Reading Reviews for Secret
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheHeirOfSlytherin My best kept secret

28th January 2012:
Oh, no. Thanks to a fic called Lady Malfoy, I am just in love with Pansy/Ron. Which is why I'm a little sad now. She left him for Draco. :(

There was no errors or mistakes, obvious or otherwise. The only thing that really got me was the formatting; there are quite big gaps between each paragraph. Not important, just a personal thing, I guess.

I really enjoyed this one-shot.

Sam.

Author's Response: That's funny, because I was inspired by that exact fiction! So funny :)

Yeah, about those gasps... they annoy the h*ll out of me! I can't mention how many times I've tried to fix those gasps, they keep coming back - can't understand why.

But I'm glad you liked my story! :)


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Review #2, by 10PointsFromSlytherin My best kept secret

13th December 2011:
It's so secretive and keeps you guessing throughout! Best one-shot I've read in a while. It's such a different side of Pansy other than the hate and such but it's in a way, beautiful to know that even the girl who feels only hate knows love or I'm reading too far into it and seeming like a babbling moron, either way, good read!

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that, you have no idea! :)
I got inspired to write this story, while I read the Lady Malfoy story - I wanted to write a story where she was not the one in love with Malfoy (for a change!) Hehe :) And no, you're not a babbling moron! :D


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Review #3, by Spaz My best kept secret

3rd December 2011:
That was really good. I loved the intensity of it all! Amazing job! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! :) Thank you.

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Review #4, by Emerald_Eyed_Bookworm My best kept secret

14th November 2011:
Ok so here were the grammar issues I found:
- "But no such thing was true, unfortunately": I'm not sure you need the comma, it lends itself to being choppy.

- "Most boys fancies me and the girls despise me, to put it mildly, and I love it.": Fancies should be fancy. : )

-"To no oneís surprise, I am self-absorbed.": I think 'It's no surprise" might flow a bit better.

-With hair in the darkest of black, smooth as silk, strong as wire, the length to my chest in bright contrast with my flawless, ivory skin": It might be better to mention her long hair at the beginning of the description and the black color of it at the end because that is what contrasts against her pale skin.

- "I watched as my cheeks became rosier and my lips darken, in the reflection of the mirror.": darken -> darkened

- "We donít spill precious hours reading and doing homework, we live our lives as if it were our last day.": I believe the word you're looking for is something like spend, or waste. Spill isn't really an accurate description of time.

- "Stupid, some would say, but that is just envy talking from their hearts.": Perhaps 'their envious hearts talking" might be better.

-"those that just blend with the rest, but later on maybe will stand out.": I think "which maybe later on will stand out" reads better.

- "Here in the most beautiful and mystic castle, in whole Britain.": Maybe "in all of Britain" would sound good?

- "Yet he looked so innocent, so sweet and so oblivious of the evil in the world. He is perfection.": Here you have a shift from past to present tense.

First I have to tell you that I had reservation on my feelings about this story because I am a traditionalist. However, the way the story was written it was more about Pansy's struggles than the specific characters. Save the mention of the houses, it could be a story that could have described any of the Harry Potter love triangles (i.e. Harry/Ginny/Dean, Sanpe/Lily/James, etc.)

Great Job!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story - and to review it :) And thank you so much for pointing out those sentences that I didn't write so well :D I'll fix them right away.

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