I love this story! Please update! I can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thanks! I've hit a wall with this story at the moment but hopefully there will be a new chapter soon :D
Jaz Report Review
Ooh, a Tom/Minerva love story. I haven't really read a lot of them, so we'll see how this goes.
I think you started off pretty well, with the reminiscent tone of McGonagall leading up to the flashback. Judging from your summary, I'm guessing the Hogwarts students had all been evacuated to a host house because of World War II? This provides an interesting, more plausible setting for Tom and Minerva to bond (since I doubt a Gryffindor and Slytherin at that time would really be friends at Hogwarts), however, it doesn't seem plausible. Wouldn't Hogwarts be safer for them, with all the protection spells and the unplottable castle? Why would they need to be relocated? And if all the Hogwarts students were being relocated to one house, how come there's a little girl there? (Unless Rose is a first year?) Oh, and one more thing; let's say there's a good reason for them to be relocated--wouldn't the professors be on constant watch over them for their safety, and not let students wander around the grounds after curfew? Sorry if you think I'm too nit-picky, but though a bit of mystery is always welcome, loopholes are another thing, and would need to be properly explained in order to make your story believable. It's a nice concept though, and if there were some more explanations added in I think you'd be able to pull it off rather well. :)
Oh, a bit of foreshadowing there in the end with the blood. (This safe house doesn't seem so safe...?) Is it Rose who is hurt (sneaking a peek at the next chapter title), or something else? Now I'm really curious. xD
I noticed a few grammar errors in this (Like bouts of Random Capitalizing such as in 'The Young Girl' and 'The Slytherin Prince', as well as weird spacing and incorrect use of punctuation in dialogue), so you might want to do a quick edit to brush up some mistakes, or even enlist the help of a Beta. It'd greatly help the flow of the story.
Overall, it was a great story, and feel free to re-request if you want! (By the way, I apologize for the lateness of this one.) ^^
~Chocolate_FrogAuthor's Response: Thank you for such an amazing & lengthy review!
Yeah, it is explained in later chapters why they moved from Hogwarts (within the next three/four chapter most likely) Rose is a first year and Minerva's cousin.
Good point about the teachers. That never even crossed my mind. Thanks for pointing that out! I'll defiantly go back and edit that.
Grammar is my absolute weakness; I'm terrible at it. I may get another beta if I can ever be bothered.
Thank you again! Don't worry about the lateless; it doesn't bother me
Jaz Report Review
Ooh! Minerva getting romantically involved with Tom! Ha! We ought to see this! Things will be good for her...I'm sure of it!
No offence of anything but I think this chapter is rather short but all the same fantastic. I think its great that you at least describe some of Minerva's features such as green eyes and her skin.
Also, fairly good wording! You really made it really flow well together with the plot hence ending up with a very good chapter! Woo-hoo! I love it! I love the plotline!
Keep it going,
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks for the speedy review! It'll defiantly be fun to write :D
No offence taken! I know it's short, but it was mainly a chapter to set up the premises to the story; with the werewolf attack and Minerva's cousin dying.
Thank you! Hehe, thanks for the amazing review!
Jaz Report Review
Back for chapter 2!
So the last chapter ended on a pretty strong cliffhanger, so it was good to find out right away what was causing the horror at the end of the lst chapter.
So a werewolf is killing when its not a full moon? There is obviously something very sinister at work here, and it will be interesting to see what that is.
Minerva's characterization is good, we can definetely see how she would be the one to hold things together. Tom's presense watching her managed to be slightly romantic, but in a really dark, creepy way, which is kind of how all Tom/Minerva's have to be.
Overall this was a good chapter, but it felt very short, and i think some more explanations about the scenes might make it flow a little better.Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for such a fast review!
This chapter was basically a filler chapter but also set up the premises for the rest of the story; I think that's why it was so short.
That's also how I imagine their relationship, I'm glad that everyone else sees it the same way :D
Thanks again, and I'll take that into consideration when I edit it Report Review
I am not sure what I think about this chapter. Part of me doesn't see anything wrong with it, and part of me wishes there had been more. I think that some of the scenes could have been expanded a bit more and I wasn't sure about the flow of the transitions.
I mainly wonder why, if the girls know exactly who did this, didn't they tell anyone who it was?
Why decide to tell her classmates that rose was killed by a werewolf but not any of the adults? Where are any of the adults in this story? Other than the doctor, I haven't seen any interaction with any adults, and you would think one or two would have shown up to comfort minerva.
It is going to be interesting to see where this story goes. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Well, thanks for the review; can't please everyone :)
The reason there are no adults is because its WWII and in the original war they sent the children away, so (in my story anyway) that's what happened to the students of Hogwarts. Sorry if that's confusing.
Well, thanks anyway :) Jaz Report Review
Before I begin, let me just say that I think your chapter image is beautiful. Now that is off my chest, I must say that I thought this chapter was very well written. This is the first time I have ever read a Minerva/Tom story and I have to admit that so far I am intrigued as to where this might be going.
As I pointed out on my review forum I am not the best person to ask when it comes to grammar, but I didn't notice any major issues.
I liked the way that Minerva's younger version reminds me of Hermione, but then again I have always felt that Hermione made a great younger version of Minerva anyway. At this point in time I haven't made an opinion on what I think of Tom's character, probably due to the fact we are only getting a small glimpse of him at this point. It will be interesting to see how his character will develop as more chapters are added to this story.
There was only one part of the this chapter that threw me off a bit. Minerva sneaks out at eleven...it takes her till just about sunrise to get to her destination...but she stills manages to get back to the host house by 5am. The timing just doesn't seem right to me. It could just be that I am being too picky, but I figured I would point it out anyway just in case.
Overall, I really liked the story and I really want to know what is going to happen next. I really want to know what she found when she got back and who might be dead.Author's Response: Wow that was quick :)
Thank you and Tom/Minerva is a beautiful ship - it's a more realistic version of Draco/Hermione haha.
I've always imagined Minerva as a earlier Hermione because they resemble one another so much in the books
Thanks for pointing that out, thanks i'll fix that as soon as the que opens again :)
Thanks for the amazing review :D Report Review
Update! That's an order! Love this!Author's Response: Haha, the next chapter should be up soon. As soon as I get the rest of my challenge stories up :)
I'm glad you like this :)
Jaz Report Review
Your characterisation is fantastic! Although I can only observe so much with so little facts to base the characters. It was really hard to think how Minerva looked when she was young so a suggestion is to describe how she looks like or something like that. There's also Tom, normally he would be paired up with Bellatrix or something like that.
For your description, I think it was really great although it could be improved with more characterisation in it?
The pace is something I can't judge for now since its just the first chapter and this isn't a one-shot but as far as I'm aware it's very steady even when you have that flashback things.
The flow was great! Although this minor detail in the story bothered me:
There were no chefs, or maids, or waitresses bustling in the kitchen in their daily attempt to wake their masters up.
Shouldn't it have been elves because they were in Hogwarts? So that bit just confuses and nothing else.
Overall great job! 9/10,
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for this. I didn't even pick that up, I'll put in the next chapter somewhere what she looked like :) and as for that minor detail, the students of Hogwarts had been evacuated to the countryside (like everyone else) because of the advancing war.
Thanks :) x Report Review
AWw! I am a huge fan of Tom/Minerva and you just made me tear up in a sort of happy sense but at the same time I am like 'Whats happened!?!' I have an idea but I really hope I am wrong! Now my opinion is kind of done on with what you want to know :D
1) Story Overall: LOVE IT! Adding to faves and cant wait to read chapter two :D It was so well written and the story line is amazing, it has captured my attention!
2) Characterisation: AMAZING! Minerva is like perfect, you have her character so right (In my opinion)! Tom again no faults, the whole 'I simply observe' I was like YES! THATS SO TOM!
3) Grammar, I dont see anything out of place but I am no good with grammar XD
LOVED IT! Cant wait to read more :D
xAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it! I'm always so nervous writing Tom/Minerva stories because the characterisation are so specific. *phew* Thanks :) The next chapter should be up soon x Report Review
I'm here from the forums with your review!
The first thing I noticed is that your descriptions were excellent. You used very effecitve language to capture the setting and emotions for us and give us a clear picture of what is going on.
It's defninetely a challenge to ship Tom Riddle while keeping him in character since its such a major part of his character that he had never loved anybody, so that's just something you have to work around. There aren't any problems so far.
The ending of this chapter was a very effective cliff hanger that will capture the reader's attention.
So far you are of to a promising start with some very interesting characters.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks, I'm always worried about my descriptions because sometimes they don't work out the way I want them too (if that makes sense)
I'm glad that I kept him in character. I thought it was going to be hard because he is such an evil character in the books and developing that level of evil is going to hard.
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Review one of two...OMG! That is just evil. I must know what happened. i have been thinking of writing a Minerva fic and I think you just inspired me to do so. I love this. And also the fifteenth of April is my birthdat hehe...write moreee.Author's Response: Haha, writing a Minerva fic is surprisingly fun, i'm glad you liked it and really? haha. i'll get the next chapter up asap Report Review
Hi there! Yeah once I found out you were writing another I had to take a peek :D It is really great so far, I love how Tom only 'observes', he doesn't follow Minerva. I have to say this story is good and the end really has me hooked (adding this to my favourites asap!), can I ask, in 1930 how old is Minerva? This isn't the time to be a canon expert seeing as this ship isn't a canon one (I write this ship too you see!) but Minerva was born in October 1925, then went to Hogwarts September 1937. It just confused me a little, tis all! Other than that, 10/10. I've never really seen a tom/minerva novel that's been completed so I hope you do finish it :)
Bex xAuthor's Response: Hey Bex! I'm glad you liked it and I have to say, you got me hooked on this ship!
Woops, I never really looked up the dates; for some reason I just assumed she was born in the 20s but thanks I'll fix that up right now :) and I am going to finish this novel (all though I don't know how long it is going to be) but thanks for reading and yay for first reviews!
Jas xx Report Review
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