Reading Reviews for The Underworld
51 Reviews Found

Review #1, by teh tarik Two

21st July 2013:
Hi Faux! Back for the second chapter :) I've got to say, I'm really, really enjoying this fic so far. I know some other reviewer has commented on how brief the scenes are, but I do think they fit the nature of the story very well. They're very abrupt and clipped, and you don't waste words on unnecessary description, which will slow down the pacing. Things happen at lightning speed, and the brief scenes really give that sense of breathlessness, of things spinning out of control, which is what happens in that final cliffhanger ending to this chapter.

Teddy Lupin is such an enigmatic character. There is a moral ambiguity about him, and he's so hard to read, which is great, because I love complex enigmatic character. :P I really enjoy reading about Victoire's small Auror team and how they work and get along with each other. There's not a lot of interpersonal stuff between the three; any communication between any of them is strictly work-based and formal; it really conveys plenty about the nature of Victoire's job as an Auror.

Well, I'll be reading on! I can't wait to find out what happens next and when will Victoire meet Teddy again! Great story!


 Report Review

Review #2, by teh tarik One

20th July 2013:
Hello Faux! Finally, I'm here to review this! And my goodness, this is such a gripping beginning to a story. Your pacing is excellent and there is a wonderful air of mystery and suspense and I have to say, I'm effectively hooked. This story sounds like it's going to have a great plotline with plenty of intrigue and mystery and I really do wish I'd come along and checked this out earlier.

But anyway, here I am now. There's a lot of action in here and the scenes are of great length. There's just the right amount of tension and urgency to this chapter.

Victoire has some very interesting characterisation here. She's an Auror, but she has a softer side to her (e.g. she doesn't like the idea of eating defenseless animals :P ). And then there's the whole mystery of Teddy Lupin. Aah, I'm not making a lot of sense with this review because it's pretty late where I'm at.

But I really did enjoy this chapter heaps and I'll most certainly be reading on. Brilliant start, Faux; I can't wait to see what happens next! ♥


 Report Review

Review #3, by adluvshp Ten

6th July 2013:
Woah. Certainly another mindblowing chapter (just like the previous). Loved it. I am enjoying how the story is unfolding though it's sad about Macario. Eager for the next. Keep writing.

Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by! :) I'm having a bit of writer's block but I'll try to get the next chapter out soon.

 Report Review

Review #4, by asu Ten

3rd July 2013:
this scene with holtzapfel is a bit predictable - like, how unvigilant can they get about traps and stuff? great action and suspense, though - just make it a little more believable and less cliche. but very interesting twist with louis being gay - i liked that! maybe more details about her family, too - bill and fleur as well? and hugo is ron and hermione's son, not bill and fleur's, so why would he be living with bill and fleur?

Author's Response: The name Hugo there is actually a typo, it should be Louis. I'm getting my stories confused...
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #5, by asu Eight

3rd July 2013:
only thing - it was a little obvious that there was going to be a trap. i didnt expect teddy though. or his cryptic stop being an auror. but as soon as vic walked into the room, i could tell she was being stupid and something was going to happen to her. keep writing! i want to know what happens!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #6, by asu Seven

3rd July 2013:
the only criticism i can think of is that the ideas to track the suspects was a little bit cliche and it didnt seem like a lot of thought was put into it. otherwise, love the writing! :) i really want to know what happens!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! As the suspects were the only leads they had, it was the only action that they could take.

 Report Review

Review #7, by asu Six

2nd July 2013:
amazing!! i'm really feeling for everyone here, don't know who to believe. only two things i would change - what is the significance of winston? could you explain it a little more before vic wonders about it, cuz it seems just stuck in there without any purpose. either explain or omit it. other thing - rimmon seems a little bit too free in his speech - maybe just add that he had been drinking a lot? i feel like a person like rimmon might not be so free in his beliefs. also, i know cuz i'm a huge potterhead haha, but maybe explain more about werewolf discrimination. even though rimmon is a werewolf, right now i'm not feeling as much sympathy for him as vic is. why didnt he just get over it and become someone better, like lupin? i dont really see the pain hes gone thru or his decision to be the way he is. i do definitely understand that there is a lot of discrimination against werewolves, but i dont understand why he chose to be the way he is, with so much pain and bitterness. and the boy rimmon takes care of - is he part of the plot/mentioned later?

Author's Response: Hi again!
The name Winston has no special significance, Victoire just thinks it's a funny name. Lupin was given a chance to go to Hogwarts because Dumbledore was the headmaster at the time. Rimmon on the other hand was expelled from Hogwarts. Being a werewolf for him basically meant that he couldn't do any of the things he had always wanted to do.
The boy Rimmon takes care of is mentioned because he was the beginning of the Underworld, but he probably won't be mentioned again.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #8, by asu Five

2nd July 2013:
i think you're laying in on a little too think with the vic trusts teddy stuff. its a little obvious that he's gonna betray her. also, you said it was impossible for vic to see teddy's true feeling when he changed faces, but you then only continued to say it made her uncomfortable. why was it impossible?

Author's Response: In that flashback I wanted to give an idea of Victoire's reliance on Teddy. Like a typical teenager, she had trouble bonding with her family and Teddy filled that gap. Sorry if you think I overdid it! :/ Thanks for your feedback!!

 Report Review

Review #9, by asu Four

2nd July 2013:
LOVED this chapter the best so far!! i liked the humor in not punching rimmon in the nose haha. a little copy edit - "Maybe the true difficulty of this assignment wouldn't like in seamlessly taking on another identity..." - it should be LIE in, not LIKE in. sorry, my ocd about that stuff haha. i think a little more background knowledge on vic's family and personal life would make the story move more freely and be less confusing. especially since you mentioned dominique without introducing her first. and did you have the idea of lorcan scamander from newt scamander (author of one thousand magical herbs and fungi)? overall really well written!!

Author's Response: Thank you! :) Your feedback really means a lot. And thank you so much for pointing out the typo, it can be difficult to catch those things in your own work so it's always helpful when other people tell me about them. According to JKR, Lorcan is Newt Scamander's son with Luna Lovegood.
Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #10, by asu Two

2nd July 2013:
i really liked how you develop the plot. I havent read a lot of fanfic, but yours is definitely the best of what ive read! victoire seems very realistic, as do the other characters - true to jk rowling's representation of wizards, victoire, teddy, and her harry potter characters. just a note - when the aurors first visit teddy, victoire is wearing jeans and a flannel, and there is a note about it. at the end of the visit, she is straightening her robes, not jeans. just thought you'd want to know. also, i think the hardest thing to develop in writing is not action, but realistic description and casual dialogue. you've done both amazingly. i really want to keep reading! one more thing - did she really kill teddy at the beginning?!?!?!?!?!?! granted, it was a great cliffhanger, but overall i think that beginning scene was a little too confusing for people who didn't interpret the avada kedavra literally, and too much of a spoiler for people who did

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! :) And thank you for pointing out that mistake, I'll make sure to go back and edit it as soon as the queue re-opens. The beginning scene will be revisited at the end of the story, but for now I can't say what happens.

 Report Review

Review #11, by halcyon Ten

23rd June 2013:
This story is beyond amazing. I love your characters and all of the twists in the plot! You are amazing at writing action scenes; it takes a very talented author to make the kind of story work the way you have! I'm in love :)
All of the characters are perfectly flawed and human and I'm dying to know more about well everything!!
Please please please update soon! You are an amazing writer- never stop! I'll be waiting eagerly for an update ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm working on chapter eleven - I'll probably have it in the queue within a week.

Thanks again! :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by Crescent Moon  Eight

6th April 2013:
I love this.
I've always been a fan of mysteries so I can't wait to see where you go with this.

Author's Response: Thank you! Update will be coming soon

 Report Review

Review #13, by adluvshp Eight

28th March 2013:
OMG what an action packed chapter! I absolutely loved it. That lady was very clever by the way. And Teddy just barged into Victoire like that and kissed her and told her to stop being an auror? man, I'd be mad too. I can't believe he tried to kill her though. That is just awful.

I love how Victoire is such a strong character though. I am glad she's tough and fought back, and didn't melt into Teddy's arms or something. Great going! Keep writing!


Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, sorry it's taken so long to respond! I've been on a little hiatus. Update will be coming soon, after a bit of an edit on the story.

 Report Review

Review #14, by likeme Eight

16th March 2013:
Teddy, What is your problem?


Author's Response: Haha, good question. Thanks for reading/reviewing! Update should be coming in the next few weeks!

 Report Review

Review #15, by Water_Fay Eight

15th March 2013:
I don't know how there aren't more favorites on this story because it is truly amazing. It is dark and emotional and everything perfect to something almost reminiscent of a Sherlock Holmes story. Your writing style is wonderful and I love the flash backs. I especially love how you began the story a the end and then brought it back. I just had to read more after that! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! :) Next chapter should be up in the next few weeks!

 Report Review

Review #16, by likeme Seven

2nd March 2013:
The story is totally different form what i usually read in fan fiction...I am already loving it...Write and upload more chapters...It is awesome!

Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter is already written, waiting to enter the queue.

 Report Review

Review #17, by MissMdsty One

28th February 2013:
Hey there! It's Ral from the review exchange! (I know, about time, right?)

I loved this first chapter! It left me with my mouth open. I really liked how you opened with what I suppose is the end of the story, where Vic and Teddy have a final showdown.

It's a very interesting plot you've got here, with high ranking officials dead and murderers on the loose. And poor Teddy, being bitten by a werewolf. But I have to ask myself, why is it when anything happens, it's the Weasley-Potter clan? I guess they've been asking themselves that for over two decades. I'm done with the cheesy puns now.

I looked at the chapters descriptions as well and I find the "Godfather" quotes a very nice touch and it gives me this feeling that the story is going to be very dark and heavy in themes such as power struggles and profit-oriented decisions. Or maybe it's all in my mind.

Just to point this out, you repeated a word here "Her dark brown brown hair was coiled in a tight braid", but other than that, everything is perfect. The flow, the mood, the grammar, everything is really well done. Good job! I'll be sure to come back to read some more!


Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by!

To answer your rhetorical question, I think it's the red hair. It's very bright and it attracts trouble. :)

I love Mario Puzo, so I couldn't help throwing in some Godfather wisdom. Hopefully my story will live up to the quotes!

Thanks again for the review!

 Report Review

Review #18, by adluvshp Seven

25th February 2013:
Yay new chapter! :D I quite liked this too. The entire meeting was very interesting, I enjoyed reading it. So, Victoire might soon be Lance's right-hand-woman, thats cool! I wonder how things will unfold from now and what will they gather from the search hmm.

You are doing a great job writing this, your pace is perfect, and it is all turning out good. I cant wait to read the next now!



Author's Response: Thank you! I really enjoy writing this :) Next chapter should be coming soon.

 Report Review

Review #19, by Miss Muggle Seven

24th February 2013:
First off, go Victoire! She totally deserves to be Lance's right hand (wo)man.

Nice little meeting to see how the mission is progressing. Victoire's thought process is interesting to read. She knows that Rimmon's behavior is inexcusable, but he wasn't just born an evil villain either.

Even though it was just a small bit of the chapter, I like seeing some of Victoire's life outside of her job. Her interactions with her roommate, however minimal, are a nice little glimpse. It would also be interesting to read Victoire and her family. Maybe talking about Teddy?

Good chapter! I hope to read more soon.

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I'm about 1,000 words into the next chapter, which includes a bit of Victoire's outside life. I like the idea of a family scene, I'll try to throw one in at some point! :) Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #20, by ValWitch21 Six

23rd February 2013:
Well, you suddenly made Rimmon a lot more human, sadly enough. I hope to see more of nasty him soon, just to make my conscience feel better about my previous criticisms.

I'm still frustrated about not understanding Teddy's implications and motives.

And poor Victoire still can't get over him, can she?

Anyway. This chapter was great again, and I didn't spot any typos or errors, which is an added plus. I'll be back to read this, trust me!

Author's Response: Haha, yeah, I definitely didn't like Rimmon when I first started writing him, but I wanted him to be a realistic-enough villain.

Victoire definitely has a lot of feelings that she's holding back. I picture her in her teenage years as kind of a drifter who found solid ground when she found Teddy, then had it yanked out from under her feet.

Thanks again! :)

 Report Review

Review #21, by ValWitch21 Five

23rd February 2013:
Well that just confirms it all. WHAT A DREADFUL BLOKE, I SWEAR. And such a pig, acting as if Victoire belongs to him and being like OH HEY I'M A POSSESSIVE MALE. Psh.

Teddy is really implicated then? I was hoping he wasn't really, that he was being forced into doing whatever he was doing, but obviously not. Unless I'm missing something?

So, Victoire is throwing herself into the wolf's mouth (that fits the circumstances even better than intended). I can't wait to read about the party!

Next chapter is the last one for now, oh well...

Author's Response: Your reaction to Rimmon made me laugh, but you're right, he acts pretty gross and slimy.

Yeah, Teddy's involved on his own free will. But of course there's always more to a story than meets the eye. :)

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #22, by ValWitch21 Four

23rd February 2013:
What a creepy character, that Rimmon guy. No wonder Victoire finds him sickening, he is. BLARGH.

This sounds like some very interesting undercover work is coming up. And now I'm wondering how implicated Teddy is in this whole shebang.

Ah, Dominique. I love her when she's well portrayed, and this is the case here, so congratulations!

I'm off to read the next chapter and hoping to get some answers :)

Author's Response: Thanks again for your reviews :)

 Report Review

Review #23, by ValWitch21 Three

23rd February 2013:
I'm actually having definite Macario/Victoire shipping feels, despite the allusions to Lance/Victoire and Victoire's feelings for Teddy. But anyway.

Your beginning was great. Personally, I have huge difficulties writing action scenes, so I greatly admire your capacity to pull it off -- and pull it off well at that!

Well, there's more to Victoire than meets the eye, isn't there? She's an immensely stoic character, which I think there aren't enough around here, and that makes her even more likeable to me.

Macario is such a snide character, hahaha. I like him already. Again, shipping feels over here.

Off to read chapter four!

Author's Response: I'm so happy when I hear that the fight scene worked out for people because I had literally no confidence when writing it! When I started this story, I had in mind a strong female character who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve. :) Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #24, by ValWitch21 Two

23rd February 2013:
I don't think this was moving too fast. Maybe just a little, but it's not destabilising for the reader.

I like the way you've made Victoire the 'good cop'. Her hesitations about Teddy at the beginning made her very realistic and believable, and sort of goes against the traditionally admitted cliche of Victoire the confident, man-eater Veela.

AND THERE'S THAT CLIFFHANGER. Sorry about the caps, but your ending definitely had me there! I'm really curious about what happens next...

Author's Response: I'm glad it didn't seem to fast! I had never written this sort of story and was pretty nervous about the first few chapters. Thanks for your review :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by ValWitch21 One

23rd February 2013:
Val for the review swap!

Well, that's definitely a gripping start. Personally, I have a thing for stories that start with flashbacks, even though at the same time it frustrates me to no end because I don't know whether or not there will be more afterwards. And in this case, I really hope Victoire hasn't actually killed Teddy.

So. You introduce a fair amount of characters, but it doesn't seem overwhelming to me. Everything just sort of falls together, despite the fact that, time-wise, this is divided. I particularly like Lorelei, she seems like a very fun person!

Then there's the murder case, which I can't wait to find out more about. Off to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! I feel the same way about gripping yet so unsatisfying.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>