12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Chelsie World News

21st May 2017:
I like the idea but I have no clue what is going on. The writing is choppy and there's nothing in the beginning to indicate why they are searching the place or what the case is even about. I don't think I will continue reading.

 Report Review

Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrix World News

12th March 2014:
When I was scrolling through the "recently added" list, looking for something to catch my eye, I noticed something curious: a novel, marked "part seven." I was naturally interested to see who was dedicated enough to post a seven novel series on the site, and clicked onward. I decided to give this chapter a go, as I was intrigued to see what sort of story you've maintained over hundreds of thousands of words. I was not disappointed.

This was a long chapter, sure, but I breezed through it. The plan, the mysterious magical creatures, the suspense, the characters... All fit together so well, and all moved the chapter along at a good pace. Everything felt fresh, original. You clearly have a good feel for the characters and where they're headed-- perhaps from thorough planning, perhaps after revisions, doesn't matter to me-- and that makes it incredibly enjoyable to read.

At first I was a little uncomfortable with Harry; while Ginny came across very close to the Ginny of the books, and Maddie was your own invention, Harry did not read like the Harry I'm used to. Different style of speaking, different worries, different attitude. I don't read many detective stories, but I'd hazard a guess that he reads more like classic detective than the original Harry Potter. However, I don't have an issue with this. While it'll take some getting used to, his character fits the story, it clearly fits your writing style, and it must work well overall if it's lasted for seven novels.

The only other thing that threw me off a little was the dialogue; at times it felt stilted or odd, mostly because of the punctuation. Many times you used a period in a place where a question mark would naturally go; other times you used exclamation points in lieu of periods, or sometimes no punctuation at all.

What a fabulous chapter, though. A great find, in my opinion. I'll be back for more.

Author's Response: Appreciate your review.

I got the idea of the career a middle-aged Harry would have from an old movie I was watching. It seemed like the sort of lone job he might try.

I had to invent other characters. I couldn't have him constantly talking or meeting the same people from school. And that would get boring.

Sorry about the punctuation. I never pretended to be much good at it. At least my story was engaging enough to keep you going.

 Report Review

Review #3, by Larry Hotter Moving in was great, but about your basement ...

19th September 2013:
Errr... Is this going somewhere?
I love a slow story, but this is honestly too slow.
We got nothing in this chapter, it was quite awkward too.
The enchantment in the basement made them lovesick... So what!? Why where they so awkward?
I just didn't get it...

Author's Response: The four were supposed to be embarrassed at being caught up in someone's old sex toy. My characters aren't the kind to be doing something like that along with other couples. Probably should have skipped this entirely, but that was how I wrote it out.
I know it sounds too "PG" rated but that was all I was interested in bringing to the chapter.
Besides, it was to just the part of the story to introduce the 'house' and that there is some back story to what happens in the future. Sorry there is no car chases or monsters in every closet.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Larry Hotter Wedding Day

14th September 2013:
This chapter was quite honestly boring.
The last part with Dumbledore and Harry was a bit insightful, but I have to say I kinda rushed through this chapter.

Author's Response: Well, not everything can be great. Thanks for trying.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Larry Hotter Fire and Lightning and Neville

12th September 2013:
Gran Augusta was just great!
You wrote her perfectly, IMO.

Again an uneventful chapter, but with so much backstory.
Love a slow story. :)

Didn't quite feel the Hermione and Ginny part, though.

Author's Response: I wanted more Neville and his world in the story. I'm happy that my slant on Grandma Longbottom seemed real.

 Report Review

Review #6, by Larry Hotter Real Estate

11th September 2013:
This was a rather uneventful chapter, but still gave some insight about Ron and Hermiones situation.
The Demon was something new and interesting.

My guess is that we will see more of them.

 Report Review

Review #7, by Larry Hotter A Warehouse Named Aurora

8th September 2013:
Nice long chapter!

The action bit was fantastic.
I was a bit confused by all the new names, but I think I got it. :)

Author's Response: Took me a little while to remember. This was a later addition when I first posted the story. It was pointed out that I had little actual words devoted to Harry being a detective, as well as too much boring dialogue.
Don't know if this helped the problem, but at least gives a little action.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Larry Hotter Pee-Eyed

6th September 2013:
Loved this chapter to bits! :)

So well written, It's maddening.
Love how you went into everybodies head in the restaurant. Everybody was concerned about different things. LOL!

The Weasleys being completely broken for seven years and counting was a bit weird. Not what I thought of the Weasleys.
Hopefully you will fix that in the coming chapters.

The ending had a huge mistake, IMO. Why didn't Harry just repair the ceiling and walls in the office? Just a wand wave...

Anyway, can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: I'm not incredibly versed in all correct magic spells. This was mostly from memory from having read the original books to my kids. It seemed easier to just say he/she did magic without saying the words out loud or describing the wand movement.

 Report Review

Review #9, by Larry Hotter World News

6th September 2013:
Excellently written!
Rich, detailed text.

You write like a pro. :)

I don't understand how this story hasn't got more than 2 reviews.

Excellent first chapter. Hope to see Ron and Hermione in the next. :)

Author's Response: You are the first, actually, in a long while. I hope I exceed your expectation in the later chapters.


 Report Review

Review #10, by happy Pee-Eyed

7th November 2011:
I think Lucius is on crack. Why in the world would Harry want to talk to any Malfoy?

Its like being asked for a favor by the serial killer who murdered your family.

Author's Response: Well, to start, that might be Malfoy is affected that way. That wasn't my plot, however, as I was trying to make something that seemed equally improbable to Harry. But at least as far as the Book 7 ended, Harry and much of the rest of the survivors had left the Malfoys alone in a corner. I think he would have avoided the Malfoys but would be decent enough to try to do a diligent job. Even for Lucius.

Lucius is a baddie. I don't sugar coat that. But I think Harry would have honestly tried to move on. That's what he said he wanted.

I don't think we actually learn Malfoy's crimes in the past, other than being a Death-Eater the first go-around. Whatever he did then, it must not have been enough for him to land in prison, like the others. I was imagining Lucius was just as slippery the second time.

 Report Review

Review #11, by PurpleMonkey Pee-Eyed

3rd November 2011:
Really good, really long!
Super good, super strong!

keep updateing!
i'm hooked, i can't put the laptop down!

Author's Response: Appreciate your review.

I never have had a haiku response before. I am unable to rhyme so .please ignore.

 Report Review

Review #12, by PurpleMonkey World News

3rd November 2011:
keep writing, this is really good!
can't wait for the next chapter, update update update!!!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login