I love this.
I've always been a fan of mysteries so I can't wait to see where you go with this. Report Review
OMG what an action packed chapter! I absolutely loved it. That lady was very clever by the way. And Teddy just barged into Victoire like that and kissed her and told her to stop being an auror? man, I'd be mad too. I can't believe he tried to kill her though. That is just awful.
I love how Victoire is such a strong character though. I am glad she's tough and fought back, and didn't melt into Teddy's arms or something. Great going! Keep writing!
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
Teddy, What is your problem?
UPDATE...Author's Response: Haha, good question. Thanks for reading/reviewing! Update should be coming in the next few weeks! Report Review
I don't know how there aren't more favorites on this story because it is truly amazing. It is dark and emotional and everything perfect to something almost reminiscent of a Sherlock Holmes story. Your writing style is wonderful and I love the flash backs. I especially love how you began the story a the end and then brought it back. I just had to read more after that! Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! :) Next chapter should be up in the next few weeks! Report Review
The story is totally different form what i usually read in fan fiction...I am already loving it...Write and upload more chapters...It is awesome!Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter is already written, waiting to enter the queue. Report Review
Hey there! It's Ral from the review exchange! (I know, about time, right?)
I loved this first chapter! It left me with my mouth open. I really liked how you opened with what I suppose is the end of the story, where Vic and Teddy have a final showdown.
It's a very interesting plot you've got here, with high ranking officials dead and murderers on the loose. And poor Teddy, being bitten by a werewolf. But I have to ask myself, why is it when anything happens, it's the Weasley-Potter clan? I guess they've been asking themselves that for over two decades. I'm done with the cheesy puns now.
I looked at the chapters descriptions as well and I find the "Godfather" quotes a very nice touch and it gives me this feeling that the story is going to be very dark and heavy in themes such as power struggles and profit-oriented decisions. Or maybe it's all in my mind.
Just to point this out, you repeated a word here "Her dark brown brown hair was coiled in a tight braid", but other than that, everything is perfect. The flow, the mood, the grammar, everything is really well done. Good job! I'll be sure to come back to read some more!
RalAuthor's Response: Thanks for stopping by!
To answer your rhetorical question, I think it's the red hair. It's very bright and it attracts trouble. :)
I love Mario Puzo, so I couldn't help throwing in some Godfather wisdom. Hopefully my story will live up to the quotes!
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Yay new chapter! :D I quite liked this too. The entire meeting was very interesting, I enjoyed reading it. So, Victoire might soon be Lance's right-hand-woman, thats cool! I wonder how things will unfold from now and what will they gather from the search hmm.
You are doing a great job writing this, your pace is perfect, and it is all turning out good. I cant wait to read the next now!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you! I really enjoy writing this :) Next chapter should be coming soon. Report Review
First off, go Victoire! She totally deserves to be Lance's right hand (wo)man.
Nice little meeting to see how the mission is progressing. Victoire's thought process is interesting to read. She knows that Rimmon's behavior is inexcusable, but he wasn't just born an evil villain either.
Even though it was just a small bit of the chapter, I like seeing some of Victoire's life outside of her job. Her interactions with her roommate, however minimal, are a nice little glimpse. It would also be interesting to read Victoire and her family. Maybe talking about Teddy?
Good chapter! I hope to read more soon.Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I'm about 1,000 words into the next chapter, which includes a bit of Victoire's outside life. I like the idea of a family scene, I'll try to throw one in at some point! :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Well, you suddenly made Rimmon a lot more human, sadly enough. I hope to see more of nasty him soon, just to make my conscience feel better about my previous criticisms.
I'm still frustrated about not understanding Teddy's implications and motives.
And poor Victoire still can't get over him, can she?
Anyway. This chapter was great again, and I didn't spot any typos or errors, which is an added plus. I'll be back to read this, trust me!Author's Response: Haha, yeah, I definitely didn't like Rimmon when I first started writing him, but I wanted him to be a realistic-enough villain.
Victoire definitely has a lot of feelings that she's holding back. I picture her in her teenage years as kind of a drifter who found solid ground when she found Teddy, then had it yanked out from under her feet.
Thanks again! :) Report Review
Well that just confirms it all. WHAT A DREADFUL BLOKE, I SWEAR. And such a pig, acting as if Victoire belongs to him and being like OH HEY I'M A POSSESSIVE MALE. Psh.
Teddy is really implicated then? I was hoping he wasn't really, that he was being forced into doing whatever he was doing, but obviously not. Unless I'm missing something?
So, Victoire is throwing herself into the wolf's mouth (that fits the circumstances even better than intended). I can't wait to read about the party!
Next chapter is the last one for now, oh well...Author's Response: Your reaction to Rimmon made me laugh, but you're right, he acts pretty gross and slimy.
Yeah, Teddy's involved on his own free will. But of course there's always more to a story than meets the eye. :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
What a creepy character, that Rimmon guy. No wonder Victoire finds him sickening, he is. BLARGH.
This sounds like some very interesting undercover work is coming up. And now I'm wondering how implicated Teddy is in this whole shebang.
Ah, Dominique. I love her when she's well portrayed, and this is the case here, so congratulations!
I'm off to read the next chapter and hoping to get some answers :)Author's Response: Thanks again for your reviews :) Report Review
I'm actually having definite Macario/Victoire shipping feels, despite the allusions to Lance/Victoire and Victoire's feelings for Teddy. But anyway.
Your beginning was great. Personally, I have huge difficulties writing action scenes, so I greatly admire your capacity to pull it off -- and pull it off well at that!
Well, there's more to Victoire than meets the eye, isn't there? She's an immensely stoic character, which I think there aren't enough around here, and that makes her even more likeable to me.
Macario is such a snide character, hahaha. I like him already. Again, shipping feels over here.
Off to read chapter four!Author's Response: I'm so happy when I hear that the fight scene worked out for people because I had literally no confidence when writing it! When I started this story, I had in mind a strong female character who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve. :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
I don't think this was moving too fast. Maybe just a little, but it's not destabilising for the reader.
I like the way you've made Victoire the 'good cop'. Her hesitations about Teddy at the beginning made her very realistic and believable, and sort of goes against the traditionally admitted cliche of Victoire the confident, man-eater Veela.
AND THERE'S THAT CLIFFHANGER. Sorry about the caps, but your ending definitely had me there! I'm really curious about what happens next...Author's Response: I'm glad it didn't seem to fast! I had never written this sort of story and was pretty nervous about the first few chapters. Thanks for your review :) Report Review
Val for the review swap!
Well, that's definitely a gripping start. Personally, I have a thing for stories that start with flashbacks, even though at the same time it frustrates me to no end because I don't know whether or not there will be more afterwards. And in this case, I really hope Victoire hasn't actually killed Teddy.
So. You introduce a fair amount of characters, but it doesn't seem overwhelming to me. Everything just sort of falls together, despite the fact that, time-wise, this is divided. I particularly like Lorelei, she seems like a very fun person!
Then there's the murder case, which I can't wait to find out more about. Off to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! I feel the same way about flashbacks...so gripping yet so unsatisfying. Report Review
Ooh I loved this! I favourited this story and have been keeping track of it ever since my first review on it, but in the busy days, I didn't get around to reviewing the previous chapter, so apologies for that!
However, I have to say you're doing amazing! It is all so interesting. I love the way things played out in this chapter, and how we got a glimpse into Rimmon's past. Teddy seems so withdrawn and I am eager to know why he is doing what he is doing.
The plot of this story is wonderful, I love the concept, and the pace and flow is smooth and perfect. Your characterisations are interesting and the grammar is pretty much okay. This seems to be headed in a great direction so I can't wait for the next chapter.
Do update soon!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by again! :) More info on Teddy is coming soon. I have the next chapter written, it should be out in a week or so. Report Review
This story is VERY interesting and you are so creative. I'd love to see more Teddy/Victoire. Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'll try! Report Review
Hello! Tagging you from the Gryffie review thread.
Ooh, what an interesting start to your story! I really enjoyed it and it definietly has me wanting to read more.
I love the plot you've built up in this. Starting with the ending scene was really dramatic and when I read it I was like 'Okay, what just happened now?' I was really drawn in. It kinda almost makes me not want to read it though - I'm scared of getting too attached to your Teddy if you know what I mean! If I pretend that the curse misses or something though I might be okay!
I really like how you filled in the scene we know from canon with James interrupting Teddy/Vic. My only bit of CC for this section was that I would have loved to have read a tiny bit more. You seemed to jump from James interrupting to her being on the train and just this bit seemed a tiny bit rushed. I don't think it needs much, but it would flow that bit better if you did.
The next scenes were great, we find out a lot of info and meet a lot of new people but not once did I find it confusing or not understand what was going on - I thought you did it really well! I was really shocked to find that Teddy is a werewolf! That was a really great twist. Also the fact that Teddy/Vic haven't spoken in however many years was really interesting too.
Then we have all the mystery of the murders and we know Teddy is caught and hunted down for something. You've really got me hooked!
A really great chapter though, I really enjoyed it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :) One day I'll go back and edit the scene with James II, because I agree that it's a bit rushed. Report Review
Hey, it's Whiskey!
When I read that this was going to be crime-solving fic, I experienced some reservation, but turned out t be pleasantly surprised!
What I like best, I think, is the way you skip from scene to scene, avoiding any unnecessary filler moments or getting carried away with exposition. Instead, you sort of let you characters do that for you. It's good show-instead-of-tell work!
I think my favourite part was in the kitchen, when they discuss the case. You had many characters, but it never got confusing. Also, a gripping feeling of secrecy and uncertainty was well conveyed through the way Dunmore behaved and talked.
If there is anything I can offer in terms of CC, it would be that you look over the very first section. I was very shocked to see that Teddy gets Avada-ed and only then realized how serious that section actually was. Something about the way they talked to eachotehr implied more of an action-adventure scene. I expected them to jump off and run away together, proceeding to fight The Man and clear Teddy's name. I suppose there was a lot of hope in the section until the very end and not much about the way either of the characters acted implied the gravity of how they knew what was going to happen. I don't know how exactly you could adjust it, but maybe insert some more of Victoire's perspective, show how torn she must feel. Maybe draw some more attention to the threatening presence of the wand (you know, similar to the rule that if there is a gun in the first act, it WILL be used in the 3rd). I'm sure you cna think of something!
Well, I hope this was helpful. Thanks for the swap :)Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I'll try to work on that first scene! Report Review
Its me, Gabbie with your requested review! *Throws confetti* and its good to be back, I was wondering how this story was doing after those last two chapters that I read.
So, the beginning of this was flooded with good action, I love a bit of fighting a story and I think you did really well with it. I was able to sense just how frightened Victoire was by the fighting going around her and I was scared that she was going to be really hurt and lose part of her team. The organization seems pretty darn tough right now and I'm wondering just how many people are in on this. It seems like it networks all over the place and I'm getting the feeling that its only going to be more complicated as we go along.
I liked the little bits of Victoire's personal life, I really loved getting to know more about her. She's actually quiet likeable and thanks goodness because sometimes she's written in a way that makes me cringe. Not that I haven't done it myself but your Victoire is so sweet and down to earth and I really like her.
But goodness, I can't believe what Lance is asking her to do! Not only is it dangerous but she obviously doesn't want to do it! I have a feeling that things are not going to go right and I hope that she'll keep a level head and find out the information she needs. D':
As for the case itself, you've got me really curious. I'm wondering what the eventual outcome will be and just who is behind all of this and I can't wait to find out, I think you've got a good mystery going here so thanks for requesting it for me. :D
I didn't spot any CC's and I liked your pacing and flow and the breaks that you added in. :D So good job!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Yay :) Thank you for the lovely review! I was a bit concerned about the flow, so I'm glad it reads okay! Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
I'm glad that you made Victoire still appear strong, and brave, as those are the 2 key Weasley features, and though her mother failed the second task of the Triwizard tournament she still was pretty awesome, and a lot of people foget about that and make her out to be a wimp, so I was glad to see that you hadn't!
I noticed you gave a capital A for apparating, when I don't think it needs one, as it's not a name of anything, so that may want to be corrected:)
I thought the fight scene was great, even though it was shorter than I expected it to see, it still worked fine, and was very believable, such as Victoire comptemplating whether she should go or not, and you could feel the tension, and the fear in there as well, which was really good!
I thought the way the auror's were working, was also very relalistic and believable, and you could really feel Victoire's pain, and sympathise with her, over the fact that she would have to be the one to track her ex- down.
As for the scene changes, I thought that the transition was smooth, and didn't disrupt from the flow of the overall chapter which was great:D I think the reason why it worked, was because you ended the conversation they were having, so it didn't feel abrupt or stillted.
The only CC I would give is Teddy not being there, as I love him, but that's just me being selfish:P Other than that it was a great chapter, keep up the good work, and feel free to re-request! KianaAuthor's Response: Thanks for stopping by again! :) Your reviews are so lovely and helpful! Teddy will come into the story gradually. Report Review
I have no idea what's going on. In a good way, of course. Very mysterious. I'm so glad I found this story!
I want to think Teddy is a good guy at heart, but what's he doing? Is he murdering or helping murder people? Why'd be disappear? I have so many questions and so few answers.Author's Response: I'm glad you like it so far! :) The next chapter should be coming out in the next few weeks. Report Review
Holy bejeezus! What is going on?!?! I'm going to go read the next chapter now so I don't explode.Author's Response: Haha :) Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hello again, here with the requested review!
I am jumping straight to your concerns here =)
The plot seems to be thickening and I liked it. The way you showed the aurors being led up to Teddy, and how things turned out, was quite good. It was fast-paced, but not too fast - I think it was suited for the plot. The way you wrote the whole thing was good. The plot seems to be well-thought and quite clear in your head, which is reflected in the writing, so thumbs up!
I wanted to see more into Victoire as a character in this chapter, but due to all the...action, it got a bit overshadowed. But from what you said in the author's note, I am assuming that we'll get to know Victoire's character better in the next chapter probably. Besides that, I liked how you showed her conflicting emotions on seeing Teddy, and later having to barge into his home to find it empty. Her confusion is also written well, and came through strongly in the narrative. She seems to be crafted in a much realistic way, so good work!
As for Teddy, he still remains a mystery (of course for the benefit of the plot) and whatever little you revealed of him was shown well I think. His character seems to be shady and you managed to get that point across smoothly.
So, your plot seems to be good. I like the characters definitely, though would prefer more development in Victoire. The air of mystery surrounding the story is well-done, and the over all grammar, pace, and flow was okay. I don't have much CC to give you. Good work, and keep writing!
Feel free to re-request!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thanks again! :)
I'll try to go back and develop Victoire a bit more. Report Review
Hey there! Here for your requested review!
I quite liked this chapter. It was intriguing indeed (especially the "end" you showed in the first paragraph, I wonder if Teddy actually died), and this seems like a great setting to an interesting story :)
Your main concern was plot and characterisation, so let's get to that.
I absolutely love your plot. It's very interesting and seems quite "thrilling" if I may say so. The idea of Victoire being an auror, having to solve this murder mystery, then coming to know about Teddy being a werewolf, and having to interview him, and before that Teddy and Victoire being lovers, and then Teddy leaving her - it is all woven really well, and seems like a great plot base. I would really like to see how the story develops further.
As for the characterisations, again I really liked them. I love how you've crafted Victoire as this strong Gryffindor Auror, who loved Teddy with this tenderness, and is now loyal to her job. Her character is fleshed out nicely and reflected well through this opening chapter. The flashbacks gave some more insight into her and her relationship with Teddy too, so nice effect there.
You haven't revealed much about Teddy character-wise in this chapter though, things are still very much in the dark, but I guess that's done on purpose. I'd like to see more detail on his character in the future chapters though, and see him grow.
The other minor characters like Vic's colleagues and her friend are also portrayed well, and so is their relationship with Victoire, but I think being the opening chapter you should have shed a little more light on their characters with some more detail and description (such as on their appearances and behaviour).
That is all I had to say on the characterisation and plot. Apart from that, I have a few things to point out. Firstly, I noticed that in a few places, you tended to mix up your past and present tense. So I'd suggest to keep an eye out and maintain a tense consistency while writing. Then, you referred to Victoire as Dominique once or twice I think (which was a typo I guess), so make sure you fix that or readers can get confused! Also, your narrative flow (or scene transition) could have been better, though the current one is also not too bad.
Besides that, this was a good chapter to what seems to be an interesting story. I liked reading it. Keep writing!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by! :)
I'll definitely work on my descriptions. I agree that that, and the pace of the chapter, are probably it's biggest flaws.
I originally wrote this chapter in the present tense, and then decided that I didn't like that, but I guess I forgot to change it in some places :/ Rrr. Report Review
Hello, it's me again! I decided to come and review this chapter as well, as the last one was so good!
I have to say I love your use of words two things I picked out which were really cool were 'Victoire felt supremely uncomfortable' and 'It was a cool, crisp October morning', I don't know I just loved these phrases!
I did find it weird you said Teddy looked exactly like Victoire remembered, yet isn't he an metamorphagmus (however you spell it) so he wouldn't have a set appearance as it would change all the time.
Seeing the life and work of an auror was actually very interesting and made me want to be one too, as it was like detective work and I always thought it would be cool to be one. It seemed really realistic and believable which is good:)
Wow (I said it again!), this gets even more mysterious with Teddy's business getting caught up with the murders, and then him disappearing it's a perfect mystery! I saw you said in your A/N that there would be some of Victoire's family in the next chapter, which is good as everyone loves the Weasley's!
Overall I thought this was a really good chapter, one thing I would recommend is that though the pace is fast, maybe include some more description just so we can get a clearer idea of what's going on. Feel free to re-request as I've really enjoyed reading this! Kiana :)Author's Response: Thanks for coming back! :) I want to work on editing the next few chapters a bit more before I re-request (I started this story a long time ago, forgot about it, and have been refurbishing before I continue).
I'll work on my descriptions! I tend to sort of forget about that stuff and focus on the characters, so thanks for pointing it out!
I guess I liked the emotional impact of having Teddy look the same in this scene, because Vic can recognize him right away. I think in other scenes when he's around people (not alone at home), I'll have him look different. Report Review
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