When I first started reading this fic I thought "Wow!" the pairing was so original and I really loved how you wrote Mulciber. An clever twist on a stray scene that Rowling planted in our heads via Lily and I was wondering how you were going to work in what exactly made Lily say that about Mulciber and then came the ending and I went "WHOA!" Seriously, great writing, and amazing details to the characters.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliments (and your awesome interjections). Now you have me grinning like a loon. Seriously. (Siriusly, even? Yeah, I went there. xD) I'm glad you liked it!
~Khanh

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It's the first time I see a Mary/Mulciber romance! And I'm happy see this site needs more minor characters :) Anyway it's interesting to see how out of on sentence you came up with this, and the song fits. My favorite line was: “I tried not to hurt you… Snape’s spell was created to be all inside the victim’s head, no physical harm.” He shook his head. “Still, I’m sorry; I was wrong. You should forget all about me—Better yet, remember me as the cruel person who broke your heart, who tortured you. It’s better for both of us that way.” He melted into the shadows and was gone.

Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it; minor characters always intrigued me. Hehe, that was one of my favorite lines too. ^^

~Khanh

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wow just...wow :) ... i really liked it ...i would like to know his reaction to her death or something ...like a sequel or something? it was really good

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving a review! :) I'm actually not that inspired to write a sequel at the moment--I think I need to focus on my WIPs--but we'll see.

~Khanh

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That was beautiful. It makes me depressed, the lack of a happy ending; that often happens, for I like to live in a world where everyone is happy. However, from what I've thought of the two, I believe you wrote them quite well. I won't ask for a sequel or something of the sort because you started and ended this wonderfully.

:)

Author's Response: I live and breathe fairytale happy endings too. xD It just didn't seem right for this story though; but I'm glad you liked it nevertheless! ^^

~Khanh

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This is by far my favourite story so far, I love that you use characters that aren’t well known, that only have brief mentions in the book. I also liked how you put your own spin to it, making it that they were lovers instead of Mucliber being a ‘creep’ like it appears he is in deathly Hallows. I also find the way you placed the lyrics to really added to the story. How whenever you had the word kiss you had worked it so that line in the song came after it.
This was also a lot better in flow, there wasn’t really anything that disrupted the story and it was very interesting to read. I found the way you showed Mucliber to be a kind heart but trapped in the web of his Slytherin classmates to be very good and that Mary had the attitude of not being the good, sensible girl that she was always pictured as while with Lily. You did a really good job of making your ideas believable.
I really liked the way you wrote this story. You did an amazing job with flow and it came together beautifully. I must say this style of writing is probably one of your stronger styles, try using it a bit more often.
Other then that amazing story and I really enjoyed reading it.

-SS

Author's Response: Yay, I'm so glad you liked this story that much! When browsing HPFF, I thought songfics were underappreciated, and it's about time the conceptions about them were changed... then bam! A great story idea, and viola... there you go. ^^

Your reviews were really great; thank you so much for them! :)

~Khanh

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wow. that was just...wow. It's unbelievable how well this is written. And I'm really impressed that you used these two minor characters. I'm speechless. This is brilliant.

Author's Response: Thank you so much; this was such a nice review to have! :')

~Khanh

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Wow this was a great read with lots of interessting twists (romance) and great imagination. I really felt that the words connect with the reader and that the imagaination in this pice is really grand :D

I kind like your writing style than I do anyone else and thats a good thing which makes me keep writing on. Normaly where I clciked this I would esspect to just see tortue and the usual, but this was very different and great.

I congratulate you :)
June Knight
Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that this gave you the unexpected; it's one of the things I strive for in my writing. The torture angle has been used so many times that I thought Mulciber and Mary deserved something else for a change. xD

~Khanh

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This kind of missing moment is one of my favorite types of stories. There is so much space left over from canon that it seems a shame not to explore it.

I will honestly say that in my time reading fanfic (and it's been... a long time, we'll just say), I have avoided songfics like the plague. The way the song is used is always too cheesy and usually breaks up the writing's flow and I just find it distracting. That being said, I really enjoyed you're concept for this, especially the ending, where Mulciber, a Slytherin, somehow had enough nobility to want to save his girlfriend from his own bad choices. It was a really good angle to come from.

My only criticism would be about the formatting, which I can sympathize with because formatting on here can sometimes be really annoying. The spacing made it a bit of a chore to read, and I'm not sure if you meant for only the first line of each section of the song to be italicized, but I think if the whole of the song lyrics were in italics, it would be a little less confusing.

It was interesting to read about a scene I had never contemplated before. Thank you!

Annie

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad this story worked out for you. I'm a big fan of missing moments too. :D

It's good to here that you enjoyed it, especially coming from a great writer like you. :D Oh, the formatting... an edited version has been submitted to the queue, so hopefully there won't be any formatting problems then.

~Khanh

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that was so good! both characters were so well developped, i couldn't decide how i felt about either of them. at first i was like "aw come on mary, he's just trying to keep you safe" and then i was like "mulciber dude, i though you cared about her!", and now i'm not sure at all. mind you, it's pretty hard to forgive him for torturing her.

so, awesome job with a pairing that i've never seen before! the idea is so original and you wrote it really well.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it and thought the characters were well-developed. It makes me really happy to hear that! :)

~Khanh

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Hey there,

Pen2Paper here with your requested review :) I must say I haven't really read many song fics so I don't know how useful this review might be, still I'll try to make the best of it. :)

Firstly, kudos on picking a wildly unique pairing for the piece and pulling it off amazingly! Seriously, if you can pull of Mary McDonald and Mulciber, it's safe to say you can probably tackle any relationship pairing out there! :)
Well done.

It was totally unexpected and still an amazing eye-opening read to a possibility that has been seldom explored.
Your characterisation of Mary was very well done I thought. Most stories widely characterise her as a timid, innocent girl who blends into the background. It was a nice refreshing change to see her stand her ground and speak with a strong voice of her own. I really admired her for her guts and her strong personality in your story.


Mulciber, felt somewhat like a shadow of Severus. But still he was interesting to read about. His interaction with Mary suggests that he 'is' a little ashamed of the relationship at the start but vehemently tries to convince her otherwise. Yes regardless of everything else this is one of the few stories that manage to shed a light on Mulciber that forces the readers to empathise with him... maybe even forgive him. (Guilty as charged! :/ lol)

Although there may be many that think they could not forgive him for what he did to her last, I personally think his strength and determination, being strong enough to hurt the person you love, may well have saved Mary's life.

This was a captivating and wonderfully written piece. I love your description of emotion, also a little more detail on aspect of setting and surroundings wouldn't go amiss. Your characterization is interesting and the characters themselves are engaging. Being such an odd couple, with your words I still felt great chemistry between them. Although I must say that I didn't feel quite the same connection to the song as you probably did, I still think you pulled off this rare combination of characters, pairings and scenes with wonderful skill.

Extraordinary effort, very well done! This really was a good song fic! Thanks for requesting.
10/10

~Pen2Paper.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for the wonderful review! :') I'm glad you liked the characterization of Mary. About Mulciber being like Severus... Well, maybe I /sort of/ based him on him. (Hehe...) But I'm glad you could empathize with him; I meant to show him as not just some cruel Death Eater. :D

Thanks again; you are too kind. :)

~Khanh

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here with your review :)

Honestly, I have never read many song fics before because people always tend to use the wrong song or they don't write it well and it just annoys me but this story and the song matched perfectly :)

This is defiantly a ship that I have not encountered before and I never thought about Lily's quote like that. I honestly believed that he had tortured her or something.

I really enjoyed this story (i've always been a sucker for forbidden relationships).

You portrayed your emotion well in this story; I felt so sorry for Mary at the end. HOW COULD HE JUST LEAVE HER LIKE THAT! That's so cruel and heartless!
Good job and keep up the good work with the rest of your stories!
*Jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

I'm glad that this sort of changed your perception of songfics. I heard the song and it inspired me to write this, so... yeah. xD

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. (I adore forbidden relationships too! High five!)

Thanks for the review! ^^

~Khanh

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This story is so different -in a good way. Never seen anything like it. It's so refreshing to read something so new and wonderful!

Okay, so I was listening to the song (ET by Katy Perry) when I was reading it and as far as I'm aware the story and lyrics had worked together pretty well.

Your descriptions were fantastic. I was actually picturing the Slytherin and Gryffindor ties together! I love it.

One more thing that I loved loved about this is story is the fact that the story was based on Lily's statement and a song. So knowing that you can incorporate two and two together and make something wonderful out of it is just so so amazing!

You had me tearing up in the end!

You are amazing!
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Hi! Phew, I'm so relieved that the blending of the song, the quote, and the story went together smoothly. This was my first songfic, so I was a bit nervous about posting it. xD

I'm glad that my descriptions seem to be improving. *Does a little happy dance* Thank you for such a wonderful review! :)

~Khanh

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Oh, I like it! I never thought of that ... Thank you for updating it!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! You're welcome... thank /you/ for taking the time to review! ^^

~Khanh

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Wow, I've never read a fic that put Lily's words into that context. Every other fic I've read had Mulciber just torturing Mary or doing something of that kind. This was completely new and creative. I really actually like the idea of a Mary/Mulciber romance. Well done!
I also enjoyed the forbidden love/ dark vibe this story gave off; it was like that tiny part that exists in everyone described in a harry potter fanfiction story.
The tone of the story was also well done and I thought you incorporated the song lyrics extremely well. They actually flowed with the story instead of feeling like they were choppily added in like with some other fics.
On the characters, I think Mary was a really believable teenage girl who was in love. Love made her blind to Mulciber's faults and that became her downfall. On Mulciber, I thought you did a nice job of portraying his fifteen year old boy in love mind, but that he seemed too much like how we know Snape to be now to be entirely realistic. It sort of had the whole, 'boy who joined the Death Eaters and thus could never be with the one he loved' spin on it like Snape's story. It also sort of reminded me of Regulus Black and how he was pressured into joining the Death Eaters. Otherwise, Mulciber was really very believable.
I thoroughly enjoyed your portrayal of the classic Death Eater actions that Avery made. It really tied this story to canon.
Your writing was fabulously done and the whole one-shot was one vivid ride of emotion and passion for me. Well done!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your lovely review and the feedback. :)

Lily's words always fascinated me, so it was sort of a 'why not?' kind of whim that got me to write this. I'm glad that I got the characterizations right. :D

This was my first attempt at a songfic, so it's a relief the lyrics flowed well with the story (phew).

Thanks again for taking the time to review! ^^

~Khanh

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