I love that fact that you dont get anyones name, the only one is McGonagall. But you know that its Scorpius. I think that it just makes you ask so many questions as to who it could be. I think that it was nice that before the end he had only looked at her once. I love that it was like she was trying to talk herself out of it only to have it happen. But she still wanted it. Only more becasue she know this may not be good for her. I also think the reason 'He was to perfect' was a really have to find a reason but it was just like being inside my own head. Great word!Author's Response: Thank you! I wasn't really even sure who it was when I wrote it. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the lovely review :) Report Review
Firstly thanks for entering my challenge. :)
This was very good, you're descriptions of her feelings and surroundings were very good, and you got a good sense of both their personalities.
And don't put yourself down! This story was very good, and you're a very good author, annd it's not clunky or confusing. In fact, the lack of names makes it even better because we don't know their names so we can't match the cliche's with the characters, which makes the characters even better and more your own.
Overall, this was very good. Challenge results will be up shortly :). Lucy. xAuthor's Response: Thank you! That's not a problem :)
Ooh thank you :) I feel like all I want to say is thank you to everything you've written, which looks weird in a response :P But still, thanks! I'm glad you thought it was good :) Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with 1/2 reviews for your participation in the Seven Deadly Sins challenge! :)
I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you before or someone else who participated in the challenge, but while it's okay to express that you're unsure about a particular story or chapter, be careful about how you say it. Knocking your fic by saying in your A/N that it isn't good, etc might just turn people off to the story.
That's doubly true because you're a good author. Do I think that there are things that you can improve upon? Sure. I thought that the last two sentences felt a little artificial and forced, and I felt like the ending was a little bit rushed. However, on the whole, this was a good one-shot. I thought that did a great job of depicting what your OC was feeling, and the overall flow was good.
Have a little more confidence. You deserve it. :)Author's Response: Thanks!
I don't think it was me, but I didn't even realise I said it like that :/ I definitely know what you mean though, and I'll definitely watch out that I don't do it again!
I think I get a bit excited towards the end and wrap them up quickly :3 I was aiming for it to be faster paced towards the end though. You're definitely right about the last two sentences - I had trouble with them.
The last part of this review really made me smile :3
Thanks so much :) Report Review
This is a very different one-shot and I think that it is all the better for its lack of names. Even though I know that it's supposed to be about Scorpius and an unnamed female character, I could also imagine it applying to Lily and James two generations before.
I think that you did a great job of explaining her attraction to him and giving a hint of her own personality. The ending was good, a great ending to the story, but I think that it could be stronger if you made the last sentence its own paragraph or if you exchanged the word "bad" with something more powerful.
I think that this one-shot is a great length for its contents. Any more description or actions would have weighed it down and slowed the pace. It works best as a quick read because the actions (especially the last action) are fast and shocking as well.
This story is not rubbish. It's a very interesting look into the mind of a teenage girl who knows her own mind quite well. It's a look into the reasons why a girl (or boy) finds the "bad boy" attractive.
All in all, I enjoyed reading this story and I'm glad that you requested for it to be read. I think that you did a great job with it- there weren't any obvious mistakes in the writing and the flow was very good. Great job!Author's Response: This review made me so happy!
I actually didn't know who the characters were myself when I wrote this, so when it came to filling out the era and so on I just sort of picked someone who I though might fit.
Thank you :) I suppose 'bad' is definitely not the best word choice, but I was sort of using the saying? Or the song, or whatever it is :P
I'm glad you thought the length was good, I wasn't quite sure.
Thank you so much for thinking it's not rubbish! I'm so new to writing that I'm not sure how decent any of it actually is, so thanks :)
Thanks so much for your lovely review :D Report Review
Aw, I liked it! It was short and to the point, which was good. Also, the lack of names didn't bother me at all, because you described them nicely enough without it. Overall, good job! I think you did great :)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you thought it worked, thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Well first id have to say great work. Not many oneshots can be made without leaving the reader confused. Although it could be longer, more desciptive maybe. The lack of names didn't bother me, you were able to write about them clearly enough to show who you're talking about. It was the summary the caught my attention and I'm glad I read it. I didn't see any real grammar errors which is always a plus! So good job(:Author's Response: This review makes me so happy! Thanks for the praise :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm not sure if I'll be making it longer though, I might consider it :) Report Review
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