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Review #1, by luvdobby26 chapter 1

20th June 2012:
Heya, I just thought I'd leave a review on your one-shot here. I've got to say, this was very good. You had some excellent words there and you conveyed the emotions you were trying to get across well.

Flow - The flow was very good, it didn't jump around randomly and it was quite a clean read - if you get me.

Plot - Okay, it was kinda confusing. Good, but confusing. I know it was just the aftermath of the war, but I really didn't know who was talking. Well, I saw at the start, you know where it says mailn characters and it said Cho, OC, so I knew it was Cho, but still you could have reaveled it at the very end, that always makes they amazing to read. Also, the ending was kinda... I dunno, it just wasn't very clear. She said they would be back to normal within a few days, forget about her in a few months, what? why?

Characterisation - This I can't really comment on since throughout the whole thing it wasn't really clear who was talking, but Cho, I think you wrote her pretty well :)

Description - Ok, I think you did a good job describing her emotions, but not much of what's around her. You really need to create a picture in the mind of the reader.

Grammer - The grammer was good, no mistakes that I could see :)

Overall - overall, I think you pulled this one-shot off quite nicely, just a little confusing and could use a little more discription :)

8/10 :) Well done!

P.S Would you mind having a look at some of my work and possibly leave a review, it doesn't need to be long, just a little something to tell me what you thought, it would mean the world to me :) xx

Author's Response: hey!! thanks for the review!
this was a random plot that sprung into my head as i was writing it if that makes any sense. i didn't know how it was going to turn out even when i was half way through! haha :)

The story ends with cho committing suicide because she can't wrap her head around the death she has had to deal with or how the world was moving on when she couldn't. at that point she just tired and she gave up. she wanted to be happy again, to be carefree so she drank poison. she thought death would be the answer. very scary i know. and she realized that even though she couldn't move on the rest of the world could, so they would in time get over her death. she felt at peace that their grief would be only brief. in her mind she was trying to create a happy ending for everyone including herself.
i hope this answers your confusion about the piece :)
the story had no description i know but i guess that was because she had so much going on in her head that she no longer processed anything physical happening around her. she lived in her mind by that point. nothing else came into view.
i loved reading your review, it helped me see how people perceive the story and your critique helped a lot too. I will try to make the story a bit clearer, especially about cho.

P.S i would love to read your work! and i will definitely review and let you know what i thought of it!
thanks again for your review!it was really helpful (and nice!) do read some of my other work too, i would really like to hear what you think of those too!
-Relic


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