Reading Reviews for Born to Die
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by charlottetrips Part 1

31st January 2012:
Char from the Forums here with your requested review! I do so like being introduced to new ships!

First of all, I must make a comment upon your vocabulary! I love the fact that there are all these delicious words that I don’t normally get to read (not that people are dumb but some are young and some just don’t use the more unusual words) – words such as “nuance” and “acrid”.

You’ve drawn quite a poetic scene in these opening paragraphs. I mean, it’s not happy poetic, but the imagery and comparison of Regulus’ inner strife to that of the storm in the world outside is very nicely done.

“aquatinted” – acquainted?
“trigged” – triggered (I assume)

So we’re at the point where Regulus realizes that being a Death Eater ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be, eh?

There’s some foreshadowing here in the beginning of what’s to come. I like that. What I don’t like is the superfluous use of the ellipses. (…) But it’s more of a personal peeve.

With regard to the flashbacks, since you’re already using a line break, I think you wouldn’t need to also use italics. Plus you have a “1 year ago” which also introduces more of a time break into things. It would, again, in my opinion, make for smoother reading. (I’m adding this in now that I’m at the end – it honestly got a little confusing for me towards the last bit. Was the kissing just before Regulus ran outside in the storm?)

Oooh, more luscious words – “indelible”, “pedestrian”, “artifice”! :)

Hm, this meeting is believable. There’s a bit of an instant attraction there yet that inner struggle any hoity-toity pureblood goes through. Regulus is pretty in touch with his inner soul I must say. I guess being a loner, he’s got time to reflect.

Overall, the description was done well in that you really could get the scene across. Regulus is that slight pushover we kind of got from the book but there’s an inner strength to him as well.

Author's Response: Hi! :) Thank you so much for the review! Sorry this response has taken so long. I've been neglecting HPFF :( Thanks for pointing out those spelling errors! I must have gone over this story a thousand times, yet somehow I still missed those! I'll also make sure to restrict my use of ellipses! xD And yes, Regulus ran outside after his interaction with Lily. Thank you for everything else! I loved reading your review!

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Review #2, by SilentConfession Part 1

29th January 2012:
Hi, i'm finally here for your requested review, i'm sorry for the delay as school as been terribly hectic lately. :D

I actually really enjoyed this piece and you have great description. It was so easy to imagine everything that was happening in your story, from the first moment, to the party, to the kiss. Reading that aspect of it was lovely because it was so rich. I'm such a sucker for description and you honestly did a great job with giving such a vivid image of what was happening and where people were. Although i did wonder why he was in the forbiddon forest to begin with, was he on a mission? Was it after Hogwarts?

To comment on whether it was believable or not, i think it was. I came in wondering how you'd write a Regulus and Lily and i think you did a great job at describing both of their feelings and how Lily just didn't know why she was there. But it makes sense because Lily always seemed drawn to see the best of people.

I felt though that the beginning bit, although was nice, i felt like it was written too prettily for what was being described, especially from Regulus' POV, i'd almost expect some of his mental state to be included there, but i felt like something was missing there. Also, why was he taking his clothes off? Did i just miss that part, were they Death Eater's robes and if so, it would have been nice to witness his disgust with them.

This narrative is so unique and different, i was a little thrown off a bit at first but i did get used to is. It was a little Jane Austenesque really. Some of the wording used and the descriptions really reminded me of a really archaic way of talking. But, after i got used to it, i think it worked. If it had come from any other character other than a Black, or a pureblood family, it would definitely been out of place, but i could imagine that they were raised in a aristocratic, old school way that they would just think that way perhaps.

There are a few grammatical errors, some added comma's and the like scattered throughout the story. Nothing a good going over wouldn't cure, or a beta. Sometimes, it interrupted the flow of the story and made me go back and reread the sentence just to be sure i knew exactly what it meant. For example:

Growing up in the abusive environment he did, Regulus’ parents always avoided the task of nurturing.

You may have meant to ad a that in there after the environment and i'm not sure if the comma would even be needed. There were a few others that i noticed seemed a little awkward. The only advise i could give is to make sure that every sentence means exactly what you want it to say.

The connection of Red in the very beginning scene to her, although fairly typically, borderline cliche, was still effective and a nice lead into the flashbacks. The only thing i felt about those was that there was just so much of them that the italics got a little irritating. That's probably a personal pet peeve though but i feel like there would be a more effective way to show his memories.

On a final note, i loved the exploration of his feelings here and i thought you did a great job with showing the emotions and the things that really destroyed the Black family. They are such an interesting family to me so i'm so glad to read this story. The language he used, especially in his current state made him feel like he was so much older which made me sad because it sort of encapsulated this idea that he was forced to lose his innocence and his childhood way before he should have. You did great showing that and it was honestly very powerful. Thanks for requesting me, i hope you found this review helpful and wasn't just a rambling of thoughts :D

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Review #3, by apocalypse Part 1

26th January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

Whoa. This was an amazing chapter! Grief and angst really isn't my favourite thing to write as I know how bad I am at it. So from the point of view of someone who knows how hard writing sad stories is, I salute you! =) This was just brilliant!

To answer your concerns first, I'd like to tell you that it's perfectly believable. When I saw that the story had a Regulus/Lily pairing, I was a bit skeptical, wondering how you'd pull it off without something seeming amiss. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised to see how you've written it down so perfectly that it barely feels wrong. I admire the way you've made his emotions clash with her personality and have made them come close due to her need to help people like him.

This chapter had a very good flow and I enjoyed reading it! Generally, the switching between two different scenes is often a bit disrupting but you were able to make your transitions very smooth allowing me to read through the entire thing with little difficulty.

I think that you've characterised Regulus perfectly! His inner emotions and the inner turmoil was written perfectly; the way his emotions made him act and the way he thought about everything around him was beautifully executed. I could totally understand what he was feeling and why he was having those feelings. His anguish, his regret, the attraction he felt, the sudden urge he had to rescue her or go after her, all these were written excellently; I could actually feel myself feeling all those things mentally. His thoughts have huge impact on a reader and the way you've written them down, it seems like everything he's thinking is actually in our own head rather than his. Your attention to detail and the description levels were perfect!

Lily was the Lily we know from canon. She was sweet and caring and I could understand why she would want to help him. Even from Regulus' point of view, you were able to show why she would become his friend and why she would choose to stay even when he'd called her mudblood. It's a very impressive feat; to be able to maintain the originality of characters and adding your own touches to it. Excellent job! =)

You have a very good style of writing, the way you describe things and pay attention to the tiniest detail is very admirable. I enjoyed reading this piece particularly because it was well described. The duel scene with Mulciber, Slughorn's party scene, the scene where they kiss, all were perfectly described and it was very easy to imagine everything. A very well captured movie was playing in my head as I was reading; making everything seem so real. Excellent job! =)

Although I didn't tear up, I still think that you've done a BRILLIANT job with your story and the best part for me was your ability to pull off the unique pairing. That was just epic. Though I would still like to learn how you would justify Lily's feelings in the upcoming chapter!

I hope that you like this review as much I liked your story! It was fun reading it! Feel free to re-request and PM me with any queries that you might have! Until next time, good luck with the challenge and Happy Writing! =D

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Review #4, by LunarLuna Part 1

25th January 2012:
I just had one of those moments where I left my body and was staring at Regulus, living the story like... I almost said a movie but not quite. More like... I don't know how to explain it. In any case this means it's really goodbecause that doesn't happen often. So I don't think I can say anything about how it was written (I swear I couldn't see the text anymore) but I can tell you about the content.

At first Lily annoyed me a little, like she was too... perfect and sunny when put next to Regulus, but that faded towards the end and I started appreaciating that. It made Regulus' pain and context somehow so much more tangible. I've always loved those stories where you get deeper into the motions of the "bad guys" they make them seem more realistic. Less unidimensional. It's not an easy subject to treat because someone can easily spin it into something that masks and hides the characters mistakes. You didn't do that, you made them... real.

I guess this story really caught me! I adored it. And I can't wait to read the rest!! :)

-June

Author's Response: Hi June! Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you had that experience! I understand what you mean. I pictured Regulus' experiences as a movie as well. Thank you again! :) I'll try to finish the final chapter soon

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Review #5, by Moonyxluna Part 1

23rd January 2012:
So the first thing I saw was " The TearJerker Challenge". I rarley cry at fics as well, so when I saw that challange on the forums, I wish I had thought of it.

That being said, you should be very, very proud of this. The detail and time you put into this shows, and it is truly remarkable.

The begenning about Regulus pulling Lily away from Slughorn's class, was really neat. His internal battle throughout this story was very beautifully written. I also loved how you portraed Severus. How badly his skimmish with James effected everything, and how jealous he was at Regulus' small interaction with Lily.

The scene with the duel with Mulciber, I had a perfect picture in my head. I suppose that goes back to how brilliant your detail is. I could picture Regulus snapping into Petrificus Totalus, and Mulciber being attacked as well.

And then, the kiss. That's where I got a little watery. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a romancy thing. And then after his choices, to get it all pulled away. Beautifully written. The emotion, you made it so real for me.

I will be favoriting for sure, thanks for suggesting the swap, I'm so glad I read this. I can't wait for more! eep, I wrote more than I planned. I couldn't help it! brilliant job.

Author's Response: aww thank you so much for the lovely review! :) I'm glad we did the review swap as well! I loved reading your story.

I did work a lot on this so it's nice to get such great feedback! I had hoped to translate his emotions correctly and I'm happy that you got what I was trying to write! and, this will sound awful :P haha, but I'm glad you got teary! I wasn't even going for that and I'm so thrilled I could invoke that emotion before I meant to! :)

thank you so much again for the lovely review!


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Review #6, by Skyler315 Part 1

23rd January 2012:
This is really good, I can't wait to see where you go with it. I'm interested, is it a Lily/Regulus love story, or is it just something between the two. Well anyway, I found it interesting, and can't wait for an update.

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and reviewing! :) it means a lot! and I'm not exactly sure how to describe their 'relationship.' there are romantic elements. thanks again for the review!

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