50 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Iellwen Prologue: Rise of the Entropist

2nd April 2014:
I just discovered this story and thought I'd give it a quick read, what with you also being french and the awesome banners you made yourself :D
WOW - what a long introduction. I guess it was needed? Breaking it in two would probably slow down the introduction (though it'd be feasible), hence slow down the progression of the plot.
But wow.
I love the way you clearly separated the events, even adding the years to ensure no confusion in the development of Alexander!

Alexander Lockenburn, 'Son of Entropy' - a tad older than Harry Potter and yet mega-cooler because he's an entropist and has visions. But Minerva's face lights up hearing his voice and all the grown-ups, even good ol' Dumbledore, just have to rely on him since Fudge is just so stupid.
Alex is definitely the one in charge; he drops off Severus, kills off the baddies and casually swoops in to say the day and even shut up that annoying portrait back in Grimmault Place.
Your OC has a strong character and is always ready for action. His visions play a big role is the safety of the world. Naming him Marty Stu would've worked just as well ^^
This first chapter kind of reminded of Tara Duncan and Alex Rider - it's been so long since I've read stories like those! :D
I love it, I feel like I'm X-teen again :)


Quick thoughts - since the chapter was so long, I'll keep it short :) :

As Gryffindor wins the Cup - 'What a year!' a nice use of the repetition if you hadn't used the second one a tad too early. Maybe that's just me, but I felt the second would sit better at the end of the part :)

"artistic challenge" felt a bit weird, coming from Ollivander; artisanal would be perfect, wouldn't it... Maybe a "crafting challenge" would get the wandmaker to try out quartz (cool idea, by the way!!)

"I knew Cedric Diggory at school" I'm not so sure myself, but I think "from school" would be more appropriate :)

And after the quick killing of Morgenstein, the dead companions... Who were they all, anyway? Deaths are a bit senseless if the reader doesn't feel grief but it was a nice way to tell the reader there are other entropists out there (but Alexander's still the strongest and coolest).

I can't recall having seen you on the forums - if you're not, I can only tell you to go hurry and make yourself known.
Your stories need to get more attention; they deserve it, don't they?
AND the forums offer great ranges of help and support - beta readers for corrections and brit-picking (helping you with british words/slang etc), but also reviews. Loads of friendly authors offer reviews with constructive criticism, you can also arrange review-swaps with other authors and all in all, the forums are a great way to get your stories the attention they crave.
Bon, that's it. I'm cutting this review short.

This chapter was a very long but quite nice introduction to your story, setting the mood and the protagonist; I'll be diligently reading the continuing adventures of Alexander Lockenburn. :)

Salut!

Gee.

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for such a long review (merci!!! ca fait plaisir). Now, about the remarks about Alexander, okay, I'll admit that put that way, you could believe that he's a Gary (Marty, whatever) Stu... BUT, hopefully, you'll find that, throughout the story, that he's not. His power come with restrictions, his visions have a meaning and are limited in scope. Also, the story is called "Harry Potter and the Seal of Chaos", so Harry stays the main focus, and the main hero of this story.

Now, about Alex's companions in his fight in Mongolia, they're local wizards that guided him. They don't get mentioned, because Alexander didn't bond a lot with them. They will get further mention in one of the sequels, though.

I've finally updated my account on the forums, and created my 'Meet the Author' page, so if you want to drop by... you're welcome any time.

à bientôt!!


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Review #2, by Dougjames Back Home

31st January 2014:
First an apology as this is a review of your whole novel rather than just the last chapter. I have just had an excellent couple of days reading this novel. It is impressive in its scale, its characters and its story line. The change to the HP timeline to allow so many characters to continue was a bold one and definitely a successful one. I have really enjoyed the new characters as well as the fleshing out of the adult Potter cadre. I have found the intimate story lines to be believable as well as entertaining and the action elements to be both exciting and suspenseful. Overall a really enjoyable read. I look forward to the next installment in your Wizards of Atlantis.

Author's Response: About the whole review: No problem at all!
Hope the next story will be as enjoyable for you.


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Review #3, by Fahi Back Home

28th June 2013:
Excellent story! Great job. You kept me on my toes, and I couldn't wait to get back to the story when I had other things to do :P Made my husband jealous that I was paying more attention to this story than him! :P Thank you for the great read!

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Review #4, by zipzin Prologue: Rise of the Entropist

10th September 2012:
Veey interesting! I really like your style and this looks very good, can't wait ro read more. My only conplaint and it's a small one at that, is that the chapters or this chapter is very long. It is not that big of a deal though.

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Review #5, by starryskies55 Back Home

27th March 2012:
This was a perfect and incredibly sweet ending chapter! I loved it so much.

The way you rounded off everyone's stories was superb, and all the cute aww moments between the couples were brilliant, and finished it all off nicely!

Looking forward to hearing more about Ian and co in the sequel. he's definitely one to watch, right? :D

Well done on such an amazing story ♥

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Review #6, by Smiley Back Home

22nd March 2012:
OMG! I loved this story so much! Will be on the lookout for your sequel. Thanks for your efforts of giving me something amazing and spectacular to read. I will miss this... a lot. :'(

Author's Response: I'm very glad you liked it. The Sequel's prologue is awaiting validation and should be up and running very soon.

Hope you will enjoy it just as much as this one.
See you soon!


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Review #7, by Smiley The Opening Seal

16th March 2012:
Awesome chapter! I am a little worried about Ron and Hermione, though! :) But the way you described Tanith and her reactions are out of this world. You seriously have to consider becoming a writer. I'm not trying to be over the top; it's the truth. :) Will be with this story until the end.

Author's Response: Thanks a huge lot for that one.
The next and final chapter is on the way. It should be posted very soon.


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Review #8, by starryskies55 Behind the Mask

13th March 2012:
First things first: I've been saving reviewing this chapter. BECAUSE NOW THIS IS MY HUNDREDTH REVIEW! Yayayayayayay :D

Firstly, I hate Tanith. And I loved her reaction. 'Ah, well, you know who I am anyway! AND YOUR ALL GOING TO DIE.' I think I like her being evil much more than I did her being nice.

Secondly, Hermione and Phyllis? Love them. And Alexander's comment "What a mule! How do I get a reasonable idea inside her head?" was brilliant.

Thirdly, sweet Jesus, they know how to fight. You are going down, Tanith. I love how you've brought in the rest of the Weasleys and the Patil twins and even Seamus and Dean :D

Another fantastic chapter. You're an amazing writer :D another ten billion out of ten. CAN'T WAIT FOR THE FINAL CHAPTER! :D

(Also, have you thought about getting an account at the forums? It's great to chat through story line and find out about new stories and of course promote your own :D)

Author's Response: Well, I'm honoured you would save the 100th for me. Thanks.
Tanith has always been designed as an evil character. I wanted her to hide that dark side of hers under the pretense of being nice. She's deluded, and very dangerous.
It may sound a little pretensious, but I am usually quite proud of my fighting scenes. Some of my readers on other sites always told me I managed them well, whether it would be wand duels or lightsabers battles... :)*
And to answer your question about the forums, I created an account, but I'm kinda stuck in the posting. I'm trying to solve it, right now.

Thanks for the continuing support. Hope the ending will please you and that you'll still be on board for the Sequel.


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Review #9, by Smiley Behind the Mask

11th March 2012:
AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME CHAPTER! Completely amazing and out of this world! :) I loved it when Professor McGonagall was siding with Hermione, saying she should fight. And I love Tanith's reaction when they say they know that she's the Mask. Keep writing! Love the frequent updates! :) This deserves more than a 10/10!

Author's Response: Well, thank you. The next chapter is pending validation, so it should be up very soon. As for keeping writing, I'm right on my keyboard, right now, working on a scene of the sequel, so... :)
Thanks for the support.


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Review #10, by Klauster Choices of the Heart, Choices of the Mind

10th March 2012:
where is the next chapter. You ask for a review to go on and you do not finish the tale.

Author's Response: We're close to the ending, actually. The next chapter is up and the last two are ready to be posted. But I didn't ask for a review to go on. I just like comments along the way, :).
Thanks for reading anyway.


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Review #11, by Klauster Choices of the Heart, Choices of the Mind

10th March 2012:
so far this is an interesting book, but I can not write a review until I read the ending. I will so that when I am finished

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Review #12, by starryskies55 Choices of the Heart, Choices of the Mind

8th March 2012:
I KNEW I DIDN'T LIKE TANITH!
I WAS RIGHT, I WAS BLOODY RIGHT!
I AM JUST AS FURIOUS AS ALEX! I TOLD YOU, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!?
KILL HER NOW.
please.

Cor. What a chapter. Fight, and then another fight and Hermione hurt, and Ginny hurt, and I'm sad.
And angry. Alexander should listen to me.

PLEASE UPDATE WITH SOME MORE FIGHTING REALLY REALLY REALLY SOON. :D

Your story is amazing.

I hate Tanith. And I was right. Ten million out of ten.

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Review #13, by starryskies55 Honest offers and chances to atone

4th March 2012:
slight doubt?
Oh God no!
This chapter wasn't as good as the rest, but then it was a bit of filler. I loved Ginny. 'something to ask you..' immediately jumped to marriage. So typical :D
One other thing; you've written 'syllabus' and I think you mean 'syllable'.
Great story, I don't want it to end :(

Author's Response: Sadly, "filler" is the right word for this chapter. It only stands as a transition until we get to the next step of the story.

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Review #14, by starryskies55 The Mask of Chaos

28th February 2012:
So much love for Snape.
And Hermione.
And Alexander.
(I've realised my reviews are just me enthusing about how much I love certain characters)
The twin thing was mind-boggling: who was dating who? What? Wh-?
The line about the Weasley's not being powerful but very mad was comedy gold, and this chapter was full of them. 'The twins have found something' and then topping all of that off with a win against Flint is just the best. :)
How much longer is this fic going to be, by the way? (don't want it to end!) :D 10/10

Author's Response: Well, Snape isn't a character as complex as JK finally revealed him to be, in this story.
But he is on this edge of being an odious jerk haunted by school grudges, with a deep sense of honour, though. I have plans to develop Snape a little more, in the stories to come.

Hope that bit about the twins wasn't too confusing, ;). To sum it up, George is dating Padma, and... the rest is pure teasing!

About the length... let's see, this was chapter 21, so it means we're five chapters away from the end. But don't worry, I've got four sequels that I'm working on rewriting, at the moment. Plus a parallel story of three issues, so far. So, Alexander and Co aren't going anywhere, for the moment. :)


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Review #15, by starryskies55 The Atrium

28th February 2012:
YAY!
I LOVE HERMIONE!
Although I do have a soft spot for Draco (thank you Tom Felton) so I didn't really like him being completely owned. However, WHAT A DUEL.
*happy dance* Alexander is effortlessly amazing, Ron is so sweet, Hermione is my role-model and Harry is fairly awesome too.
I knew that Glyph spell would come in handy, and well done Parviti. Much love for her.

Best line ever: Well, that made my day.

Keep up the fantastic work! 10/10 :)

Author's Response: I know that Draco has garnered a huge sympathy through Felton's performance, which is good, because it turned out he wasn't so bad in the books, so Felton wasn't so out of place (plus he pulled off a seriously good job in Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows). But, when I started to write this thing, we were only up to Order of the Phoenix (as far as the book went). So I did feel that Draco would turn out to be evil but as elusive as his Dad. I know a lot of people like Draco. But he's not totally gone from this fanverse, because I used him in one of my sequels... and he's going into scary mode!

About the duel, I think that is the scene of this story I spent the most time on. Due to computer crashes, USB drive malfunction, or simply rewriting issues, I guess I had to rewrite that scene something like six or seven times in total. Which is why I'm very glad that you liked the final result. :)


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Review #16, by starryskies55 Mayhem in the Ministry... Again!

28th February 2012:
Ohhh, a Replica is like a clone! Clever.
Also *claps* well done Alexander. The only person in the history of fiction who just walks into someone else's house *cough CASTLE cough* to casually tell them that they despise them. And threatens them. And then gets the rest of the family on his side.
Just great :) although I don't know whether much of it reflects on Devin as an evil prat.
Phyllis is great, although I'm still not liking Tanith, and the Glyph spell is a great idea!
And once more: GO ALEXANDER! HAHA! You show the nasty man!

Great story! 10/10

(also, have you thought of a suitably awesome name for Harry's awesome Quidditch move yet? It needs to be AMAZING.)

Author's Response: Yes, I liked that part about Alexander's visit, too, which is why I kept it from the original. I kind of think this is the way Alexander rolls... not playing by the rule book.

As for the Move Harry performed at Quidditch, if you refer to the one he used with Cho, I think I may introduce it later as the "Reverse Potter", but it needs to be worked a little, so that it doesn't lead the player to the hospital each time, hehehe.


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Review #17, by Kim The Holiday Season's craziness

18th February 2012:
Excellent story, but can you PLEASE work on your grammar.
What the hex?- WRONG
What the heck?- RIGHT

There are some other incorrect word usages throughout, but this one is probably the most offensive/annoying.

Author's Response: OKay, about the "what the hex!" thing... That's actually deliberate. See, the first site I posted that fiction on was pretty strict on language and I couldn't write "what the hell" so I invented "what the hex" as a wizard saying. Same goes for "son of a lich".
I'm ready to admit when I make mistake, but that one was intentional, hehehe. Is it really so annoying? You have to be the first to point that out to me, actually.

As for the others mistakes, well, to my defence, I'm french, so english is not my mother language.
I'm always eager to correct myself, though, so don't hesitate to point out serious mistakes you may find in there. I'll edit them out.

Glad you like the story, anyway.


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Review #18, by bri_5_stars Prologue: Rise of the Entropist

16th February 2012:
Whoa, that is probably the longest introduction/prologue I've ever read! Not a bad thing though because you get well enough invested in the story to keep reading. And I really do like the little family moment at the beginning. This is a very interesting story and I wish you luck.

Author's Response: Why, thank you very much. I admit the Prologue is quite long. In fact, it's far longer than the first draft was, but as I developped my story, I needed to establish a little more of my timeline and my OC for it to hold...
Thanks for the review and I hope you'll like the rest. Welcome aboard.


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Review #19, by dtin Hermione Unleashed

12th February 2012:
cant wait for more please write more

Author's Response: Well, more is on the way... thanks for the support.

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Review #20, by starryskies55 Hermione Unleashed

11th February 2012:
I LOVE HERMIONE. I ALSO LOVE VANESSA- she's awesome.
You are amazing, for making Hermione so amazing. Admin pranks, for the win!
And yay for Parviti. Subtle wedding hints there. Very subtle.
E! UPDATE! PLEASE! :D
Bestest AU ever written! xx

Author's Response: I will admit that this one was a personal favorite of mine, even in the first version. I was actually looking forward to edit this chapter.
Thanks for the praise.

The next chapter is pending validation. Should be up very soon.


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Review #21, by starryskies55 The Will, the Way and the Wand

11th February 2012:
I love the way your write. Your plot is very complicated, but I find it quite easy to keep up, because of your writing!
Anyway, *fangirl screaming* HOW CAN PEOPLE DO THAT TO HARRY AND HERMIONE?! HOW VERY DARE THEY?
It's making me quite mad, this injustice. They had better not start on Ron and Ginny.
AND THE MASK! AGAIN! Dear God, he's persistant. And ha! Phyllis rocks. She's so awesome.
YAY FOR MORE!

Author's Response: Do you know you just put one of my fears at ease with that one?
I'm always worried that the plot that seems to clear to me in my head doesn't show that way after I put it into words.


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Review #22, by starryskies55 Acceptance, resolution and fine cooking

11th February 2012:
Awww. Harry's mother's love. That is so awesomely sweet.
I also love everyone ganging up on Ron at the start, and I love LOVE LOVE Harry and Ginny together XD
Ian is a legend, I think it's fair to say, and OMG: Tanith? You're a cow. Stay out of Alexander's way or I will hex you.
And the fact that Harry can cook is cute. And Ron: "Yeah, he can cook, so what? He basically kept me alive, feeding me. But its no big deal,"
And is Hermione's problems something to do with the Ministry? I hope she's okay!

Author's Response: If you think Ian is a legend... stick around for the sequel... It's starring Ian and his gang!
;)


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Review #23, by starryskies55 Ron's devastating right hook

11th February 2012:
I've been putting off reading the three chapters up so I could devote my full attention to it- and wow.
Ron, you're awesome. What a punch!
Harry, you're so cute. I love you.
Fred&George, you're hilarious.
Alexander, pure epicness.
MUST READ NEXT CHAPTER!

Author's Response: I know! I didn't expect the chapters to be validated so quickly and I was so surprised that I ended with four of them online before I knew it.

Anyway, that chapter was completely made of new stuff. It was made necessary to flesh out Harry's couple with Ginny, as opposed to the original Harry/Parvati pairing. But at some point (namely the reading of Half-blood prince and the movie), I felt Harry and Ginny felt more right even in my A/U.

As for Alexander... my personal pride in this story... my OCs (okay I need to deflate my head on this one)

thanks for the support.


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Review #24, by Girlforeverlost Hermione Unleashed

11th February 2012:
This story is amazing. I usually don't like A/U on the whole, but for some reason I gave this one a go. I definitely do not regret it! You're a fantastic and gifted writer,I look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: YAY! Another A/U convert!
Hmmm... well.
I'm glad you liked the story despite the huge differences with canon. I must admit I wasn't planning on doing anything related to canon when I started it, but I wasn't expecting to be SO far from Canon when book six came out. I had to take a few things from the original version and try and get it closer, such as Harry/Ginny and stuff.
I'm glad you like it and welcome aboard.


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Review #25, by Smiley Godric's Hollow

7th February 2012:
Great chapter and excellent way of describing Harry's emotions when he went to visit his parent's grave. I can't wait for the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Next chapter is up! Thanks for the support

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