Hufflepuff pride, who!
I like how Caitie isn't a stereotypical hufflepuff, but instead a bit tougher than hufflepuffs usually are. But she still seems to fit in hufflepuff.
I feel sorry for Adrian Nott, feeling the wrath of a Hufflepuff.
This is really good and your writing is great!
- Carey :) xAuthor's Response: Hehe I think Hufflepuffs are always so underrated in stories! (even though I'm a Slytherin ;))
I'm glad you like her and think she still fits in!
Haha don't feel sorry for him, he's the baddie there! :P
Thank you! and thank you for reviewing these ♥
I love this story so much! I find Cait really quite hiarious and equally endearing in her approach to Lani :)
This is really well written, and I wretched a little at the thought of a cabbage and gerkin sandwhich!
Cannot wait for the next update!
Rach xoxAuthor's Response: Eee thank you Rach!
Aww yay thank you :)
Thank youuu :) Hahaha yeah I think that would be so gross :P
Thanks for the review!
Cait ♥ Report Review
WOW. i simply love the plot!
but i'm just wondering if there'll be any communication between the Wotters and Caitriona?
I'd love your story anyways
please update soon :)Author's Response: Aah thank you so much!!
I'm pretty sure there will be next chapter, but it won't be a major part :)
Thank you so much! and I will try to :) Report Review
Me again with review four! :)
I love this story so far! The description of Binn's lessons was very good. ;) Also I loved how you put in that they were studying the Order of the Phoenix in History of Magic.:3
Your characters are brilliant, now Gee's developing a bit more I love her too! I can't wait to see how they get back at Nott. :D
Lucy :)Author's Response: Hey there :)
Thank you! Hahah thanks ;) I tried to think of something that they would be studying and I thought that it would make sense to study that! So thank you :)
Aaah thank you so much! Gee was never even meant to be in it but she just popped up! Well you'll have to wait and see ;) A few more chapters before that :D
And thank you so much for favouriting it ♥ Report Review
Hey, here with your third prize review! :)
I liked this a lot! I like how the character's weren't cliched and were more unique than other Hufflepuff's, and I love Caitie's character so far, she's great! :D
There's a few grammatical mistakes in there, for example: "Quite frankly, I wish I weren't actually so skinny sometimes". Weren't should be wasn't, and actually doesn't really sound right in the sentence, but apart from that I don't really see any mistakes. :)
Overall, good chapter and you've developed an interesting character so far! Lucy :)Author's Response: Hellooo :)
Thank you! That's good that you think that because that's exactly what I was trying to do! :) Yay! Thank you :)
Hmm you're right about that, I'll fix it up next time I edit the chapter, thanks for pointing it out :)
Thank you! :) Report Review
This is an interesting sort of story - we don't often read about Hufflepuffs, which I suppose is sort of the point of the challenge :p Anyway, I quite like Caitie so far - and the bit about Nott is believable, of course he would seem vulnerable and puny without his bodyguards. This was a surprisingly good read, and deserves more reviews.Author's Response: It's actually quite enjoyable writing about a Hufflepuff (especially since I don't consider myself one either :P) Thank you!! That means so much! I'm happy you decided to check out another of my stories! :D Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Well this was a nice second chapter. I think Caitie and Gee are adorable and kind of random, lol. But their friendship is nice.
I am wondering though whether Caitie has had issues with Nott before. Yes, he called her unworthy, but it doesn't seem likely for him to get under skin so quickly with just one bad encounter, so I wonder if she has had other bad encounters with the Slytherin. It would make more sense if she did.
You're story is very well written so far, I really don't think I've seen any mistakes, maybe one, I can't remember, it was probably in the last chapter. Anyway, good job on this so far!
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: I think I may have brought a bit of myself in there with the randomness :P
That's a good point you made. I think I might actually include something about bad encounters in the past, I hadn't considered that before. I know it did seem a bit quick, so thanks for that idea :)
Thank you so much! :) Report Review
Haha, "I am like a sloth--only angry." I love that, because I really doubt anyone's seen an angry sloth. I feel like it would take a lot to tick them off, too.
I'm really not sure where this story going is going, but I already like your character and her constant sarcasm. I do like the idea of a Hufflepuff who isn't always smiling, or dumb, or always falling on their face. Although it seems like every female character in fanfiction is a klutz these days no what matter what house she's in, so I'm glad your character is not. I will be continuing on to the next chapter now.
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: I think that would be an interesting sight!
It was fun to try and break the stereotype of a typical Hufflepuff. I think you're definitely right! Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Fabby second chapter! :D
I love the friendship between Caitie and Gee, you've established it really well to demonstate the Puff loyalty but it's also very believeable - which is hard to find in fanfiction I think!!!
Caitie's character is lovely! I can imagine being friends with her. I love how you emphasise her flaws, rather than make her out to be perfect all the time. Your writing is very believable and you should be very proud of that! The style flows well and you keep me wanting to read more!! :D
Rach xxAuthor's Response: Thank you :D
Ahh yay, I was a bit worried that I was straying a bit far from the Puff-ness so that is great to hear!
Thanks! I hate it when the characters are too perfect so I just tried to make her like a normal (ish :P) person. Aah thank you! This made me do another little happy dance! :D
[I kind of feel silly now that I gave my OC the same name as me...that's what happens when you suck at picking names :P]
Cait ♥ Report Review
I wrote a massive long review for this and I blooming went and lost internet connection and it didn't post :(
1) Love the introduction and the way you presented the stereotypes (not sure if I spelt that right) of Huffs and then dispelled them with Caitie's personality!!
2)For a first chapter this was brilliant, it was a nice way to get to know Caitie although I think we only see her name near the end of the chapter and it might be an idea to add it sooner? :)
3)THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for letting slughorn retire and replacing him with Grimbsy!
4)Im gutted I haven't read this story before! Its such a good start and is looking to be brillo!
5) Your writing is lush! I love it!!! And I feel like poo for not reading anything sooner !!
Rach xxAuthor's Response: Hey!
I hate it when that happens :( Most of the time now I copy them before I post so that doesn't happen since it sucks :(
Yay! You spelt it right ;)
Thank you :D It's in the summary as well, but a few people have mentioned that so I think I might put it earlier in the chapter :)
Hahaha no problem :P I think Slughorn would have been a getting a wee bit old :D
Aah that makes me so happy.. I did a little happy dance when I read this, which basically consisted of me wriggling while sitting O.o
Thank so much!!!
Cait ♥ Report Review
Hey, dobbys_socks here with your requested review.
Well, I liked it very much! I love how she was such a rebel - in a way - to her own house's characteristics and called herself a 'Weasley male'. I think you may have changed tenses a little throughout but I'm not an expert on that either. The only thing was that at the beginning when you said, 'You see, I hate mornings but I love breakfast. See the dilemma?', the second 'see' made it sound funny if you say it out loud. I'm thinking and I don't actually know what would go better (sorry) but you should probably change that.
I just have two questions. Can I please read the second chapter? I know you said you didn't want me to but it can't be that bad if this chapter is so good. Just checking in case it is a problem.
My second question is: what were the instructions of the challenge and is it still open? It looks very interesting...
Well done on another great story.
dobbys_socksAuthor's Response: Thank you!
Aaah yes, I've had trouble with that see thing and I've tried changing it so many times but I couldn't figure anything out!
Yay, I'm glad you want to read the next chapter, but I will actually be posting a new one soon, which is compleeetely different to what it is now, so I don't want to confuse you. Plus it was kinda poorly written as well and moved waaay too fast. So I guess you could read it, but you might as well wait :P haha It will be in the queue in probably two weeks? Something like that :)
The challenge closed a while ago sorry! We were given a house and one of the seven deadly sins (I was given wrath and Hufflepuff; my title was so creative) and we had to show the sin with the character.
Thank you so much! :) Report Review
Hey, here for the second chapter! :)
I'm not really sure what you were worried about - her wrath definitely comes across here just fine! Once again, you clearly have a good grasp of the English language - there's certainly a lot of room for fine-tuning, but you're already much further along in terms of how the story mechanically flows than many writers are when they start out, which is great!
As I said, I think that you did a good job of portraying Caitie's wrath, along with her Hufflepuff characteristics, and that's really great. However, I did feel like it was occasionally a bit too heavy-handed and could have been portrayed a little more subtly, and I also wanted to see a little more build up to this deep hatred she feels for Adrian Nott. It kind of seemed to come out of nowhere, and I would have liked for you to build on it a little. On the whole, though, this was a fun read.
I do want to comment on two mechanical things, though.
First off, I would advise against having very long author's notes at the beginning, and I would definitely avoid having them both at the beginning and at the end. It's all a matter of personal preference, of course, but for me, at least, it's very distracting, especially since you have a lot of extra line breaks in between paragraphs.
Secondly, I would suggest that you do try to edit before you post. Deadlines are deadlines, and I completely understand that (especially since this one was my deadline! :P), but at the same time, my personal philosophy is that I never post something until I've slept on it and gone over it again to make adjustments. Again, personal preferences, but I think it really does help one's writing to come across as more polished, you know?
This was a lot of fun so far, and it was good, especially for your first attempt! PM me or comment on my profile when you update it, because I'd love to read more. :)Author's Response: Thank you! Your first paragraph really made me smile :)
I'm actually going to go back and rewrite this chapter to slow things down a bit and build it up, so I guess I spoiled it a little by posting this chapter :L
I'm not even sure how I managed to make the author's notes so long and I'm definitely not going to have them as ridiculous as that next time! I did have trouble with the spacing even though I went through and tried to fix it a few times :L
I really do agree with the edit before you post thing but as I am someone who leaves things until the absolute last minute, I didn't get a chance :3 I will definitely edit my next chapters before I post them :)
I'm so glad that you would like to read more! So I'll definitely let you know when I post my next chapter :) (well the new version of this anyway).
Thanks :) Report Review
Will this be a oc/oc fic?Author's Response: Well you probably won't see many canon characters, so yes kind of, but it won't be a normal relationshippy type thing :) Report Review
Hey! At long last, I am here to review your story! (Sorry - life has been really crazy lately.)
I actually wouldn't say you're less than average as a writer at all! Yes, there are definitely points that you could work on - while I think that Caitie has a very strong narrative voice, there were points where I wished you'd added some more description of the scene and her surroundings into it, and I definitely felt like there were a few points where you fell into some stereotypes/cliches (her roommate taking two hours, her eating everything and never gaining a pound - yes, both things do happen in the real world, but they are a little extreme, and you want to be careful how you present extremes when they're cliched like that). However, overall, I think that you did a great job with this, especially for your first fic ever! (And, might I say again, I am so beyond happy that it was my challenge that started you writing fanfiction!)
This was a really solid job. :)Author's Response: That's fine!
Thank you, that is such a compliment :)
I think someone else mentioned the scenery description and so on as well, so I'll definitely /try/ to include some of that!
Hmm you're right about the cliche thing, although I actually got that from my friend, well two of my friends, so I do suppose it is a bit much together and in this sort of place where cliches are rampant :o
Thanks so much :) Report Review
This story is already really hilarious and pretty entertaining so far, and the funny thing is that it's just been 2 chapters c:
Can't wait for the new chapter and keep up the great writing! I love your OC so far and I love her new and original 'puff personality.~Author's Response: Thanks so much! This made me smile :)
I'm actually going to rewrite this chapter - sorry about that - so next time I update, it will be with the new version of this chapter which will be quite different so I suggest reading it ;)
And then the third chapter :)
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hey! Here from review tag! :)
So both this chapter and your author's notes seemed really rambly, kind of like a kid who's had a lot of soda and candy all within the expanse of a few hours. In the future, I would recommend that you keep yourself to one author's note and try to keep it as succinct and short as possible. For example, you don't need to tell us about all the things you've been busy doing that have kept you from updating -- we all have real lives too and we understand when people can't update right away :) However, it was nice for you to thank the people who favorited your story. I'm sure they'll appreciate the mention.
As for the story, I just think you need to slow down a little bit. The action seemed to progress really, really fast, from the main character's anticipation of meeting up with Nott to their interaction and then on to the aftermath. I don't really understand her anger -- again, I wish you had shown me how she felt rather than have her actually state that she's upset. I mean, he kind of came up on her out of nowhere, but he didn't really do anything, and she got away kind of easily, so I don't see why she should be "the maddest she's ever been". The emotion just doesn't seem consistent to me, like she and her roommate have this overblown anger, but she's really afraid of him, but she can make jokes about him in her head. Do you see what I'm saying? It just seems a bit disjointed.
Now, I couldn't make this review totally doom and gloom, so I do need to comment that I think your main character has a lot of potential. For example, it's really interesting that she tutors younger students. I think it would be better if you focused on that in a future chapter or two to deepen her characterization and show that she's not all scatter-brained. It would also provide many opportunities for humorous moments, with students asking silly questions and whatnot.
Hope this helps! :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Thanks, I appreciate the honest review :)
I kinda did just sit down and spew this out because I was freaking out about the challenge deadline - which I ended up missing anyway. I also think that when I wrote this I just sort of wrote it in the way that I talk (I ramble, obviously) and I wasn't really thinking about writing well, if you get what I mean? I'll watch that in the future!
The story went really fast because I was trying to get to the main part for the challenge, but as I said, I missed that.
I actually reread the chapter and you're right, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I think I'll go back and rewrite the chapter, much more calmly this time too.
Thanks for the pointers on what to do in future chapters, I'll try and focus on that sort of thing :)
This was really helpful, thank you :) Report Review
This is a really good attempt at a fanfiction, considering it's your first one! Please keep the chapters coming!
One note: please don't make the whole story about the Huffle and Nott relationship - it will get really boring if everything revolves around them constantly.
And secondly: note I said Huffle because I'm actually not too sure what the name of your main character is (unless I'm being really stupid and missed it somewhere)
But apart from those things, really god xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!
It's going to be fairly short, so I don't think I will have much apart from that relationship, but that's a good point!
Her name is Caitie Rowland :) It's actually in the summary and right at the end of this chapter ;P
Also the next chapter is up if you wanted to check it out :) (if you haven't already :P)
Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
I really loved it! It's so interesting to see a different Puff- a very unique idea! How did you think of it? This story has a lot of potential, trust me. And I say that because I want to read more, more, more! :)
The main character, so far, is very interesting. Though, you could flesh out the scenes a little more? I want to see much more of her snarky attitude towards other students- it would be fun to read! :)
Your humour is very wry and sarcastic and I can't get enough of it! I really loved this and have added it to my favs. You just need to update now ;)Author's Response: Thanks! Well I was given wrath and Hufflepuff for the challenge so I decided to do a completely different view on the Huffs :) I'm so happy you want to read more!
Aah this review made me smile so much! haha Thanks so much for reviewing :) I will update soon...well I'm pretty sure I'll at least start writing the next chapter today or tomorrow, sooo it should in the queue in the next few days - fingers crossed :P Report Review
Hi! you're tagged!
This was such a good little story, good job for a first story!
I like the type of narration you chose, very descriptive and giving lots of informations. I would have loved to read more and see Nott get punished though!!
What needs a bit a work though, is the characer construction. It's a bit harder to do it in a one-shot than in a multi-chaptered story but it's possible to do it. By adding a bit of emotional description, for example.
Congratulation on a very clean story as well. I didn't notice any blatant errors so that is great. Good work!Author's Response: Thankyou! It is actually going to be longer than this, but only a few more chapters so you would be able to see Nott's punishment ;P If I can decide what to do..hah I'll try to add some emotional description and so on in the coming chapters :)
Thanks again :) Report Review
This is definetely impressive for your first story! I really enjoyed Caitie's characterization. She definetaly has an attitude and is not the typical Hufflepuff. I like the way you confronted the house stereotypes directly and threw them out the window. She seems like a realistic character that we can relate to.
Overall you have a nice tone and I really enjoyed your use of humor, which came accross well. I would just recommend going a little more in depth, and letting the reader see her traits and abilities demonstrated raher than just describing them. Overall you're off to a really good start.Author's Response: Thank you for thinking it's impressive for my first story! That is such a relief! haha
Thanks for the tips, I'll try to include them when I edit.
Thanks so much! :) Report Review
I really like this story for breaking all the cliches of a typical hufflepuff.
Caitie seems to have a very strong personallity already within your story which is a very good thing as you can build within it and expand her character either making her personality stronger or changing it slightly to her be a more complex or complicated chatacter which will be really interesting to see what you will do with her :D
There are a few typos within it but if you just go over it slightly and alter them then they're very easily fixed.
I also feel that the story flows really well which helps the reader be eased into the story better making them want to read on.
I'm interested to see how the character of Georgiana will develop as she actually hasn't said anything yet which will be quite interesting to see how she also develops.
Well Done and I will definitely be reading on :D
GinevraMollyPotterAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you like it!
I'm really glad that her personality seems strong and I'm excited to take that somewhere :P
Yep, I was a little too impatient to proofread so I shall be editing it soon. heh.
Yay! I often have difficulty with flow, so that's good.
Georgiana wasn't even meant to be in it but she just popped up! I'll have to make sure she actually does develop and my mind doesn't forget about that :/
I'm so excited that you will be reading on! Thanks so much :D Report Review
Hey! Here from review tag!
I like the humor in this piece. The biting sarcasm is pretty entertaining. However, you've got several typos in here that sometimes make it hard for the reader to understand your point. If you just proofread one more time before posting or get a beta to look over it, that should clear up the issue :)
Your character is an interesting person, but I personally would have preferred that you "show" me what she's like rather than just have her tell me directly. For example, when talking about her being impatient and angry, just her behavior toward the students fighting in the corridor was evidence enough of that. I don't think it was necessary to state it after the fact. Does that make sense?
Also, you've got a few inconsistencies in there; for example, you say that the Potions professor doesn't even bother giving her detention anymore, but then he does at the end of the chapter. I personally think that no respectable professor would actually stop giving a perpetually tardy student some sort of punishment, so you're probably better off just taking out the line about no more detentions :)
Great start! I can tell this will be a humorous story! :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for being so in depth! I'm going to do a major edit now :)
Yeah I've gotten in trouble before for telling rather than showing :o So I guess I'll have to be really careful with that, thanks for the tips about it though :) (It did make sense :P)
That's a really good point about the detention thing, I'm not sure what I was thinking :/
Thanks! :) Report Review
Here for Review Tag xD
Well this is quite a different plot angle and I like where you're taking the story. It seems headed in good direction. I also like how you picked up on a Hufflepuff being like this, it is amusing. Good work there. Though I have to say, if she is sorted into Hufflepuff, you should show a little bit of her Hufflepuff qualities like Hard-Working, kind and helpful. Just include little somethings here so that it is realistic otherwise it will be too OOC.
Over all though, I like your writing. It was good and amusing. Good work!
ADAuthor's Response: Thank you! Good point with the other Hufflepuff qualities, I'll make sure to include them in the further chapters. Thank you so much :) Report Review
I liked this opening chapter! I think your humour is quite funny, and I like how you've made a stand-out Hufflepuff character who is determined to step out of the stereotype.
Good job!Author's Response: Thanks!! I'm so happy you think my humour is funny, I'm never sure if it really is, or just me rambling on..haha. Thanks again :) Report Review
Hello, its Mangagirl from the forums here for the review tag!
I really like this, its funny but also nicely written! At some points it was a bit unclear what era it was in (and I had to check at the story info bit) and there were a few gramattical errors but apart from that this was AWESOME! Lovely story and I really like Caitie, she is a really cool character, no way Mary Sue. And I like how you made sure she wasnt stereotypical. I see too many Hufflepuff's who are 'duffers'. If they are in Hufflepuff it means they are friendly but as you said not too brave, clever or cunning. There are not only 4 types of personality so I like how you made her a cool Hufflepuff.
E xAuthor's Response: Ahh thanks so much!
Ooh that's a good point, I might edit some details of the era in later. I'm so glad you don't think she is a Mary Sue etc and I'm just really glad you like it :) Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
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