Yay, I'll keep an eye out for your future reveiws. :)

~Khanh

 Report Review

Hello! Now I keep on thinking of cinnamon rolls after I read this. I love cinnamon rolls too, they are delicious. But I love chocolate way better. Sorry Juliet! Please forgive me.

Anyway about the story. It has a great start. I love Juliet's character already. Sarcastic, funny, and has a creative way of thinking.

Then there is also the Lily and James love-hate relationship again. But you can never get sick and tired of that right?

Keep on writing, Follow your dreams, and Have fun,

-LEP :)
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Hehe. No worries, I'm a chocaholic too! ♥ My sweet tooth partly inspired this. xD

Oh, the love-hate relationship. Very fun to write! xD But in the coming chapters, there will be short vignettes about them over the years, so don't worry; you'll see some more depth into that.

~Khanh

 Report Review

Aw! I really liked this and I couldn't have guessed this was for the take my advice challenge either. I'm in it to and this is by far much better than what I wrote. I love your OC already! She's so funny and she seems like a lot of fun, not stuck up and annoying. She's also easy to please I see because who can really be bribed with cinammon rolls (even though I really do want one right now...yum). I love the advice, it's very funny and gives the Lily and James story a new twist!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the lovely review. OCs are tricky to write and characterize, so I'm really glad you liked her. Hehe, more twists in the story to come! :))

~Khanh

 Report Review