Hey there! I'm here with your challenge review. :)
First off, I loved the summary. At that 'turned to stone' part, I almost thought that the person had actually turned to stone or something, not figuratively. *headdesk* silly-billy me :P
Anyway, this was a fab one-shot! I loved how you described Snape's pain, it was intense and descriptive and realistic. The shortness of the piece fit with the story too; I think it made his feelings all the more heart-wrenching. :) Loved that.
Hm..however, Snape seemed a little OOC to me. It wasn't in his actions , that made him seem so (at least, according to me), but the words you used. Mostly it was really good. For instance- I despised them all. She was the only one. This was very in-character for Snape. Seems like something he would say. On the other hand, I took a step towards the door, built a cage to put my heart in, bit my lip, killed my lasting bits of hope, put a hand on the doorknob, tore my soul apart, stepped out, and turned to stone. If this was in third person, it would have been very believable, but now it sounds a bit odd, coming from Snape's mind. He was a very erm...reserved character even before Lily's death, so I don't think he would consciously think of becoming a cold-hearted man. Subconsciously, yes, but not consciously. Also, I think he would be even more vicious and broken upon hearing the news of her death. Perhaps, you could try to expand on the first part of the story even more? :)
Of course, that's only my interpretation. And I shouldn't be the one to say, as my own canon characterisations tend to be rubbish. :P and yours was very good, nonetheless.
But other than these teeny things, I really enjoyed it. It was well-written and a heartfelt piece. :)
Great work! and I hope my comments helped a bit, and that I wasn't too harsh..
Thank you for entering my challenge! :D
~vanyaAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I'll try and see if I could edit and make Snape closer to canon, as I've had that comment more than once!
And yes you have helped! I don't think you were too harsh, just what I needed to get myself to work harder ;)
Thanks again! :D
-June Report Review
So here goes- prepare yourself for a long review.
The plot of this story was rather brilliant. I think the idea was so creative, especially as this kind of 'Snape's pain' thing has been done before. You managed to make it new. Brilliant job with this.
Your characterization was pretty well done. I loved how you portrayed Severus's pain and guilt at the realisation that he was indirectly responsible for Lily's death. In addition, I like that you indirectly included Snape's continuous hate of James in there, too. "Just like HE did."
Despite this, I thought it didn't exactly fit Snape's character to stand by and let Muggles throw sticks at him. He may have loved a Muggleborn, but he hated his Muggle father. This may just be a difference in our intepretations of Snape's character. Otherwise, great job, especially with portraying his pain.
Your writing was also very well done. I really liked the lines "She died. He killed her but really he didnít. I did." It was extremely well done and it summarized Snape's guilt very simply.
classicblackAuthor's Response: Thanks for such a long, and nice and great review!! :)
Yeah maybe I was a bit OOC there, I just felt like he was just so taken aback and sad he didn't have the strength to do anything you know? Well, maybe that's just me :)
Your comment about me making it feel new really touched me. I've nevr read any "Snape pain" One-Shots even if I've seen there are plenty on the archives so I had no idea when i wrote it. I just did it as I felt it and I'm so happy you enjoyed it!! :)
Thanks again!! :D Report Review
Wow that was just tense, beautifully descriptive, amazing, and I can't even find the words to describe what a good fanfic this is...absolutely love it...thanks for the great read (:Author's Response: Wow. I just come back from an awesome day to find this review. It makes me all... warm and fuzzy and happy!! :3
Thank you SO much for taking the time to review!!! :D Report Review
Wow. That was amazing. Really. It was short and so powerful. I could just imagine the pain of punching a wall, his guilt, I could imagine what it must be like for him to harden himself against his feelings, against everyone. And to just want the pain to end. I really like this story. It really makes you feel for him.
Good luck in the challenge!
-EnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!! :D I'm so happy you liked it!! You sort of just made my day right there!! :) Report Review
JUNE THIS WAS AMAZING!!! Like, proper all good and that :D I know I read this before in ELMW (at least it looks like the one I read before, it might be a ninja in disguise or something, you never know) BUT STILL IT WAS AWESOME! Very sad though :( poor Snapey-wapey (it is Snape, right?). As a sort of responsey thing to your author note, you should always be happy to get reviews. Especially mine, 'cause we all know mine are the supermegafoxyawesomehottest of all reviews DON'T WE? *intimidating voice* Yes. We do. Glad we got that all sorted out. Such fun! :D Anyway, review. Right. This was really well written and everything, and you can really relate to the character, you conveyed his emotions perfectly. :D (look at me, being all proper and reviewish. I'm not even using much caps lock :O) So yeah. I LOVED IT!!! 10/10. :D xx
P.S - Sorry 'bout the long name at the top there, I can't be bothered to log in as it takes too long on my iPod.Author's Response: Yeah it's Snape. :P And it IS the one you read on ELMW, not a ninja in desguise xD I'm SOOO glad you liked it and thought it was well written!! 10/10?? REALLY??? OoO I'm so happy!! *hugs* thanks so much for reviewing!!!
*hands triple chocolate coockies* (Since I know their your favorites :P)
-June Report Review
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