Thank you for entering my challenge. I apologize for taking so long to review this! It's a pretty good entry indeed, though you change quite frequently from past to present tense. You don't want to do that - try sticking with one or the other :) It tends to confuse the author altogether.
The meaning of it is pretty sweet, but I don't know who it is, really.(Well, I do because I know whom you told me you were going to do, plus the fact that it says 'James.') I'm assuming it's Lily, if I'm a reader whom does not know. I don't know about other people, but that drives me crazy when I don't know WHO the canon character is. :) Try having James mention her name a few times or something...
Altogether, though, it had GREAT meaning. Thank you for entering my challenge, deary. I apologize if I sound harsh, I'm only trying to help and I do not mean to.
~Cierra.Author's Response: Nah you didn't sound harsh! I'll try to fix that past/present tense problem. I hadn't realized I did that^^'
I wanted the reader not to be sure at the begining, but then figure it out at the end... Dunno, I might add her name in editing, we'll see :)
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
I really enjoyed this story. I loved how after two years of marriage Lily still couldn't believe it. I liked how as soon as James came in the door she started jumping around to tell him. I loved the way James reacted when Lily had told him, and the kiss that they shared. I found it nice how they started predicting who the baby would look like, how they wanted it to look like the other. It showed how much they cared about each other. I liked the bit at the end where Lily thought about how she was going to be a mother.
This was a great story and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing! 10/10!Author's Response: Aw thank you!^^ I'm really, really glad you enjoyed it! I loved writing it!! :) Report Review
This is a great one shot! I love it!Author's Response: Aww thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :) Report Review
That is a very sweet snippet. Have you ever thought about expanding this into a bigger story?Author's Response: Not really, I have a lot to work on, but I might if I have the time! :) Thank you for reviewing and I'm really glad you enjoyed it!! :D Report Review
Sooo cute!! Oh my gosh, it was just incredibly sweet and heartwarming :) great job!Author's Response: Aww thank you!! I'm really happy you enjoyed it!! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
RANDOM REVIEW! I clicked the random button and got this and I am happy I did :D
It was a wonderful story (though I think you got your maths wrong with the pregnancy, you said she was four months pregnant and had nine months left... the average pregnancy is 9 months not 13 xD) Besides that it was amazing.
I love the emotion that came across, especially at the beginning I just imagined (Im guessing Lily?) Jumping around the room (Not literally jumping :P) with excitement and joy.
I am glad I randomly read this because it was great :D xAuthor's Response: Thank you for revewing!! And did I say 4 months? Oups. I meant four weeks... (Tough even then it would be 8 months left... humm... guess I have editing material!! xD) And I'm really, really happy you liked it!! (Yep it was Lily :P)
Thanks again for leaving such an awesome review!! :D Report Review
Thats really good! I love these fanfics, just what everyone wants to hear! no shipping, no messing with JK's storyline just perfect :DAuthor's Response: Thank you!! :D I'm really glad you enjoyed it!! I had so much fun writing it!! :D Report Review
Very good! My first question though is if this is a Lily/James, in which case you should mark it, and if it is I want to recommend it in the Story Suggestions->Lily/James forum topic.
Other than that I noticed a few grammer issues here and there:
- "It’s mad to think that I’m tied to him in that day": Did you mean to say "in that way"?
- "I ran to help the man who had become my close friend carry the man I’d fell in love with to the room. Where he laid him on the bed.": First you should delete the extra space between friend and carry. Second there shouldn't be a period between room and where, it's one sentence not two.
- "He’s going to be fine. I tell myself.": Same thing, one sentence, not two.
- "But I know what he’s hiding. That death eater. However it was, used the Cruciatus curse on my husband.": I'm not sure I get this line, maybe it's the phrasing and incorrect words. But overall it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
-"A non-existent important conference I feel the need to outline. The only conferences he ever goes too are from the Order. And we’d know if there was a reunion today. I smile and roll my eyes at him. He just winks and leaves.": This part here is a tad choppy. It might be best to rephrase it with less sentences.
-"The emotions take me to my throat and for a second I can’t speak, then I take a deep breath and tell him.": Again this line is a bit confusing, but it might just be the phrasing.
-"Worry flashes through his eyes and he puts a hand to my stomach, jubilating.": Did you mean jubilantly rather than jubilating?Author's Response: Yes it's Lily/James, but I had originaly written it for a challenge in which you aren't supposed to name them. I've decided to submit another story tough so I'll change it!! :D And wow! I'm really happy you like it enough to recommend it!! As for the grammar thanks! That's my major issue when writting, I'll go edit that and thank you so much for taking the time to point out everything :D And for reviewing!!! :D
-June Report Review
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