Reading Reviews for First Day of Summer
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ms4aisa Ready Teddy?

15th November 2011:
aww really cute story! i liked it a lot:) wouldn't mind a sequel though ;)
but anyway, great work! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much :D I was actually thinking of a sequel, hopefully I'll be able to write it :D

Thanks for taking the time to review. They make me smile!

Logamind


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Review #2, by NextGenna14 Ready Teddy?

13th November 2011:
This was fantastic! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much :D

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Review #3, by xxJazminexx Ready Teddy?

13th November 2011:
:') Happy tears. I really did love this story! I have been quite emotional today so reading this... lets just say I was crying the whole way through (Happy and sad tears). I am not normally that bad XD

So let me go all reviewy on you (That isnt even a word -_-) I actually could spot any errors probably because there wasn't many and my eyesight was distorted by tears.

I really loved the storyline! It was simple but really effective (As you can tell by all my crying XD), one of the best Teddy/Victoire stories I have read! x

Author's Response: Yay thanks so much for reviewing! Sorry I made you cry :( Glad you enjoyed it though!

Logamind


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Review #4, by lizmusic45 Ready Teddy?

12th November 2011:
Aw this was so sweet! You know how much I love your writing! Wow this is really, really good!
Just so freaking cute!

Lizzie

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Should let you know I'm still going over your story, got struck down ill and couldn't look at the computer screen without feeling ill! Back reading it now and it's looking great so far though!


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Review #5, by SilentConfession Ready Teddy?

8th November 2011:
Hi!

First off, i really liked reading this. It was so light and it has a really beautiful tone to it. You are on your way to becoming a really lovely writer. What really struck me was the simple things you said and the details in some of their movements, things many people wouldn't notice, like how her hand was still warm from his hand. Keep noticing the small things because that's what makes a writer great.

Another thing that i really loved was their relationship in general, i haven't read many Teddy/Victoire but i've noticed in the ones i have is that they started dating at Hogwarts. I always felt a little funny about that because it's not something you can hide from the Weasley clan, there is just so many of them and James II was SHOCKED to see them snogging. I think it makes sense that it would have just started that summer so i think you did a banging job with the time frame. It made your work so much more believable. I also loved the one-sidedness from Victoire and how she was the bold one to kiss him at first. I think she is a bold woman, see who her mother is!

One more thing i really liked was the simplicity of the writing and i think that it really worked for this snippet of time and i think it really worked for their characterization.

A couple things i noticed or questions was how they got there 4 years ago? They couldn't apparate and if it was just them... portkey i guess? It's hardly something important but i did wonder. Also there was some mechanical errors here and there that interrupted the flow of the story. Nothing big just a missed comma here or there.

I feel also as if there should have been some more description about some of their movements, for example when Victoire was wiping away Teddy's tears i felt like my brain didn't know exactly how to picture it. First Teddy was laying the flowers down, Victoire was behind and then suddenly she was wiping his tears away. There were a couple times i felt like maybe you should have followed through with some description. It just interrupted the flow a little.

There were also sometimes i felt like you added some description that didn't need to be there. It's hard to find the balance between the two but a general rule i live by is give enough imagery that the reader knows what's going on but not so much that they can't let their own imagination play. One example is when he asks for butterbeer and then you write explicitly he turned back to Victoire. We know he would have turned back to Victoire and i felt like you didn't need to have that in there. Maybe you could have written something in how as he was turning back to Victoire he noticed X or something that sort of gave the readers an image of what else was going on around them. Sometimes its nice to see that there is a world going on outside of your main characters.

Anyway, these are just some things I tentatively noticed but overall I think you did a brilliant job and I really enjoyed your writing. You have a really lovely tone in your writing and I think that their interactions were very real and very true to how people of that age would act. There wasnt eloquent speaking, but sort of this awkward admission of I sort of fancy you, which I found really cute. Great job and thank you for requesting me! Come back anytime :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for doing this. I agree with the four years ago part. I had actually written a extra line or two talking about how Ginny had taken them both but Teddy didn't want her to come in then for some reason I edited it out.

I totally get what you're saying with the movements and descriptions. I'll fix those parts :)

Thanks again for the review. You've really helped me!

Logamind


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Review #6, by GinnyMione Ready Teddy?

4th November 2011:
Teddy is only meant to be a year older than Victoire unless you are doing it to a different time line :)

Author's Response: See I didn't know! I had origionally written it so Teddy was only a year older but when I double checked it said it could have been either so I went with the the older one cause I thought it worked better!

Thanks for reviewing :D

logamind


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