Hi, it's Buckbeak4Life from the forums here to review your entry for my 'Impossible Challenge'.
This is completely beautiful. Regulus's thoughts are so strong and realistic. I love the story and the characters. Everything is so believable :')
adahpfan/bb4lAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, even though it's not exactly cannon :) Thanks for the great challenge! I never really write Angst :) Report Review
Hey! Perelandra here with your review! Sorry it has taken a while to respond, I've just been super busy.
This story has an interesting plot, however I wonder if you meant it to keep to canon. If you didn't, then please disregard this section of the review. However, if you did in the canon, Regulus is taken by Kreacher to the cave where he swaps the lockets. He ordered Kreacher to go after he had taken the potion and placed the fake locket in before being attacked by the Inferi. He never brought the real locket to his house with him since he died, it was Kreacher. Also, Voldemort wouldn't have told Regulus about a boat since Voldemort said absolutely nothing about the cave or what he was going to do, because...well, he's the evil Dark Lord and doesn't need to tell people anything. Voldemort asked his followers for an elf, and Regulus, being a "loyal" follower gave him Kreacher. Lastly! I swear, haha! According to HPL Walburga Black died in 1985, she was still alive when Regulus was killed. So no need for the portrait to demand to talk to him? It'll be his mother in the flesh.
Anyway, that's just the plot and canon.
The beginning feels slightly choppy mostly due to the short sentences you have. If you could add more detail, combine a couple of sentences, you'll have a much better flow. Also:
-"Once Regulus reached the island, he took his licket from the pocket of his robes." I think you mean "locket" instead of "licket" XD Simple typo though.
-"“Now now,” Regulus hissed at the elf. He bowed to his master and retreated. So many things were going through the man’s mind."--The 'Now now' is odd, but again, a typo where you could've been actually trying to say 'Not now'.
Anyway, I like your portrait of Regulus however your story could definitely use more details to paint a much better picture for the reader. Anyway, grammar wise this was great.
--PerelandraAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing this. No, I did not mean to make it canon in anyway besides Regulus himself. It was meant to be like a re-write of the scene, but thank you even though I already knew how he really died,etc ^^
I guess I was typing too fast. Typos suck. :P Thanks anways! Report Review
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