Excellent sequel so far, please update soon!! Report Review
Excellent chapter. The tension and mystery are building. Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to read more.
MNF Report Review
Hey! I'm here for the TGS review swap :D
You started off with some lovely description. It really had me entranced with the story from the beginning. I think my favourite bit was the description actually because it just flowed so easily and you have a really lovely way of showing the actions of interactions of characters here. I liked especially how you included the actions when the characters were speaking as i feel like it really gave me something to picture. I find that many stories i've read recently have been forgetting that and it's like the characters are hovering in space. So great job with that.
Speaking of your description, however, i felt like it started out really well as i mentioned but i felt like as the chapter went on it fell a little by the wayside.
I think this was a really nice start to your story. There is a lot of conflict that you've already set up and a lot of emotions. This raises a lot of questions and curiosity for me and makes me interested in what is going to happen next. However, I also kind of feel like i've been sort of dropped into the middle of a story rather than a first chapter. I think this is probably just because i haven't read Wildflowers though and i feel a bit behind on what is going on and i felt a little removed from the emotions that Elsa was having. I also had a hard time really connecting to Sirius and her as well. But i'm sure that this would be different if i had read Wildflowers and if i continued reading the rest of this story. So i don't really think it's anything to worry about. I still think there is enough here to be a stand alone story and wouldn't be too hard for the reader to become adjusted too once they started reading it.
Even if i said i felt a bit removed from her emotions, i think you did a terrific job at exploring them and being able to show what a tough time she must be having because of not only getting her dad back but losing Damon. As i mentioned before i think i would be more attached if I had read Wildflowers.
Overall, i enjoyed the beginning of this story and I think you have done a great job an introducing conflict and it makes me wonder were you are going to take the rest of this story! Great job! Report Review
Oh my GOD! I read this story and the prequel in a few hours and you ended the chapter before she opened the scroll! I shall be restless until you update (which I hope is any day now :D)
xoxo Report Review
Okay, he is a total fruit loop. And I'm guessing the two girls are Elsa's roommates, though which one is which I got no clue. And now they are going to find out what is in the scroll. How exciting! Report Review
Ahh! What a cliffy! Such a good chapter! Everything was so happy and going so well, and then Dominic has to come in and mess everything up. Ah. This isn't going to go over well.
Such a good chapter, Len! I'm finally caught up! Wooh!! Update soon, hun! Report Review
AH! YES! The chapter I've been waiting for.
Oh my goodness. What a sweet chapter. This was brilliant. Poor Elsa. To think that much just while he went to go use the bathroom. But it was a necessary epiphany for her to realize, and so much came from it.
Ah. What a great chapter. This was absolutely great! YAY! Report Review
Len! I'm back for more! I can't believe how behind I am on this. I'm gonna catch up over the next few days!
And what a great chapter again! As always. You never fail to disappoint.
Ah, I had really missed reading your Sirius. I forgot how much I love him when you write him. Love him, love him, love him.
And this chapter did have me question some things. Like what Evander, Elsa, and even James said sometimes. That if Sirius had the scroll, could he have changed it? It's kinda sad to think about. If he had done something different, then Damon could be alive, but I'm not gonna think about that! I think Sirius was right in keeping it. The Egyptian could have killed them all. And Sirius is so in love with Elsa!
Haha I love that thought from James there at the end. Sirius definitely does have it bad for Elsa. ;)
Great chapter, Len! I'll get at least one more done tonight. :) Report Review
Hi! I'm here from the Review Exchange (and I'm so sorry this is a few days late!)
Anyways, this chapter. I understand that this is a sequel, and I haven't read Wildflowers, so I do feel a bit behind. While you do a good job of telling why Elsa is upset (she thought her dad was dead, and her boyfriend died) I couldn't appreciate the depth of her emotions because I didn't read the story in which they happened. Not that that's your fault, at all.
I think that you start out with wonderful description, though a bit of that is lost later on. I know that as the pace picks up in a story, less is described but what you wrote at the beginning was so evocative, seeing more throughout would be nice. :)
You do a good job showing who characters are by their actions. For example, Evander knew his daughter has gone through a lot, but he's still angry about her having a boy sleep in her bed. That tells me a lot about him and his wish to protect his daughter.
This is only the first chapter, but I already see a lot of emotional conflict that you're setting up, which is good. Elsa loves Sirius, but she's upset because her boyfriend is dead. That's a lot for anyone to process. And of course, there's the danger she mentions (again, I'm not entirely sure what, just because I didn't read Wildflowers).
Overall, you did a good job. :) I didn't feel totally lost, and got a sense of your characters and who they are right away. I feel like you've started to set up a compelling plot. And while I do want to read more of this, I also want to go back and read Wildflowers first, because this chapter makes it sound very interesting! So great job :D Report Review
Hey there! I'm here for the TGS Review Exchange!
So I haven't read Wildflowers, and thus I'm not entirely sure how coherent or useful this review will be, but I'll say what I can nonetheless. I do think you did a good job of trying to explain the events of the previous story to new readers like me, in terms of who the characters are and what major things happened before the start of this sequel. I'm definitely not clear on everything I read in this initial chapter, but I probably would be if I went back and read Wildflowers, so I wouldn't worry about the clarity of the story itself.
I noticed some technical errors while reading this piece, like incorrect grammar and comma mistakes, but I don't think it's a major problem. It's something that an extra round of proofreading would probably fix, and I didn't find that it impeded the flow of the story for me. I did find the 'flashback' toward the beginning a little confusing, so I would maybe consider setting that off with lines or asterisks or something just to make it clearer that it's not part of the present plot line.
I loved your imagery, and I loved how you described the house and Elsa's surroundings. I find her relationship with Sirius sort of adorable, and I like that it's messy and that he seems to genuinely want to care for her in her time of need. I think sometimes authors can get caught up in the stereotype of him being a playboy, and I like this more compassionate version a bit better, because to me it suggests a greater depth to his character.
Nice work! :)
Recenseo 2012 Report Review
Oohh, I really do not like Dom. He is a right piece of work. And ruined a perfectly good day. :P And he's trying to find Elsa and was trying to work it out of some girl, now I'm curious as to who it was. Anyway, brilliant chapter! Report Review
Yay! You finally finished it! And it was amazing, Len! A little sappy, but I still loved it. And Sirius, gah where is my own Sirius! I want one, too!! :P Report Review
LEN! :) I love all this free time I have this week. I've been able to read and catch up on all my favorite stories! I'm so glad I was able to read the next chapter. Hopefully I'll get to the next some point later today also.
YAY. What a great chapter. Ahh. I do miss Damon, I'll admit it. This chapter made me miss him, but I can't wait to read all the times she will have with Sirius.
And I'm so glad she has her dad. She just had such an emotional reaction and really struggled with losing him in Wildflowers, it makes me so happy to see that he's there because I don't know what she would do without him.
So good, Len! Hopefully you will see me back with more again today. :) Report Review
YAY! So I did the pairings, and I'll admit it. I had to put us together because then this was even MORE reason for me to bump this up on my priority list. :) I couldn't wait to get around to more of this. I had been looking forward to catching up on my readings over the Christmas break and everything, but I spent the entire break without my laptop. We had to ship it to a production company so they could get a few kinks out of it. But I got it back! So now I'm back! YAY!
And this was such a great chapter. Brilliant. I've missed Elsa's story so much. I've missed reading this series, and I've also missed talking to you. ;) This was wonderful. Good job, Len! Brilliant as always.
Gah, I love Sirius. I love your version of Sirius. He is just the sweetest guy ever. Best characterization, and while I love Damon, I still fall more and more in love with Sirius each time because you write him so well.
I loved the bit with Peter. Gah, such good foreshadowing!
GOOD JOB, LEN! :) Report Review
Hi there, this is acrules from TGS for the review exchange. Sorry its taken me so long to get to this :(
I really enjoyed this so far. Having not read the first story I actually found it fairly easy to follow (and I really want to go back and read the first one now:P). It seems like you have a really interesting story here with the Egyptian... I'm really intrigued about him. I may have to go read Wildflowers if only to understand more about that.
Poor Elsa seems to be having a pretty rough time with everything now and you've got me really wanting to know how things are going to play out - with her father, with Sirius and with all her other friends. Either way, I really like her character so far and the way she seems so broken at the moment - it makes her very easy to relate to, I think, and I like that fact a lot :)
You've got a great start to a story here and I think you'd pretty sucessfully hook most people in through this :)
-AC Report Review
Another superb chapter, Len. It's all out in the open now and Elsa must decide whether to forgive Sirius or push him away. Honestly, I already know she'll forgive him since she gives him so many chances. But I think Sirius must also come to terms with accepting that Elsa is the way she is and that she will not change. Thus, he needs to quit getting angry with her when she does things that goes against everything he stands for. The both of them are so different in their reasoning, yet they match each other well. Not as well, as perhaps, Damon and Elsa fit together, but if Elsa MUST be paired with someone OTHER THAN Damon, than I suppose Sirius is the next best choice. -grumble- Regardless, you're doing a great job so far with this sequel to Wildflowers. I'm looking forward to reading more. 10/10 :) Report Review
It had to take every bit of Elsa to allow James to go into the room under the Invisibility Cloak by himself and trust he performed the spell that would allow the voices to travel up through the vents clear enough for the rest to listen in. She is quite stubborn about doing things herself, so I know how hard it had to be for her in this chapter to know someone else had to carry out the plan.
And it's a good thing she was not under that cloak or she would have surely given herself up. Her friends know her more than she knows herself, which is at least good. Over all, great chapter, Len. You're building up the atmosphere real nicely and doing a good job painting it all out for us readers to follow along. Keep it up! :) Report Review
okay, loved this chapter Len and so sorry it took me so long to get to it. I adore Sirius. I still want one of my own. :P And her dad just gave him advice and permission. I this hell just froze over because I did not see that coming. :P And James is right, Sirius has it bad. though James has it just as bad for Lily. :P anyway, brill chapter Len. Report Review
It seems like Elsa will never tire of yelling at Sirius for whatever reason. I'm sure even when they are dating she'll find a way to get upset with him. She and Molly are so much a like in this respect. Both have great guys in front of them and take forever to realise it until it's too late. Even though at this point I'm still like... Damon was more perfect for Elsa than Sirius because Damon loved her for who she was completely, while Sirius gets mad at her as much as he upsets her. He forgets that Elsa is not like him at all and expects her to trust everyone, including someone that he trusts with his life whom she does not know very well (Peter). Anyway, this was a great chapter, really showed a stepping stone that they need to make in order to get past all of the issues that stand in between them. :) Report Review
Hehe, the boys are back to themselves, plotting as usual. :P And the bit between Elsa and her dad was sweet. He may act like he has a stick shoved up his butt sometimes, but he is her dad. And so they are tracking down the Egyptian. And her nutso twin. Lovely. Brilliant chapter, Len! Report Review
and finally got around to reading this chapter! and what a chapter it was! The bit at the beginning with him not letting her go was priceless. And thankfully that fight was short. Anyway, brilliant chapter! :) Report Review
Aww this is such a sad chapter, you can really feels Elsa's greif :( thanks for posting this and cant wait for the next chapter! Report Review
I thought you did an excellent job opening up this story with describing Elsa's reactions to discovering her father was still alive and coping with Damon's death :'(
It's weird to read Evander is alive, especially when we had such clear proof of his dying in Wildflowers. I suppose it was all staged, but you made it seem so realistic. Also, Sirius was not a complete moron in this chapter, but I still don't like him and Elsa together. I'm sad that Elsa and Damon no longer have a chance to be together because the Egyptian killed him. Also, on a side note, I like Elsa's thought that being in bed with Sirius did not feel sexual at all :P Means that it could have felt different with Damon. :P You walked right into that one with that sentence, just saying. Hahah! Anyway, great first chapter. The only things I saw were typos that drove me insane, but I'll refrain from pointing them out unless you want me to edit this chapter. ;) 10/10 Report Review
AHHH! LEN! YAY! THE SEQUEL!
I can't tell you how happy I am that this is up! And how happy I am that I got around to reading it. This was a brilliant way to tart off the story. It was so good. And, aww, Evander! I'm so happy about that. Elsa really needed that. It will make things so much better. Yay.
And I'm so glad Sirius is being there for her in the way he needs to be right now. It's just wonderful.
I love this, Len! I can't wait for more! YAY!Author's Response: Drue!
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I don't know if I ever told you, but Evander was never meant to die in Wildflowers. So I had to find a logical way for him to be here in this one. Faking his death was the most logical thing I could come up with. Plus, it does seem like something a witch/wizard might do.
And of course Sirius is being there for her the way he needs to be. :D
Chapter two is pretty close to finished. It should be up next week. Report Review
i have been waiting for what seems like a long time and it was deffently worth it, thanks for posting this!Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read this. Yes, it does seem like a very long time since I finished Wildflowers. But I did promise there would be a sequel. :D
I'm so happy you enjoyed the first chapter. Thanks again! Report Review
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