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Reading Reviews for Not for Always
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marshal Not for Always

2nd October 2015:
I really liked this. With out names one would think all the he's and she's would get tiresome and tedious but they don't. I'm convinced that this is Draco and Pansy and you took a very interesting take on the two of them and how they split. I admit when it was revealed that Draco and Pansy were not a thing it surprised me.

I have to say, I never thought I could feel sympathy for Pansy as she has always annoyed me but you had me feeling for her and you gave her depth. I would have never thought of her as a messy or a person to do something like a muggle but it gave her a persona beyond the stuck up snob that we see in the books.

Honestly good job and I enjoyed the read.

Author's Response: Hi! thank you so much for stopping by! I really enjoyed writing this, even in the third person, and I'm glad it doesn't come off tedious with all the he's and she's. I tried my best to make it flow nicely even though I couldn't mention their names. But that just made it even more fun and interesting to write.

Of course, it IS Draco and Pansy. I really like the way this story turned out and I'm glad you did, too. I know Pansy seems awful in the books, but I really think there could be so much more to her if we just knew her story, which is why I love writing her story so much.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #2, by xinkheartedx Not for Always

5th March 2015:
This is so sad! It's Draco and Pansy right?

I think you nailed them both, I love how you portrayed their relationship and how you included loads of little hints and things.

I always imagined Draco would have been a bit of a jerk to poor Pansy when he broke it off and that Pansy might have a little trouble grasping the concept of breaking up, I think you captured the moment perfectly

Author's Response: Well, hi! This was an unexpected surprise, but I love this story so I'm always happy for new reviews!

Yes, it is Draco and Pansy. Thank you so much for your kind words. I did put in a lot of hints to really flesh them out and clue readers in on who they were.

I can totally see Draco being a jerk to Pansy, but I didn't want to fully portray him that way. I don't think he means to be a jerk in this story, but he's not exactly good with talking about his emotions, and he's been bottling up these feelings for a while and he's finally forced himself to confess them, and he just kind of blurts it out haphazardly. And of course Pansy is going to have trouble grasping this. Even after she leaves, she's still going to have trouble with it, even if she's accepted it. He's her first and only love and she's going to need to time to heal her heart.

Anyway, I am so happy you enjoyed the one-shot and the characterization! Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #3, by LittleLionGirl Not for Always

19th April 2014:
Hello Enigmatic Eyes16! You completed the challenges exceptionally well might I say! I seriously have no idea who the two characters would even be but you manage to make the reader feel as if they know the pair so very well which in itself is quite amazing. Poor girl getting dumped again like that. If I had to guess any pair it would have to be Pansy and Draco I think- the cool male nature and the cliggyness of the woman sort of match how everyone describes the two. Overall you did a lovely job, giving out lots of discriptive details wherever you could. The fact they didn't mesh together or had a happy ending was, well, honest. Great job over all! Thanks for being my review exchange for April!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for choosing to review this story. Even though it doesn't get as much love as my other one-shots, it is my favorite. I'm glad you think I fulfilled the challenges, they were both great inspirations.

You are correct in your guessing, I think this story has been posted long enough to where I can say that. Even though I admitted it much sooner. I know Pansy always seemed like a terrible person in the books, but I always felt a bit bad for her and I very much enjoyed fleshing out her character. And Draco as well. It's well known that these two don't end up together in J.K. Rowling's world so I thought it would be interesting to write their break-up scene.

Thank you so much for your review and joining me in the Slytherin review swap!


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Review #4, by alicia and anne Not for Always

25th July 2013:
I'm going to guess that the two people in this story are Pansy and Draco. :D

I felt so sorry for poor Pansy, having her heart broken so badly by the man that she loved.

I really liked how you had her packing her stuff by hand because she liked to think whilst doing it. That mixed with the flashbacks of what happened that night were brilliant. It really got across the sadness of the moment.

It's good to know that even though he doesn't want to be with her he still really cares about her.

Another wonderfully written one shot! :D

Author's Response: You would be correct in your guessing. It is Pansy and Draco. This story was really hard for me to write because at the same time I was sort of going through my own heartbreak, and that had a large effect on this. This story, in general, just also meant a lot to me, so I was constantly adding details and rewording things. I don't remember where I got the packing idea from, but I think I really just wanted to make Pansy human in the reader's eye. A lot of people hate her which makes me feel sorry for her so I try to avoid the cliche.

And I think Draco does still care about her even though he's stopped loving her. At least mine does in this story. Like I said, I really wanted to make them both human, and I wanted to make it clear that this breakup was just something that had to happen, but was in no way something Pansy brought on herself...

Thank you so much for the review! These definitely brightened my day.


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Review #5, by BluebirdBrigade Not for Always

27th December 2012:
So I read this twice because I enjoyed it so much although I can't figure out who it is...is it Scorpius and Rose? Or one of the Lysander brothers? But it doesn't really matter cause I loved this. I like the way you interwove present with past and you truthfully told the story of a breakup. I felt so sorry for the girl, she just wasn't expecting it at all and that's always the worst - even worse she feels unwanted and rejected which is even more painful. I love how honest this story is, the writing is delicious however sad and angsty. The final goodbye is really heartbreaking and cold, and throughout the whole fic I was glued to the writing. You write with originality and honesty and its truly refreshing from other fics I've read.

I do not usually read fics like this but this is enough to change my mind and actually inspire me to write something like this. I did prefer the break up snippets more but that's because I'm a sadist;) I was a bit wary at the beginning how you were going to end the fic but I like the way you ended the relationship because sometimes, no matter how hard you try there just isn't a happy ending and I believe a happy ending would t have given the reader the same effect. It's written so well and I felt as if I really knew the characters by the end of it and I was watching a breakup between friends. I must commend you on your realism, it's really amazing how you use it so effectively.

Love this story, I'd recommend it any day,


Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much, seriously, I know I've said that already, but this particular story is very dear to my heart and it's definitely my favorite. And I think that's because some of her feelings were really my feelings and it made this so much harder to write.

But moving on, I'm surprised you can't figure out who it is, I've only had one other person tell me this. But here's a hint: it's not Next-Gen, it's Post-Hogwarts. And the girl is someone most people loathe.

I'm glad you think the break-up and story is honest though, and that you called my writing "delicious," lol it made me smile. And you are right, there isn't always a happy ending and this one was certainly not happy, but maybe it was for the best.

I love that you love this story, and please feel free to recommend it. Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! I enjoyed every word of them. They definitely made my day.


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Review #6, by adluvshp Not for Always

11th February 2012:

Okay so let me guess, the girl is Pansy, and the guy is Draco, right?

I think this is a wonderful story. You've really written this quite well, it flowed together nicely despite the switching between past & present. You managed that quite well. The elaborate descriptions of how she had loved him, and how she felt while breaking up, and the little things about both of them really added color to the story. It was really heartbreaking, yet sweet to read. I liked this.

A well deserved 10/10


Author's Response: You guessed correctly. And thanks! I'm really proud of this story and how I managed to make it flow and switch up the scenes. I think it really helped that I wrote the entire past scene first and then broke it up where I thought was best and wrote around it with the future scene. If I hadn't done that, it either never would have gotten written, or really would have sucked. I'm glad you enjoyed all the elaborate descriptions, I did put a lot of thought into writing Pansy and found that task very easy, I really felt like I had a connection with her. Although the task overall was really challenging because it was so sad and made me depressed whenever I tried to continue working on it.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this one-shot! Even though it's sad, it's my favorite that I've written and so I love that it's well loved.


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Review #7, by Woodrow Rynne Not for Always

17th January 2012:
Hey there! Here with your challenge review! (Finally! Gosh... :P)

I had actually read this before (as soon as you submitted actually, but I didn't leave a review because I wanted to give a proper one). It's Pansy. and Draco! I had guessed it straightaway because your characterisation was so utterly fantastic! (Although, 'unfathomable grey eyes'- that helped :P) Their reactions were so canon and realistic! I, for one, can never write canon characters properly, but you put a lot of thought into this, and it paid off very well!

And you actually made me care for Pansy, which is huge, considering I always loathed her as a character. I think this line has to be my favourite- it underlined her thoughts about him so well. Because she was so sure of her self, on one level, wasn't she?
ďThatís impossible,Ē she sputtered, unable to comprehend what he was saying. She couldnít believe this was happening. ďWe were supposed to be together forever.Ē

I also loved how you didn't merely show one aspect of their personality; rather, the smaller quirks that made your writing more vivid and relateable, even in a one-shot. Like her being a slob, or never planning ahead, or being so different from him.

I think this summed up the story perfectly, and it actually made my heart ache, He really never did understand her; not her messiness, not her packing, not her hopes and dreams.

If he did, he wouldnít have led her on this long. He would have put a stop to it long before he could break her heart.

But he didnít.

Draco was so well characterised too. Very canon, in a way. Like he doesn't really want to be harsh, but well, he is.

Overall, your writing is very pleasing to read; it has the perfect amount of descriptions and your dialogue is better than I could ever hope mine to be :P. You managed the challenge very well, and I liked how you actually wrote a scene from their life, rather than writing a monologue as most people interpret this challenge to be about.

Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hey! Wow, long review. I LOVE long reviews! It's cool about not leaving a review the first time you read it though, I understand that some like to wait until the challenge is over to read all the stories so they don't forget and have to reread them.

Yes, you are correct about it being Pansy and Draco although it's not like I didn't think it was obvious. Also, yes, I was pretty positive the line about his grey eyes would be a dead giveaway. I am so glad you thought the characterization was so great and realistic, I really did put a lot of thought into writing this and really wanted to keep it canon.

Yes, apparently I made a lot of people care for Pansy, which was my goal but it turned out better than I thought it would. I'd been wanting to write something about Pansy for a long time and when this idea popped into my head I just had to go for it. And, yes, she was very sure of herself (I think that's a big part of her character and it adds to her stubbornness) and I'm glad you liked that line, although now that I think about it, it probably would have been more fitting if it was in present tense... or I don't know, it just looks weird to me for some reason.

And yeah, I wanted to describe them in proper detail and make them into real people with quirks and flaws, especially with Pansy because in the books she is such a flat character, you know? We only ever really see her insulting other students or fawning over Draco and I so I really wanted to flesh her out and show that there's more to her than that. And apparently I'm not done with her yet either because I've started a sequel (of sorts) but right now it's not turning out so well.

That is EXACTLY how Draco is in this story. You have that down to a t. He kind of reminds me of me in that respect, I don't want to be harsh, but sometimes there's just no better or nicer way to say something.

Thank you so much. I'm so glad you like the writing and the dialogue (sometimes I let myself get carried away because I'm so dialogue-oriented, I prefer writing conversations over anything else really. And yeah, that was actually the basic original idea to go back and forth between past and present (I tried to write it that way but in the end I ended up having to write the break-up first before I could really progress with the present scenes), but yeah, um, I don't think the story would have had near as much impact without the past scene. Although, it was really hard to keep the characters from saying each other's names during the really dramatic parts.

I'm so glad you liked the story though and thanks so much for the long and lovely review! I can't wait to see the results of the challenge!


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Review #8, by Dramionie_Child[what's the point of logging in?;)] Not for Always

26th December 2011:
I loved this (3 I really wish I could do a properr heart, but I just tried that. And it didn't go well. Still, that's almost as good - (3

No faults. At all. And I really hate those awful, long, rambly reviews, and I can never really be bothered to give them, either[sorrry about that]. I loved every single word of this. Though my brains too tired to think of who these people might be :D It's past my bedtime :(

10/10 for the angel writer :)

Childy x

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. Although you're the first to actually not try and guess who they are, but if you still liked it even though you couldn't guess, I guess that means I did a good job of writing it, lol. If you were more awake though, i'm sure it would be a lot more obvious as to who it's about.

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #9, by Arista811 Not for Always

26th December 2011:
Aww, very sweet but quite sad. I thought at first it was Lucius and Narcissa, but changed my mind when I saw 'Yule Ball'. It's Pansy and Draco! I actually felt quite sorry for poor Pansy. Tells you something about the author when you hate the character more than anything, no? Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm surprised you thought it was Lucius and Narcissa, because canon-wise they never break up but... yeah. I have nothing to complete the but. I said nothing in the chapter to indicate whether or not they'd be canon. That's the first time I heard that though, and you're the first to tell me who you originally thought it was about before it became completely clear to you.

Anyway, I'm glad you felt sorry for Pansy. My real goal writing this story was to really flesh her out and make her human and that seems to be the general response I've been getting. Some people even pity Draco a little bit. I am very glad you liked it though. Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #10, by Beeezie Not for Always

20th December 2011:
I meant to read this ages and ages ago. I bookmarked it in my to-read folder. Then I forgot about it until just now. Fail on my part.

Anyway! I really, really liked this. I could absolutely tell that you were talking about Draco and Pansy, and I really liked the way you portrayed them. I think that for Pansy in particular, we never really got a real sense of who she was as a person in the books - we got a sense of who she was as a bully, but not really as a person. You definitely humanized her here, and you actually made me sympathize with her (something I didn't think was possible!).

My only criticism is that I felt like their dialogue was a little too formal at times for the situation. Other than that, this was lovely and I will definitely be adding it to my favorites! :)

Author's Response: Aw, well at least you finally remembered and came around to read it. That's what really matters.

I am really glad you liked it though. I am definitely very happy with this one-shot. I figured Draco would be obvious, but I honestly didn't think Pansy was obvious until I put in the bit where she talks about herself and I think that's really what gives it away. I agree that we never really got to know her in the books, and what we did know certainly didn't portray her in a very good light. I think my goal was to humanize her and make people pity her even though normally they wouldn't. I just sort of feel bad for Pansy because everyone hates her.

You thought the dialogue was too formal? Really? Well, that's new to me. I suppose that's possible though. I think I may have been a bit formal with the whole story and of course it drifted into the dialogue. Also, I think in the past scenes, the moment Draco starts the conversation saying he doesn't want to be with her anymore, she slowly starts stepping back, emotionally, from him to the point where she's pushing him away, and I think the formality could also have something to do with that, if that makes sense. From the moment the conversation starts, she sort of ices up, and pulls away; detaches herself. I don't know. I hope that made some sense.

Thank you so much for the review! It was an exciting surprise to look at my author page and see a raised review count that I was not expecting.

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Review #11, by SilentConfession Not for Always

30th November 2011:
Hi, i'm here for our swap! :D

I'm so glad i read this, it is so different from what i've ever read before. I rarely ever read Draco stories and I think you did a lovely job at capturing their relationship. I really loved that you gave it more depth and dimension. I really felt like they actually were really complex and i think you captured Draco perfectly. I was really annoyed at him for being so cold and blunt. But that's him and it was easy to pity him, he didn't know how to love or what it was. It just seemed like she was his toy.

I also really liked how much depth you gave Pansy, i was fighting it a little bit at the beginning because i have my own predispositions about her but you convinced me that your Pansy was real and living, so wonderful job with her! I also liked how she had a bit of hope in the end like there was life outside of this relationship and it was a good thing he came back at the end. It gave her the closure that he wasnt' meant for her. I liked the one flashback with her saying 'save it' it had a lovely spark to it and I feel like it characterized her well.

The only thing that i was a little hesitent on was when she was conceding that perhaps if she was honest with herself that she knew this day would come. I felt like that came too sudden and didn't fit in with the rest of the story before where she was so surprised by it. I would have have liked a better transition or, at least, a hint of it before.

Otherwise though, you have a great piece of work here! Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. I think I wanted this to be different from what people normally see on the forums. And I really wanted to capture both of them, especially Pansy, and give them real emotions and some actual depth. We're hinted at some depth with Draco in the series, but not so much with Pansy. And I know people tend to hate her, and that J.K. Rowling herself thinks Pansy is a terrible person, but I think because of that I like to give her some credit.

I'm really glad that you think I captured Draco so well, and that he annoyed you, as he's kind of supposed to. We, as readers, like happy endings and this isn't one. I'm also glad you gave in a little bit to Pansy. I didn't want the story to be completely depressing though, I guess, so I did make the point to give her some hope in the end. It kind of made me want to write a follow-up of her moving on, but I don't know yet. And originally, I didn't intend for him to return, the idea just sort of popped in my head part way through writing and I wrote out the scene and edited it a lot and managed to fit it in there. I think you're right that it was necessary though in order to give Pansy closure.

I will look into the bit your hesitant about. Might even edit the story. It's been about a month since I posted it, I guess it's probably time to go back and give it a look over. Honestly, I think even while writing it I wasn't sure how people would react to her saying that, that she knew the day would come. I think I will work on it.

Thank you so much for the review though! It kind of made my day. I've really enjoyed all the feedback I've gotten for this story and I'm really proud of it. I am in the middle of reading your story and will have written a review for it later today.

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Review #12, by GinevraMollyPotter Not for Always

25th November 2011:
I really like this story.
I'd never really imagined how Draco and Pansy could have split up so this really gave me a chance to have a think about it.
Even with the flash backs which can sometimes make the story confusing its really easy to read but also enthrawling as even with no names being mentioned you know who it's talking about.

A very good story


Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked my story. I've always wanted to write something about Pansy and this idea just popped into my head and I went with it, but I also put a lot of hard work and tears into it, too. As I've said before, it was really depressing to write but while that hindered me some, it wasn't going to stop me completely.

I'm also really glad the flashbacks don't confuse the story, because that was my original idea basically to do that. And I actually wrote the entire flashback scene out first and decided where it should stop and begin again and then filled in the present pieces from there.

I'm really proud of this story though and so it's makes me really happy that people like it and can easily guess who it is about. Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #13, by Cleopatraa Not for Always

9th November 2011:
First thing first can I say you have such a beautiful banner. It really caught my eye! I just clicked on the story without reading the summary because of the banner ( I know itís shallow but still) Seeing this is for the unnamed challenge Iím guessing itís about Pansy and Draco. Am I right? I wasnít sure in the beginning but after every sentence the choice was narrowed down and they are the only couple I could come up with who fitted. I really thought this was beautiful written and that is was a great idea to explore. It was really sad. I like the fact you didnít make Pansy two dimensional but someone with human feelings and someone who isnít that brat she used to be. Well done!


Author's Response: Aww, thank you! It is a very pretty banner but all the thanks goes to everafter @ TDA for that. And I know what you mean, whenever I'm looking through the Recently Added for something to read I always pick something with a banner that's caught my eye.

Yes, it is Draco/Pansy. I think I made it pretty obvious through Draco's looks and their history. I'm so glad you liked it though. And it is really sad, and I had such a hard time writing it because it would make me so sad and depressed and then I wouldn't want to write. I really enjoyed writing Pansy though, I've always wanted to. I know J.K. hates her but she's still human--albeit a fictional one. I think there's the possibility that she could have grown up after everything that happened with the war.

Thank you so much for the review! Again, I am really glad you liked it.

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Review #14, by academica Not for Always

2nd November 2011:
Hi! I decided to take a break from grading to stop by and see what you came up with :)

This is so sad, and so beautifully written! I find it hard to believe that you've never written a one-shot before, since you clearly have a natural talent for them. I could definitely tell that this was Draco/Pansy even without their names. In fact, I like that you wrote this for a challenge where you couldn't use their names, because it makes your characterization and description that much more powerful. The one thing that threw me a little was Draco's use of 'babe'... I would have expected 'love' or 'darling', something a bit more formal and/or British. However, that's so small compared to the beauty of the remainder of the piece.

I can't believe what you've done with Pansy here. She is usually so two-dimensional and bratty, even in some of my work, but you've given her real human feelings that any jilted woman can easily identify with. I love how she leaves his gifts behind (except for the necklace) so as not to be reminded of him, and how she expected things to get better after the war and felt shocked when they instead got worse. I love her defiance in the face of rumors concerning the possibility of her being a gold-digger and her resolve to keep going because she has to even though she just wants to break down. I truly feel pity for the girl.

I love what you did with Draco, too. I could definitely see a complex personality in him - on the one hand, he's blunt and to the point, not wanting to get caught up in all of the emotion, and on the other, he's unable to not feel anything for someone who has been by his side for so long. Again, it's easy for me to pity him here, even as the perpetrator of Pansy's misery and disbelief. They're both losing a little.

Fantastic job! Seriously, good luck with the challenge!! :)


Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! Yeah, I really don't know why I've never written a one-shot before. I mean, I suppose I have written a few original fiction one-shots, although in that dept. it would have been called a short story no matter how short. But I've never written a one-shot for fanfiction. I always go for the lengthy novel that I always end up giving up on. I do plan to write more one-shots now that I've started, considering they are much less stressful and because it's so short that it's like absolutely necessary that I finish, even if it takes a whole month like this one did because the plot kept depressing me to the point that I didn't even want to look at it.

I enjoyed not using names, but it was really hard. There were just certain parts where I really, desperately wanted to add in a name. And I understand what you mean about Draco saying 'babe,' but I just didn't think that 'love' was suitable in a situation where he's telling her doesn't love her, and 'darling'---I just can't see Draco saying it. Lucius, yes, but not Draco. Maybe if he were significantly older...

I have always been intrigued by Pansy. I like to believe that there was a lot more to her than what was shown in the books, and I've said it before that I enjoy stories where she's not a complete *insert rude word of choice here*. I'm glad that you liked her. And I think you have Draco pretty spot on. He doesn't want to get caught up in the emotions, he doesn't want a huge blow up, but he also feels bad for Pansy. I think you're right in saying they're both losing a little because they are; they're both losing that one person they could trust no matter what.

Again, thanks so much for the review! I love reading them. People always point out things that I didn't even think about when writing it or didn't even mean to convey, but then I think about it and see that they're right. I guess that happens to a lot of people though.

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Review #15, by Violet Gryfindor Not for Always

30th October 2011:
This has to be Draco and Pansy - I wasn't sure at first, but the more I read about them knowing each other as children, both being purebloods, and the depth of her affection for him (until the epiphany at the end, that is) narrowed it down. However, it could probably apply to other characters from the Hogwarts era, and I like the idea of the characters remaining unnamed. It means readers don't have to visualize particular characters in they don't want to, and also places more emphasis on the style and other aspects of the story.

Anyway, this is your first one-shot? Really? I never would have guessed because the structure and plot are perfect for a short story like this - there's more to the story, of course, than what you have here, but you focus on this one moment very well with the flashbacks filling in just enough background to explain her feelings. I see nothing to critique at all! :)

Well, I could critique Draco's behaviour, but that's not you, it's him being perfectly canon. That's a great thing to see, actually, that habitual Malfoy coldness that makes him so callous to Pansy - she's been devoted to him and he doesn't deserve it at all. I can't understand his reasons for treating her this way, but this made Pansy far more sympathetic, far more than she ever was in the books (where she was more whiny and clingy). You portray her so realistically and give her depth. I love that little spark of hope at the end - perhaps it's better that he did come to see her at the end because it allowed her to "see" more clearly, realize that she can find something or someone better for herself. It made for a fantastic ending. Great work on this! :D

Author's Response: I like the idea of characters being unnamed as well. It means you have to focus more if you want to figure out who they are. Or they could be anyone you want them to be, I suppose.

Yes, this really is my first one-shot. It took me a month to write it though. I'm so glad you like it though and think it works well. I don't quite remember how exactly the idea popped into my head to have both present and flashbacks.

Okay, it's Draco and Pansy. I give in. I don't know how to reply to this properly without telling. I'm so glad you think Draco is perfectly canon. I wanted him to be cold, but I also wanted him to be thoughtful. And I suppose my point was to make Pansy more sympathetic. While I don't like her in the books, I have learned to like her in fanfiction and I like the idea of her growing up and maturing. And while I didn't think of it at the time, I can see what you mean about her seeing things more clearly by seeing him again. I'm so happy you enjoyed the ending! I really wasn't sure whether or not I should add more too it. Thank you so much for the lovely the review, it means a lot to me.

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Review #16, by SeverusLove Not for Always

29th October 2011:
Ooooh, I can guess who this is! Draco and Pansy...right? Who else has grey eyes? :P

I think the story was nice, and I bade thee good luck with the Unnamed Challenge. We're both entering it, so best of luck to both of us. :D I love combined challenges, it tests your creativity. x3

Your beta is good, I only managed to pluck out two typos :P :

"But it so tedious and time-consuming," he argued. -- I think you meant that as an "it's". ^^

Then, after taking one final look around the room-not just to make sure she hadn't forgot anything, (but also so she could mentally saying goodbye,) not only to the room they had shared, but to the life she had known-she slowly turned around to leave. -- the sentence withing the "()" is a bit odd. Maybe "could mentally say goodbye" or "could be mentally saying goodbye" would be a better choice of words? :D

Anyway, the characters were okay, and the flow was consistent. Overall, great job! :D

~ Sevvy

Author's Response: I don't want to give their identities away before WoodrowRynne has commented on it, but thanks so much for the review. My beta was very good, but alas we're both only human so thanks for pointing out the mistakes we missed, I'll fix those immediately. I'm glad you liked the story! And good luck to you as well in the challenge!

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