Reading Reviews for Ashen Petals
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Zombie Sirius Black Chosen

31st May 2015:

Somehow, the undead zombie fog that usually clouds my mind has lifted and I am able to read and review for a longer period of time than usual. Your page must bring out the best in what I used to be in my past life in an alternate universe.

You have a penchant for writing about people of whom I am not particularly fond. My guess to who the boy is: our good pal, Lord Voldemort. Of course he is not my pal. I lost my best friends to the idiot, and some would argue, my life. But I have to give the zombies some credit here - what Voldemort couldn't do, they managed. Go figure that Voldemort is more stupid than a horde of zombies.

But yes, back to this story. From a completely objective, I'll-pretend-I-don't-want-to-eat-his-brains, point of view, this was a great look into the mind of a young boy with delusions of grandeur. And didn't anyone tell him you're not supposed to do magic in front of Muggles? Although if the rumours about Voldemort's childhood are true, then that would explain his behaviour here. I've found that Muggles can be rather skittish around magic - but not as skittish as they are around zombies, with good reason. Magic won't eat always want to eat their brains. I wonder what will happen to that boy now... Kinda want to eat HIS brains.

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Review #2, by The Summer Snake Chosen

16th May 2015:
Greetings from The Summer Snake! I have recently slithered out of hibernation and discovered this amazing place with such amazing stories, so I want to read and review as many as I can before I go back into hibernation!

Now, a little birdie told me you've been on a hunt to uncover my identity? Well, your conclusions may or may not be right but I thought I'd reward you with a review nonetheless. And I'm so glad I decided to do it because this story was just amazing.

I can't believe you combined 5 challenges into this short 500-word one-shot. That is just plain brilliance. What I loved even more about this one shot was its rich descriptions. You got down into every detail and painted beautiful imagery. I had strong visualisations and felt like I was there.

The concept itself was very good. The whole burning thing was brilliant and I loved how your character felt he was so powerful to be able to control the fire. The ending bit made sense too and the character's feelings towards what happened. You really got the emotions across powerfully.

Since I'm a snake slithering across this lawn, I have seen many humans pass by - so I can guess the character here is Tom Riddle. While a staunch follower of the mighty Salazar Slytherin who could visit sometimes and talk to me and my snake buddies in our language, I believe Voldemort brought disgrace to his legacy with his terrible actions. But after reading this, and if it is indeed Tom Riddle, I feel a teensy bit sorry for him - because of the rejection bit in the end and the frustration he faced. The idea that his innocence was 'forsaken' was very interesting.

All in all, I think you did a great job with this one-shot. It was very well-written and I enjoyed reading it. Your writing style was beautiful and the overall piece was just amazing. Great job!

Now excuse me as I'm off to explore more of this wonderful sun! See ya!

With love,
The Summer Snake

Author's Response: Greetings Summer Snake!

Oooh, a reward. That sounds promising.

Thank you for taking the time to slither by~ Yes, I have indeed. The hunt for you was a challenge that stumbled across my path and playing detective (and getting things right) makes me feel so accomplished so I couldn't resist! (So hopefully I got that one right.) *wink wink*

That's my thing - I combine challenges. Hahaha. I'm glad that though it were only as short as 500 words, it still proved to be an enjoyable and impressive read and still managed to come across powerful. It makes me happy that the imagery worked for it as well.

That must be quite the frequented lawn; I wonder how many well-known people you've had the fortune to audience. Unfortunately, I can neither confirm nor negate your deduction as to the character's identity here, but perhaps if you poke me over at the forums and reveal yourself, I can personally tell you in private. *hint hint* ;)

I'm especially glad I was able to draw out your sympathy for the character though. Thank you again for stopping by. Have fun under the sun, you sneaky magical wonderful creature, you.

Lots of Love,
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #3, by nott theodore Chosen

10th July 2014:
Hello again!

This was another really great story! I'm so impressed by this - not only did you manage to create a fantastic story in just 500 words for the every word counts challenge, but you somehow incorporated 4 other challenges as well? That is crazy! Especially when I consider the fact it doesn't feel like this was written for a specific purpose, and it just feels like a natural story.

The description in this was fantastic! Your word choice was really excellent in this piece and I liked the way that you used short sentences to make a real impact, and the fact that I could picture everything so vividly was great. As far as the character in it is concerned, I'm not sure, but I love the ambiguity of it and the fact you never use more than a pronoun to refer to them in this, leaving us to guess! I'm going to go with a young Tom Riddle but I'm not completely sure!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Sian,

Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I admit, it was a very ambitious move on my part, but I'm so glad I did because it seemed to have worked! I draw my inspirations from challenges so the more challenges I combine, the more ideas I have. Unless the ideas are incompatible of course, in which case, I'mma make it separate and find another one to jump in on and combine with. :'D

I had to really put my description to work here and will forever be proud of this piece since I can't seem to be able to emulate the style anymore. I wrote it years ago, and it seems that in the time between my description style has evolved into something more...detailed and long, which although has its advantages, unfortunately there are disadvantages as well.

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.

Best Regards,
♥ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #4, by MissesWeasley123 Chosen

10th July 2014:
Hello Sevvy! I just got a wonderful review from you, so I wanted to make sure I stopped by your page as well ♥ I'd heard such great things about this, and wow.. I now know why.

It's so hard to get a story across in 500 words, love. And you do such great job with it too. It wasn't an overload of description, in fact it was just the right amount. And absolutely no dialogue either!

I have to comment also on your writing style. It's so different from anything we see. Especially this, when you do this: Defeated. Devoured. Powerless. Dead. -- when I read that, first of all, the description is so strong, and such excellent choice of words! The entire scene is extremely vivid haha. Also, the two word challenge, the way you used the two words is breathtaking. If this is the type of stuff that happens when you get writers block, you should definitely get it more often haha :P

Brilliant work, House Cup 2014 Review, I really enjoyed reading this! ♥

Author's Response: Wow, you must be fast on the uptake because I swear I only wrote you a review minutes ago! :'D (Heard? What heard? ;) smh)

Yes, this story really helped test my skills with description. It was a struggle trying to get a point across without droning on in descriptions like I usually do, but I am continuously glad I did.

Hah, I wish I could write that way again. Lately, it seems like I can't help but describe every single little thing in the scene! Maybe I should just limit them to words again like above. :') Shorter phrases do leave a stronger impression.

I'm so glad you think that, but Merlin writers block can be frustrating, you know. :P

Let's go Gryffies, we can totally do this! :D

Best Regards,
( - House Cup 2014 Review -
Go Gryffies!)

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Review #5, by TidalDragon Chosen

15th May 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to read and review before voting for the Story of the Month!

Well you definitely took on a lot of challenges with this story! I'm always uniquely intrigued by people chasing the classic 'Every Word Counts' as there are so many different approaches to it - a laser-like focus on a short-time frame, a raw account of a lengthier window, character-centric pieces, and those that focus on a broader theme. Your story was equally intriguing - especially given the challenge to make it clearly a character, without telling.

As far as the writing itself, I thought the lack of dialogue really allowed your talents with description and word choice to flourish. The detail with which you described the fire consuming the flower was very well done for example. I also thought you did a great job using questions within this thought-driven piece to create a real sense of the character's emotions.

As for the question in your note, I didn't feel it was too rushed. Given the fact you honed in on a moment breaking out of it as you did felt fine to me. I did think the last four lines were a bit of a reach, though not in terms of pace. Sentences one and three felt redundant to me and the last three words seemed superfluous given what you had already laid out. Just a thought.

As far as your success with making the character obvious, we'll see how I did. I'm going to go with young Tom Riddle.

Good luck in the voting!

Author's Response: Hey Kev!

Thank you so much for dropping by to read and review. This review popped up suddenly as such a pleasant surprise.

This is true, I'd love to see what your take will be on the challenge, if you have posted one?

Yes, I loved finding the perfect word to use while writing this since I had to get the thought across within a very short limit of words to use. The fire consuming the flower was definitely my favourite part to picture and to write.

Hmmm, you've got a valid point there, but I think I'm keeping it the way it is, since I really can't consider changing it up right now. You gave such a fresh perspective on each of the tips you offered, I'll make sure to keep them in mind.

As for the character you suspect, I will neither confirm or negate that conclusion. ;)

Thank You Again!
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #6, by awesomepotter Chosen

14th May 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from the review swap on the forums - just thought I'd let you know ;)

I loved this one-shot, and to do this in 500 words is extremely impressive. I'd have to say that this is a young Tom Riddle - who else has such a penchant for destroying things, and such a prominent sense of superiority?
I really love the way you described the burning of the flower and the way it changes colour and crumbles as it burns. The way you've captured Riddle's mind at that point is very effective - thinking that the flower was useless, weak as it turned to ash. It really captures his view on his world, and is almost a representative of what he would become in later life, being the fire destroying and degrading everything in its path as it sweeps down the flower.
I also really liked the section where the other boy finds Riddle with the burnt flower. When the boy backs off, and Riddle almost feels hurt because he believes his power to be special and chosen, it does give is a good insight into his mind again. To me, at least, Voldemort/Tom Riddle is extremely proud and does have one major superiority complex, but it was probably partly born from rejection and misunderstanding.
I think you captured the essence of Tom Riddle (at least, I'm hoping that's who he is or I'm going to be looking pretty silly right now) very well, and I don't think it's been rushed at all. If you'd had more words in which to write it, that would have been good too, but I don't think this seemed rushed. I'm only sorry I can't give more of a balanced review and give you a couple of pointers to improve on - but then again, I'm not sorry, becuase that means I've just read a really fab piece of writing!
Well done and thankyou for giving me the pleasure of reading this,
awesomepotter xxx
(P.S. - sorry for all the typos that are probably floating around!)



I'm so thankful you stopped by to read and review, even if it is for the Review Exchange so...thank you. :'D

The burning flower was definitely one of my favourite parts to write in this story, it was fun picturing it and portraying it.

I agree with you on the 'almost hurt' part. Even he is human, too. He was once innocent as well. I believe most evil are from misconstrued beliefs born with pain. It's not an excuse, nor is it right, but it is still painful.

I'm neither going to confirm or negate your conclusion, but I'm happy about what you have to say about the character and that you think the story doesn't seem rushed. That's okay about the review not having much to point out, the story was short too anyway so there isn't much to address.

Again, thank you so much for reading this, I'm satisfied knowing you enjoyed the read.

Lots of Love,
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #7, by randomwriter Chosen

8th May 2014:
Hello :) I've seen you around the forums, and I thought I'd drop by and review something of yours.

Woah! You combined five challenges in one! That is CRAZY! I don't know how you did it. Usually when I enter challenges, I get some plot bunnies for like maximum two or three combined, but I still end up trying not to combine more than two. I'd never have been able to integrate so many things into one so well, without making it seem forced or far-fetched!

The summary and title really caught my eye. Somehow they ended up bearing the promise of a heavy, descriptive story and you didn't fail to deliver there :)

I loved the imagery. I could really visualise every thing so well, and I think that you were able to completely engage my visual senses. So kudos to you for that :)

I really loved the flow as well. I was able to get lost in your story, and it really drew me in. I had to keep guessing, deciphering and making sense of it all. It really made me think, and I love stories like that!

As for CC, I must admit that some of your phrasing confused me and I had to work out what exactly you were trying to convey, but I guess you can be forgiven for that because it wasn't really all that bad. My confusion could be attributed to the fact that it is 3:00 A.M here :p Also, you only had 500 words to use. So everything cannot be elaborately explained, and I get that.

As for the mystery element, WOW. You managed to completely baffle me and capture my attention in so many ways. I kept trying to figure out who you were talking about, and I finally settled on Tom Riddle. The thirst for power, the superiority complex and the authority hungry thoughts pushed me to believe that it is, indeed, him. I could be wrong, and I hope you can put me out of my misery.

Great story. Very gripping and the mystery element was spot on. Also, it gave me a the chills, a little. :p The way it was written and the mood and everything! Sorry if this was rambly and incoherent. Look at the time! I'm allowed to do this. :p

Author's Response: Rawr! Hi Adi~

I have this great urge to constantly greet you with a 'rawr' now. Because like not only are you my Momma Lion, but it's also related to your username, see? *highfives fellow Gryffie*

I actually was not expecting this review so I was pleasantly surprised when I logged in here after a few weeks and so an unanswered review, thanks so much for stopping by~

Yeah, I once was so challenge obsessed the only way to get them all completed by deadlines was to combine them. In this case, it was like hitting five birds with one stone. They all gave me little bits to the plot that resulted in this beautiful work I'm now proud of.

I honestly don't know what to say, I'm just so glad the story managed to make you think, that's a real achievement for me as an author. That the mystery and flow worked for you is also a great relief for me. I'm so thankful you stopped by to read and review the story! Thank you so much~!

(Oh Merlin, it's 3AM and you're up reading HPFF stories? *giggles*)

Lots of Love!
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #8, by blackballet Chosen

23rd March 2014:
This was so beautiful! Your imagery was super on point, and I was drawn in. I was actually really surprised and upset when it ended. I guessed Draco Malfoy when I first started reading, but then changed my mind to Tom Riddle when you wrote about him controlling the fire.

I also don't think it seemed rushed at all. Each of your sentences had meaning, and it worked really well. Love this one-shot so much. You're a great writer!

Author's Response: bb,

N'aww, thank you; this review brought a smile to my face like thaaat :) It's always reassuring to hear that the imagery was able to serve its purpose by being capable of drawing the readers in with its images.

This is another proof of how upset feelings of the reader means positive feedback for the writer. It might have the feel of lack, but I guess it's short length, like the spark of a fire, is what gave the fic more power.

Despite it being super short, I'm glad you don't think it to be rushed. Thank you muchlies for taking the time to review, you flatter me too much.

You're a great person!
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #9, by LadyL8 Chosen

5th February 2012:
Hey there. I'm here with your requested review.

This story really fascinated me. I don't know if its because you use so much description and inner drama, or if its because I can't seem to understand who this boy is. I love how your describe so much. It gives me the opportunity to see everything you write in my head. Honestly, that did freak me out a bit, because its not a particularly happy story, and probably not the best story to see in your head.

Its not very often I come across an author that really gives me so many images in my head while reading, and always love it when I find someone that can do this. You did, and thank you for that.

I'm really curious about who this boy is, though. I was thinking that it could maybe be Tom Riddle, but I wasn't exactly sure about this. Is it possible for you to let me know who it was meant to be? I understand if you don't want to say it, though. It is a part of the story.

Thank you for this chapter, and I think you have chosen the correct era. It doesn't reveal who the boy is, and makes it a mystery for us to figure out. Great job :D

Author's Response: Hey Lady L,

I know this response is overdue and I am terribly sorry. Thank you for stopping by to read and leaving your review, I do appreciate it lots.

I'm glad to know it freaked you out, hahaha. The description and inner drama, as you put it, was what I was trying to do and judging by your reactions, it means that what I wanted to get across safely arrived and that makes me so happy. :)

I'm very pleased to know that my descriptions were clear and well-written and able to give you images and I am honestly very grateful. No, thank you.

No, I can neither confirm nor negate your assumptions, though I like to think I made it quite plain. You're most welcome, thank you dearly for your review.

Siriusly, You Honestly Made Me Happy,
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #10, by The Wizard of Potterland Chosen

16th November 2011:
It was really good. I felt the characterization of Tom Riddle come through quite strongly. I just wish that you had expanded on the rage a bit more. I got a sense of power, but not rage.

Author's Response: Twoppy,

N'aww, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a brief review. :D I wonder why when I never name any names or admit even in the author's response who it is but everyone seems to assume it's Tom. I'm not saying it's not him although I'm not saying it's him either. xD But yeah, you're right, that rage part seemed a bit rushed huh? Although I only have a limit of 500 words. Maybe sometime in the future I'm going to expand from that challenge to make this little piece better. xD

Thanks Again!
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #11, by Emerald_Eyed_Bookworm Chosen

8th November 2011:
First off, very enjoyable read. It's written well in the sense that I had some idea as to who it was in the beginning, but wasn't sure til the very end. I think you captured young Tom Riddle, he would have been a child that as soon as his magical abilities began to reveal themselves he would have been both fasciated and curious as to how he could use them militarily.

Now in regards to CC, I did spot a few technical problems. With the flower, it would be best to describe from the beginning in what form it is in Riddle's hands. In the beginning, I had the impression that it was just the flower he was holding in his hands, and was surprised when you mentioned the stem burning. Another little technicality was the burning process of the flower. I advise just quickly googling the timeline of a burn in relation to what colors correspond with what stages. I say this because I thought that the fiery colors (red, orange) came before something burned into ash (black, gray). But then again I could be wrong. : )

Anyway, it was a good story that captured the troubled and demonic personality of the child that would become Voldemort. I liked that you made him feel that he was chosen, unlike Harry who continues to believe that he is just normal boy who "things" just happen to.

Author's Response: Eebie,

Thank you for taking the time to read and review this story, I'm glad you found it enjoyable. :)

I will definitely take your CCs into consideration when I next edit my story. You have a point as to how I described him holding the flower, I was thinking he was sort of just holding it as it was attached to the ground and did not really pluck it so I may have to describe further into that.

As to the order of the colours, that's what I'm most worried about. I made a topic of that over at the forums but nobody seems to be exactly sure as to what the order is. If you can find an answer I would much appreciate it if you send me a PM over at the forums with the link to it or what the exact order is. :) You don't need to though, I understand if you're busy enough as it is.

Thanks again for reading, your opinion was highly appreciated and taken into consideration.

~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #12, by Prongs05JP Chosen

4th November 2011:

This was fantastic Sevvy! I thoroughly enjoyed it, the full 500 words of it! A very interesting concept, I loved the idea of the burning flames and all that stuff. Your description is lovely, I know how restricting it can be having to narrow everything down to 500 words - it can all get a little irritating, especially with having to leave out certain things and all that shizzle. All that jazz. Jazzzeeey... ahem, anyway.

Onto the topic of the mysterious boy(s), if I may! Well my first guess would obviously have been Tom Riddle, loving destruction and fire and such, but then again - he lived in an Orphanage in the middle of London, so that sort of ruled that idea out. Next I would go for Dumbledore? And perhaps Aberforth? Call that weird, but that was what popped into my mind next. ^_^ Back when Dumbley was all greedy. Although... if not, I would have to think someone evil, and nothing pops to mind right now. :') For that, I'm really quite sorry - but I think with a little more clues I probably would've been able to get it! 'Spose I don't know the books well enough. *cries*.

So this was entered for five challenges, which is pretty ambitious in it's own right, but I have to say you've done a fantastic job on each! The unamed character could perhaps be a little more specific, but considering it was 500 words that's pretty much all you can manage, right? :') But I LOOOVE it, it's so... daaark.

Geez Sevvy, stop showing us your inner psycho.
(Nowait, show us more inner psycho, the writing is amazee!)
((But people will start to realise you're crazy...))

Now, there's only one thing I'd put on my annoying grammar hat for, and that would be the sentence "why else would it have bended to his will?" I just... eurgh, call me horrible, but I would much rather put a "bent" in there. It just sounds better - in *my* mind, mind you, it's probably not as all grammar'd up as youu. xD

Really it's just.. it's so angsty and dark, and I adore the style you wrote it in - your vocabulary is impressive, I liked the use of longer words in a style where it's very easy to write simply. So bravo on that!

Erm. I love it, it's awesome, I wish I could write like you... *has run out of things to say.*

WRITE MORE! I wanna see more stuff like this! JAMESIE WANTS MORE!

In any case.

10/10 :D

the most amazing person you've ever met,
James xx

Author's Response: JAMEEES!

I'm sorry it took so long to reply to this review. T^T I'm quite at a loss of what to say... I don't know where to start. Okay, how 'bout let's start with, "YOU ARE SO ADORABLEEE, Thank you for showering me with flattery and happy, happy feelings! :3"

Heh, you know me, I'm the queen of ambitiousness and multichallenges. xD Dark was what I was going for and I'm so glad that the moods and feels I wanted to evoke have come across!

Geez Jamesies, stop making me smile so much.
(Nowait, please go on, I like to smile.)
((But then you might think I'm trying to feed my ego,))
(((Which may or may not be true xD)))

I'll take that into consideration and don't worry, I don't mind you being nitpicky and grammar nazi. I do that all the time. :P I do love to get different opinions, after all.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Angst is my area. And say thanks to my friend, Thesaurus for zi fab vocab. 8D Bravo to him!

Erm. ily, you're awesome, now we both ran out of things to say. Thank you again and again for reviewing, I'll see you around!

the most awesome person you've ever met,
Sevvy xx

P.S. Pfft, we haven't even met each other yet. xD

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Review #13, by Dracolovergirl5000 Chosen

31st October 2011:
I think it was very good. For my challenge and all the others as well. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes, and I thought that the voice to the story was very good. It kept me guessing at who this could be about, is it about an original character, or a canon character? It was written very well, in a style I enjoy reading. I'm glad that I got to read it as part of my challenge, thank you for submitting it.

Author's Response: Well, it's part of a challenge where I had to mention no names but should make it obvious who it is through their choice of actions and feelings, so yes, it's a canon. :) I think you could guess it. Thank you for reading, I enjoyed writing it. Your challenge was one of the others that gave me the idea that helped form this. So thank you. :)

~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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Review #14, by Cal585 Chosen

30th October 2011:
Heya Sevvy, great to see you writing again! Nice short piece! Your descriptions were good and the burning of the flower rather symbolic. I liked how you described the transition through the colours. Now that you're writing again, I look forward to seeing more from you soon!

Author's Response: Hey Cally,

Thanks for stopping by. :) You're the first reviewer just like I was the first at your fic. :P Which reminds me to go review yours sometime. Thanks for leaving a review, and I will definitely write some more in the near future.

Lots of hugs for Calkins,
~ Sevvy
*offers flowers*

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